On His Knees

Chapter 1

“Do you know what a kiss is?”

“Here’s the thing, I really think Caden is the hottest guy in school.” I tried to ignore my classmates’ conversation and focused on the book I’m reading. How did their conversation about shoes turn to Caden all of a sudden? “I mean, have you see the abs?! And the biceps?! And those strong thighs!”

“How did you even know that?”

“We’re in the same gym class,” the girl answered, giggling to her friend.

I twitched. God damn that Caden for showing off his body during gym class! He loved showing off. He knew he had a great body thanks to the strict regimen he had been following ever since he was a kid. Uncle Dom trained him well to become the next leader of the Vaccarino family, of course, his body would look great. If they had seen what kind of man his father was, I’m sure their jaws would drop in an instant. Those two were just the embodiment of perfection. For Caden to have such body considering our age, no wonder he’d be the talk of the school.

I sighed and closed the book. They kept talking about his body, but have they seen his eyes?! It’s almost like jewels—it’s both astonishing and creepy.

“Livi!” I jolted, hearing that deep and husky voice coming from the doorway. Almost everyone in the classroom looked at the person who called me. Speak of the devil and he shall appear, it’s Caden Vaccarino. He jogged to me, his bag slung over his shoulder. I quickly noticed the bandage peeking out of the long sleeve he was wearing. “Let’s go!”

I gave him a tired sigh. “Go where?” I asked. I still have a class. It’s just that Mr. Montez was late and we’re waiting for him to arrive.

“Your History teacher won’t come,” Caden said, his grin reaching his ears. The moment he said that I immediately knew what he meant.

I narrowed my eyes at him and stood up. “Did you—?”

Caden sneered. “Let’s go?” he asked again. He couldn’t hide the menace in his voice anymore. There’s truly something wrong with this guy.

“Okay,” I said, smirking at him. There’s no point staying in class if the teacher’s dead. “Let’s go.”

While walking out, Caden waved at the group of girls who were just talking about him before he arrived. I rolled my eyes at him. He really liked the attention. Once we left the classroom, he held my hand and guided me through the corridor. Caden’s not afraid to let people see how close we were. Everyone knew in school that Caden and I were the best of friends. Little did they know what kind of friends we were. I wouldn’t lie, he’s very important to me. He’s the first person I befriended, and he knew everything about me and my family. I came from an old family that belonged to the underground world. The same goes for Caden. Our families go way back, and our fathers were the best of friends. We had joined businesses all over the city and most of the time, our families meet together for lunch and dinner.

“Where are we going anyway?” I asked, looking at Caden while we walked to the parking lot. “I need to go to the library and return the books I borrowed.”

“I can take you there,” Caden said. “But after that, we’re going to drink.”

I grunted. “No, Caden. I can’t drink.”

He pouted at me. “Come on, Livi. You’re like eighteen already.”

“No, I’m going to be eighteen the next month. Not now.”

“You know, for someone who’s in the mob, you’re really honest, huh?” Caden commented.

“And not because you’re in the mob means you can break every law,” I retorted. “We’ll go home after we go to the library.”

“I’ll drop you off. Kelly invited me to a club. Too bad you can’t come.” I stopped and watched him go to his car. When he realized I didn’t follow him, he turned around and raised a brow. “What? Aren’t you coming?”

I glared at him. Ever since we started attending a normal school, he had been getting invitations from every damn person in his class. I understand the isolation we received when we were young turned him into a wild kid who’s desperate to taste what it’s like to be normal. It’s only been a year and he already made friends with everyone at school. Fortunately, though, he still had no girlfriend. And that’s good. I don’t think I could take it if I see him with a girl.

I still hadn’t told him that I’m—no, stop it, Livio.

I clenched my fists and shook my head. “On second thought, I’ll take the bus,” I said, turning my back against him.

“Wait, what? Why?!”

He was already beside me, grabbing my hand to stop me from going anywhere. “Livi, are you mad?” he asked, pouting at me.

