Diagnosis for Tomorrow's Afterglow

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"Why the hell are we hiding?", tinignan ko yung dalawang side ng hallway at nung hindi ko naman nakita yung taong pinagtataguan ko ay napabuntong hininga ako, "Iron Man's a bother".

"at kailan ko naman naging problema ang jowakels mo aber?", inis na banggit ni Clef pero sumusod pa 'din saakin, "syempre sabi mo gusto mo ng fun".

Napasipol nalang si Clef at binigyan ako ng makahulagang ngiti pero binalewala ko iyon. Hinila ko na siya na panay reklamo sa dami ng tumitingin sa'min, para daw kasi siyang celebrity. Pinektusan ko siya saka pumunta sa area na naassign samin.

I made sure to interact with my patients alot. They had a lot of stories and some had me intrigued. One of patients even told me that she's still under police protection as witness to the controversial gang r**e case of Daceno and Ramilo Family, the most influential family in Manila. Pinagbabaril siya sa araw ng kanyang pagdalo sa hearing ng kaso, kaya andito siya ngayon, nainis agad ako.

Justice was never prevailed right in the country. How could they just want to kill someone who just wanted to affirm the justice for the victim? The country really needs a better government system and laws. I smiled and assured her that the hospital has the highest security in the Philippines and she is somehow safe.

I bid her goodbye before attending the other patients.

"Help we need a doctor", Clef said in panic. Napalapit naman ako sa kanya to assist him, he was panicking because the patient wasn't responding.

"Diah, emergency!", he started to check the vitals of the patient.

"get me a doctor, dali", he pushed me away at aalis na dapat ako ng may marealize ako. Humarap agad ako kay Clef saka siya binatukan.

"Shet wala tayong oras para maging bobo, doctor tayo", napakamot naman ng sentido si Clef.

"Ahyy, oo pala", natawa naman yung katabing pasyente kaya nginitian ko lang siya, I checked the patient's paper at napailing nalang ako at muling binatukan si Clef.

"Under sedation Clef, lumayas na tayo", napatigil naman siya sa marahang pagyugyog sa pasyente at dali daling umalis ng ward. Sandali akong humingi ng pasensya sa mga nadistorbong katabi ng pasyente na nakiusyoso din sa ganapan kanina.

"Ineng, sabihin mo sa kasama mo na matulog, baka kulang yon sa pahinga-ayos lang naman kami dito", nagsitanguan at nagbigay ngiti naman ang mga kasamang pasyente ni lola kaya napangiti ako at nagpasalamat sa kanila.

Malapad ang aking ngiti paglabas ng ward, napalitan din iyon ng tawa ng makita si Clef na nakapalumbaba sa may waiting bench sa labas ng ward kaya tinabihan ko siya at inakbayan.

"nakalimutan mo sigurong doctor ka na", I said and he scoffed. He kept blabbering about how embarrassing that was and kung paano ito makakabawas sa chance niyang makapasok sa operating room. Kinusilapan ko nalang siya at sapilitang hinila patayo at dumeretso na sa O.R. for observation.

"alam ko namang paunahan tayo sa first to scrub or to assist in an operation kasi credit yun at experience pero mas maganda na kung paunti-unti, kita mo naman - ayoko makipagkompetensya sa mga kasamahan natin lalo na't mainit ang paningin nila sakin", nainis agad si Clef sa binanggit ko ng maalala ang mga mapang-akusang kasama na kung makatingin samin ay akala mo nama'y inagawan namin agad na posisyon.

"paki ko sa kanila, kung magaling ka edi magaling ka-walang favouritism ang medicine no 'like kung may utak pa sila mag isip tungkol sayo dapat din meron dun sa katotohanan na buhay ang hawak natin hindi credits, and ghurl hindi ako nagra rush, mas gusto ko din yung paunti-unti", he had his finger flipped close to his ears like he just wipe his imaginary hair to the back. Napangiti naman agad ako sa sinabi niya.

