In Memory of Reed Fray

One

He’s dead.

Those words felt like a bomb was dropped onto Skylar. It can’t be. He can’t be dead. His brother can’t be dead. Wasn’t it only just a few hours ago when Reed was standing in front of him, red face with anger because of the things Skylar was saying? But now, here in front of them are the policemen, trying their best to look like they’re sorry but obviously, they have no idea how it feels.

It feels like his whole world has been destroyed.

Skylar heard the sobs of his sisters. He felt Willow holding tightly onto his hand, squeezing it as if sucking the life out of it. She was shaking, her body raking with sobs. He turned to look at his parents. His Dad was running his hands through his mother’s blonde hair, stroking it comfortingly while his eyes were glistening with tears. Sophia was crying onto Austin as his older brother held their youngest tightly.

He felt Willow shift and bury her face into his chest. He let her cry. He looked at the policemen, their eyes were cast down. His jaw clenched, “You’re kidding me.”

They looked up at him. His grey eyes connected to theirs. The man with the scruff cleared his throat, “An ID was identified with the body.”

He showed him Reed’s driver’s license, “How can you say that it’s him? It can’t be him. My brother isn’t dead.”

The officer looked at him sympathetically, “I’m sorry, kid.”

His breathing became ragged. It can’t be, “I want to identify the body.”

Silence.

“Skylar,” his Dad said and Skylar turned to look at him. Their grey eyes met for a brief moment, “Are you sure?”

He clenched his fist, “Yes.”

He pulled away from Willow and kissed her forehead. He stood up and nodded at his entire family, well, they’re not exactly complete. He went with the officers and got in the car. He could remember how last summer he went in a cop car because he was caught trespassing while he was TPing the principal’s house. It was an amusing feeling then, but right now he felt like he was about to throw up.

The drive to the hospital was quick. One moment he was leaning his head on the window, closing his eyes for a brief second and now they were parked and was about to get out. He forced himself to get out. His head was spinning. He wanted to throw up.

“Are you sure about this, kid?” the officer asked. This close Skylar could see his name, Officer Peterson.

“Positive. My brother can’t be dead.”

The officer didn’t say anything; he just looked at Skylar in sympathy. Skylar hated the look. It seemed like they were certain that Reed was dead. He refused to believe that his brother was dead. After all, they were twins. Didn’t twins have this seriously weird connection?

They headed to the morgue. Skylar could feel knots in his stomach, they were twisting like vines inside and he just wanted to vomit. He was starting to feel lightheaded and when did the lights in the hospital become too bright? Finally, they stopped in front of two wide doors and Officer Peterson looked at him with concern.

It was the first time a cop look at someone with concern.

“Are you sure about this kid?” he said quietly, “I know that you don’t want to believe that your brother is dead. I know it hurts. I know that you keep telling yourself that he couldn’t be dead, that you’d feel it because you’re twins.”

“You don’t know what I feel,” Skylar growled.

He exhaled loudly, “I do. I lost my brother too. It feels like crap, I know that.”

“I want to see him.”

Peterson nodded in understanding, opening the door for both of them. There were two bodies covered in white sheet. Peterson stepped to the one on the right and quietly pulled the sheet off.

Skylar sucked in a breath. A mass of brown hair matted with blood bruised lips, and he could see his mutilated neck. The officers said he was hanged before he was left to drown in the river. Skylar clenched his fist, it can’t be. It just can’t be him. He stepped forward, closer to the pale body.

It was undeniable. It was Reed Fray.

It was his twin brother.

Dead.

“Reed,” he whispered, grasping his brother’s cold bare shoulders, “No.”

He could feel the hot tears descending down his cheeks. He held his brother tightly as he cried. He hasn’t cried in such a long time. The last time he did was when his dog died. It was a silly little thing to cry about, a loss of a pet. But Booze was not just a dog, he was his best friend. He felt so torn when he died. The exact same feeling he was feeling right now. Except it was worse.

“I’m sorry, kid,” Peterson whispered, rubbing his back.

Sorry? It’s not like those words would bring comfort. The only comfort he wanted was from Reed telling him everything was going to be okay. But Reed was gone and no one could give him the comfort he wanted. He clenched his fist.

This couldn’t be real.

One Week Later

“You should go to the counsellor, man, he can help,” David said quietly.

Skylar turned to look away. He was sitting at the basement stairs. It used to be the place where addicts hid to get high but Skylar scared them away and they went to search for another hangout area. Skylar took a long drag of his cigarette, his grey eyes turning to look at his friend’s brown ones.

“Help? The only help I need is from Reed.”

David sighed, “Dude, you know he can’t be here to help anymore.”

