An unexpected feeling

chapter 6

A steady veil of rain fell, turning the world beyond the porch into a soft gray blur.

Lucius stepped closer, water dripping from his dark hair and soaking the shoulders of his shirt. His voice was low, rough with something I couldn’t name.

“Why did you come back?” he asked again. “You could have left. You could have been free.”

Tears burned my eyes again. I exploded before I could stop myself. “You’re right, okay? I have nowhere else to go. Happy now?”

He exhaled sharply. “I already said I’m sorry.”

“Don’t come any closer.” My voice cracked as he paused mid-step. I pressed both hands to my head, fingers tangling in my wet hair. “Oh my God… why are you even trying to be nice when we both know you aren’t?”

“I never claimed I was nice.”

“Oh, really? Then stop pretending.”

“Rose.” He took another deliberate step, closing the distance until only inches separated us. “I’m not pretending to be good. In fact, I’m probably the most arrogant, selfish bastard you’ll ever meet.” He gestured sharply, hands rising and falling in frustration, slapping against his thighs. “I get angry too fast. I don’t care about most things. That’s who I am. But—” His voice dropped, quieter now. “I’m trying. For once in my life, I’m actually trying to be better.”

My chest ached. “You told me you didn’t want me to get hurt. You acted like you cared. For a little while, I actually believed you might see me as… as a person. Not just some inconvenient girl under your roof. But every time I start to feel safe, you show me that cold, arrogant side again. I hate you.” I dragged in a shaky breath. “I never want to see you again.” A bitter laugh escaped me. “And yet—funny, isn’t it?—I’ll be seeing you every single day for the rest of my life. How frustrating.”

His jaw clenched so hard I saw the muscle jump. For a long moment he said nothing. Then, quietly, fiercely: “Do you know I hate you too?”

I blinked, startled.

“You came into my life so damn innocent,” he continued, voice raw. “Trying to fix me. Trying to make me care. Trying to drag some goodness out of me that I buried years ago. I hated it. I hated you for it.” He paused, eyes searching mine. “But wanting to be good again… that’s not a bad thing. So please—” He extended his hand, palm up, rain sliding off his fingers.

“Give me your hand. Let’s get out of this rain before it gets worse.”

I looked up at the churning sky, then back at him. His face—usually so guarded—was open now, etched with real concern. Something inside me cracked.

“Fine,” I whispered.

I placed my trembling hand in his.

We hurried inside, the heavy front door shutting out the roar of the rain. In the dim foyer, we stood brushing water from our clothes, droplets pattering onto the polished floor. I felt his gaze on me—steady, intense. When I finally lifted my eyes, our stares locked.

The air thickened.

I hissed under my breath and turned to flee toward my room, but his hand shot out. Strong fingers closed around my wrist. In one swift motion he pulled me back, pressing me against the wall. His body caged mine—broad shoulders blocking the world, heat radiating through our soaked clothes.

I froze. Eyes wide. Breath trapped in my throat. My mind blanked. All I could hear was the frantic thud of my own heartbeat.

He didn’t speak at first. His free hand rose slowly, fingertips brushing my cheek with surprising gentleness, tracing the line of my jaw. I trembled under the touch.

“Rose…” His voice was deep, almost a whisper, rough with confusion and something darker. “What is this feeling when I’m near you? When I’m with you?” His thumb smoothed over my cheekbone. “What the hell are you doing to me?”

I should have pushed him away. Slapped him. Run. Anything.

But I couldn’t move.

“I have to know,” he murmured.

And then he kissed me.

He kissed me, claiming my mouth with a fierce urgency. In shock, my lips parted, and he captured my tongue without hesitation. A soft moan escaped me as he pressed even closer, his hands sliding from my face to cradle the back of my head, drawing me nearer. I closed my eyes, surrendering to his touch. I'd never let anyone this close before—I didn't even understand what was happening to me.

Oh my God, he just... this arrogant man gave me my first kiss. But why did it feel so wonderful? So this was what kissing someone truly felt like.

I didn't kiss him back; I just stood there, eyes shut, as tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn't contain my emotions—the realization that I might actually be falling for this man hit me like a wave. He didn't stop for what felt like an eternity, but then, abruptly, he pulled away, staring at me in confusion, as if he'd just snapped back to reality.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, stepping backward. “I just wanted to know what this feeling is all about. It’s... it’s nothing. I feel nothing.” With that, he turned and walked away, leaving me alone with my swirling thoughts and confusion.

“Rosemary? What are you doing here?”

Madam Maddie’s gentle voice snapped me back to reality. She stood at the end of the hallway, concern etched across her face.

“Eh, Madam Maddie...”

“My God, you’re all wet! What happened?” She rushed over, adjusting the light white shawl wrapped around her shoulders.

“It’s nothing, Maddie. I just went outside to look for something,” I lied, forcing a weak smile.

“What? It couldn’t wait until...” She trailed off, suddenly coughing harshly.

“Maddie, are you alright?”

“Yes, dear. Go change before you catch a cold.”

“Alright, I’ll go right away. And you should rest too.”

“It’s fine. I just heard some noise, so I came to check. Guess it was you. I’ll head back now.”

“Alrigt, Me too.”

Back in my room, I peeled off my soaked clothes, dried myself, and slipped into a clean, long nightgown. Sleep wouldn’t come—I paced the floor, trying to make sense of what had just happened. I should be furious, right? I could march to his room and demand an explanation. But no, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Maybe because it was late. Maybe tomorrow he’d talk to me about it.

Yet deep down, a part of me was thrilled that he’d kissed me. I couldn’t stop replaying the way his fingers had grazed my face so gently.

What is it I feel when I’m near you?

Those words echoed in my mind. Oh my... I finally collapsed onto the bed, but my thoughts wouldn’t let me rest. A strange sensation stirred low in my body—unfamiliar and insistent. I locked my legs together, pressing hard as my breath came in ragged gasps. Clutching my pillow tightly, I pulled the blanket up higher, muffling a soft moan. I must be going crazy.

This isn't me no… on what is happening to me Lucius is heartless he couldn't possibly have any feelings whatsoever for me. It is impossible and what happened tonight, we must talk about it.