Soccer Camp

Yellow Card

We sat on the grass as the kids raced across the river in canoes. Jesse's arm wrapped around me, pulling me closer as he shouted encouragements to our group. The soccer lessons were finished once the tournaments were over, so basically we were all free to play around for a good week.

I glanced up into Jesse's boyish face, his hair was pushed back repeatedly by the pestering wind. The very tip of his tongue pushed out to run across his lip ever so smoothly, then it disappeared. He smiled at the river, clearly enjoying the race as much as the kids were.

I sighed as I snuggled closer to him, my face resting in the crook of his neck.

"What are you planning on doing when you get back home?" I wondered

He glanced down at me, his eyes growing in intensity. "I begin training right away."

"Oh, so you're going to be busy" I filled in.

He nodded once, his eyes still on mine as they searched for answers.

"What will you be doing?" He asked curiously.

I thought back to my home town where two people barely knew my name. I was a 'nobody' there. I shrugged as a form of answer, not wanting to get into any details.

"I'm sure you're going to be busy too." He encouraged

"Not really" I muttered as I stared up at him again, bringing my lips to his. Oh, how I will miss this. Human contact.

Pretty soon I will be on my way back to my quiet life where all I did was go to school and head back home. He was my first trip out of my 'blackhole' of a life. There had to be a way to keep him, or to hang on as long as possible. I didn't want to lose this! I wouldn't survive the loss.

I turned to the children in the river, never knowing how much they would eventually mean to me.

"What do you see your future as?" I mumbled.

He sighed, as if relaxing. "Continuing to play professionally for as long as my body will allow then maybe retire."

"No wife?" I edged on. He glanced down at me with a small smile.

"I'm not thinking that far ahead" he laughed. "Why are you asking these questions?"

"I just don't see where I fit in your vision" I muttered. There was silence between us, the warm air suddenly getting colder, thicker. The more we sat in it, the more the silence became unbearable.

"I'll see you later" I muttered, launching to my feet and sprinting away as fast as possible. I knew if I lingered he would hold me where I was and refuse my right to have space.

I looked around the field in hopes of spotting Matt, my equilibrium. He sat at the edge of the docks with a group of friends.

I braced through them, careful not to push anyone off the wooden platform and into the cold water.

"I need you" I grumbled quietly, careful again not to make eye contact. I heard a few grumbles as Matt rose to his feet and quiet whispers as he held my hand.

"What's so special about her?" someone muttered "everyone just seems to..." the voice drowned out as I scurried away from the crowd, and to a private bench.

"What's up?" he questioned.

"I need your advice."

"On what?"

"On how to keep Jesse." I breathed, the thick air slowly filling my lungs as I inhaled deeply.

There it was again. The defending silence.

"Bambi..." he sighed. I held up my hand to stop him.

"I know how this looks, alright? I've been told by practically everyone. But I don't care." My eyes watered as I peered up in Matt's sad eyes. "I need him." I was losing my mind. How do you let go of your first love? The one who took everything you had to offer and appreciated it.

"Amber," Matt sighed once more. I gasped quietly. The sound of my name leaving his lips sounded foreign, unreal. It changed the atmosphere of the conversation, it made it more serious. "I'm sorry." He paused. "It just doesn't work that way, love. Summer romances end. That's how it works. I don't know how or why, but they just do. You both live in different countries, and I understand how you feel, truly, but as your friend I have to tell you the truth."

"So you practically pushed me into this relationship knowing it would inevitably end?" I wasn't sure how I felt about this, but it wasn't a good feeling.

"Well, it was the beginning of summer, I wanted you to break out of your shell, and you both liked each other. Everything was there and in the perfect order. Do you regret it?"

I shook my head 'no' without missing a beat.

"Then don't" he comforted as he pulled me into a hug.

"What am I supposed to do now?" I whispered.

"End it before he does. It will be less painful for you, and allow you time to heal."

His arms around me felt like stone. I didn't want to be touched. I pulled out of his arm, frustrated with the advice I received, not expecting it. I walked back to my cabin slowly, needing space to think about what to do.

He was right. If I left it open until the end, Jesse might be the one to hurt me and I was sure it would rip me a part. But I couldn't do it. What would I say? How could someone like me end it with someone like him?

If the moment came and I had the slightest clue it was coming, I would brace myself and get away as fast as I could. But what if it took me by surprise? Would I break down in front of him?

I sighed deeply as this decision weighed heavily on my mind.

I entered the cabin and searched for my key. When I looked up at the door, I saw him sitting on the floor against the wall. His head rested on his hand, and his elbows rested on his knees.

When he heard the keys jiggle, he looked up. He stood to his feet slowly, and lent beside the door, waiting for me to open it.

I opened it quietly, letting him in and then closing the door. It was quiet between us again. I opened my mouth to say something that would kill the silence, the same time he placed his lips to mine. It was forceful, as if to put me in my place. I melted into his arms as our tongues wrapped around each others, and his hand gripped me firmly on my ass.

"I love you" he whispered into the air as we separated.

I gazed up at him, tears filling my eyes as I remembered what I had to do. "We should talk."

He nodded at my words, taking my fingers into his hand. "After you meet my father" he promised.