Research On You

Chapter 12 : The Hints He Tried To Hide

It started with coffee he didn’t drink.

MONDAY

*7:50 AM. Rel’s Cafe.*

Theodore was already there.

That alone was a red flag. I was the early bird.

Two cups on the table. Mine: black, no sugar. His: untouched. Getting cold.

"Morning," I said, sliding in.

"Morning," he said. He smiled, but it took him a second. "Got you one."

"Thanks," I said. "You’re not drinking yours."

"Not thirsty," he said, pushing it aside. "Just wanted to be here."

"You look tired," I said.

"Thesis," he said, rubbing his eyes. "And Lolo. Been going to the hospital."

"Is he okay?" I asked.

"He will be," Theodore said. "Just check-ups."

He said it too fast.

10:30 AM. Class.

Professor Celes was talking about post-grad.

Theodore was writing notes.

But every few minutes he’d stop and press his fingers to his temple.

And he’d wince.

"You okay?" I whispered.

"Headache," he whispered back. "Too much coffee."

But his cup was still full.

3:00 PM. Library.

We were supposed to finish the conference slides.

He yawned. A lot.

Got up for water twice.

Kept shifting in his seat like he couldn’t get comfortable.

"Theo," I said. "Have you been sleeping?"

"Some," he said. "Just been at the hospital with Lolo."

"Every night?" I asked.

"Most nights," he said. "Family stuff."

He didn’t look at me when he said it.

TUESDAY

*8:05 AM.* He was late.

10 minutes.

For him, that was a lifetime.

"Sorry," he said. "Traffic. And... stuff."

"You’re pale," I said.

"I’m fine," he said. "Just didn’t eat."

"You need to eat," I said.

"I will," he said. "Later."

At lunch he ordered soup. Didn’t finish it.

"Not hungry?" I asked.

"Stomach’s weird," he said. "Probably stress."

*6:00 PM. Walking home.*

He stopped suddenly and bent over a little.

"Cramp," he said. "Stupid cramp."

"You sure?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, straightening. "Just need water."

But we were walking slow.

WEDNESDAY

Group Chat

Sera: dinner sat?

Theo: yeah

Me: yeah

Cass: ok

Eli: bringing camera

Sera: theo you good? you’ve been quiet_

Theo: just tired. hospital stuff

Sera: ...ok

*4:00 PM. Rel’s.*

There was a small bottle on the table when I got there.

Painkillers.

He saw me looking and put it in his bag fast.

"Migraines," he said. "Runs in the family."

"Since when?" I asked.

"Since I was a kid," he said. "Don’t worry about it."

I didn’t push.

But I worried.

9:30 PM.

Me: home safe?

Delivered.

Read at 11:15 PM.

No reply.

THURSDAY

*Professor Celes after class.*

"Reyes," she said. "Is Alistair alright? He’s missed two deadlines."

"I think so, ma'am," I said. "He’s just... tired. Family stuff."

"Tell him the clinic is open," Prof. Celes said. "He looks unwell."

"Yes, ma'am," I said.

I told him at Rel’s.

"I’ll go," he said. "Promise."

He didn’t.

7:00 PM. Ramen.

Our place.

He ordered broth.

Picked at it.

"You’re not eating," I said.

"Not hungry," he said. "Stomach."

"Theo," I said. "What’s going on?"

"Nothing," he said. "Really. Just a lot going on with Lolo. And school. And... everything."

"Can I help?" I asked.

"You already are," he said. "By being here."

He reached over and squeezed my hand.

But he didn’t meet my eyes.

FRIDAY

He missed morning class.

Me: where are you?

Theo: clinic. routine checkup. lolo’s doctor

Theo: don’t worry

Routine checkup.

In the middle of the week.

During class.

I waited at Rel’s.

*2:30 PM.* He showed up.

Looked worse.

Eyes red.

Like he’d been crying or not sleeping.

"How was it?" I asked.

"Fine," he said. "Just blood work. They’re monitoring Lolo’s case. Family history stuff."

"Oh," I said. "That’s good, right? That they’re checking?"

"Yeah," he said. "Good."

He changed the subject.

SATURDAY. GROUP DINNER

All of us.

The ramen place.

Theodore barely touched his food.

Drank water.

Laughed at Sera’s jokes but it was late. Like he had to think about it first.

"Theo," Sera said. "Are you sick?"

"No," he said. "Just stressed."

"You’ve been ‘stressed’ for 2 weeks," Sera said.

"Can we not?" Theodore said. His voice was tight.

"Okay," Sera said. "Okay."

Eli put his camera down.

Cass didn’t say anything.

I just watched him.

After dinner he said, "I’m gonna head home. Early day tomorrow."

