THE DESPERATION
1092 Words
I woke up desperately hungry, I head to the dinning table everything is well set , Maya is smiling at me, I pulled the chair and sat down . Maya reached for my hand and caressed it a little. She is smiling at me. I kissed her hand. She opened casseroles and the smell of food and niceties filled my nostrils. I loved it so much, she cared for me, she genuinely loved me. She still did what she used to do when we were newly married. What changed wa as years, time and perhaps me.
“I prepared your favorite.” She said happily
“Thank you darling, you didn’t have to wake up so early.”
“Someone doesn’t like not finding me by his side when he wake up.” She giggles.
“Im glad you know.”
“I will never understand you, sometimes you wake up with no appetite and other times you wake up with so much energy and appetite.”
“I cant even explain that, but it depends on work I had I guess.”
“True.” She said filling my plate “Now eat.”
“Alright darling.”
I started eating, while she watches me, I could feel her eyes almost penetrating through my flesh. The way I eat , swallow, I felt watched. Sometimes it makes me really uncomfortable.
I ate as fast as I could to leave the table. I stood up.
“Going somewhere?”
“Yes”
“But it’s Saturday today, family day remember?”
“I do my darling, I just need a walk.”
“Can I come with you?”
“No you can’t.” I almost shouted. Her clinginess can make a man go mad.
“Alright” she whispered.
“Alright see you later.”
I head upstairs and put on my sweater and a black trousers and head out of the house.
My heart and mind couldn’t stop thinking about Lucy, did she really love me? Why would a young woman like Lucy , who could have anything she wants fall in love with me? À married man. How could she accept the fact that I can have them both im when she had told me that she despised polygamy since her own father had multiple women which caused nothing but family drama and unnecessary abuse? But why did I think about her, her hair ? Her eyes pleading begging me to let her love me was stuck in my mind. I wanted a baby, I needed it. How can à man like me who had everything in life dealing with infertility? I wished it was as simple as it sounded. I went to the party and sat on the bench. I lit up my cigar. The park was empty , I couldn’t hear children playing or cheering near by. The breeze hit my body and I instantly felt cold. I longed for going back to my bed. But the flash back of Lucy’s little heaven came to my mind.
I knocked at her door. There was no answer, she must be in, she doesn’t go anywhere on Sundays. I knocked again. The door finally opened, it wasn’t Lucy that opened. It was à man. À tall dark skinned man, almost my height.
“Can I help you?”
“Mn, no I must got the wrong address.” I muttered stepping back.
“Who’s there?” Said Lucy’s voice inside.
“A gentleman.” Replied the guy casually touching his n****e. Odd.
“What?” Said Lucy getting closer.” Ethan? What are you doing here?”
“You know him?”
“Can you wait inside please?”
“Alright, call me if you need me.”
“Thanks.” She said learning against the door “What the hell Ethan!”
“Look, I should’ve called. I just wanted to see you.”
“You’re literally breaking rules you’ve set.”
“It doesn’t matter, who’s that guy inside?” I asked, jaw tightening.
“A friend.”
“Good, I think I should leave.”
“And go where?”
“I had a family meeting today.”
“Is there something you need to tell me?”
“Maybe later.”
I turned to leave, walking towards the gate which was always unlocked.I felt her eyes burning into my back. following me as I walked. I wanted to go inside and beat the crap out of that man. He wasn’t even good for her. Is that the kind of person Lucy was? Calling him to her place whenever I left? Bitterness crept my throat.
What if I was just another guy she called whenever she longed for a touch? What if she considered me like a temporary thrill?
“Wait.” She called behind me.
I turned. She was walking toward behind me, barefoot on the pavement. Guilt hit me like a wave. I wanted to pick her up and carry her like a little princess the way she loved it when I did. What a shame? A grown man like me day dreaming a tiny, powerless woman being in my arm? Driving uninvited? What a shame!
Her short robe clung to her body in the breeze her hair blew wildly across her face.
“ I don’t think you can hide it anymore.” She said folding her little arms.
“You love me Ethan, maybe you’re still debating with your heart if I should know it and just speak out loud about it, but I know you’ve fell in love with me.”
“How are you so sure?”
“The way you look at me Ethan, the way you touch me and make love to me. You might not know but I know and I can feel it.”
“Are you sure you know? You shouldn’t have brought à man in your house Lucy.”
“You were with your wife, I don’t know if what im hoping for will happen but I do my best to avoid being stuck in the same situation over and over again.”
She reached my hands. Her small feet stepping onto the tip of my shoes. I could feel her heart racing . I stared at her helplessly. Her soft curves her scent, the warmth in her skin was pulling me in again.
“We are not who we were before, i know this is hard for you. But we belong together Ethan.”
- Writer
