Claire

Stories, Gas, And Everyone Knows Who I Am?

“You ever been on an adventure, Bennett?”

Claire’s voice drifted from the back seat with ease. When she spoke, it was like hearing angels sing. The first part of our car ride involved her staring out the windows and occasionally asking questions, but it seemed she had got a bit more used to her surroundings. Her focus had shifted from the world around us to just being on me, and I appreciated that. She always had something interesting on her mind, and when she revealed her thoughts to the world, she did it in the most graceful way. I, however, did not reply in a graceful way; I was unsure of how I should respond.

“No, I don’t think I have been. I don’t get out much.”

“Why?”

“There’s nowhere for me to go, I guess. I just go to the areas around home and then go home.”

“This must be pretty exciting for you then, huh?”

“Yeah, it is. What about you, Claire, do you ever adventure?”

“Oh I love to adventure!” Her answer didn’t surprise me at all, but the story she went on to tell drew me in.

“Ever since I was young, I wanted to adventure. I’d swim off from home and meet all sorts of different creatures. There are so many beauties out there, really. We don’t get to keep any at home, though, it’s much different than up here on land. But I did meet the most gorgeous manatee once. I spent so many of my days with her. I was little then, and I made crowns for her out of seaweed. She would choose shells for me to weave in. Every once in awhile, she’d give me a ride on her back; we covered so much distance that way. She was fast and knew all these amazing places to go. The most magical place she took me was the underwater forest. It was amazing, it was unlike anything I had ever seen before. And then I ended up here in another forest! It blew my mind to see it, and feel it. We were on another one of our adventures when I got swept up in the flooding and all. My father always asked me to stop exploring, but if I had, I wouldn’t be here now. Adventures lead to even bigger adventures, Bennett! I’m glad we’re here.”

“I’m glad we’re here too! Because, uh, this is a really big adventure! My first adventure, and I wanted to adventure too, I was just always scared because there’s crocodiles and all, plus there’s so many scary people out there. And I’m sorry you got separated from home, because I can’t imagine how scary that must have been, but at the same time I’m glad you’re here, because if you hadn’t shown up, I wouldn’t be doing this right now, and I think you changed my life, Claire.”

My rambling extended beyond the things which I had planned or meant to say. I fell silent. I worried what she would say in response, and I couldn’t fathom how I had allowed that to slip. I spent so much time worrying about my hair, but I couldn’t hold back on one thing. To my surprise, a hand wrapped around my arm, and then I was being hugged. I smiled back when I noticed the smile on her face. Again, our cheeks were pink and I felt her heart thumping on my arm. Eventually, she settled back to how she had been seated.

“I don’t know what to say to that, but I am so glad I met you.”

We sat with contentedness; neither of us felt the need to speak. There were plenty of things to say, but our emotions carried better without the words. Sometimes, the words become unnecessary clutter. It would seem that, with the right person, words were not a requirement. Words were never my strong suit, so this discovery felt revolutionary to me. I drove, feeling quite comfortable for quite a while, until I saw an orange road closure sign. In familiar territory, I could have navigated us around the issue with ease. An hour and a half out of town, however, and I was lost. I figured it would be best to stop in at a gas station to get directions; using my phone would mean giving up my location, and I couldn’t risk being caught.

Imagining Claire being captured made me feel an incredibly strong sense of duty. Her life was in my care; if she were discovered, scientists and researchers would poke and prod her until she died. I couldn’t give her into a life like that. I looked back with my rear view mirror. Her face looked so delicate. Her hair, falling in gentle waves around her shoulders, looked gentler than the finest spun silk. Unfortunately, the price of her head was probably somewhere around that cost. If anyone found out about her, she was gone. It was my job to protect her at any cost. The stop would be risky, but I trusted Claire with keeping quiet.

“Hey, so, the road I wanted to take is closed. I think I’m going to stop at a gas station and ask for directions, if that alright with you?” I asked her.

“Of course it is!”

“Alright, and you’ll be safe while I’m inside, right?”

“Yes, of course!”

I felt reassured by her certainty. She spoke with enthusiasm; it was like she had a zeal for life even in the most mundane circumstances. I turned toward what looked to be a town and entered a small area with a shop and a post office.

We chatted in the car for a moment before I turned it off and headed inside to get directions. I wanted to grab a snack while I was inside, but I was trying to save money. I hadn't had too much save up before, and running away meant I was living off my own dime. It was alright, though. It just meant we couldn't live luxuriously. She watched me go and waved again as I went inside. My heart felt warm and I again was comforted that I had made the right choice.