I felt my hand twitched but I’m glad he didn’t notice it. Thank God for this i***t’s dense. “No, I’m not. But you have plans, right?” I forced a smile at him. “Go and hang out with your friends. I can go to the library on my own.”

His lips formed a tight line. “No,” he said, his grip tightening around me. I flinched from how it hurt. “I’ll take you to the library and bring you home.”

I sighed in exasperation. “I’m not a kid anymore, Caden. I can go on—”

“When I say you’re coming with me, you’re coming with me,” he said through gritted teeth. The air around him drastically changed and the cheerful and laidback Caden was no longer there. He looked at me as if I’m one of his targets and for a moment it scared me. I trembled against his touch and when Caden saw it, he immediately lets me go. “Come on,” he urged.

I stared at the arm he held, mortified to see the mark of his grip on my skin.

While driving to the library, I kept caressing my arm. I could still feel the warmth of Caden’s hand on it. I fought the urge to just close my eyes and imagine what else those hands could to me. We became friends just because our families we’re close but my feelings for him go beyond familial love. If only I could tell him to stop spending so much time with his friends and just come home with me and play videogames and read books. Unfortunately, Caden would rather spend his time with interesting people—people he could have fun with, not read boring books and play videogames like children.

I rested my forehead on the window and stared outside. I refused to look at Caden. It would only hurt. I already expected this after our fathers proposed to enter a normal school to socialize with other people. He was more than happy to get out of his house and explore while I wanted to stay and just be in my room doing boring things.

“Are you feeling sick?” Caden finally asked, glancing at me. “I can return the books for you.”

“No, I’m fine,” I said, smiling. At least he remained kind to me. That’s all that matters. I couldn’t possibly ask for more. We’re only friends. If I try to step over the line, it’d be over for us.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I am.” One more block and we’d finally arrive at the library. I counted the minutes we were together. Only ten today, huh? It’s getting shorter and shorter. Caden’s slipping out of my fingers and I had to do something to take him back. I bit my lip. I want to be with him even more. “I’ll come.”

Caden stepped on the brake before the light turned red. “What?”

“To this party, I want to come,” I repeated. “Kelly’s the one in your class, right? The big guy who has a tattoo on his right forearm?”

He scoffed. “You know him?”

Kelly’s a quarterback. Of course, he’d be popular. “Yeah. Lots of girls in my class talk about him.” And you too.

I saw the corner of Caden’s lip twitched. “You’re eavesdropping now?”

“It’s hard to listen when they have megaphones in their throats,” I said, trying to joke but Caden didn’t laugh. My shoulders dropped in disappointment. As I said, I’m boring. I might bring down the mood if he brings me to this club but I wanted to spend more time with Caden.

“Okay,” Caden said, turning the car to the right and parking it on a vacant lot right in front of the library. “Let’s go to the party. But on one condition.”

“You’re giving me a condition now?” I asked, jeering at him. Wasn’t he the one begging me to come? “What is it?”

Caden leaned awfully close to me, so close that I could feel the warmth of his breath hitting my face. “You’re not allowed to go anywhere without me, do you understand?”

At a time like this, I couldn’t help but think how much Caden resembled his father. The way they talked as if everyone around them were their slaves, and how they looked like people were nothing but pawns to their plans—it’s… “O-okay,” I said, nodding without thinking.

Caden smiled, satisfied with my answer. “Good boy.”

I watched him get out of his car after turning the engine off. I stayed inside, clutching my racing heart. I could still smell his breath on me and oh god, it’s enough to make me come. How long have I been suppressing these feelings for Caden? Ever since he asked me that question when we were kids, I knew I was in love with him. This desire to own him was getting harder and harder to hide, it’s killing me.

I snapped out of my thoughts when he knocked on the window, signalling me to come out. I quickly hopped out of the car, pulling my bag to me. “S-sorry.”

I heard him lock the doors before walking beside me and putting an arm around my shoulders. “Why do you keep borrowing books when you can just buy it?” he asked.

