Glimpse

III

The traffic is still moving slowly through the road, when the teacher thinks it best to speak once again.

“Can I share another thing about me?” He asked while not looking at the guy.

“Oo naman, sir. Traffic pa, oh. Marami ka pang oras.” The guy quickly replies.

“Sorry, I just feel so comfortable with a stranger… Weird, diba?”

“Nahhh, normal lang yun, sir. Wala naman kase akong ibang alam tungkol sa’yo, eh. Hindi ko yan magagamit against you.” The guy shakes his head.

The teacher sighs, still contemplating about the thought of him openly sharing his thoughts to someone for the first time, and it just happens to be a stranger he just met an hour ago. But, even so, he begins speaking.

"My mom planned out how my life would go from the day she knew she was pregnant. Talagang lahat, planado." The teacher reminisces. The guy turns to him.

"She was a kind mother to me, at least. She raised me decently. No physical pain. No emotional pain. No mental harrassment. I just thought that if I followed the path chosen for me, I would do good in life. I did not think of ever disobeying her wishes, because I always got rewarded for it." He continues.

The rain outside starts falling more strongly than before. The sound pierced through the roof of the van.

"She thought that friends will get you tainted with their antics. I believed her, and so that's why I never saw the importance of having a friend all my life. So, wala akong kaibigan growing up." He sadly smiles.

This time, the lights in the van were turned off by the driver, realizing that most of his passengers were asleep.

"Kumusta naman ngayon ang buhay mo, sir? Maganda nga ba?" The guy asks, feeling hopeful for the teacher.

The teacher just smiles at him and nods slowly. The smile did not reach his eyes again, but the guy did not say anything when he noticed that.

The van goes silent once more, slowly moving through the traffic.

The guy starts to think of ways to comfort the teacher. Clearly, this teacher needs a form of escape from being caged all his life. He knows better than to believe in the teacher's admission of satisfaction.

To add to that, he can tell that they have this unspoken intimacy between them — something that cannot be named yet, but worthy to go deeper into.

The teacher looks at his own two hands now, realizing how low and boring his life must look like from the guy's perspective. He looked at him with a frown of shame, but the guy was just smiling at him gently.

"Sorry... Ang boring ng buhay ko, diba?" He asks. The guy shakes his head.

"Hindi boring, sir. Malungkot, oo." He corrects, which earns a giggle from the teacher.

"Wow... Di naman masakit." He replies, and they both chuckle at their sense of humor.

“Sa totoo lang… Nakaka-proud ka, actually.” The guy says with a warm smile while looking directly at the teacher’s eyes with his own that turns into slits.

“Nakaka-proud? Ano’ng nakaka-proud dun?” The teacher asks as his eyebrows furrowed.

“Kase nagawa mo’ng manatiling buhay kahit parang mag-isa ka…” he replies with a sad smile.

The teacher stays silent. However, he feels a lump forming in his throat, and so he looks in another direction.

“Hindi ko ma-imagine kung gaano kahirap yun… Parang iniisip ko pa lang, hindi ko na kaya, eh!” The guy scratches his head. “Sanay kase ako na may kinakausap pag may problema… Sanay din ako na may kasama palagi, mapakaibigan man yan o pamilya.” he adds.

The teacher smiles as he speaks.

“Salamat sa pang-iinggit, ha?” he chuckles, earning a giggle beside him.

“Ano ka ba, sir? Nandito naman ako ngayon, ah.” the guy jokes, but the teacher sighs heavily.

“Yeah, but it’s not like hindi tayo maghihiwalay ng landas…” he says, earning a shocked gaze from the guy. However, after a moment, he smiles and puts his hand on the teacher’s shoulder, which surprised the latter and made him look at the guy’s hand quickly.

“Mamaya pa yun… Mag-focus ka muna sa kung anong meron ngayon.” he taps his shoulder. The teacher looks perplexed, but he tries to smile in front of the guy.

"Minsan ba, gusto mong tumakas, sir?" The guy asks with a smile. The teacher stares at him with surprise.

The sky turns darker and darker by the second, much due to the rain, but also the passage of time that tells him that he'll be home soon.

He stares at the abyss, and suddenly, images of his mom become vivid. The way she smiled when she asked something out of him; The way she pleaded him into doing everything she wanted when he begins to question it; the way he will always follow her because it felt right and easy; and now, the way he looks at the mirror and see not himself, but a completely different person who wasn't able to live a life he can call his own.

And then, he looked at the guy beside him. It's strange how this stranger was able to make him come out of the cage where he once fit perfectly.

It's strange how open he is with this guy he just met. But he knows he felt something shifted inside.

It's like all the heavy drops of rain felt like nothing against his back now, because someone is sharing an umbrella with him.

It sure is tragic that a mere moment can be a memory to keep for an eternity.

It's so much worse that a mere stranger can induce such a feeling of familiarity.

But, it's also beautiful.

He knows that.

So, does he want to escape?

Images of his mom bombards his mind once more, only to be blocked when he closes his eyes. When he opened them again, it was only then that he saw the cage that was built around him.

He justified the questions that always bugged him at night. Only now does he realize that it never made sense how his life was made for him.

Only now does he realize why he never felt satisfied by anything he achieved, although they made his mom happy.

Only now does he realize how awful his life had been — 29 years, wasted on a life that's not his, but his mother's.

And so… he decides.

He decides to follow what he truly wants. Right here, right now, inside of this van, he decides to be free.

The guy patiently waits for him, and he himself is now getting a bit nervous by the answer. He gulps hard as the teacher looks at him directly in the eye.

"Oo." He nods with determination. "Gusto kong tumakas."