The Only One for Me

To Each Their Own

James and I spent a lot of time together. He went to a different school than I did, so the majority of our time was spent talking through text, f*******:, or he would drive out to see me. We would sometimes go to his house, but that ended when his dad walked in on us heavily making out and groping each other. So we decided to go out, to have a touch of privacy. We went to the mall about 3-4 times a week just to see each other. We used the excuse that we needed to find him a tie that would match my prom dress. We found him one on the first day, so the rest of our time was spent by me giving him road head and long make out sessions. We both seemed happy with our relationship and the physical actions we were taking.

He had brought me home one day after we had went to the mall and no one was at my house. We had the whole l place to ourselves and we took advantage of it. Once I made sure no one was home, I tackled him on our couch. It was curved so there was one large seat in the middle an two smaller ones on the side. James sat himself in the middle while I straddle his lap. I wanted to waste no time and moved to my knees in front of him. He was hesitant at first, but he willingly dropped his pants so I could choke myself on his d**k. He wasn't huge, but a standard size. I couldn’t take it all, but I damn well tried. I had pulled my breasts out of my shirt so he could look at them while i sucked him off. Even rubbed his pre-c*m on my n****e. It was the hottest thing I had done up to that point. He blew his load into my mouth and I gratefully swallowed. He left shortly after and when my step mom came home a little while later, she no clue what I had done.

The night of my senior prom kinda sucked.. I mean it was nice, I got to wear this really pretty two toned purple halter dress that had a huge slit on the left leg. And got out dancing with my friends, but I wish I would have gone alone. To start off, I was being watched. Not in the stalker kind of way, but my family somehow got my older cousin who had graduated the year before invited by one of my classmates. She was there to watch me. I guess to make sure I actually showed up and to make sure I didn't make an ass of myself. But back to what started my sucky night, James was frustrated with me. After we went and saw a few members of my family earlier in the day and met his dad at a bar so he could see us once we were all dressed up, we went to see his mom about 35 minutes away. She lived down the street from where my prom would take place so we saved her visit for last. On our drive down I started to give him road head as I usually did, but I wouldn't let him finish. He was close, but I was afraid that if I let him finish, he wouldn’t have s*x with me. ( As you can tell, I had no clue that most men want s*x all the time.)

Of course when we went and saw his mom we had a few minutes to kill so he had started talking to her about letting him drive her corvette. She was telling him no and he would counter with a reasonable excuse as to why he should be allowed to.

During this time, I was actually pulled into a conversation with Sean. He told me I looked beautiful, and I whispered that I wished he was the one I was going with. His hand brushed across mine and I was so tempted to kiss him, but I had been dating his step brother for almost 2 months at this point. So I restrained myself and walked back over to where my date was finally accepting he wasn't getting his mom’s car keys.

Once we walked through the doors of my prom, I thought nothing could go wrong. I was having a good time, until I wasn’t. James pretty much kept his d**k against my ass the whole night to cover his b***r. I did end up dancing with a few girlfriends I had, but not for long because James would always pull me back. At the time I thought it was because he just wanted to be around me, but now I am convinced he just wanted to control me. We had only been there for 2 hours or so when he told me we had to get going because he had a curfew and didn't want to be late. I said bye to the few friends I saw on our way out, but then it was just he and I in his car driving away.

We were almost to my house when we pulled off the road into the driveway of an empty house. I was nervous, thinking someone would come out and catch us making out, but he told me that his mom and stepdad had gotten the house and would be starting to move in the following week, so it was empty.

So there we sat, hormone driven teens, in his car, in the driveway of an empty house. You can imagine it didn’t take us long at all to end up in the backseat. He had this rushed fever to him, like he couldn’t put his hands on my body fast enough. I was afraid to actually take my dress off, for fear my step mother would see it zipped differently and just know I had s*x. I told him I had to leave me dress on, and he didn't seem to mind. He was fighting my shoes, so I told him just leave them on, so he ripped my pantyhose to gain access. I could hear James rip open a condom, and he put my left leg on his shoulder. There was a sudden fullness and a touch of pain. Since he had hadn’t gotten off earlier he told me he wouldnt last long. But to me, I didn’t really comprehend any of it. I just tried to enjoy the moment. His moans mixing with mine, feeling his length slide in and out of me. I still cringe looking back when he kept telling me “Baby you are so tight.” and my only response was “That’s a good thing right?” (Insert face-palm here)

If that didn’t confirm my virginity I don't know what would have.