Calm down, Livio. Don’t let your feelings for him show, Livio. Don’t give up now! “Dad doesn’t like it when I read books. And Hugo hates it when he sees me reading. He almost burned my bookshelf,” I said, recalling how my older brother caught me reading in my room and suddenly threw a tantrum telling me I shouldn’t be doing stupid things and that I should start acting like them. Dad had my two brothers who he could choose as successor. I don’t see why I had to start training to be like a Mafia man. I wanted what kind of life I had.

Caden raised an eyebrow. “Hugo did that?”

“Yeah, it was funny though. He almost burned the whole house,” I said, laughing a little bit. I stopped and noticed he was staring at me. “What?”

“I understand where your brother’s coming from,” he said. “We’re not ordinary people. It’s our job to be bad.”

I lowered my head. I don’t want to be bad.

“Oh, hi Livio,” Yassy, the librarian greeted me as soon as she saw me approaching her. She was a tall and slender woman with warm skin and bright, brown eyes. I always get mesmerized at how full her lips were, it’s beautiful.

“Hi,” I greeted back, smiling at her. “I’m here to return the books I borrowed.”

“Always on time, huh?” she praised, winking at me. She began to take the books, checking it for any damage. Yassy’s gaze went past my shoulder and she gasped. “Oh, you’re here with your boyfriend!”

Her mouth’s too loud for someone who’s a librarian. “What?” I asked, my toes curling as soon as she said the word boyfriend. “He’s not my boyfriend! How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“Uh-uh, he’s not your boyfriend, huh?” Yassy said, smirking at me. “He’s always with you when you come here. Sometimes he even waits for you while you finish your homework in here, what else? Oh! And he drives you around, takes you out on dinner, and sometimes spend the night at your house. If that’s not a boyfriend, you’re being friend zoned, honey.”

I bit my lip to stop myself from blushing. “Caden’s my best friend, okay?” I hated how much she knew about the two of us. I often spend my time in the library while waiting for Caden to finish up his after school activities and Yassy and I would talk about random things while she waits for the library to close up. She always sees Caden with me and not once did she see me hang out with other people.

“Look, at this time and age, there’s no such thing as best friend,” she said, rolling her eyes at me as she finished checking up the books. “You’re gay, I’m gay, we’re all gay. And we gay people can’t help but fall in love with our best friend. Look at him,” she urged, staring at Caden. I turned for a brief second and saw him standing near the door, his focus on his phone. The way he stood up just screamed dominance. He’s tall, had broad shoulders, and those biceps he tries hard to hide since it’s covered in tattoos—I understand what Yassy’s trying to stay. Caden quickly sensed someone was looking at him, snapping his head to us. Yassy and I both stopped staring at him. “See? He’s perfect. You’re perfect. You’re meant for each other.”

I scowled. If only she knew what kind of situation I was in. It’s not easy to tell Caden my feelings for him. He only sees me as a friend and a brother. “You’re delusional,” I finally said, ending my conversation with Yassy. I waved a hand at her. “I’ll try not to come back,” I said, grinning at her.

She pouted at me. “Aren’t you the delusional one?”

“You’re always having fun with her,” Caden commented as he drives us to the club.

“She’s funny. And I like her,” I truthfully said. She’s not like the others who were too tiring to be with. Caden didn’t speak after that. When we arrived at the club, I looked out the window and saw what it was called. “Sugar Club?” I asked, turning to Caden. “Don’t you own this place?”

“Yes,” he answered, grinning at me. “Get out. I can’t wait to drink with you.”

I followed him inside. It’s a Friday night and there was a long queue of people outside. The bouncers immediately recognized Caden and let us inside. I could hear the protests coming from the patrons waiting to get inside but Caden ignored them. The loud music almost deafened me as soon as we come it. It’s ironic how I had never been to a club but our business mostly consists of it. I rarely get involved with my family’s work and it’s one thing why my brothers hated me.

