On His Knees

Chapter 11

My eyes widened in shock. Wait, what did Caden just say?

“I like you, Livi. Let’s date for real.”

That’s impossible. That’s—it couldn’t be. He wouldn’t have the same feelings as me. For a lot of years, since childhood, I had been in love with him. Was he…the same? That couldn’t be…that’s just—

“Livi?”

I woke up from my messed-up thoughts and snapped my head towards Caden. I couldn’t remember how we got back to the hall. After going to the bathroom, wait, did I even pee?

Caden held my hand and I shrieked, earning curious glances from the people sitting close to us. I sunk on my seat, embarrassed. “S-sorry,” I muttered.

“You’ve been jumpy. What’s wrong?”

I stared at him in disbelief. How could he ask me what’s wrong when he just confessed minutes ago! This guy’s impossible. “It’s nothing,” I said, lowering my head and hoping the floor would just open and eat me. My face was hot, no, my whole body was. I’m burning up. Clenching my hands into a fist, I forced myself to calm down.

It’s alright, Livi. You knew what kind of personality Caden had. He’s impulsive and indifferent. Maybe he was just curious. Yeah, that’s it. Right?

Peeking a glance at Caden, I pondered if I should ask more about what he said about me—us. When did he start liking me and why? I couldn’t think of any answers. After separating for two years, we had been distant from each other. We only got close again because he was suddenly insistent on hanging out while attending the same school. I didn’t know what his reasons were. I thought he’d move on and forget about me. He had lots of friends, people he could hang out with. Unlike me, I was always alone. I was honestly expecting my love for him would be something I could happily reminisce when I turn old. It’d turn into a melancholic dream.

I bit my lip and sighed inwardly. I tried so hard to erase that tiny hope. I didn’t want to believe he was in love with me too. I didn’t want to expect and get hurt after. I was happy just to be with him, see him, talk to him…that was enough.

“Do you want to eat again?” Caden asked, catching me staring at him with longing eyes.

I shook my head and cleared my throat. “No, I’m full already,” I said. My face was still warm, I reckoned I looked like a boiled octopus. Caden sighed. He stood up and dragged me out. “Wait, where are we going?” I asked, confused.

“Home,” he said.

My jaw dropped for the second time. “What? Home? But the party isn’t over yet.”

“I don’t care about the damn party,” Caden snapped.

I flinched, surprised. I recalled what Clarisse said. There’s going to be a meeting after the party. Wasn’t Caden involved in that meeting? He didn’t look like he cared about the event. It’s just formality for him, to show the Vaccarinos presence. I smiled a little. I’m glad he’s not involved in that shady meeting. I didn’t know what the goal of it was but I’m positively sure it’s just to help families expand their territories. Nothing new.

I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, but I chose to ignore it. Caden’s hand around mine felt good. Amidst the internal conflict I’m having, his words that told me that he liked me too echoed in my head.

Caden likes me too.

I was on cloud nine. I watched Caden as he dragged me out of the mansion and into the parking lot. He didn’t even wait for the valet to bring the car to us, he just got his keys back and proceeded to pull me to where he wanted us to go. I let him, a contented smile appearing across my face.

“I like you, Livi. Let’s date for real.”

Please, if this was a dream…don’t wake me up. If I could, I wanted to live within this fantasy, not the reality I had to deal with.

Caden’s grip on the steering while was tight. I could see his fingers turning white. “Caden,” I carefully called his name, fearing he’s going to take back everything he said at the party. I shouldn’t be too happy. This was a dream after all. “Are you alright?” I asked.

“I’m fine,” Caden said, pulling out a strained smile. I scowled. I knew it. He’s regretting that he said he liked me. I’m glad I was happy for just a moment. Fortunately, I trained myself not to expect too much when it comes to Caden. He’s very impulsive, he had always been since we were kids. I remembered that one time when he forced me to get out of the house to explore just because he wanted to. Caden didn’t care if the adults get angry. If he wanted something, he’d get it no matter what the circumstances were. “I’m going to bring you back to your house.”

“Oh, okay,” I said, smiling sadly. I thought he’d bring me to their house to talk about it. But I reckoned he changed his mind and decided to forget. Confessing to your best friend…that’s something not a lot of people could do. The fear of sabotaging the friendship you had, it was scary. I’m sure it was for Caden. He might have been a laidback person but I’m sure there were things that scared him too.