Skylar’s eyes flashed anger and he got up quickly, “Why don’t you just go away, man? I don’t need you. I f*****g don’t need anyone.”

That’s a lie. He needed someone.

His brother.

But David stood rooted to his spot. Skylar clenched his fist and pushed him, “Fine. If you’re not leaving then I am.”

He headed to the crowded hallway. The school was over and students were filling the hallway, he had to push his way out. He didn’t bother to stop by his locker. He pulled his leather jacket tighter around his body and headed off to the school parking lot and mounted his motorcycle. He kicked the ignition on and headed to the road, aimlessly cruising around.

It was around 10 when he arrived home. The lights were already out and the front door was a lock. It was a good thing his parents let them all have keys. He used to lose his set and he always had to call Reed to open him up. That’s why Reed made him the necklace where he tied the key. He touched the key on his neck, swallowing a lump in his throat.

Reed.

When the door opened, the lamp in the living room turned on too. He saw Barry Fray sitting on the sofa, eyes rimmed red and a forlorn expression on her face, “Mum.”

“You’re home late, Skylar,” she said curtly.

“I was out with David,” he replied with a shrugged, “We lost track of time, I guess.”

His parents never bothered if one of them was late. Austin once came home, drunk out of his mind, with their Mom already preparing breakfast. Barry flipped at the sight of her oldest son but even with how angry she was, maternal instincts kicked in and she had to nurse his hangover. Their parents would ground them for a week but that’s it. They were never strict. They allowed them to have fun and make mistakes and learn from them. But when goings get rough, they were there to talk to.

“Sky,” Barry said in a motherly tone, standing up and looking at her son, “Talk to me, please.”

Her tone was pleading as if she really wanted to hear the emotions and anger bottling inside Skylar. But even if he said something, no one would ever understand. Not even the guidance counselor David was telling him about earlier. They didn’t feel what Skylar felt. They don’t feel the guilt because he told Reed to go rot in hell with the stupid girl hours before he died. They didn’t feel the anger he felt towards whoever murdered his brother.

And they didn’t feel how f*****g painful it was to lose a brother, his other half, his best friend, his soul.

“I’m fine, Mom,” he replied curtly, forcing a small smile, “I should go rest.”

Barry sighed, “Where were you? I know you weren’t with David. He had dinner here because he had to drive Willow home after you left so abruptly.”

He sighed. He wasn’t in his right state of mind for the past days. He forgot Willow doesn’t have a car and with Reed gone, he was her chauffeur, “I was out cruising. I needed to clear my head.”

“But it still isn’t cleared huh?” Barry said with a slight smile.

Skylar let out a soft laugh, “I guess you could say that.”

“Go to your room and rest, hun. But apologize to Willow first, she’s pissed.”

Skylar nodded and Barry reached out for an embrace. He hesitated at first, he wasn’t really one for anything this intimate, even when it was with his mother. But he stepped forward and let her wrap her arms around him, “We’ll get through this, honey.”

Skylar slowly opened his sister’s bedroom. There was the faint light of her lamp filling the room. She never could sleep with the lights fully off. He slowly walked to her queen sized bed. He could hear her quiet sobs. He closed his eyes for a moment. He hated seeing her cry.

“Hi baby sister,” he said softly, “Can I lie here for a while?”

She turned to face him, “You kept me waiting.”

He sighed and sat on the edge of her bed, “I’m sorry, Willow.”

“Do you have an explanation?” she asked, sitting up and crossing her arms.

Skylar scratched the back of his neck, “I was angry.”

It was a lame excuse. That, he surely knows. But what is there to say? He can’t just lash out on her, all the anger and pain and confusion he felt, he can’t let Willow bare all his rage. He knows he has to let it out somehow, that he has to tell someone but how can he do that when the person he wants to talk to isn’t there anymore?

“You’re always angry,” she said softly, “Sky. I know you’re hurt, but you’re not the only one who suffered a loss. I lost my brother too.”

He swallowed a lump in his throat. He knows he’d been selfish but in his defense, it was his way of grieving. Alone. He reached out to Willow and hugged her. Though he wasn’t one for intimate moments, Willow and Sophia had always been an exception. He kissed the top of her head.

“I know, baby, I’m sorry.”

She hugged him tighter, “Will you sleep here?”

He nodded and told her he had to change first. He headed out of her room and into his. But on his way, he spotted Reed’s room. He couldn’t step foot there but he missed him. He quietly went inside. The room looked the same as his except it was way cleaner than his even if it was untouched for a week. He sat on the bed for a moment and his eyes roamed the room and landed on a black notebook on Reed’s table. He stood up and opened it. And the last entry Reed wrote fired something.

Someone’s after her.