In Memory of Reed Fray

Thirteen

Viola’s heart thumped wildly in her chest. She had just gotten off the phone with Tori and her news sent spirals of emotions into her. It seemed as though her hypothalamus was working overdrive to send the cluster of emotions through her. She felt so weak, dizzy and nauseated. She couldn’t get a grip of herself.

“Is something wrong Viola?” Mr. Carson asked her, his tone coated with the same tone of concern she has heard since the beginning of school.

Viola wanted to tell him everything right then. She’d been bottling up every single thing and she felt like she was going to burst any second. But she never told Mr. Carson anything, well, any recent thing that she had been feeling or had been happening to her. She didn’t want to. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, he was a counselor after all, but she didn’t know who to trust anymore.

“It’s Toby,” she said, shaking with fear, “He’d been beaten up. Tori called, she said she saw him and she asked Skylar Fray for help to bring him to the hospital.”

Mr. Carson’s eyebrows shot up and he looked genuinely surprise and concerned at the same time, “How is he?”

Viola shook her head, “I have no idea. Tori said he had just been rushed to the OR but that’s it. No news on his condition.”

“Poor fellow,” he said, leaning back on the sofa he was sitting on. They were both at Viola’s house. He had told Barbara and Pete about their missed sessions so they were making up for it, “I wonder what he’d done to deserve it.”

“I don’t think he deserves it,” Viola said, staring at Mr. Carson, “Maybe he was just a victim.”

“I see you’re concerned about him. He is your friend now. And so is Ms. Garcia? I’ve seen the two of you together more than before and you used to say you didn’t want to be friends with anyone. And it’s good that you have friends now but do you still feel anything like before?”

Viola furrowed her eyebrows. She didn’t want to disclose any information to Mr. Carson but she didn’t know what to say to get him off her back. She had been diverting the topic before each time he asked but now, she really needed to go to the hospital and see Toby, “I still feel like someone’s watching me. Like I’m being hunted.”

“It’s normal for you to feel that way,” he said softly, “But does it scare you?”

“So much,” she whispered, “It feels like one wrong move and I’m gone.”

“I don’t think the killer would’ve wanted you dead,” he mused, “He had the chance didn’t he? And he left you alone.”

Viola stared at Mr. Carson evenly. His eyes were serious and focus with their conversation, as if had always been each time they discussed her past and the killer, “I know that already. What I want to know is why.”

He tilted his head to side and regarded her coolly, his green eyes focused and his gaze unwavering, “Maybe you reminded him of something he always wanted. Or maybe, he just wanted you.”

His answer sent shivers down her spine. He said it like he was so sure, like it was what the killer really thought about her and had seen her. Or her Mom. But she couldn’t see how her mother who she had remembered as someone so sweet and loving and delightful could have been connected with someone so dark and sinister. Someone capable of murder.

“Maybe you’re right, Mr. Carson,” she said softly, “And I’d love to stay and chat but I need to be there for Toby.”

She stood up and he did so too. He wasn’t exactly tall and she came up just in level with him, “Is he that important to you, Viola?”

“He’s my friend,” she said, surprised at how her voice didn’t quiver, “And friends are supposed to be there for each other. We promised to stick together, I don’t plan on breaking it. And I can’t lose another person in my life.”

Viola arrived at the hospital to see a doctor talking to a middle-aged woman and Skylar and Tori stroking a little boy’s hair affectionately. Tori brightened when she saw Viola and she immediately waved her closer. Viola sat next to her and glanced at the other three who were standing and in an intense conversation.

“So you’re saying that there’s a possibility that my son’s going to die?” the woman said angrily, “You said he was going to be fine! That was your good news!”

“He survived the operation,” the doctor said, “That is good news. But he still isn’t conscious. If he won’t be for the next 24 hours and if he’ll slip into a coma, there’s no telling how his condition would be.”

Toby’s Mom called his brother and they were both led to Toby’s room. Viola groaned and buried her head in her hands. The guilt was creeping in her. She shouldn’t have gone out with Toby that time, she could’ve kept him safe after the warning. But did she listen? Did she learn from all of her mistakes? Hell no.

“This is all my fault.”

Tori wrapped her arms around her, “You didn’t do anything wrong, Viola.”

“I should’ve listened,” she murmured.

“You went out with him, didn’t you?” Skylar said, his voice cold and accusing. Viola looked up to see Tori glaring at him.

“Shut up, Skylar.”

“No, he’s right, Tori. I did go out with him,” Viola said shaking her head, “Even after the warning and after we realized the pattern. I still went out with him.”

“What were you thinking?” Skylar said, his voice rising, “He could’ve died, Viola! He could’ve ended up just like Reed. Don’t you have any sort of pity towards those who get hurt? Or do you just want to rendezvous with the next guy who looks twice at you?”

The anger in Skylar’s voice was palpable and Viola knew that it wasn’t just about endangering Toby. It was about his brother. It was about Reed Fray. For Skylar, it was never about saving her or helping her. He just wanted to find justice for his brother. And she couldn’t blame him. Reed was too much to lose.

She looked up at him and met his cold grey eyes, eyes that were shining with disgust and anger, “Alright. I’m the stupid damsel in distress and maybe I should’ve just left Toby alone just like you told me. Maybe I shouldn’t have been too sympathetic or maybe I shouldn’t have just taken a risk to have one day when I could be me and not be Viola Rose, the girl who kept to herself, the girl’s who’s leading a broken life to be undeserving of just even a minute to be free from all the burden.”

