Divided

Chapter 9: The First Step

Jack didn't join us for breakfast yesterday, and I don't expect him to do so any time soon. His reaction to Ryan's request, just confirmed what I suspected since my arrival: 

He doesn't want me here.

Ryan has grown quiet, and I can see him brooding. The only words he spoke to me since then, always contained some sort of an apology. If he didn't apologize for Jack's behavior, he apologized for his own. Jack knocked the lightheartedness right out of him. 

He felt bad, I get it, but there really was no need. I was relieved with the outcome of that very awkward encounter. I didn't want to go to the pack party. I never did. I don't want to integrate with the pack. I already had a pack. It didn't turn out great. Why would I want to be a part of another one?

I grabbed the two cups of tea and headed to the table. Ryan followed soon after, and handed me my plate. "I was thinking of taking you for a ride around the ranch this morning." He said and looked at me with a smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

"Am I allowed?" I asked softly, taken aback. This was perfect. If I could see where everything was, I could figure out which way to run, when I inevitably take my leave.

"We'll stay out of the way." He replied as his smile faded. "So I heard your appointment with Phil went good."

I nodded as I took another bite.

It was horrible. The man wouldn't stop talking. He rambled on about all the Luna's he knew, and speculated from which tribe I belonged. His hand lingered on my shoulder blade and I could feel him tracing my mark. I shrugged him of and leaned away from him, frowning. He just smiled and went on talking – unfazed by my discomfort. 

Then he moved on to share intimate details of people I haven't even met yet. "Drama, drama, drama!" He exclaimed.

He told me of Jack and Tanya's fighting and asked whether I had anything to do with it. Not discouraged by my silence, he went on to say that they made up and were happier than ever. Furthermore, he mentioned how everyone thought their separation was due to Jack having an affair with me behind her back. Then he bluntly asked me if I would consider becoming Bedburg's Luna, if Jack chose me as his mate. 

I didn't respond, but my agitation was almost tangible. 

He still continued. And rattled on about the slight chance there was that a new bond could sever the ties of the previous one. The he winked at me, while his hand was on my chest – listening to my breathing. He retreated quickly when a threatening snarl erupted from my throat. 

Finally something discouraged him. He grabbed his things and threw it in his bag. Then gave me a quick thumbs up and left hastily.

I hated Phil. He was the kind of person that would not only get himself killed, but also those around him. He wouldn't have lasted long under Killian. f**k. Why could I not just erase that name and face from my mind?

"Leah?" Ryan's voice broke through my thoughts and I looked up into his concerned eyes. "Everything fine?" I nodded and started to empty my plate.

After breakfast we headed into the direction of the pack house. There was a sense of defiance in Ryan's stride, which annoyed me. I didn't want to be used as a tool for him to rebel against his Alpha. I started to regret the fact that I agreed to this whole thing.

When the stables came into view, Ryan turned around with a grin, "Have you ridden before?" He asked and I widened my eyes as I shook my head slowly. He chuckled and took the lead, heading towards Pete who was talking to a redheaded girl. 

I took a deep breath, smelling horses, sweat and dust. I was not expecting this, I thought as I followed him reluctantly.

"Morning." He beamed as he interrupted the conversation. He was a lot taller than me, so I chose to walk behind him, hiding myself as best I could.

"Well, what do we have here?" Pete half shouted as he popped his friendly face around Ryan, "We haven't seen you in a while." He playfully pushed Ryan out of the way and snatched me up in a bear hug. I could feel Cass giving a startled 'yelp'. She was just as surprised by the gesture and sudden embrace as I was. I pushed Pete away and frowned, which made him chuckled. I turned my frown to Ryan and saw him suppressing a grin. "Let me get those horses." Pete said and headed into the stables.

"This is Alex." Ryan introduced the girl, "Jack's twin." She was very attractive and had the most inviting hazel eyes I've ever seen. She was a natural redhead, but she dyed her hair darker. Her whole demeanor seemed to put me at ease - which was the exact opposite effect her brother had on me. Except for the color of her eyes, she didn't resemble Jack at all. She held out a tattooed arm, and to my surprise I returned the gesture and shook her hand.

"Ah, Leah! Nice to finally meet you." She smiled. "I've heard so much about you." She said friendly, holding my hand longer than necessary. 

"How's your brother?" Ryan asked a bit more serious.

"He walks around like a wounded bear, looking for any reason to lash out." She frowned, "In  short: it's very unpleasant to be around him. He definitely has some issues that he needs to work on." She paused and squinted her eyes playfully at Ryan, "Why don't you ask him yourself? Are you the reason why we're stuck with a grump?"

"Most certainly." Ryan admitted with a smile, and received a smack on his arm as her response.

"Make things right." She ordered plainly, before shifting her attention to me, "I can't wait to hear  your stories. I literally want to hear it all. I can't believe you have been out there – in the thick of it for so long." She exclaimed, "I came to the ranch before everything went to s**t, so I have no idea of how things are on the outside."

"Easy now, Alex. We don't want to scare her away." Ryan said and winked at me. I turned around at the sound of hooves on pebbles – eager to escape their attention – and saw Pete leading two horses towards us. He lead them closer and closer. Too close.

I took a quick step back, to keep distance between me and the massive animals – but lost my footing and tumbled into Ryan. His arms folded around me, in an attempt to prevent me from falling. He held me too long and for a moment I could feel his breath in my hair. I stood up right and pushed out of his embrace. Embarrassed, I fixed my gaze on the horse in front of me.

"This is Lady," Pete said calmly, and in realizing that I was a bit uneasy, added, "I would trust her with any pup." I smiled stiffly and slowly reaching out, touched her forehead.

"You ready?" Ryan's voice came from behind me. I nodded, even though I knew I wasn't. "Okay, let's go." He lead my to the side of the horse and then his arms were around me again. He suddenly scooped me up, causing me to gasp in surprise. This touching and invasion of personal space is getting out of hand, I thought to myself, and Cass gave a whiff in agreement. I swung my leg over and found myself sitting comfortably in a freshly polished saddle. Ryan smiled and handed me the reigns. "There you go." He said and patted my leg.

A bell in the distance made both me and the horse look up in alert.

"That's my queue." Alex sang, and started to walk towards the pack house. "I'm coming to visit you one of these days!" She shouted and waved before she jogged away. I lifted my hand to wave back, but she was already out of sight.

Pete held the other horse, while Ryan flung himself in the saddle with ease. "Thanks Pete. We'll be back around lunch time." Pete nodded and stepped away, waving before he disappeared into the stables.

Then we were off. My horse instinctively fell into a step next to Ryan's. The horses walked on carelessly, as I received a quick tutorial on the 'do's and don'ts' of riding. 

When we took a left and headed back towards the barracks, I took a deep breath. I could feel myself unwind as the distance between us and the pack house grew bigger. I was too close to Jack and the rest of his pack, I could feel it. 

We walked past the barracks and turned onto a gravel road that lead north. I stared to get comfortable in the saddle, and soon I found myself enjoying the scenery, instead of worrying about the movements of the horse underneath me.