Ways to Say Love

Chapter Three

By the time that I actually got out of bed it was an hour later than I had planned. The only reason that I did get up was because Maylie had jumped into my bed and screamed for me to wake up, very loudly.

I had spent all night contemplating the likelihood of Aspen’s grandmother being the one that had been killed by a drunk driver. Thousands of people have the same name, so it’s likely just a weird coincidence.

I barely ate breakfast and was rushing around the entire morning to ensure that I was still on time for Aspen, despite my extended sleep. My hair was even messier than normal since I didn’t have ten minutes to spare to attempt to pat down my hair with water. I threw on a pair of green jeans and my favourite grey pullover. I had bought it the first day we arrived in Niagara Falls. I had figured we wouldn’t be staying there long and that I should buy something to remember it by, and of course I was right.

Aspen pulled up right on time, and I had just gotten my boots on when she had pulled in. I called goodbye to my mother and Maylie, my dad had left before I had gotten up, and headed out to Aspen’s car. I opened the car door and called in to sit beside Aspen. She had a huge smile on her face, and it was impossible to not return it. Aspens hair was tied into two curly pigtails, and she had a yellow toque over top of them. Her coral sweatshirt was too large and her jeans were ripped. She was wearing black Doc Martin boots, and she looked incredible.

“Hi,” I smiled, “You look cheery.” I nudged her shoulder and my hand burned where I touched her.

“I’m excited,” she laughed as she started driving towards the school, “I get to ask you more questions today, and I planned out a lot once I got home last night.”

“Really? So did I.”

She smiled at me as she turned the corner. We didn’t speak for the rest of the short drive, but enjoyed one another’s silence instead. It was comfortable.

Aspen took a sharp left and we pulled into the front of the school parking lot. She parked in between two cars, and I watched as Jay stepped out of his old pickup truck beside Aspen’s. His car looked as if it was fifty years old, but that made it look cool.

“Hey Jay,” Aspen called at him as she climbed out of the front seat, “I told you that Aaron and I were friends, but you didn’t believe me.”

Jay grabbed at his heart as if it had stopped beating, “Aspen, are you telling lies about me to our new friend? I’m hurt, Aspen, truly hurt.” Jay turned to me and the left half of his lips curved upwards; Jay looked good when he smiled. “Aaron, I can assure you, this menace over here,” Jay pointed towards Aspen with a playful scowl, “is telling you nothing but lies.”

“Well she told me you were awesome,” I chuckled at the way Jay gasped at Aspen as if it was impossible for her to say something nice, “but, she also said you dress like you work at a museum. It’s okay though, I like museums.”

Jay took off his light brown jacket and draped it over Aspen’s shoulder as we all walked into the school.

“Look at what you’re doing Aspen,” Jay grabbed her shoulders and shook her whole body, “you are corrupting poor Aaron! He says he likes my museum-chic, so stop trying to turn him against me. Aaron and I shall rule the museum staff.” Jay swiped his hand through the air as if he were wiping off a chalk-board.

Aspen grabbed Jay’s hand and flung it off of her shoulder. She threw her head back with laughter as Jay grabbed his jacket back and ran down the hallway.

He seemed a lot more dramatic and outgoing than I had noticed yesterday; he looked comfortable around Aspen. I felt my stomach in a knot all of a sudden, and I wondered if they had a special spot too.

“Okay, Benson,” Aspen tugged at my coat and pulled me closer to her, “where should we go today? Are there any other things I could show you?”

A really tall student wearing a letterman jacket handed Aspen a sheet of paper. He had a huge stack and was passing them to anyone that passed him.

Aspen stepped closer to me so we could both read what it said.

“It’s just another one of the football team parties. They have them almost every month since the team captain has a huge house and his parents are always away. They’re really fun actually, once you get past all of the drunken idiots throwing up everywhere. Do you want to go?”

The knot in my stomach became more prominent at the mention of drunken idiots. My mother was one of those drunken idiots, and a drunken i***t might have killed Aspen’s grandmother.

“I’m really not one for parties,” I dropped my gaze to the floor, unable to actually look at her. It felt as if every time I looked Aspen’s way all that I thought of was the article I had read.

I felt really guilty about the entire situation. My mother easily could have killed someone while she was still drinking, and I had never tried to stop her. Even though I was young, it felt like there was something I could’ve done. Maybe if a little kid had stopped that drunk driver, Aspen’s grandmother, if it was her, might still be alive.

