CHAPTER 4 —Pressurefor the FirstTimeof her life
992 Words
The second week of classes arrived with a weight Lia hadn’t expected.
Assignments multiplied.
Deadlines overlapped.
Expectations tightened around her like an invisible rope.
Every professor seemed to assume the students already knew everything — the theories, the frameworks, the language of academia. Lia tried to keep up, but the pace was relentless. She spent hours in the library, flipping through textbooks she barely understood, watching tutorial videos until her eyes blurred.
She wasn’t used to feeling behind.
Back home, she had always been ahead.
Here, she felt like she was running just to stay in place.
📘 A Task That Shook Her Confidence
One afternoon, their research group received a new assignment: analyze a complex dataset and propose a predictive model. It was the kind of task that required both intuition and experience — and Lia felt she had neither.
They met in the study hall, laptops open, whiteboards filled with numbers and graphs.
Aria typed rapidly, her brows furrowed. “The data is messy. We need to clean it before we even think about modeling.”
Mateo nodded. “I can handle the preprocessing.”
Daniel leaned back in his chair. “I’ll start drafting the initial framework.”
Lia stared at the dataset on her screen — thousands of entries, inconsistencies, missing values, anomalies she didn’t know how to interpret.
Her chest tightened.
She didn’t want to slow them down.
She didn’t want to be the weak link.
She didn’t want them to regret having her in the group.
Aria glanced at her. “Lia, can you check the correlation patterns?”
Lia swallowed. “I… I’ll try.”
She opened the correlation matrix, but the numbers swam before her eyes. She blinked hard, trying to focus.
You can do this.
You belong here.
Just breathe.
But the more she tried, the more her hands trembled.
🌫️ A Moment That Broke Her
After an hour of struggling, Daniel walked over to her table.
“Hey,” he said gently. “Are you okay?”
Lia forced a smile. “Yes. Just… figuring it out.”
He glanced at her screen. “It’s a lot. Don’t worry — it took me weeks to understand this when I started.”
His tone was kind, but the words hit her like a blow.
Weeks.
She didn’t have weeks.
She barely had days.
Aria joined them. “Lia, if you want, I can walk you through it.”
Lia nodded, embarrassed. “Thank you.”
Aria explained patiently, pointing out patterns, showing shortcuts, simplifying concepts. Lia listened, absorbing as much as she could.
But the shame lingered.
She hated feeling slow.
She hated needing help.
She hated the fear that maybe she wasn’t enough.
🌧️ A Walk That Felt Too Heavy
After the meeting, Lia walked back to her dorm with her head down. The sky was gray, the wind cold against her cheeks. She felt the weight of the day pressing on her shoulders.
She had survived the meeting.
But she didn’t feel proud.
She felt exposed.
Her phone buzzed.
Evan: How was the session?
Lia stared at the message, her throat tightening.
Lia: Hard. I felt… lost.
A moment later:
Evan: Where are you?
Lia: Walking back to the dorm.
Evan: Stay there. I’m coming.
Lia blinked, surprised. She hadn’t expected that. She hadn’t asked for it. But a part of her — the tired, overwhelmed part — felt relieved.
🌆 A Quiet Moment That Meant More Than Words
Evan found her sitting on a bench near the campus gate, hugging her notebook to her chest. He approached quietly, hands in his pockets.
“You look exhausted,” he said softly.
Lia let out a shaky breath. “I feel like I’m drowning.”
He sat beside her, not too close, but close enough that she felt his presence steady her.
“This program is designed to push you,” he said. “Everyone struggles at first.”
“Not like this,” she whispered. “They’re all so confident. So fast. I feel like I’m always catching up.”
Evan shook his head. “You’re comparing your beginning to their middle.”
Lia looked at him, eyes stinging. “What if my beginning isn’t enough?”
He turned to her, his voice firm but gentle. “Lia, you’re not here because someone felt sorry for you. You earned your place. And struggling doesn’t make you less capable — it makes you human.”
She swallowed hard. “I just… don’t want to disappoint anyone.”
“You won’t,” he said. “And even if you stumble, that doesn’t erase your potential.”
Lia felt something inside her loosen — a knot she had been carrying since the day she arrived.
🌙 A Small Step Forward
They sat in silence for a moment, watching the campus lights flicker on as evening settled in.
Evan finally stood. “Come on. I’ll walk you back.”
Lia nodded, standing slowly. As they walked, she felt the heaviness in her chest ease, replaced by something quieter, steadier.
Not certainty.
Not confidence.
But hope.
When they reached her dorm, Evan paused.
“Lia,” he said softly, “You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to keep going.”
She nodded, her voice barely a whisper. “Thank you.”
He smiled — warm, reassuring, unhurried. “Anytime.”
📓 A Truth She Needed to Write
That night, Lia opened her notebook and wrote:
“Day 10. Today, I felt small again.
But someone reminded me that small doesn’t mean weak.”
She paused, then added:
“Maybe growth isn’t loud.
Maybe it’s the quiet decision to try again tomorrow.”
She closed the notebook gently.
Tomorrow, she will face the dataset again.
Tomorrow, she would ask questions without shame.
Tomorrow, she will keep learning.
But tonight, she allowed herself to rest.
Because even the strongest hearts need a moment to breathe.
- Writer