Inside, there was no one in sight. The store felt incorrect, in some way. There was an old feel to it, but not like the charm of a mom and pop store. It was almost sinister, with cracks in the walls and gaps between the windows and walls. I continued searching for a soul to speak to, but there was no one.

I waited at the counter for a few minutes before getting impatient. There was a bell next to the register, so I gave it a ring. From the back came bumbling a skinny, short old man. He was removing his glasses as he came, letting them hang around the cord on his neck. I noticed there was something strange about his left eye, before I realized it was made of glass. When I studied his face, I saw years of fatigue. He looked like he hadn't slept well last night, or any night before that. His gait was struggled and I felt bad taking him from what he was doing.

"Sorry, kid. I got an amber alert and was told I had to print out posters."

"An amber alert?"

"Yeah, some kid from farther inland."

“Huh, I-” I stopped as soon as I realized the implications of this. “What would some kid from farther inland be doing around here, how strange,” I did my best to act natural.

“Yeah. Say, that kid looked an awful lot like you,” He began to lift his glasses to his face and I felt a sweat begin on my brow. I was panicking. If I ran, he would know it was me and call the authorities. I decided it would be best to take advantage of people’s disbelief. Few people expected to be caught up in a runaway situation. I held my ground and shrugged.

“Well, ah, what’d they say the kid ran away for?” I was buying myself extra time.

“Something about neglectful parents, I think.”

I nodded, and just then, his glasses hit the bridge of his nose. My heart pounded.

“What was his name, do you know?”

“Bennett Dubois. Hey, buddy, I’m gonna need you to stay here with me.” He leaned in close and examined me. I smelt cigars on his breath, though there were undertones of more inebriating substances. I felt a bit of relief realizing I wasn’t dealing with someone in a prime mental state here. I took a deep gulp and frantically shook my head, feigning concern.

“Oh no, no, you’ve got me mistaken! That’s my little brother, sir, I’m Landon Dubois, I’ve got to go see if he’s okay. He’s gone missing? From Tarry?”

“Well, yes, if you stay right here I can phone the police and get you in contact-”

“That’s alright, I’ll just get going now,”

“Kid, there’s a lot of people looking for you.”

“No, no! That’s not me. That’s my little brother, I’m his older brother!”

“No, you aren’t. You’re Bennett. I don’t blame you; look, if you’re not getting taken care of at home, you gotta do what’s best for you.”

We looked at each other with different variations of intensity. For a while, I still faked concern before softening my face and truly looking at him. It would seem I had found an ally. He reached a weathered hand across the counter and placed it on my shoulder, staring into my eyes with his one.

“You be careful out there. Lots of bad people in the world. Don’t end up like me, go make something of yourself.”

He stopped speaking because of a wailing voice from the backroom. It sounded like a woman, halfway between distress and anger, shouting something about the laundry. When a fat, shorter elderly woman approached the man I was talking to, I understood what was going on.

“Don’t let yourself get stuck up with the wrong people. Go, be free.” his voice became a whisper. The woman cleaned around his feet, brushing over him and bumping into him as she pleased. His face looked even more weathered than it had when I first arrived, as if the mere presence of this woman had aged him significantly.

“Junior, go do the laundry! This kid isn’t buying anything, make him scram and go do the work I asked you!”

He sighed and nodded. She left him again, though I was unsure for how long I would be able to speak to the man. He stared down at the ground, regrets crossing his face and pain emanating from him.

“Before I go, sir… How can I get to the ocean?”

He grabbed a map and began to explain a route to me: take this road, then turn here, then hop on the highway and ride it down to the edge. I lived closer to the ocean than I had thought.

“Oh, well, I don’t necessarily want to take the highway. What about back roads, and down to more southern ocean?”

“Back roads? Boy, it’ll take you much longer to get there that way.”

I shrugged.

“Alright, well, I’d followed these roads.” He took a pen and scribbled across a few different routes. As he did so, it seemed that he got lost in the map. His eyes began to look the same, both dull and out of touch with what he was experiencing. At the water’s edge, he drew a big circle, with arrows pointing to the coast.

“Thank you so much, sir!”

“Be careful out there, Bennett. And cut that hair of yours. You look too much like your poster if even I could recognize you.” He laughed, but another customer entered and he quickly became serious. “Now go! Go blend in and start your new life. Be happy.”

I thanked him again and started out the door. I gave a polite nod to the man who had walked in, though I heard a deep cough from behind me when I did so. I glanced back to see the shaky man behind the counter shaking his head at me. Realizing my mistake, I hid my head and waved to say goodbye a final time. I headed out the doors and vowed to make less eye contact.