“I think I’d rather be home,” I said to myself but before I could go, Caden had me by his arms, pushing me to where his friends were. They all howled upon seeing him. Majority of his friends were boys and there were some girls who looked familiar. I grimaced when I saw them smoking cigarettes and what seemed like a joint. 

“What took you so long, Caden?” Kelly asked, standing from the couch to approach him.

“Sorry, I had an errand,” he said, grinning at him. An errand, huh? So going to places with me was considered errands now.

Kelly’s gaze shifted to me and I cowered. I’m not good with people and certainly not this kind of people. The ones who look at me as if I’m a loser. “Who’s he?”

“My friend,” Caden replied. “You said to bring some, right?”

Kelly laughed. He smelled like alcohol already, it’s disgusting. “Yeah, but not nerds!”

My shoulders dropped but I tried not to let how I got offended by what he called me. It’s the truth anyway. I’m a nerd, I’m boring, I’m no fun and I sucked. I still ask myself why Caden’s still hanging out with me. Oh, right. Because I’m an errand he had to attend to.

Caden’s smile disappeared. “Come on, man. Don’t talk like that. Or I’ll break your face,” he threatened. For a second, the mood in the room changed and almost everyone stopped what they’re doing. But when Caden pulled out a grin, the mood lightened up and Kelly patted his shoulder while laughing out loud.

“Come, sit, sit.” Kelly pulled Caden from me. They began offering him food and drinks while the girls surrounded him. I was left standing in front of them like an i***t. I knew I had to get out before I become the laughing stock of the night. Without looking back at Caden, I left. I shouldn’t have come here. I don’t belong to his world. Even if we were in the same kind of family, our personalities were different. Caden’s social skills were through the roof. Even if we spent our childhood only having each other as friends, I wasn’t enough for him.

All I needed was him but he needed more.

I sighed. Being in love with your best friend was hard.

I was about to leave the club but I noticed the bar not too far away from where I was. I got curious what’s it likes to drink alcohol. There’s always beers and wines back at the house but never did I try to drink it. Might as well try it now since I’m here. Besides, Caden’s too busy to care. And why would he?

I walked my way through the bar, excusing myself to people I bumped into. When I arrived, I squeezed through the people and watched what they were drinking. I looked at the man beside me and was awed to see the colorful liquid he was drinking. I wanted that. I called the bartender and asked him for the same drink. The man turned to me, raising an eyebrow.

“Hey,” he greeted, smiling at me. “Aren’t you a little too young to be drinking?” he asked.

I gulped. Was that too obvious? “N-not really. I’m over eighteen,” I answered with a shaking voice. Lying wasn’t really my best trait.

“Are you here looking for a hook-up?”

I blinked, utterly confused. “A what?”

The man was amused. “Are you sure you’re not a minor?” I panicked when he came close to me, his arm wrapping around my waist. “I won’t be arrested if I try to do this, right?”

“I—”

A hand suddenly grabbed the man’s arm, pushing it away from me. I gasped out loud as Caden appeared in between us. The man landed on his bottom, groaning from pain. “What the f**k?!”

Caden turned to me, his eyes glowing in danger. I gulped. “Didn’t I tell you to stick with me, Livi?”

“But—!”

The man stood up and was ready to attack Caden. But it was futile. There’s no way he could win against someone who had been trained for years to become the leader of the Vaccarino group. Caden easily threw him in the air, punching him straight in the face. Everyone around us screamed as a fight broke out, running away to get to safety.

“Caden, what are you doing?!” I ran to where the man was to make sure has still breathing but Caden caught me before I could get to him. He carried me off my feet, throwing me over his shoulder like a rag doll. “What—?! Let me go!”

“Clean up the mess here. And make sure everyone has free drinks tonight,” Caden instructed one of the men who came rushing to us.

“Yes, boss.”

“Caden, seriously! Let me go!” I screamed when he suddenly spanked my ass, so hard that it felt like it’s burning. “T-that hurts!”

“And it’ll hurt even more if you try to struggle,” Caden warned. “I’ll bring you back home. I shouldn’t have let you go.”