"yeah, trust the slow process", he smiled back.

Dumeretso kami sa 2nd floor kung saan na ooverlook ang operation na ginagawa ngayon. I was focused on the operation itself, absorbing and analyzing every moves made, it was so mesmerizing. Hindi mo maiisip na sa kamang yon malalaman kung magtatagal o magwawakas ang buhay ng isang tao. Na ang buhay ay nakasalalay sa mga taong nasa loob ng kwartong iyon. The pressure must be pressing them hard.

"ghurl, si Iron Man yung lead", naalis naman ang tingin ko sa big screen na nakafocus sa procedure ng operation, naningkit naman ang mata ko sa sinabi niya at tumingin sa baba. There he was - he was so focused on stitiching the man's chest and keeping everything in check asking for the vitals once in a while.

"Sabi mo, general surgery siya", he rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue, looking so dissapointed with what I said.

"ghurl, he's an attending - he can take whenever because he earned his position atsaka so far, rumors say he's trying to be a resident at our department", I am amazed. He's really dedicated to his work and is willing to expand his field despite the fact that it is time and energy-consuming. I want to be like him. Pinanood nalang namin yung procedure at nung natapos yon ay umalis kami agad because the pager beeped.

Nagkaugaga kaming tumakbo ni Clef sa hallways hanggang makita namin si Dr. Lavien. She was just reading some patient's record.

"You're an intern but I'll think of you guys as residents. Kim, you go do the sutures and Felix, distribute and announce lab results", she said without looking at us-out of courtesy ay nagbow ako bago naman kami naghiwalay ni Clef. Every fellow intern and residents na nadadaanan ko ay napapatingin sakin. As much as their amazement, ako din ay napahanga sa sarili ko. I pulled through odds of med school and the band all together. I just did myself an achievement.

Dumating na ako sa emergency, took the kit at nilapitan yung batang una kong nakita. I sat on the stool and smiled at the kid silently crying.

"Hello, where's your parents?", he just shook his head. I stared at him in confusion.

"Do you speak english?", and then he shook his head again like it was his ultimate response to everything. I slowly held his hand so he looked at me and around me before he spoke...

Swedish.

My language class was a saviour as I sighed in relief. I spoke to him in his language and his face lit up, looked around and gladly told what happened together with actions, I smiled the whole time. He also told me that everybody around me looked amazed but I was focused on him only. Siya ang pasyente ko.

I sutured his left arm, and then treated his burn on his left cheek and had him rest. I did the sutures on other patients, entertaining them as much as possible so they don't feel the pain - I also prescribed medications on people who came with common pains whilst checking if there are other symptoms. Other patients had to go do tests before they were let go while some stayed due to their test results leading them to a place in the hospital, we just had to make sure that we did our best in giving them service and care.

"fancy seeing you in flesh working, Dr. Kim", Napahinto ako sa pag aayos ng gamit at napalingon sa nagsalita. Embarassed after my memory gave me a glance of what I did last 2 weeks ago like it just happened yesterday. There goes hiding. I tried to smile at him.

"fancy seeing you Iro-Dr. Radford", gusto ko ng sapakin ang sarili ko. Damn, the slip of tongue. Buti nalang hindi kompleto, he just smiled so itinuloy ko nalang ang pag aayos ng mga ginamit ko para sa stitches.

"you should go on rounds with me, you need exposure". We attended to patients that needed stitching and consultation. As much as I was embarrassed, I had to be assisted by Iron Man. As I followed him on rounds and work on the patient's need, I saw how dedicated he was, how he smiled on everyone and how he talk to them. He treats them like someone he cared about, jokes with them and try his best to liven up the mood of those patients receiving more treatments.

"Baka mabangking yung tahi mo Dr. Kim. Focus on the patient and stop gawking at me", I immediately frowned at him.

