In Loving You

Chapter 9

“Bella are you alright?” Tonia asked when she noticed me winced.

“I just got a scratch. I’ll take care of it.” I smiled.

I went to our bedroom and locked myself in there with the first aid kit. I did the same things he did to my wound. First, I blew it, cleansed it, wrapped it with a bandage, and kissed it a lot of times. My eyes welled up with tears again.

'Come on, stop crying. You just cried. Stop it!' I told myself internally trying to keep my tears from falling. We were still married. Why do I cry like I already lost him? I wanted to lie and curl myself on my bed and cry my eyes out but I still have many things that I have to do.

We finished cleaning everything at noon. If they weren’t with me I could have done all of this by midnight. They were so nice that they even cooked me dinner before they left. I wasn’t planning to eat. I don’t have the appetite for it but I feel bad wasting their effort so I ate it then I went to sleep. I stopped wasting my tears and blocked what happened in the back of my mind.

***************

For a week I always woke up at dawn and slept late to wait for Warren but I didn't saw any trace of him. This is not like him. When we fight it doesn’t last this long. Things will always come back to normal in a few hours or the next day. We simply can’t stand hating and not seeing each other in a long time.

Am I going to lose him? The thought scares me. I love Warren even after all the bad things he called me. My love didn't change and I know his love didn't too. I always believe that once you met the person you love, that love will last forever and the problems you face are what make it stronger.

A wave of nausea suddenly hit me which made me run to the bathroom and puke everything I ate last night. I always puke every morning since Warren left and I think it’s caused by the stress. I plan to go to the hospital today to know what proper medications to take.

I took a bath and wore a simple oversized shirt and partnered it with leggings. I looked in the mirror and saw how horrible I looked. My rosy skin and red lips became pale, my eyes were puffy and there were deep bags underneath them. It was just a week but it feels like an eternity. I sighed and put makeup on my face to cover any signs of fatigue and sadness on my face.

I drove my car to the hospital because I'm afraid to use a cab again. I went directly to Warren's cousin Caitlin who is a doctor.

"Bella, it's great to see you! Where's Warren?" She asked and we hugged.

"He's not with me. I came alone," I told her. She offered me a seat across her desk and I accepted it.

"So what do you feel?" She inquired and sat across me.

"I don't know, but I’ve been vomiting every morning for a week. Then, there were times I feel dizzy," I told her.

"You just came home from France last week. Maybe it's Jet lag. "

"No, I suffered Jet Lag three days after arriving here and it’s different from what I’m feeling right now. It lasted for three days but after that, I felt normal. I think it all started on Wednesday," I explained to her.

She opened her drawer and gave me three pregnancy tests. I gasped when she handed them to me, "Go to the bathroom and use this. Also, I would need your blood and urine," she said casually.

"Do you really think I'm pregnant?" I asked her.

“When was the last time you had your period?” she asked

“I don’t know.” I don’t track my red days. I just wait for it to come and go. I looked at her expectantly.

"Don't celebrate too early, girl, we're not sure yet. Just use this."

"I don't know how," I flushed.

"Just put your pee at the end of the stick then give it to me," she pointed which end it is.

I did what she said and waited in the waiting room. I tapped my foot on the floor impatiently more like nervously. Would Warren be happy if I'm actually pregnant? Why am I thinking about that? Maybe I'm not pregnant at all. Maybe it’s just a normal morning sickness that I got from all the stress

The thought of not being pregnant made me feel sad. I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to experience raising children and doing what mothers do. But what if I’m not ready yet? Having children is a great responsibility and I’m not sure if I could handle that. I don't know, I'm torn between being pregnant and not being pregnant.

"Ma'am you can enter now." Caitlin's nurse called me interrupting my trail of thoughts. I smiled, stood up, and went inside her office.

"You're pregnant!" Caitlin screamed as soon as I entered, "You can officially celebrate now!" She handed me the results and I saw the word POSITIVE written in bold.

I shrieked in happiness and hugged her. I wiped a drop of tear at the end of my eyes. I can't explain how happy I'm feeling right now. I inserted the results in my bag.

"When are you going to tell Warren? I'm sure he'd be happier than you," she added

My happiness was changed into anxiousness at the mention of his name. What if he doesn't want children? What if he thought that the child isn't his? What if he asks for an abortion? Negative thoughts flooded my mind. Should I tell him that I'm pregnant? Of course, I should, because sooner or later he would notice it if my stomach got bigger.

"I-I don't know. I'm afraid to see his reaction," I admitted.

"I know he would be super happy about it. Don't be afraid, a lot of my patients also thought of that but their husband was always happy about it," she tried to encourage me.

"It's different in my case. We just fought," I said, trying not to give more details about it.

"All married people fight," she assured me

"I know but this is different."

"Okay, how different exactly is this?" She asked. She knows that I'm not ready to tell her everything, she knows when to pry and not to pry.

"He left the house and managed to be away from me for a week," I sighed.

"I didn't expect that. You two had always been so in love through the years. You were the perfect couple I wanted to be," she paused, "Anyways, just don't think about it too much, okay? Just tell him, don't think about it. He deserves to know. Next week come back and I'll perform your first ultrasound and I want Warren to be there. Understood?" She asked bossily

"Yes doc," I answered formally.