Skylar didn’t respond, his fist was clenched tight. Viola stood up and stared at him in eye level even if he was taller than her, “And maybe I shouldn’t have let Reed fall in love with me. But I can’t control fate.”

With those words she brushed past him and ran. She hasn’t done that lately, not in the literal sense anyway. And then she ran, refusing to stop or look back at Tori who was calling after her, refusing to stay even if she knew that Toby needed her. She ran back to her car and then she just drove. The tears were threatening to fall. The memories were too overwhelming. The ache in her chest was making it difficult to breath.

Viola watched as Reed silently arranged the Lego of the kid she was babysitting. She didn’t want to babysit but Barbara had her wrapped around her finger and so she had to cancel dinner with Reed but he insisted on coming. Although it’s obvious that he’s upset that they weren’t in whatever diner he was planning on taking her.

When they tucked the kid in and the parents arrived, they were both walking down the gravel pathway in dead silence. They didn’t take a car, she had insisted that the house wasn’t far from hers and she was right. Sighing audible, Reed looked up at her and she stopped her pace and fixed him with an even stare.

“What’s wrong?” she asked finally.

From the distance they could hear the low rumble of thunder and she cursed herself for not allowing him to pester her enough to take the car. Reed stared at her and stepped closer, “I broke my promise.”

She furrowed her eyebrows, but she was scared of what he was going to say. Her heart sensed what was going on and it hastened its pace and the butterflies in her stomach seemed to flutter like crazy, “What are you talking about?”

Running a hand through his short messy brown hair, he groaned as droplets of rain started to splatter them and she wanted to tell him that they should run for cover but the way he looked at her made her shut up, “I love you, okay?”

His voice was tainted with exasperation because just by looking at her, it was clear that she was so damn confused. She just continued to stare at him, her face contorted in an expression that showed confusion, fear and awe. She wanted to say something; what, he wasn’t sure because she kept closing her mouth again and again. He stared at her, his grey eyes intense and waiting. Finally, she closed her eyes briefly, just a nanosecond, and then exhaled a loud breath and stared at him evenly.

“I thought I made it clear?” she said, surprising herself with how calm she sounded when her heart was pounding inside, “I told you not to fall in love with me.”

Her voice broke when she said the last word. He wanted to reach out and hug her because for a moment, he had a glimpse of the broken girl beneath it all. But her words made him do a double take. He had always thought that there was no truth behind her warning; that she was just bluffing. But as he continued to stare at her, there were no longer the traces of confusion and awe. Her eyes now only shined with fear.

“This isn’t a sappy romance movie, you’re not sick right?”

It was obvious that he was trying to lighten up the tension that was wrapped around the two of them. She could see that but she had to make things clear, “You can’t love me, Reed. You know why.”

He exhaled a loud breath, pinching the bridge of his nose out of frustration. Her eyes softened at the sight. She always found it endearing when he did that. Most guys yelled when they were frustrated but Reed Fray was different. She pushed him away, once, twice, hell more times that she could count but he wouldn’t budge. He was adamant to be her friend and slowly, gradually, she let him in. He made her feel special and any girl would fall for that kind of guy and honestly, it was taking a lot of effort in her part to keep herself in check.

“I don’t get it, Viola. You’ve pushed me away more times than I could remember to count but I didn’t listen. I chose to be your friend because I wanted to, finally, finally! You let me in and then somewhere in between we’ve had these moments and I find myself falling for you!”

She couldn’t deny the truth ringing in his voice. She did let him in. How stupid could she be? Letting him in just like after everything that had happened, when she knew what kind of possible danger she was putting him in. But even just by looking at him, there was something about Reed Fray that told her he was genuine.

She noticed how his grey eyes were stormy with frustration, “I fell in love with you, and believe me it wasn’t in my control anymore. I know you lost a lot of important people in your life in a short amount of time. But trust me when I say that you’re not gonna lose me.”

She just stared at him. He was a catch, easy on the eyes and it wasn’t a wonder why the girls of Benjamin High had fallen to his feet. He was the typical golden boy, the guy-next-door, the one any girl would want to bring home to Daddy. But Viola wasn’t that girl; for one thing, she didn’t have a Dad to take him home to. Now what kind of love story would theirs be?

“You can’t love me,” she whispered, her defenses falling.

His jaw tightened, “Why?”

“Loving me is dangerous.”

His grey eyes stared at him evenly, “I’m willing to take my chances.”

He closed the space between them by pulling her by the waist. Rain had soaked both of them already and it was a wonder how neither of them noticed that it had already grown heavier. Reed stroked her cheek, his eyes stormy with emotions. She could’ve melted with just his touch and stare.

“I love you, Viola.”

She was going to protest yet again when he chuckled amusedly at her and placed a finger on her lips, “Why can’t you just believe that?”

“I told you.”

“And you know full well how stubborn I am,” he said softly, a smile curling on his lips, “I love you, Viola and nothing you say or do or whatever will happen, is gonna change that.”

She wanted to say something but she felt his lips on hers. It was a light kiss, she almost didn’t feel it. Just a brush of his lips on hers to shut her up. He smiled crookedly at her and victory was evident in his stormy eyes, “You know most girls would be thrilled to find out that Reed Fray was in love with them.”

“I’m not like most girls,” she whispered.

He kissed her forehead, “That’s why my heart chose you.”