Once he finished, his movements were swift and exact. He pulled out, put my leg down, took the condom off, tied it up and set it on the center console of his car while we both became decent and got back in the front seat. I was back in the front before he was and looked down at the used condom beside me still in shock I had actually had s*x. I thought I saw white next to it and in my innocent voice said “It looks like it is leaking.” He reached over lightning fast and checked it. Turns out he had set it to where the tip was laying on top of a small tear in his leather, so it looked white.

He got in the car after disposing of said condom in the trash can and said to me “We would have been scared shitless if that had happened”. But I was unfazed. I had no clue what he was talking about and I think my inexperience finally showed through. I had no clue he meant I could get pregnant. I mean, I knew how pregnancies happened, but my brain couldn’t put two and two together at that point.

He dropped me off without issue, and made it home without issue. My step mother asked why I got home so early and told her about James’ curfew and so we couldn’t stay for the entire night. She didn’t seem bothered or suspicious of my answer so I knew I was in the clear. Of course I was over the moon about the fact that I had finally done it. I had finally had s*x, even if it was a cringe worthy statistic, and I couldn’t wait to do it again.

The next morning I went to church, it was pretty much the only place I got to go. I remember feeling like I was going to burst into flames because I had s*x, and then went into church like it was nothing. The only person I could talk to was my friend, Beverly. During Sunday school I had text her and told her because I had to tell someone before I burst. She understood why I wanted to do it, and had no issues with my choices. She wasn’t a virgin either and I like to think she enjoyed having someone to talk to about it.

A few days after prom James made it back out to see me. We headed out to the mall like we normally do, but he seemed off. Granted I figured he had had s*x before but I didn’t know if it changed you. I certainly felt different. I didn’t give him road head per our routine because I was wanting more s*x. I was prepared. I was ready to try anything he wanted. But it turns out he wanted nothing to do with me. We had met up with some of his friends, and I had secretly texted him and asked if we could have s*x. I had no idea he had handed his phone to his buddy, Skittles (that is seriously what they called him) who responded with “Ew! No, he doesn’t want to do that!”

James took me home shortly after, gave me a quick kiss and then left.

I was confused. I had this urge that I was dying to fill, literally, and he didn't want it. Being the overthinker I am, I spent the rest of my day wondering what I did wrong. I couldn’t figure it out, and I had no one to really confide in.

A few days had passed and I hadn’t hear much from James. He said he was just busy with school and helping his mom move. I didn't think anything of it.

10 days after my prom, 10 days since I gave my virginity to him, I got blindsided.

I was at the public library after school, I was on f*******: because I didn't have internet at home, so while scrolling through the pages, I saw a post about James. It said James Stull is in a relationship with Vicky Hall. I was floored. I am not Vicky, I was supposed to be his girlfriend. I had his jacket, I had all these things and memories and now they were nothing. I cried. I didn't know what else to do. And then, I saw underneath that they had been together for 6 months. SIX MONTHS. I was so mad.I was the “other woman”. He was using me, just to have s*x with me and then break it off. I felt so used and disgusting.

As if on cue, my phone pinged. I look down and it is from James. I opened it and it is a half hearted text, telling me I am not good enough. That he wanted to break up with me. To say I was upset would be easy. I didn’t know how to act, think, feel.

I spent the next several hours held up in my room crying and boxing up everything I had of his. I was torn between wearing his hoodie and re-reading old notes and texts from him (before the break up) or I could shred everything he had ever touched. I wanted him, and nothing to do with him at the same time.

I settled on just boxing it up to get rid of anything afn everything he had ever given to me.

When I got to school the next day, I thought I had cried all my tears I could, but I was wrong. As soon as I saw Sean, the look on his face broke me. He gave me a huge hug and told me he was so sorry. He never would have suggested that I date James if he had known he already had a girlfriend. I gave him the box of James's stuff and told him he could do whatever he wanted with it. I didn’t care if he gave it back to him, or burned it. Nothing was going to make the hurt go away.

I wish I could have stayed all day in Sean’s embrace, it was the only thing that made me feel any better, but I knew I couldn’t. There is something about having your heart broken that you just never truly get over.