“I think that a party is exactly what you need!” Aspen poked me in the ribs and smiled wide at me. “Jay will even come too; I’ll make sure of it. Please, we’ll have so much fun. Please.”

I hadn’t realized that I had said yes, but I had. Aspen smiled and thanked me, and then she skipped off down the hall to her first period class. The memory of her smile replayed in my head as I walked to Math class.

We were learning how to solve linear systems using algebraic equations, which I had learned two years ago. The class was still on the fifth question by the time that I had solved the entire front page. All of first period dragged on incredibly slowly, and I couldn’t stop looking at the clock. It felt like the academics were three steps behind what they were in Niagara Falls.

My social life, however, was already three months ahead of my normal schedule. In Niagara the most I ever talked to a girl was when Reese’s girlfriend would come over and we would all hang out in my basement. Yet here, I am already friends with this amazing girl, and we had a spot.

I think I might even like her, a little.

My math teacher, Mr. Sam, assigned twenty practice questions as homework, but I had already finished them while he was still teaching the lesson.

Mom had always said that I was gifted when it came to math, but I think it had more to do with the fact that I did math when I was bored.

When I was growing up I hated that we moved so much, I still hate it now but it’s more bearable. Whenever it got really difficult I would do math in my spare time. I’ve always loved how the equations are always the same, and you can do the same question fifty times but there will only ever be one right answer. It gave me something to hold onto during times of chaos.

The bell took me by surprise when it rang, and the entire class shuffled through the door to their next period. I took a left and headed towards the school’s change rooms for second period. I stripped down to my socks and boxers and threw on the gym clothes. The shorts were huge and I had to triple knot them just to get them to stay where I needed them to.

The majority of my classmates were football or soccer players, so I stuck out like a sore thumb. They had all been playing on the same teams for really long timers, and I was an outsider in their group.

Mom had wanted me to take some kind of course that would involve me exercising, since most of my life consists of books and sleeping. She and Dad were pushing me to take gym, but I knew that course would involve me having to run and play games with other people so I instead took fitness.

I did not have the ability to participate in gym class without completely embarrassing myself, but using gym equipment seemed easy enough to manage.

Yesterday Mr. Charles had made me sign a waiver saying that if I injured myself or died while using the machinery, my parents couldn’t sue the school. I figured it didn’t make sense to the other guys to have to sign the waiver, but for me it was a very rational decision. I would be shocked if I went an entire week without hurting myself on the equipment.

I spent the majority of the class using the elliptical; it seemed like the equipment that was least likely to hurt me. A lot of the other guys were lifting weights and doing push ups; one guy was doing almost one push up per second.

I put in my earbuds and turned on my favourite playlist. A song by The Smiths played softly in the background as I focused on my breathing.

When I was younger I had asthma attacks almost every time I would exercise. I haven’t had one since I was ten years old, but I still worry whenever I’m active. My family doctor said that he would be surprised if they ever came back, but they felt so painful and scary that I don’t want to risk it.

Class sped by much faster than first period had, and it felt like I had only been exercising for twenty minutes when Mr. Charles told the class to go get changed for lunch. I was happy that I got to see Aspen and Jay again, but it sucked that I had to see them when I was all sweaty and looking like a tomato.

I threw my jeans and sweatshirt back on before taking a quick look in the mirror. The sweat was working like gel and kept my hair exactly as messy as it always was. I ran my hands threw my hair a couple times but made no damage before giving up and making my way to the cafeteria.

Yesterday I hadn’t gotten a chance to see the cafeteria, and it turned out it was a lot bigger than I had guessed it would be. There were circular tables with six to ten chairs set up around them, and half of them were already occupied. Back at my old school in Niagara we just had rows of benches with seats attached to them since there were way too many kids to only have small tables.

Jay saw me the second I walked in through the doors, and he stood up out of his chair to call me over. A few girls laughed at his enthusiasm, but I enjoyed it. Aspen watched me while I walked over to them, and I couldn’t help the blood in my cheeks. She smiled widely as she watched me and it made me feel insecure, as if I had spinach in my teeth.

“Benson, you didn’t stand us up this time, well done.” Aspen hit her knee against mine once I took my seat across from them. “Jay over here was worried that you were going to fall in line with the enemy.”

Jay pointed across the cafeteria in explanation, and my gaze followed to where he was pointing. I saw a group of guys huddled around one of the tables on the other side of the cafeteria. One of them, who I recognized as Charlie from my English class, was throwing pieces of garbage at another group of boys at the table beside them. Charlie’s friends were all laughing as if it was the funnies thing in the world.