"I'm not gawking at you, I'm eyeing the apple beside you Dr. Radford", binigyang diin ko pa ang pagbanggit ng kanyang pangalan to which he chuckled. I'm embarrassing. I mentally want to slap myself. Damn, of all times why'd you have to stare at him Diah? I might asked Dad for an eye check up maybe it might help me.

He just chuckled and continued his rounds, I continued suturing. He would spare me a glance where I'd accidentally meet his gaze and pretend to look at other stuffs so he won't notice.

We finished our rounds at 12nn. Iniligpit ko yung mga ginamit ko atsaka ipinasok sa lalagyan. Nung bubuhatin ko na yon ay inagaw niya yung kit saakin. Hindi na ako nakapagprotesta dahil na din sa pagod. Sinundan ko siya sa inventory hanggang sa siya na ang naglabas at nag ayos sa tamang lalagyan ng mga ginamit ko. He shot me a glance before taking my books and my coat on the table na iniwan ko kanina dito dahil sa pag page sakin. I was trying to read at my spare time so I had no choice but to read when I wasn't needed or in a 15-minute break. He slowed his pace when we we're walking towards the elevator, maybe because he saw how slow am I walking - tiredness overwhelming me. What a considerate man. Napasandal nalang ako sa gilid ng elevator never minding Iro-Dr. Radford on my side staring. Goddamn 40 hour duty, I need my sleep.

When the doors of the elevator opened, hinila agad ako ni Iron Man palabas don, 'dun nalang sa kamay naming magkasalop natuon ang atensyon ko. I got tensed, waking me up in senses. I couldn't dare myself to pull away from his grip. His hands felt soft despite the fact that he had a lot of surgeries. I absent-mindedly turned my gaze to him - only to be met by his side profile.

Damn, the asset is just so mesmerizing. Hindi man lang siya nahirapan hawakan yung gamit ko, inalalayan yon ng kamay niya dahil pinatong niya iyon sa balikat niya. Saglit niyang binitawan yung kamay ko at kumatok sa station namin ni Clef, inulit niya yon hanggang sa may narinig akong kalabog sa loob, bumalik naman agad yung paghawak niya sa kamay ko.

"Babaita ka hindi naman to nakasara- oh lala", tumambad samin ang mukha ni Clef na may bahid pa ng laway at mga line marks sa kaliwa niyang pisngi. He was even using my nightband, this guy. He rubbed his eyes again at saka napatingin sa gawi ko raising both his brows habang hinila ako ni Dr. Radford papasok. Ipinatong niya yung gamit ko sa table ko atsaka tinignan yung kamay naming magkasalop bago niya ito bitawan.

"Head to your room and sleep, we'll get coffee after my call", hindi pa ako nakasagot ay umalis na agad siya at saka kinausap si Clef sa labas. Dahil sa antok ko ay pinagsawalang bahala ko na yung sinabi niya at pumasok sa kwarto namin ni Clef. The bed felt so soft like those mattress I have in my condo. It made me feel at ease.

Napaigtad ako ng bangon nung may humampas sa mukha ko. Kinusot ko ang mata ko saka tinignan ng masama si Clef na siyang may hawak unan.

"wala ka bang magawang matino sa buhay, distorbo ka nga", hinila ko yung kumot at akmang tatakluban ang sarili ko nung hilahin yun ulit ni Clef.

Ilang mura ang pinakawalan ko nung hindi niya bitawan yun at nakipag hilahan pa kaya napamulat na ko ng aking mga mata. Bumungad muli saakin ang ngisi niya.

"ghurl, hindi ko naman akalaing gusto mo ng thrill sa buhay", at hindi pa nga gising ang wisyo ko ay sinabunutan na ako ng bruhang to.

"Shet ka Clef, hindi nakakatuwang gumising ng kulang sa tulog", sinabunutan ko naman siya pabalik hanggang sa sinuntok ko ng pabiro yung tiyan niya at dahil oa naman tong si Clef ay napahiga siya kama ko.

