Twisted Choice

Home

James walks back into the room, silencing the conversation.

Jessica's eyes burning into my with unspoken words. She doesn't want me to share this information? I suppose that makes sense. She wasn't even supposed to share it with me.

I give her a slight nod, confirming my understanding.

She releases my hand that I hadn't even realised she'd been holding and makes her way out of the room without another word.

'What was that about?' James questions his brow knitting as he gestures his coffee to the door in with Jessica just exited.

'Honestly, I think she's sad to see me go if I am telling the truth. I've been here a little bit of company this past week.' I joke, although I suspect it is somewhat true. Jessica never did seem to hand around with any of the other nurses.

'Ahh, time for home already?' James smiles softly, not knowing if im ready or not.

To be honest, I'm not, but my body is healed enough, and I have a job to do before I return to my kids. If I can't keep myself safe, how am I ever supposed to keep them safe?

'You ready for that?' he questions, stepping further into the room and handing me my coffee.

I sip it, not sure of my reply. It's awful! How can anyone justify serving this stuff and calling it coffee? It was thick and black, with no milk or sugar at all. DISTGUSTING!

I try not to recoil, but I suspect it's too late... a huge smile has spread across James's face lighting up the room.

'Sorry,' I mutter quietly, embarrassed at my own ungratefulness.

'Don't be' he chuckles taking the cup from me. 'I gave you the wrong cup, that one is mine, here this is yours', he says with so much humour in his voice I just know he thinks im ridiculous.

'Thank you,' I reply, taking the cup from him and sniffing the cup. Ahh, that smells better. I relax back into my bed and take another sip of coffee. This time, the sweet smoothness hits my tongue with a birst of flavour... mmmmm much better.

'So' James's voice reminds me that I haven't yet answered him. 'Home time? Are you feeling up to it?' he questions again.

'As I ever will be.' I reply with a forced smile.

James frowns again, 'I thought you'd be excited to be going home to your children?'

'I can't wait to see them, but they're staying with their father for the rest of this week. He and his fiancée are taking care of them whilst I finish recovering.' I say matter of fact, the guilt of not seeing them washing over me like a weighted blanket.

'Ahh, I see, so you'll be with your sister then?' James questions again, his curiosity is starting to frustrate me, I want to discuss where we are going to start finding my attacker, not chit-chat about going home.

'For some of the time I will, but she has to get back to work too. She missed too much time this week having the kids. It's not fair for me to ask her to take more time off, just for me.' James nods, understanding that I don't want to burden anyone else if I can help it.

'Take my number.' he blurts out after a moment, I just stare at him, not sure where this outburst has come from. 'I mean, so you can call me if you need anything whilst you're alone. I know you're strong, but if for a moment you need a friend, I can be that for you.' he rambles, trying to get his words out without sounding crazy.

'Thank you.' I smile now, realising he's just trying to be kind. To be my protector if I should need it. Or perhaps even just my confidant when I'm feeling vulnerable.

We swop numbers. I'd like to see him again he makes me feel protected in the same way George did in the beginning before he decided to take my choices away. I will never allow myself to fall into that trap again. I am the decider in my own life now, and if I decide to call James or not, that is my decision no one else's.

'I didn't mean to come across pushy,' he explains, sitting himself back into his chair comfortably.

'I just worry about you being alone after everything, that's all.' he explains further.

'You don't have to worry about me, James, as sweet as the sentiment is. I have been looking after myself for a long time now. As well as looking after my family. That's why I need to find my attacker so I can return to my family as the strong protector they deserve. Without the fear of him being out there still.' I explain myself now, trying to get him to understand that I don't need someone to be strong for me, I need someone to give me the power to be strong for myself. To help me put this criminal behind bars or under the earth where they belong.

James is just staring at me now, twiddling his fingers, unsure of what to say to me.

'Do you understand, James?' I ask now worrying I've lost my crime hunting partner.

'I don't know if I fully understand. But I will take your lead, Lucy. Whatever you need from me, it's yours. If you want me to help you find this guy and hold him still whilst you kick is arse, then that's what I'll do. If you want me to do the kicking, I'll do it. and if you ever feel scared or alone, then you just have to pick up that phone, and I'll be there. Whatever you need, Lucy, it's yours.' his words make my heart feel full, his blue eyes fixed on mine seeing into my soul.

He makes me want him to protect me. Makes me want to lean into him for support, to be weak, just to allow him to care for me. But I can not afford to be weak right now.

I reach out my hand, placing it gently in his. I dont recoil this time. I know he's not going to hurt me. He's here to help me, and I have to be willing to try to trust someone.

Jessica walks into the room, and my hand shoots out of James's, and I frown not 100% sure why I felt the need to hide him comforting me, but I did, and that feeling confused me.

'Here are your discharge papers, missus,' she states, waving my papers in the air, trying to spread a positive light across this terrifying moment. I smile shyly at her, not quite sure how to feel.

'Oh, come on, this is a good thing, Lucy. You're healed enough to go home to those beautiful children of yours, I know they've missed you and you them. And just because you're no longer my patient doesn't mean you can't pop in for a quick brew whenever you fancy one.' She smiles at me, trying to raise my spirits. She's right, though I have missed the children.

'I'll bring the custard creams.' I giggle back, taking the papers from her. She really is one of the best nurses I have ever met.

'Now then, time for home!' I exclaim as positively as I can muster.

'Jessica, call me a taxi, please.' I get up, grab my bags, and salute her as if heading home from war. She giggles and heads for the door, but before she exits, James intervenes.

'I can give you a lift if you want? It's no bother.' I freeze looking at Jessica, her looking at me. It's just a nice gesture, but it'd be the first time leaving this safe place. Do I really want to leave with someone I hardly know?

'That's a lovely gesture, James. I'm sure Lucy would be glad of the lift, save on taxi fare,' Jessica replies, giggling. Oh, here she goes again with a match making, I roll my eyes and follow James out of the building. Jessica is walking with us, probably to take a break from the ward, but most likely to be nosey.