“That’s ridiculous,” Aspen scowled as she began to stand up out of her seat, “he’s an asshole, and so are his friends.”

Jay grabbed Aspen’s wrist as she started to walk over to Charlie’s table, but she glared at Jay and he let go instantly. Aspen strutted over to where they were all sitting, and picked up a piece of garbage from the table next to them. I watched in awe at the indistinct chatter, amazed and confused as to what she was doing or saying.

“Jay,” I questioned, “what exactly is Aspen doing?”

Jay just laughed and shook his head, not tearing his eyes away from the scene across from us.

“She’s doing what she always does: trying to help. It’s an impossible task for Aspen to sit on the sidelines, you know. She has publicly flipped out on Charlie three times this semester, and I bet she’s done triple that in private.”

“What do you mean in private?” Aspen’s hands flailed through the air and Charlie sat there rolling his eyes a lot, but he never said anything back. He nodded annoyingly before Aspen turned away, and didn’t begin to mock her until she was out of ear sight.

“What an i***t,” Aspen sat back down abruptly and took a drink of her pop, “he was just sitting there and harassing the math kids, for no reason. I don’t think Aunt Kaitlyn has any idea about the way he treats people. Honestly, he’s horrendous.”

I began to choke on my sandwich and took a drink of water to swallow it down. Jay and Aspen looked at me with concern and I replied with a look of horror.

“Did you say Aunt?” I scoffed, “You’re related to him?”

Aspen let out a really long sigh and glared back towards Charlie and his friends.

“Unfortunately, yes. He acts as if he is the perfect child around family, but really he’s just a bully.”

“Oh,” was all I could manage to get out. It seemed too crazy that someone so great like Aspen could be related to Charlie.

The rest of lunch involved Jay making a lot of dramatic faces, Aspen laughing, and me watching the way they bantered. They were really comfortable around one another, and it made me miss my friends back in Niagara.

During lunch my gaze continuously drifted towards Charlie, and I stared as he goofed off with his friends. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, and noticed that he left the kids beside him alone once Aspen had talked to him.

I was curious as to what Aspen could have said that would have such an affect to make Charlie act like less of a jerk.

Lunch felt too short, and I wanted to stay and talk with Jay and Aspen forever, but eventually the bell rang signalling that we had ten minutes before third period began. We all packed up our lunches and said our goodbyes before heading to third period.

History was third period, and it was my only class upstairs. The lower level had a lot more teachers and students walking around than upstairs did, since the majority of upstairs were just lockers and storage rooms.

Mr. Sam met all of the students as they walked in and handed all of us a small booklet. I checked it out and saw that it was a review booklet for our unit test next week. The test was on WW2, something that I had learned almost three years ago.

“Good morning class,” Mr. Sam began right when the second bell rang, “I assume you’ve all already checked over the review. Our test will take you all of class, and I trust you will all study up to standard. Today will be a review period, because I am feeling generous. Use it wisely.”

Some of the class began working away at the review package, but the majority just turned to their friends and talked. I knew all of this material like the band of my hand, so I really didn’t feel the need to spend time studying. Instead, I pulled out a book from my backpack and spent the class reading.

“Aaron Benson,” Mr. Sam’s loud voice rang from behind me, “I’m not sure how things worked back at your old school but here at Stephen St. James when the teacher assigns work you do it, or at least pretend to.” The rest of the class snickered at me and my cheeks grew hot.

“I’m sorry, sir. I already know this unit fairly well. I studied it back in Niagara. You could quiz me right now if you’d like me to prove it?”

Mr. Sam looked me up and down, as if my appearance could determine whether or not I knew history.

“No need to quiz you, Benson. If you’re lying, then your marks will reflect it.” His voice dropped to a whisper as he moved in closer to me so the rest of the class couldn’t hear. “I saw you working ahead during math class; I know you’re smart. You could probably teach this stuff better than I can, but don’t tell anyone that. I need to keep up my intimidating act so that these kids actually listen to me. If you’d like, I can make up extra work for you that you hopefully haven’t learned? That way, you can feel like you at least got something out of these courses. How does that sound?”

“Yes please,” I laughed as Mr. Sam eased up, “that sound great, sir. Thank you.”

Mr. Sam nodded reassuringly and walked away with his hands behind his back, peering over other students to check their work.

