Beautiful Damage

Showing Up

Ashlyn answered the phone on the third ring.

The house felt wrong without Mara in it. Too much space. The silence pressed against the walls in a way that made every small sound feel louder than it should have been.

The kitchen clock ticked steadily behind her while she leaned against the counter, the cool edge pressing into her hip.

She held the phone to her ear and tried to keep her voice steady.

“Hey.”

Toby heard it immediately. The word itself sounded normal, but the tone behind it didn’t.

He had learned the difference between fine and fine, between calm and the kind of calm that meant something underneath it had cracked.

“You okay?” he asked, the question coming out quickly, instinctively, like it had been waiting on the other end of the line before she even spoke.

“I’m fine.”

There was a pause. Not a long one, just long enough.

Toby exhaled softly. “What happened?”

Ashlyn glanced toward the hallway. Nadja had wandered through a few minutes earlier dragging a stuffed dinosaur by its tail, the toy bumping along the floor like it was being taken for a walk instead of carried.

The house looked the same as yesterday. Same cabinets. Same refrigerator humming quietly. Same clock ticking on the wall. But something about it felt hollow now, like a room after the furniture had been removed.

“Mara left this morning,” she said quietly.

“For the school?”

“Yeah.” She replied, trying not to show her own sadness. “She’ll call us when she gets there.”

Toby pictured it. The early morning light through the windows. A bag sitting near the door. Ashlyn standing there pretending she was holding everything together while trying not to fall apart in front of her sister.

“Did you drive her?” he asked.

“No. My parents are driving her, they left Najda here with me.”

Another pause followed, longer this time, but not uncomfortable. Toby was thinking. Ashlyn could almost hear the gears turning through the phone line.

“It’s just you two?” he asked.

“Yep, for the whole weekend. The school they’re taking her to is like really far away.” “They always do this even when my sister was around.”

“Okay.”

The word came out slower this time, more deliberate, like he was placing it carefully into the conversation instead of letting it fall there.

Ashlyn waited for the call to wind down after that. Normally it would have. They would say something small, something reassuring, then hang up because he had work or she had something else to handle.

Instead Toby said, “I’ll come by and pay Nadjaa visit, this time not while being passed through a window.”

“You don’t have to.” She replied, hoping he’d still come.

“I know.”

The answer landed differently than she expected. It wasn’t defensive or stubborn. It was simple, like he was acknowledging the fact while ignoring it at the same time.

“You should sleep,” she said. “Didn’t you work all night?”

“I’ll sleep later.” “I got a cute little girl to come visit.”

Ashlyn closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the cabinet.

“You don’t have to come rescue me every time I’m having a bad day.” Ashlyn said, curling her hair with her index finger.

“I’m not rescuing you.”

“Then what are you doing?” She fought back.

There was a small exhale on the other end of the line before he answered.

“Showing up.”

The words were quiet, but they settled into her chest in a way that made arguing feel pointless.

Ashlyn stared at the ceiling for a moment. “Okay.”

“I’ll be there in twenty.”

The call ended before she could think of another reason to tell him not to.

The house stayed quiet after that. Ashlyn rinsed the same glass twice without realizing it, water running longer than necessary while the kitchen clock clicked steadily on the wall.

Nadja wandered back into the kitchen a minute later, hair sticking out in several directions from sleep while the stuffed dinosaur dragged behind her.

“Where Mara go?” she asked.

“Back to school,” Ashlyn said, crouching so they were eye level.

“Why?”

Ashlyn hesitated for half a second. “Because sometimes people need help.” “Right now mommy needs that help.” “It’s not forever though.”

Nadja thought about that carefully. “Like when Toby fixed the bike chain?”

Ashlyn smiled faintly. “Something like that.”

That explanation satisfied her enough that she wandered back toward the living room, dragging the dinosaur behind her.

Twenty-two minutes later the knock came.

-knock,knock-

Ashlyn opened the door before the second knock finished landing. Toby stood there in a gray hoodie and jeans that still carried the faint scent of metal and machine oil from the factory. His hair was flattened slightly on one side like he had tried to sleep and failed.

“You drove straight here,” she said.

They stood there for a moment before Ashlyn stepped aside and let him in. The house felt different as soon as another person occupied it. Not louder exactly, just steadier.

“Yeah.” “I couldn’t resist. I missed you.” He said as he walked inside, noticing Najda playing with her American Girl dolls.”

Nadja’s attention finally pulled away from her toys. “Toby!” she shouted before running across the floor.

He crouched automatically to catch her. “Hey kid.” “How’s your day been?”

She launched into a story about cereal dragons and purple milk that didn’t have a beginning or an end.

Toby listened like it was the most important narrative ever told, nodding along and asking questions that made absolutely no sense but kept her talking.

When she finally wandered back toward the living room, Toby glanced at Ashlyn.

“You eat today?” He asked, noticing Ashlyn looked a little less like herself today. “If not I can cook us up something, if your mom stocked the fridge.”

“Not yet.”

He moved toward the fridge like he had done it a hundred times before, pulling out eggs and bread without asking where anything was. The kitchen slowly filled with the small sounds of normal life again. The stove clicking on. Butter melting in the pan. The scrape of a fork against a bowl.

Ashlyn leaned against the counter and watched him cook.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she said.

“I know.”

“You keep saying that.” She pointed out, coming into the kitchen for a closer look. The air inside smelled like the inside of a waffle house.

“Because it’s true.” “Ever since we met it seems like you’re always alone.” “I can’t take it most nights if I’m being honest.”

He slid a plate across the counter toward her. “Now eat woman.”

“Yes chef,” she muttered, sitting down.

They ate quietly at the small kitchen table while Nadja hummed somewhere in the living room. Ashlyn finished half the eggs before she realized how hungry she actually was.

“She said something before she left,” Ashlyn said eventually.

Toby looked up from his plate. “What?”

Ashlyn pushed a piece of egg around the plate with her fork. “She said I carry everything.”

He leaned back slightly in his chair, considering the sentence instead of reacting to it.

“You do,” he said.

Ashlyn let out a small breath through her nose. “You’re not supposed to agree with her.”

“I’m not agreeing with her.” Toby rested his forearms on the table. “I’m saying you don’t have to.”

Ashlyn stared down at her plate again, the fork turning slowly between her fingers.

“Someone does.”

“Not always you.”

The words settled into the room without drama. Nadja hummed faintly somewhere in the living room while the stove ticked as it cooled.

After a moment Ashlyn glanced up. “Thanks for coming.”

Toby shrugged like the trip across town had been nothing special.

“I told you.”

“Told me what?”

He met her eyes across the table and held them there for a second.

“I will always show up.”