I Wonder.

8

LOCATiON: MR.MACK'S CLASSROOM

TiME: September/4/12:58pm

Pura:

You know when you go through your daily life seeing people but not really seeing them, they're like extras in your movie, I know that sounds narcissistic of me and maybe a bit shallow but it's the only way I can think of to word it. Those extras go unnoticed until you really, truly finally see them. it doesn't apply to all people of course. Like the one popular girl that you know or that weird kid that just sticks out to you for some reason and even though no one has ever brought them up to you or they haven't talked to you themselves they still stick out like a sore thumb. Take Liam for example, the minute I saw him and knew that he existed. He didn't say anything or even look at me. I was just walking and there he was out of the corner of my eye leaning on a locker not looking like he had a care in the world and definitely didn't have anything special that would grab my attention, I just noticed him.

With Malum though I had seen him here and there but I never took extreme notice of him. His lack of presence was apparent to say the least. it was almost like I had never seen him before, almost as if he was an extra that just wasn't noticed, in the background. Like the piano in a heavy metal song. Now ever since I’ve met him, that seems to be the only person I see. When I'm leaving the gym or when I'm leaving lunch, putting stuff in my locker after English class and even when I just happen to walk into the office to drop off some papers after class. Fun fact he is a teachers aid and has been for two years. I just never noticed or cared to notice. Part of me though still wonders how. He is beyond breath taken and he is as tall as a door frame and saying he is eye grabbing would be an understatement. What I'm trying to say is why hasn't he ever stuck out to me?

"Hey." I’m surprised to hear his voice at first but now that I’m thinking about it, this has been happening a lot lately. Whenever I think about him he is just there.

"Hey." A confused expression takes over his face and I'm guessing it's from my tone, it wasn't the most enthusiastic right now but it couldn't be helped a lot is on my mind concerning this boy.

"Don't sound so happy to see me." I laughed at his joke and he laughed with me while pulling out the chair next to me taking a seat. He got out his notebook next and that gave me the opportunity to look at him. I haven't seen him in a while because of his work schedule which seems like that is something he does a lot of. We haven't made time for the project but he said that he would be free tomorrow so it won't really be a problem that I can't see him today since I'm spending time with Liam later anyways. But that also has my mind in this spot where that's all I can think about. Ever since lunch I've been spaced out about it and all I want is to just get out of my head so bad.

"You sure do stare a lot." It took me a minute for what he said to register but I did hear him. Once it clicked though I looked away feeling embarrassed. He just laughed it off and went back to doing some homework assignment. Even though he laughed and was making a joke he was right, I did stare at him quite a bit but He made it hard not to stare. Malum was wearing the usual black shirt with some jeans to match. His Long hair was tied back into a ponytail at the nape of his neck with one strand that was shorter than the others down his face that just seemed to work for him. He looked a bit tired as well today but it was probably from all the work. The bags under his eyes that took nothing away from his good looks maybe even made him look better.

What am I even thinking right now, God why am I so consumed by him, i don't even understand it myself but the way he carries himself just makes me forget about Liam. Yeah Liam, my boyfriend. This is always the mental struggle in my head. There is a part of me that is extremely loud and it always tells me I'm a shitting person for looking at Malum in a way that I know I shouldn't. The other part of me knows that as long as I don't act on it I'm fine and that it's okay. It will be okay. That's what I've been telling myself, that this is just me admiring how someone looks. I tell Dawn how cute she is all the time and I know I'm not doing anything wrong when that happens. So why do I feel this way when I even think about Malum at all.

"Whatever you're thinking about must be pretty crazy." I looked over to him and he just smiled. It made me want to smile. There it was again those weird thoughts.

"Why do you say that?" He sighed as if he was letting some weight off his shoulders even though I just asked a simple question. He shook his head and just grinned at me but went into the same Malum mode that he went into the other day. I let it go because I'm not one to pry and finally started working on my homework.

"Because sometimes she looks like that too." His words were so quiet that I almost didn't hear them, actually it was quiet enough that I thought it was someone else who said it but I knew his voice like the back of my hand by now. I didn't comment on it because it seemed as though he didn't even realize what he had mustered the courage to say. I just took in his face though and it looked like pain and longing, the same way I feel whenever I think of Liam.

I wonder if whatever he’s thinking about still hurts him the way it hurts me or does it just feel like a passing storm of nullified pain.