The Girl Who Lived

After

We drove for what seemed to be forever I didn’t know where we were going when I asked 

She said “somewhere safe”. I started to fall asleep. I fought it for a while but then my eyes got heavier and heavier, so I drifted off into sleep. When I woke up we were somewhere I didn’t recognize. Which wasn’t very surprising. 

 When we arrived at this house that was huge, the case-worker said that this is the place I would be staying for a while. The door opened, but it wasn’t mommy or daddy that was in the door entrance, it was a man I have never seen before. The caseworker was explaining to the man that lived here to go easy on me, I just went through a lot of change really fast. 

When she finished talking to him, she faced me and said: “all is going to be alright.” Then she left me with this man, in this big house. 

The first night there I was really scared, I wanted my parents to come and read me a bedtime story, I wanted them to sing me the goodnight song, but they never came. I couldn't fight the sleep any longer, my eyelids get heavy, I drifted off in my dreams. 

In my dreams my mom and dad were with me, we were happy, I was home with them. After a while, they started to get angry, they blamed me for leaving them. I tried to tell them that I didn’t want to leave them, the mean people took me from them. I was waiting for them to return, I wanted them to come back for me. I woke suddenly and it was then that I knew I was crying. 

After a month of being in this home, I realized that my mom and dad were never coming to get me and bring me away from this nightmare. I thought my mom and dad didn’t love me anymore. I didn’t want to stay here, but I also didn’t know what to do. After I was there for a couple of months, the man that I now lived with, told me some ground rules.

 He said “I know that you want your parents to come and get you but they aren’t coming anytime soon. You need to go to school and not cause any trouble, got it?” 

“Okay,” I said weakly. 

I started going to school, I didn’t like school. It was really hard, but I had to do well in school, or I would be punished for it. I got good grades because I wanted to stay on his good side. At night I would cry myself to sleep, about everything that happened during the day. When my foster dad found out he said to either get a grip or face the consequences. I decided to get a grip, and I just took it day by day.  

I stayed here for years. Growing up he had me do favors for him like when he was having a bad day I would make him feel better. When I was being bad he would have to punish me and me bringing him pleasure was my punishment. After a few years of doing that; I realized that none of my friends had to do what I did for him. I asked him about it that’s when we got into a fight, he told me that my dad is in jail and my mom is dead and they were never going to come and get me. He told me that I should just understand that I am never going to see my parents again. I didn’t know why he was bringing that up now, what that had to do with anything, but he would bring it up every time he thought I was going to disrespect him. I didn’t believe him of course because he would say just about anything to get me to change my behavior. 

My life would consist of, waking up, going to school, and then going home. I wasn’t allowed to participate in after-school activities. I wasn’t allowed to go on school trips, even if they were mandatory. If I had detention, he would show up to my school and demand to know why I was late getting home. I had no freedom, everyone knew that. Most people didn’t talk to me, and when they did they were very careful not to say anything that might get them into trouble. 

People would, of course, talk about me behind my back, I just didn’t care. My life was miserable enough without trying to defend myself from those people that wanted to bring me down. What they didn’t know was what they were saying was true. If they called me depressed, even though at the time I didn’t know what it meant, I was. They would call me a daddy's girl, now that wasn’t exactly true, yes I only had a “dad” but it’s not like he was my real dad. They would call me names, I just didn’t care, at the end of the day I had a roof over my head and a semi-hot meal to eat. 

I would argue with my “dad” sometimes, not a lot. When he caught wind of the people that were bullying me, he didn’t do anything to help me, he just told me to stop giving them reasons for bullying. As if it was my fault, I didn’t do anything. Of course, I didn’t tell him that, I don’t have a death wish. I just thought for once he would be on my side of things.