"It’s Saturday," I said.

"Hospital," he said. "With Lolo."

"Oh," I said. "Okay. Text me when you get home?"

"Yeah," he said.

He didn’t.

Not until 1 AM.

Theo: home

SUNDAY

Silence.

Me: hey

Me: you okay

Me: miss you

Read at 10:40 PM.

No reply.

I stared at my ceiling all night.

MONDAY

9:00 AM. He was in class.

He looked exhausted.

Thinner.

Like he’d lost weight.

After class Prof. Celes called him in.

He came out 30 minutes later.

Face blank.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "She’s just... concerned. About my grades."

"Is that all?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Coffee?"

12:00 PM. Rel’s.

He had his phone face up.

A notification popped up.

Hospital: Reminder: Follow-up appointment Wed 2PM. Hematology.

Hematology.

Blood.

My stomach dropped.

He saw me see it and flipped his phone over.

"Spam," he said. "Wrong number."

"Oh," I said.

He didn’t drink his coffee.

TUESDAY

He was gone all day.

Me: where are you

Theo: hospital. with lolo

Theo: it’s been a long day

Me: can i come

Theo: no. it’s messy. don’t worry about me

I didn’t go.

But I didn’t stop worrying.

WEDNESDAY

*2:00 PM.*

I walked past the hospital on my way home.

And I saw him.

Sitting in the lobby.

Alone.

Holding a folder.

Looking down.

He didn’t see me.

I didn’t go in.

I went home and cried.

THURSDAY

*He showed up at Rel’s at 4 PM.*

He looked like he hadn’t slept.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," I said.

"Can we talk?" he asked. "Outside?"

We went to the park.

Same bench as our first "not-date."

He sat down. Didn’t say anything for a long time.

"Reyes," he said finally. "I’m dealing with some stuff."

"I know," I said.

"I don’t want you to worry," he said.

"I already am," I said.

He sighed. "Lolo’s really sick. It’s... it’s bad. And it’s making me think about a lot of things."

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like health," he said. "Like family history. Like... what if."

"What if what?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said. "Just what if."

He looked at me.

"I don’t want you to be scared," he said. "So I’m not going to tell you everything yet. Not until I know more."

"What do you mean you’re not going to tell me?" I asked.

"I mean," he said, "I’m going to more appointments. I’m getting checked. Because of Lolo. Because of family history. But I don’t want you to panic. Not yet."

"Theo," I said. "Don’t keep things from me."

"I’m not keeping," he said. "I’m... protecting you."

"From what?" I asked.

"From worrying," he said. "From this."

He gestured vaguely.

"But I’m already worrying," I said. "Because you’re acting weird."

"I know," he said. "I’m sorry."

He took my hand.

"Can you trust me?" he asked. "Just for a little while? Until I figure it out?"

I looked at him.

Tired.

Scared.

Trying so hard to be brave.

"Okay," I said. "I trust you."

"Thank you," he said. He pulled me into a hug. "I’m not going anywhere."

But his voice shook when he said it.

AFTER

I didn’t tell anyone.

Not Sera. Not Cass. Not Eli.

But they noticed too.

Sera: he’s off

Me: i know

Sera: what’s going on

Me: he’ll tell us when he’s ready

Eli stopped taking photos for a few days.

Cass started walking him to class.

Rel started making him tea instead of coffee.

Prof. Celes gave him an extension without asking.

Everyone knew something was wrong.

No one said it.

THE NEXT TWO WEEKS

He had appointments.

He’d disappear for a few hours and come back quiet.

He’d be fine one day and exhausted the next.

He’d joke and then go silent.

I stayed.

I made him eat.

I sat with him during "hospital visits."

I didn’t ask questions he wasn’t ready to answer.

One night, 11 PM.

Theo: can you come over?

Me: now?

Theo: please

I went.

He was sitting on his floor.

Folder in his lap.

Not open.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No," he said. "But I will be."

"Can I see?" I asked, pointing to the folder.

"Not yet," he said. "Soon."

"Okay," I said.

I sat next to him.

We didn’t talk.

We just sat.

FRIDAY NIGHT

Theo: thank you for not pushing

Me: thank you for telling me something

Theo: i’m scared

Me: me too

Theo: but i’m not alone

Me: you’re not alone

MY NOTEBOOK

Pink: Introduction.

Blue: Literature Review.

Yellow: Methodology.

Green: Results.

Purple: Unexpected.

Under purple:

The coffee he didn’t drink.

The appointments he didn’t name.

The way he holds my hand tighter now.

The word he hasn’t said yet.

I don’t know what’s coming.

But I know I’m not letting go.

END OF CHAPTER 12