"Oh my ghad, my baby's gonna die", histerical niyang saad. Napatawa naman ako sa itsura niyang nakadapa pero ng hilahin niya ako at i-headlock ay halos isumpa ko na yung buong angkan niya.

"I hate to bother you but we have dinner to attend to", natuon ang atensyon namin

ni Clef sa pintuan at 'don nakatayo si Hea- Dr. Radford. He was dressed in white polo tucked in his creamy -white jeans and completing his boyfriend look was his black Dr. Marten leather ankle boots. Damn, his girl is lucky.

"Diah, change", kung hindi pa ako sinapak ulit ni Clef at itulak papunta sa locker namin ay hindi maaalis ang tingin ko kay Heaven. Damn, he deserved his name.

Teka. Napalingon ako kay Clef na hawak hawak pa ako sa balikat at patuloy na tinutulak.

"Dinner with who?", I asked in confusion.

"Babaita, si Iron Man", kilig na banggit niya na may kasamang paghampas na akala mo'y hindi mapanaket.

"Bakit?", hindi ko alam kung kaibigan ko si Clef pero ang bruha ay hindi man lang ako sinagot at iniwan ako mag isa sa kwarto pagkatapos hilahin si Heaven palabas.

I contemplated with myself whether I'd go out or just sleep. Babalik pa sana ako sa kama pero nagring yung hawak kong phone and saw Clef's message.

Cliffton Felix:

Bruha, wag mong isiping mag-beauty sleep, sayang dilig.

Cliffton Felix:

Este ula-lam hehe.

That rascal. Napakusilap nalang ako ng di oras at kinuha yung blue cocktail dress na meron ako, the only clothing, I had bought so far for formal gathering. This dress brings out the curve of my body but I'd care nonetheless, I plan to sleep after eating. Isinuot ko na din ang ankle boots ko at ang peach fur coat ko na kasing haba nung dress.

I'll remind Third to take some of my clothes sa condo since he's occupying mine like he has no money as of the moment, that guy. I tied my hair like Ariana Grande's, put a small amount of liptint at kinuha yung specs ko at yung pager, we can just be paged by work. Ayoko masira ang reputation ko at maisip nilang masyado akong paborito.

When I was satisfied with my look, I went out of the room feeling sleepy. Napatingin naman ako kay Heaven na nakaupo sa upuan ko at si Clef na nakaupo sa table ko. Sinamaan ko naman agad siya ng tingin.

"babaita dinner lang eh, parang magco-concert ang gala ah", pang-aasar ni Clef.

"I like her like that", I just shrugged and looked at Clef who was giving me meaningful looks.

"ay ako hindi, barbie ka ghurl? pinagkaitan ka ba ng jacket?", sinapak ko naman siya atsaka pasimpleng sinipa sa may kaliwa niyang binti. Nung napaaray siya ay ibinaling ko ang atensyon ko kay Heaven. Heaven smiled and escorted me out. Hindi nakalampas sa paningin ko yung pagkuha ni Clef ng picture. I secretly gave him the middle finger and he just laughed.

"Bye ghurl, ingatan ang pechay", malakas na banggit ni Clef. Napayuko ako sa kahihiyan.

Gusto kong ilunod ang sarili ko sa kahit anong tubig na pwede akong lamunin. Myghad. Clef's embarassing me.

We took the emergency stairs to avoid the crowd. Inalis agad ni Heaven yung nakapatong niyang kamay sa may bewang ko na halos hindi ko maramdaman dahil sa pag iingat niya atsaka tinignan ako.

"comfortable ka ba saken?", he asked gently.

"oo naman, bakit?", he smiled as we continued to walk side by side.

"ayoko lang na mapilitan kang lumabas kasama ako, ayos naman porma ko diba?", I returned the smile.

