Alpha's Stolen Heart

Insecurities

*Ryan POV*

After I arrived at my office, Kurt was nowhere to be seen. He left me a note on my desk informing me that he had to check on Trish as she was going to have her obgyn appointment.

I sighed and opened my laptop. Looking through the reports, I noticed that Kurt had done a lot already, leaving me to adjust only a little of the data left.

Thank Goddess for his brain!

I got to work, knowing very well I had hours of headache ahead of me.

And I wasn't wrong. A few hours later, I finally closed my laptop with a thump, hiding my face in my hands.

With this mountain of a mess that father left on my back as I took over, how in the hell can I think about meeting my mate now?

If she really is close, should I accept the bond? Or maybe I should reject her and take a chosen mate when I'm finally ready for it?

To be honest, realistically speaking, if I ever even dream of rejecting my mate, I'll probably lose Alex’s allyship and, more importantly, friendship. Alex was always so set on having a mate, he was hurt and disappointed when he hadn't found her after his 19th birthday, like any other male in his family line. When I met him, he was already twenty-something and mateless. He fought, trained and did everything for the mate he wanted to finally find.

And I have to admit, when he visited me with her, he was… happy. The heaviness seemed to be finally lifted from his back.

I heard a knock on my office door and I looked up.

Kurt and Liam walked in and sat across from me.

“How's the appointment?” I asked Kurt and he smiled.

“Everything's fine, thanks. Trish had minor cramps and she wanted to be checked up. But it's okay, it's normal for the beginning of the fourth month.”

“I can't believe it's been so long already. Two and a half months from now, and you are going to be a father of two.” Liam hummed, deep in thoughts.

Kurt laughed and nodded proudly.

“Yeah, I can't wait. Anyway, I meant to ask you guys. Do you have any plans for tonight?”

“Uh, no. I was planning to go to sleep early, that bureaucracy is killing me honestly.” I sighed.

“Great, you?” Kurt grinned and turned towards Liam.

My Gamma just shook his head, a man of a few words indeed.

“Fantastic, because you two are going with me and Trish to Belingham, we are going to… do things.” He finished with a grin.

I furrowed my eyebrows, Liam just stared at the Beta.

“I don't feel like being a third wheel during your date.” I huffed and Liam agreed.

“Come on, guys! It's not a date at all. We've planned this evening with you two as Trish soon won't be able to freely go out and have fun with all of us. I want her to have a nice, relaxing evening with our two bestest of friends.” Kurt almost whined, looking with his huge puppy eyes at us.

I rolled my eyes but I could feel my resistance crumbling already.

“Are you seriously going to say no to a pregnant she-wolf?” Kurt used his ultimate guilt trip and we both caved.

“How can we even try to say no now? It's not fair.” Liam sighed. “I'll go, but no dancing and no loud clubs. I hate those places.”

Kurt almost squealed and looked at me, his tail wagging.

“Fine. Count me in as well.” I exhaled with a nod.

Kurt jumped to his feet.

“Trish will be so happy.” I'm going to tell her now. Be ready to leave at 6.30.” And with that, he stormed out.

“They knew we were going to agree. We didn't exactly have a choice, did we?” I pinched my temple.

“Nope.” Liam agreed, looking at the now closed doors. A slight pain flashed through his face, disappearing as soon as it appeared.

Huh, what was that?

“I feel like we made a mistake, but I'm not willing to tell Trish no.” He chuckled after a second.

I laughed and nodded, stretching.

“Yup, me neither. I don't have a death wish to piss off pregnant Trish. She is hella scary anyway, pregnancy is only increasing that.” I said, amused.

Liam chuckled and bowed slightly before leaving my office.

*Liam POV*

I left Ryan’s office in a hurry, hoping he wouldn't notice the feelings that were filling me. I ran down the stairs, all the way to the basement where the pack house gym was. There was another one, much bigger on the perimeter, but this one was basically catered towards Alpha, his chain of command and guests. I knew it was going to be empty.

I needed it empty.

I tore away my shirt and went straight to a punching bag. Not bothering to put on gloves or anything, I hit it. Hard.

One after another, I landed my punches on the poor bag, finally making it fall from the hook. I growled and kicked it, feeling tears that threatened to come down my cheek.

I plopped on the mat, hiding my face in my hands.

It's getting harder with every day.

The pretending, it's killing me.

Ryan thinks that I don't want my mate, but he couldn't be more wrong. I can't wait for my mate and it's frustrating to not be able to find my destined one yet.

But that's not what is making me so reckless and angry.

It's who I am.

I'm gay.

And even though I have known this since I was a teenager, my friends have no idea. We had been friends for the past 20 years almost, and I still kept this from them. I couldn't accept it myself for the longest time. How can I assume they will?

I'm fine with my orientation, or, at least, I like to think that I am. More like I finally came to peace with it. But I can't assume that everyone else would as well?

I’ve never seen a same-s*x mated couple. I don’t think they even exist? If they did, why is there none in our pack? I thought it would get easier with time and after I became a Gamma, I wouldn't care. I could tell everyone then, right?

NOPE.

With a new title, came a new fear.

I'm a Gamma, the pack's most skilled, strongest warrior. Well, apart from Ryan, that is. How can I expect the wolves under my command to respect me after they find the truth? Would they still listen to me? And what if Ryan doesn't accept this? Would he take away my title? Am I able to resign from my position for a male mate? If I was to choose. Staying a Gamma or having a mate. What would be the right choice?

Even if. This is purely rhetorical. I've never heard of fated, same-s*x mates. I've honestly lost hope. I should probably start looking for a chosen mate. I don't want to, but I think I have to take a she-wolf. I want family, and I would happily give it up for a fated male mate, but I have to be realistic here.

It would be easier for me, probably, if my mother had not died. She passed away when I was barely 7. My father tried to be strong for me, but it wasn't easy on him. One day, he just disappeared, found his second chance mate, or something, and moved south with her, leaving me here, alone. Ryan and his mother took care of me until I was an adult. He, Kurt and later Trish, were my only family. My father calls once in a while, but it's not like I want to talk with him that much. I feel like there is no place in his life for me. Surely, after that many years, he has more children, right?

I took my pathetic ass out of the gym and went back to my apartment, to get a shower. I groomed my beard and got dressed in a pair of black jeans, a white shirt and black sports jacket. I looked at myself in the large mirror and sighed. I know I'm handsome, she wolves approached me many times before, thinking that because I'm mateless, I was up to some fooling around.

But I’m clearly not. After the word spread that I was waiting for my mate, I had fewer advances from the horny she wolves.

And it's not even the case of my pent-up s****l frustration. Yeah, I’m 26 and a virgin, and I have no problem with that. In the long run, if I wanted to, I would pick up a gay, human male to have s*x with, but I don't want to. I want my mate.

I need my mate.