Caden chuckled but it sounded forced. “I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back if I bring you back with me.”

I stiffened, my eyes widening in realization. “What?” I mumbled, surprised.

“You’re really naïve, Livi,” he said, his chuckles getting dangerously low. I shivered when he glanced at me, his eyes flashing with desire. “I want to f**k you.”

My breath got caught in a hitch. I didn’t know what to say. f**k…me? No, I’m certain he said something else. “I told you to stop with the jokes,” I said, rolling my eyes at him. It’s the only thing I could say to make myself look like I wasn’t hoping for it to be true. I didn’t want to look like a fool in front of Caden. Not with him.

The sudden halting of the car made me gasp out loud. I held onto the seat, fearing I’m going to be thrown out of the window. “What the hell, Caden?!”

“And I told you too many times that I’m not joking,” he said, staring straight into my eyes. There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation on his face. He knew what he’s talking about and he’s not going to take it back.

Forcing myself to look back at him, I said, “then are you really saying you like me too?” I gathered all my courage and finally asked him the thing I wanted to ask for a long time.

What happened next came too fast. I heard the click of the seatbelt getting unbuckled and before I knew it, Caden was on me, his hand behind my head as he pulled me to him. His lips hitting mine hurt, it caught me off-guard. His tongue danced in my mouth and soon, I felt putty in his arms. Caden smiled as he continued kissing me, claiming every nook and cranny of my mouth. I didn’t know kissing could be this good. He was and would always be my first kiss.

Caden’s the only one I wanted.

I didn’t care if this was just a dream or a fantasy that I kept playing in my head.

The warmth of his lips, the tingling of his fingers caressing my skin, the way his breath hit my face—it’s too good to be real.

I was entranced that I didn’t notice Caden’s hand already slipped under my shirt. He continued to kiss me, tilting his head to the side for more access.

There’s something vibrating in my pocket, but I ignored it again. I wouldn’t want anyone or anything to interrupt this amazing dream. But when Caden’s phone rang, he stopped and immediately pulled back. I whined, disappointed that our little moment was disturbed. Settling back on the car seat, I could feel my heart beating so fast, it was as if I ran a marathon. I was breathless, it’s hard to believe Caden had that kind of effect on me. We only kissed for Christ’s sake.

Caden picked up the phone and answered whoever it was calling him. “Hey, dad,” he said, his voice quiet and careful. I jolted after hearing him mention his father. Was uncle Dom back? “No, I just left. Something came up. I’m sorry.”

I sat still while holding my breath. I hadn’t seen uncle Dom for a long time but even if he wasn’t here, just hearing him through the phone was intimidating already. Imagine how I would cower once we meet in person. But then again, he had been really nice to me and if I didn’t know better, he used to treat me like I’m his son.

“I’m with Livi,” Caden informed. He looked at me for a second before turning away to continue talking to his father. “No, he said uncle Saverio know he’s coming with me.” I snapped my head at Caden, my blood suddenly growing cold. Oh s**t, that didn’t sound good. “What?” Caden gasped, his eyes going wide after realizing the lie I made. Looking at me for the nth time, the glare he had was hard to ignore. He smirked and said, “I see, huh? He didn’t tell his father he’s coming with me and now they’re in alert because one of the Saverio children is missing.”

My face was probably as white as sheet and Caden saw it. Putting his phone down, his smirk became bigger. “Did you just lie to me, Livi?”

“N-no, I mean m-maybe a little…?” I stammered, backing away from Caden while laughing nervously. Stepping on the gas, Caden began driving back to my house. My shoulders dropped in disappointment. f**k! And we were getting so close to figuring out our feelings to each other. “I-I’m sorry, Caden,” I said, my head cast low from humiliation. I’m sure he’s thinking how petty and desperate I was to be with him to be able to lie to my father. I’m aware I wasn’t an important member of the Saverio group but I’m still a part of their family. Of course, dad would get worried if I suddenly disappear without saying a word.

Feeling my phone vibrating in my pocket, I finally took it out. I grew pale as soon as I realized the thirty-five missed calls from dad and twenty-eight from uncle Milo. There were also text messages from my brothers. I opened one and it contained threats from them saying how f****d I was for going out without asking for permission. I could already hear Hugo and Louis’ mocking because of how stupid I was.