"you look great Heaven", he smiled even wider, his eyes like the crescent moon.

"unang beses mo kong tinawag sa pangalan ko, thank you", napatigil naman ako sa paglalakad sa baba kaya napahinto din siya, I looked at him in worry.

"why are you saying thank you?", he's bright smile turned into a sad one. He continued to walk so I followed.

"my title has been my name - no one dared calling me by name because they were scared and they weren't allowed to", I nodded 'cause I understand.

" because you're running for head in your department or they use you as connection?", his smile confirmed my assumption. I patted his shoulders so he smiled genuinely looking at me.

"it's okay, I have company now".

I returned his smile. We went to his car when we reached the parking lot. He opened the door for me.

"ako na magkabit or?", inilagay ko agad ang seatbelt ko pagkasabi niya non atsaka nagthumbs-up kaya isinara niya na yung pintuan, he circled around the car and went to the driver seat. We waited for his car to warm-up before we went to our way.

"Alodiah", napatingin ako sa gawi niya - he was focused on driving.

"hmm?", when the traffic light turned red, he faced me.

"I looked you up on the internet and saw your favourite food, I really didn't mean to pry but-", I placed my point finger at his lips to shush him and giggled.

"You're noisy", magsasalita pa sana siya pero diniin ko yung daliri ko sa labi niya kaya he shut his mouth and when he did, I removed my finger and pointed the traffic light. The car moved again.

"Sorry. Alam kong inaantok ka pa at kulang ka sa tulog pero kailangan mo kumain, remember I told you we'll just get coffee kaso masyado ka atang pagod at inabot ka ng gantong oras para magising. Promise, after this you can sleep again, you just need to eat", inalis ko yung tingin ko sa labas ng bintana atsaka tumingin sa kanya. For a moment, his gaze went to mine and he immediately bought it back to the road.

"correction - ginising ako ng bruha kong kaibigan and thank you. Food is life but chocolate is lifer", nakita ko ang pag ngiti niya kaya napabaling ang tingin ko sa labas muli ng bintana.

I wasn't someone who could express her feelings through words so that someone you're talking to could be able to know how you feel, I was silent as is. I am good with socializing but my feelings stays within me.

As he made a turn to park his car. I looked at his choice of restaurant. Good Taste. Napangiti agad ako at mabilis na tinanggal yung seatbelt ko saka lumabas ng kotse niya. He immediately came out soon after and what shocked me was - he placed a bucket hat on my head.

"Sorry ha? Hindi ko mabook yung isang floor kasi sikat talaga yung restaurant na to but I took the farthest table na hindi agaw pansin", before I could tell him something - he placed his hand on my waist and guided me inside. He was guiding me by my waist but I couldn't feel his grip on it. Ang ingat naman ni Kuya.

When we reached the floor, someone raised his hand up far from the elevator, Heaven saw the hand also so we head towards that direction and when we were close enough to the table, the guy he must've appointed went and left towards the other direction. The food was already served hot on the table. He made me seat and went to the opposite side of me.

"I based the food on your fans' suggest-"

"why do you explain everything, Heaven?"

Natahimik naman siya bigla and I didn't want him to defend himself again like it was his mechanism so I just placed fried rice and crispy pata on his plate. I even got him the soup and the sinigang na baboy on separate bowls. He just watched me. I felt a little conscious so I didn't dare exchange stares and just focus on placing the food on the plate.

"let's eat", we ate in silence and he look like a defeated soldier eating. He spilled his wine accidentally when he tried to reach for the crispy pata for another serving. Binitawan ko yung hawak kong utensils at kinuha yung panyo ko saka inabot sa kanya.

"here, pwede mo naman ipaabot sakin Heaven, why are you panicking?"

He chuckled nervously and used my handkerchief to wipe the stain, possibly try hiding it. He looked at me soon after, "I'm a mess aren't I?"

I gave him my widest grin.

"No, you're cute"

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