Twisted Choice

Grams

'Now then, how's my girlies doing' grams has always been such a big bright light in this dull world.

it's 7am and I'm leaning against the kitchen side again too scared to perch my self on one of the stools. Mia is rushing around making coffee and pancakes, trying terribly not to be late for work. Although we both know she is about to fail miserably.

'Mia my darling what are you doing? You're moving around but not actually achieving anything. Grams states sarcasticly. 'Here, move over and leave it to someone competent' she says pulling Mia by her hips away from the stove and towards the coffee maker.

She serves up the pancakes and lathers them in syrup.

'Busy and recovering girls like you need the boost now sit and eat' she states with out question.

'Grams, I can't I'm going to be late' Mia protests pouring her coffee into a to go cup. It is amusing watching the two of them buzz about the place. As if the last 15 years hadn't happened and we were still children ourselves.

'I said sit' Mia knew better than to argue, she scoffed down her breakfast, kissed grams on the cheek and left with nothing more than a thank you and goodbye.

'Now then' grams turns her attention to me. 'what is your excuse for not sitting and eating these delicious pancakes. Grams asks sliding herself onto a nearby stool and popping a forkful into her mouth.

'Well for starters. It hurts too much to sit and secondly you haven't actually passed me any' I giggle grabbing a near by plate and tucking in.

Grams' face drops a little before quickly being replaced by a small smile of humor.

'Now then missus' she starts pottering around cleaning up. 'No use sitting around here feeling sorry for ourselves. It's a nice enough day and you've been cooped up too long. I'm taking you for a short walk.' I open my mouth to protest but she doesn't give me chance quickly speaking over me.

'now now we'll have none of them excuses you need to get back on your feet for daisy and Arthur. A little walk a day will do you good and keep you healing. Here as well as everywhere else.' she says as she touches my head. I know she's right and I hate it.

We walk around the block, arm in arm like I did when she needed my support after her hip operation, but this time it was me that needed the support.

She was always so strong and independent, even when she fell and broke her hip she was up and on her feet the day she got out of hospital determined to never rely on anyone.

She loved us girls but she never wanted to be our burden. She stated as much often, that when the time came that her body gave up she would take matters into her own hands so that she was never a burden on anyone.

We always tell her that she's daft and that she will never be a burden on us. That she is infact the only reason we are both still here today. However she will never accept our argument. She is too stubborn for that.

'Grams?' I begin deciding if there was ever a time to ask this question it was now whilst she wouldn't chastis me too hard.

'mmmmhh' she humms breaking from her own thoughts.

'Do you ever regret the way things turned out? I mean mum being who she is, and getting left with me and Mia? I know you wouldn't change it but do you have any regrets?` I ramble my words out as quickly as I can before she can stop me.

Silence. I fear she is furious or just going to completely disregard my question and pretend she never heard me, but then she turns to me, sadness filling her eyes.

'why on earth would you ask me such a question?' she starts. Oh god, I've upset her now. Guilt floods my throat threatening to make me cry, big fat blubbering tears. I try to pull myself together as to not upset her further.

Swallowing the lump down in my throat I try to explain myself.

'I just wonder if you wished things had turned out differently?' I mean after you had mum you only had a few short years to yourself before you took on me and Mia full time. I know you love us, I just worry you missed out on your life whilst caring for us. You're completely alone. I mean when was the last time you did something for you? Went on a date, anything?' I continue to make a mess of my question, kicking myself for even bringing this topic up.

'I don't think I'm up for that now grams do you?'

'Oh tosh, it's always an excuse with you. Yes you had a horrible thing happen to you. Are you going to let that stop you living?' Grams has stopped dead in her tracks now face dead serious, not even a slight hint of humour in her voice.

'I don't know, maybe' I mumble not wanting to lie to her.

'Well don't first it was George, then you used the kids as an excuse to hide from the world and now you're going to use this too, aren't you?' she's not shouting but it sure as hell feels like she is. I can feel my cheeks flush with heat and embarrassment wondering who is nearby that can hear us.

'I'm not sure what you want me to do, grams? I'm going back to work next week and things will return to normal again.' I exclaim trying to satisfy her.

'I just don't want you to close yourself off anymore. I am glad you're going back to work, but you know that's not what I meant. You have no friends, no social life. You just work, mother, sleep and repeat, you need time for you. You need to make a friend and soon' she's full on lecturing me now, I didn't realise I was such a disappointment to her. I honestly thought I was handling my life well.

Have I shut myself off to people? Am I basically a working mother and nothing more? Maybe I do need to change and be more open. Either way I can't think about any of that right now. I need to get through this next week, get my life back and then maybe, just maybe I will think about getting myself a social life.

'Okay grams' I finally say. 'I will CONSIDER getting myself a social life when I am back to work next week. I'm sure I can find some daft colleague to go for a coffee with me. Now if you don't mind grams this walk has become a bit too much and I'd like to please go lay down.'

Grams walks me home without so much as another word. Leads me upstairs to bed, tucks me in and leaves. All I can think is have I been too harsh on her? But before I can gather my thoughts, she enters the room again brew in one hand, tablets in the other.

I am so thankful to her right now. She knows me so well.

'Thank you Grams,'

'Don't even speak of it Lucy.' she spins turning on heel before I can even respond.

'I will lock up get some rest. I will back in a few days. And Mia will check in daily' she's says as she closes the bedroom door leaving me alone once more.

I do need to sleep but I also need to meet James and get a plan in motion before any of my family show up again.

I pick up my phone to ring him, there is so many messages to look through but now is not the time.

I press call.