I wouldn’t be able to defend myself. I truly was an i***t for coming here.

“Don’t apologize to me,” Caden said. He was focused on driving. “Apologize to uncle Saverio. He had to call my dad to look for you.”

“I’m really sorry,” I said, holding back the pathetic tears. My hands clasped together, tightly.

I just wanted to be with Caden.

That’s all.

I saw dad standing at the porch looking worried and angry at the same time. I felt a shiver ran down my spine. I knew I f****d up. I lied to Caden and didn’t ask for dad’s permission to get out of the house and attend that event. Before Caden could park the car, I already got out, almost flying my way to where dad was to explain what happened. I gasped when he slapped me across the face. I held my stinging cheek, shocked by what dad did. The fury on his face was evident and it looked like he wanted to obliterate me.

“Where the hell did you go, Livio?!” he screamed, his fists clenched into a fist. “Do you know how worried I was?! I almost called everyone to look for you!”

“I-I’m sorry, dad,” I said, biting my lip. I didn’t want to sob just because he hit me. He seldom hurt me but when he did, it hurt like hell.

“Uncle Saverio,” Caden greeted, standing next to me. I was stunned when he pulled me behind me, shielding me from dad’s wrath. “Please don’t be mad. It’s my fault. I was the one who invited him to a party.”

“I told you a million times not to go anywhere without my knowledge! Are you that stupid to forget that one simple thing, Livio?!”

I couldn’t look at dad. I was scared—scared of being hit again, of being humiliated in front of Caden, of being berated. “I’m really sorry…I’m sorry, dad,” was the only thing I could say. I was trembling but I held my arm, comforting myself that everything would be alright if I just lower my head and accept dad’s anger.

“Uncle, nothing happened to Livi. I was with him the whole time.”

“Stay out of this, Caden,” dad warned, pointing a finger at him.

My eyes widened in pure horror when Caden grabbed dad’s arm, firmly yet gently putting it down. I saw dad’s reaction, how it felt like he was disrespected without even saying a word. “I’m sorry, uncle,” Caden said as he stared straight at dad’s eyes. “I can’t stay out of this. You already hurt Livi. You know what that means, right?”

Fear flashed across dad’s eyes. Taking his hand back, he glared at me. “Go back to your room. You’re not allowed to go out for three days, no phone, no computer, no anything.”

I gulped. I didn’t even try to argue with him. Glancing one last time at Caden, I got back inside. While going up the stairs, I recalled Caden’s bravery as he stood tall against dad. He wasn’t afraid even if he was in the presence of a Mafia leader. He casually took his finger away from his face, and he stood equally—no, even bigger than dad.

I still wanted to talk to Caden. I had a lot of questions for him. About his confession and feelings for me, what he meant by dad already hurt me, and why he was so bold to confront dad. Was he always that courageous? I remembered clearly how much he feared dad back when we were kids. Caden would cower in his presence as if he was a monster that’s going to eat him alive.

There were a lot of things I didn’t know about Caden.

And I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to know.

A day had passed since I was grounded. It’s understandable, really. I bore no hatred for dad. I did a stupid thing and he was just doing his part as a caring father. Although he hadn’t seen me yet to check up on me, I didn’t mind. He was angry and disappointed. I was the least problematic child, often obedient and disciplined and to do something like this, it wouldn’t be surprising that I’d be hated.

If dad comes in, I had to apologize again.

A knock on the door made me jolt up from the bed. Thinking it was dad, I fixed myself up and sat on the edge of the bed. My shoulders dropped when I saw it was uncle Milo. He wore a grey suit, his red tie immediately catching my attention. “How are you doing?” he asked, his voice hinted with mockery.

I tried not to roll my eyes. “I’m fine, thank you,” I said, sighing. “A little bit bored.”

“You can watch movies, right?”

“I don’t like watching movies,” I muttered. There weren’t books in my bedroom thanks to Hugo and Louis. They made sure they burned everything just to piss me off.

“I heard what happened,” uncle Milo said. He walked towards me and sat on the couch. “You went with Caden to a party.”

“Yeah,” I murmured. I had no reason to go to this party and yet I did just because of Caden. If he wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have come. I might have been grounded but at least something remarkable happened.