Outside, I heard a dog barking. There were only two cars in the parking lot, so I was able to quickly find the animal. He was a little yappy dog, a chihuahua, and he was barking nonstop. I passed the car and he didn’t even turn his head to see me. My mind was focused on coming up with a disguise, so I was just pleased not to have the extra attention drawn to me. I made my way to the car and glanced in the window at Claire. That was when I saw what had made the dog bark; he had seen a mermaid. She had moved herself to the window of the car, peering out and forgetting to keep her tail hidden. I let an audible gasp escape my mouth as I leapt in the back and gestured for her to move.

“Claire, what are you thinking? You’re going to get us caught!” My voice rang out louder than intended. Rarely did I ever intend to yell, but it still happened. My lack of interaction with others had led me to struggle with hiding my emotions. I had always believed that if I was feeling a certain way, I should be representing it in my actions. This was not always the best case scenario, I learned.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Ben, I’m sorry,” her lip quivered, “I’m sorry, I heard that animal and when I saw it, it was a dog! Oh I’m so sorry, I just wanted to see the dog, I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

My heart sunk and I was so painfully mad at myself. I could hardly think of a solution. Her shoulders dropped and she stared at me as if I’d broken her heart. My worries about getting caught were set aside. I felt my face soften and my eyebrows knit together. After a brief pause, I drew her into my arms and hugged her.

“No, I’m sorry. Don’t be sorry, I’m the one to be sorry. I just don’t want us to get caught, okay?”

“I know,” she wiped her eyes on my shoulder, “If you got caught, you’d be in so much trouble. I’m sorry I’m putting you in this situation, it’s so unfair of me.”

I chuckled a bit. “I don’t care about getting in trouble.”

“What’s your worry, then?” She drew back and looked into my eyes.

I glanced down. “I don’t want them to take us apart, that’s all.”

Soon, I was embraced in another hug and she squeezed me tight. We stayed there for a moment before I remembered that danger we were in. The possibility of us getting caught was not too distant a fear. I slid away from her and pulled a hoodie over my head, putting the hood up and drawing the strings in tight.

“Why are you doing that?”

“I’m just wearing my hoodie.”

“But, it’s hot out. I thought you wore hoodies to stay warm. There’s no need to stay warm now.”

It was time for another lie. As guilty as I felt lying to Claire, I would rather the guilt be on me than her. She seemed to feel bad for taking me away from home, as happy as I was to leave, and I didn’t want her to think I was in too great of peril. I didn’t want her to see me panicking. My mind raced, searching for ideas on what to say. I settled on something quickly and I prayed that mermaids didn’t know what a mid-life crisis was.

“Sometimes, when teenagers are going through their teenage years, which are years of great change, they too also want to match their changing lifestyles and uhm.. so we get all these crazy things we want to do, and we dye our hair weird colors, and change jobs, or sometimes think we want jobs we don’t want, and we go through all sorts of phases. People break up and get other girlfriends, or boyfriends. Some kids get piercings and stuff. But right now I just really need to change my hair, it’s definitely time for a new look. I just really feel like my hair doesn’t represent me right now, I guess - I mean, I know that’s what it is. Right? So I just really need to change my hair so I feel more comfortable. I want to hide it now, I don’t think it really fits me right now. You get that?”

Claire stared at me for awhile, letting the words sink in. She had nodded her head as I went along, but I spoke so unconvincingly that I’m not sure she quite understood me. I was sporadic and, again, nothing had been given any forethought. When she asked me to clarify again, I felt ready to die of nerves.

“Teenagers go through phases where they have to change their looks to feel comfortable with themselves, like, they’re finding themselves. And I’ve got to do that now.”

“Huh. Alright, well how do you do that?”

“I’m going to shave my head!”

“Shave your head?” I felt as shocked as she looked. Why had I said that?

“Uhm. Yeah, I’m going to shave my head. That’s just really what I need in my life.”

She shrugged and agreed to it. I was surprised. Part of me wished she had rejected the idea, but it was probably the best way to go. If I shaved my head, that picture would look significantly different than me. I would still have to be careful, but my ragged haircut was one of my more defining features. Without it, I would have some wiggle room in case I made a mistake. It’s possibly be a little more believable that I was older, too; I decided I would stick with my older brother excuse, just with a bit more rehearsal. I looked in the mirror and tried to imagine myself bald. It was almost frightening to imagine, but it was necessary, and if Claire didn’t care, I supposed I didn’t either.

I found a hat and stuck it over my hair. It would have to make due until I found somewhere quiet to shave it all off. I backed out of my spot at the shop and headed for the road the man at the counter had suggested. As I drove, my attention stayed partially on him for awhile. I think having Claire around revitalized me; in the past, I imagined myself ending up as him, but now I thought I had a shot at better. I was off to find my future.