I turned back to my book and continued to read. My eyes were heavy with sleep, but there was no way I would be the new kid who fell asleep during class. I put in my headphones and played some upbeat music in an attempt to help wake me up. It wasn’t very helpful but then I remembered that fourth period with Aspen was next, and suddenly I was wide awake.

Aspen had said that she had planned out more questions for me, but she hadn’t let on what the questions were. I couldn’t help my mind from wandering while I was reading; I was so curious about what her questions were going to be. Yesterday her questions were all about me and what I like to do, so they would probably still be the same today.

After what felt like forever the bell finally rang, meaning that I got to see Aspen. I got out of the classroom really quickly, and headed down the stairs towards my final period class. When I walked in my eyes instantly met Aspen’s who had been looking towards the door, hopefully waiting for me.

“Hi,” I breathed as I sat down beside her, “you ready to ask me some questions?”

Aspen laughed softly and it made my stomach twist. She pulled out her notebook to reveal a list of what looked like fifty questions.

“Don’t worry, Benson. I come prepared.” She poked me in the ribs and I smiled at her. Everyone else calls me Aaron so it makes it special when Aspen calls me Benson, even if it is only my last name. Aspen could call me the most boring name ever and it would still be special coming out of her mouth.

Ms. Hazel took stance at the front of the class and started writing out our schedule for today’s class on the whiteboard.

“Good afternoon, class. Today will be a work period, and Partner A will continue asking Partner B more questions. Tomorrow, we will switch.” Ms. Hazel walked around the class as she was talking and stopped in front of Charlie’s desk. “I expect you all to be using this period productively, right Charles?”

“Of course we will, Ms. Hazel.” Charlie smiled smugly at his friends and nudged their arms mockingly.

I ignored Charlie’s stupidity and turned towards Aspen. She had already taken out a pen and flipped to a new sheet of paper in her notebook to record my answers.

“Alright then, let’s start. Okay first question: were you excited when you found out your mother was pregnant?”

I chuckled at the memory, “I was ecstatic when my parents told me. I think I was thirteen when I found out, my parents had told me on my way home from a baseball game. My mother was crying so then I was freaking out because I thought something was wrong. But, then they told me Mom was pregnant and I started to scream I was so happy. I was always really lonely since we were moving around so much, so I was excited about having someone to hang out with. I didn’t even care about the gender of the kid; I just wanted someone to be forced to hang out with me.” As I finished my sentence I realized how sad and desperate I sounded, even as a thirteen year old.

“Aww,” Aspen gushed, “that is so cute! You two are really close, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, we hang out all the time. In Niagara we would go look at the waterfalls a lot, Maylie found them fascinating. We play with her Barbie dolls together too. Lacey is kind of Maylie’s first friend, so she had no one else to play with before her. I made Maylie think I love Barbie’s, so we still play together. I absolutely hate Barbie’s, but Maylie really enjoys them so I pretend.”

Aspen wasn’t even writing down my responses, she was just staring at me as if I was a cute puppy across the street. Her smile continued to grow as the seconds passed, and her eyes were like jewels peering into mine.

“So, you’re the perfect brother then?” She looked star struck, and it made me feel insecure and awkward.

“No, I wouldn’t say that. I’m just being a good brother.”

Aspen shook her head at me and leaned back in her chair. “Oh my god, quit being so modest, Benson. You’re the model brother.”

Her compliment made my cheeks grow hot, but I couldn’t hold back my smile.

“Thanks,” I said as the corner of my lips turned upwards, “okay, so what’s the next question then?”

Aspen turned back to her list and dragged her pen down the questions before finding the one that she wanted.

“Oh right! Okay, when was the first time you fell in love?” The question rolled off her tongue as if it was the least personal thing to ask. My cheeks flushed and I broke our eye contact as I answered her question.

“I’ve never really been in love with anyone. I haven’t even had a serious relationship with anyone before. Last year my best friend Reese and I went on a double date with his girlfriend’s cousin, but that was it.”

“Oh really, there was never that special someone for you?” Her voice was confused, and her eyebrows furrowed. “Were there not a lot of girls at your school or something?”

“No, it’s not that.” I shook my head no and Aspen’s eyes widened. She covered her mouth with one hand and the other grabbed at my wrist.