Caden confessed.

My cheeks became warm. Uncle Milo immediately noticed it. “What’s wrong?” he asked, looking at me with raised brows. “Are you sick?”

“N-no,” I stammered, laughing restlessly. No one could know what happened that night. It’s our little secret. “Nothing, sorry.”

“Have you been eating well?” uncle Milo asked, standing up to check on me. “Did your dad visit you already?”

“No,” I answered, scowling. “I’m sure he’s just busy with things.”

“He did create a ruckus when you didn’t come home,” uncle informed, smirking a little. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he’s delighted by what happened. “He even called Dom to ask about you.”

I tilted my head, blinking. Was it strange for dad to ask help from uncle Dom? Wouldn’t he be the first person dad would go to if he had problems especially if it’s family-related? The Vaccarinos had been our allies for decades. They’d be more than inclined to help us. “Is that weird?” I finally asked.

Uncle Milo only shrugged his shoulders, smiling in amusement. “Maybe? Who knows?”

I looked at him. He had always been saying vague things about the Vaccarinos that it’s making me agitated. Was there trouble brewing between the Saverios and Vaccarinos. Caden was normal the other night—no, wait. He wasn’t, actually. He defended me from dad even if he knew he’s going to be hurt if he rattled him. But Caden still did it. “What’s happening, uncle?” I asked, my eyes narrowing. I’m determined to know what’s going on between our families. If it were others, I wouldn’t care but this was the Vaccarinos we’re talking about. It’s the family Caden belonged to.

I didn’t want any war between us.

Not when he finally declared his feelings for me.

“Nothing’s going to happen,” uncle Milo said, brushing away my concern. He reached out for me, disheveling my already messy hair. “Just be a good boy and stay here. You’ll be safe no matter what.”

I watched him walk away, his hands tucked inside his pants pockets. “Wait, uncle,” I called, stopping him from leaving. Turning around, he waited for what I had to say. “The Vaccarinos are not our enemy, right?”

Instead of nodding and putting my heart at ease, uncle Milo’s smile twisted mischievously. “I don’t know, Livi.”

I collapsed on the bed, irritated. Why was uncle Milo always so…bizarre? He definitely knew things but was insistent on hiding it. Yes, I knew I wasn’t involved with the family affairs and would never be but come on, it’s the Vaccarinos. We had trusted them for countless decades. They could never do such a thing as betraying us.

I clutched my hair, pulling it from frustration. I grumbled and heaved a sigh. I’m thinking too much. I should focus on Caden. I couldn’t wait to see him and talk to him. We had things we needed to clear, and I wouldn’t let anyone interrupt us again.

Remembering the interaction between dad and Caden, my heart skipped a beat. I’m not blind not to see the tensed air from the two of them. Caden might not be the leader of the Vaccarinos but he’s already acting like he was. Did uncle Dom already give him his position? No, that’s not possible. Dad would have known, and he’d tell me about it.

And Caden would too.

There were too many things I couldn’t understand and it’s making me miserable. I didn’t want to be a part of the Mafia but with the current situation, it’s hard not to be. Caden was directly involved with the mob and if we were to be in a relationship, I had no choice but to become a part of it as well.

It’s the same reason why mom decided to leave our family. She didn’t want to be a part of the Mafia. She couldn’t take the things dad was doing to make money and instead of living in luxury and danger, she chose to leave us. I couldn’t blame her. I would have done it too if I could.

Getting up, I searched for my phone only to realize it was confiscated. Damn it. It looked like I’d be forced to watch a movie just to entertain myself. I got out of bed, reaching out for the table where the remote control was when there was a sudden noise coming from the window. I snapped my head to where the sound came from. Did someone just throw something at it?

I stood and went to check on it. Before I could touch the handle, the window swung open and it revealed Caden who was sitting on the ledge, grinning brightly at me.

I almost fell on the floor from utter shock. “W-what are you doing he—?!”

Caden instantly put this hand on my mouth, preventing me from alerting the people guarding my room. Jumping inside, he closed the window behind him and leaned closer to my face. “I couldn’t wait to see you, so I came,” he said, his eyes sparkling in joy. “Let’s date, Livi. You’re free, right?”

I was too stunned that my jaw was close to dropping on the floor.