“Oh my god! I am so sorry,” she gasped and whispered to me, “Aaron are you gay? That’s totally fine, I have nothing wrong with LGBT community! I didn’t mean to assume, I’m so sor—”

“What? Aspen, no.” A laugh escaped my lips at how horrified Aspen looked, “I’m not gay; one of my friends back in Niagara was though. But no, I just didn’t date anyone because I never really talked to the girls back there. A lot of them were caught up in cheerleading and partying, which has never been my thing. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not big on popularity.

Aspen’s gaze dropped from me back towards her notebook, but then to me again. There was a hint of a smile hiding between her lips, and her eyes were bright.

“Okay then if you are attracted to girls, what kind of girls are you into?” Her left fingers were twirling strands of hair mindlessly, but I found it captivating.

“I don’t know, really. I guess, girls who are really kind and down to earth. Honestly, I think it’s better to meet someone and actually have a connection rather than have it set in stone what kind of person you will fall for.”

Her questions made me think of things I had never even considered. She crossed the question off her list and searched for a new one to ask. I looked at the clock and saw that class was close to being over. Everything felt like it was forever, yet when hanging out with Aspen time flew.

“Oh, okay! I like this one: do you like bubble baths?” Aspen’s question made me laugh, but her face made me laugh harder. Her lips puckered as she spoke, and she had wrinkles in the corners of her eyes as she spoke; she looked adorable.

“Bubble baths, really? I mean, yeah sure, I guess. I don’t overly bathe, Aspen.” My voice broke with laughter, and her smile widened too.

“Bubble baths are the most relaxing past-time ever! You are completely missing out, my friend. Imagine the hours that could be spent with your skin pruning up as you surround yourself in bubbles. This is tragic.” She poked me in the ribs and wrote a note to herself in capital letters on her notebook.

“Buy Benson bubble bath?” I read off the page, “Seriously, Aspen? It’s bubble bath. I think that our spot could be much more calming than a bath.”

Aspen’s smile softened and she nudged my shoulder with her own.

“Yeah, I think I like our spot better.”

The way she said our spot made my legs feel funny, and it looked like she felt it too. Throughout the next fifteen minutes she sat a lot closer to me than before, and didn’t even ask me questions. Instead she just scrolled through my music playlist and listened to the occasional song. Aspen said that you could tell a lot by the music someone listens to, and I agreed.

Aspen would look up at me from time to time and tell me how she would approve of a specific song. Apparently my music choice “fit my personality very well” as far as she could tell.

The bell rang, taking both Aspen and I by surprise, so she took out my earbuds and passed my phone back to me.

“You should come over to my house tonight,” Aspen proclaimed as she gathered her things, “I’m done babysitting Lacey by 3:30 today, and I have my entire house to myself after that. How about you come over and we can blast my music through the walls for two hours? I think you’ll really like my music taste.”

I attempted to choke out a yes but it came out more like squeak, so I nodded instead.

Aspen followed me to my locker to put my binders away, and then we went walked over to hers. There were flyers about the upcoming party floating around all over the school, and I overheard people talking about it almost every twenty minutes.

“Just going to warn you,” Aspen nudged my shoulder as we walked towards her car, “the music at the party we will be going to is nothing like your music.”

My laugh echoed as I crawled into the passenger seat of Aspen’s car, and she did the same.

“Here,” Aspen passed me the aux cord as I turned on her car radio, “put another playlist on, I didn’t get to finish going through your music.”

My music was still paused from where Aspen was listening before, so I turned on the next song and began listening.

As Aspen pulled out of the parking lot I watched the way her hands clutched onto the steering wheel. She was holding on so tightly it made her knuckles turn white, almost like she was scared to drive.

Watching the way Aspen drove brought the article back in my mind, and it made me want to ask Aspen about it. If my grandmother was killed by a driver, I’d be scared to drive.

“Is it just you and your parents at your house?” I blurted out mindlessly. Aspen’s eyes flashed from the road to me, but her grip stayed the same.

“Why are you asking that? Are you starting your questions early or something?” Aspen laughed as she talked, but she held onto the steering wheel tighter and her laugh sounded forced.

“I suppose I am, yeah. I’ve talked to you about my grandparents, my mother, my father, and Maylie. You’ve only ever talked about your parents and your dog. I’m just wondering if there’s more to the story, that’s all.” I shrugged my shoulders in hopes of making my question seem as if I had no motive.

For a split second Aspen peeled her eyes away from the road to look at my expression. There was a hint of fear behind her glossy eyes, but she was wearing a smile nonetheless.

“There’s always more to the story, Benson.”