opia [h.s au]

Chapter 8

Harry's P.O.V

I'm lucky Billie was sober enough to give the cab driver her right address because as soon as we sat on the backseat, she fell asleep in my shoulder.

Don't even know what the f**k am I doing here, this is not something I would usually do. If there's a drunk chick at some party I usually f**k her and leave. Depending on how much wasted she is I don't even f**k her, just leave. However, here I am playing human pillow to a woman that I know for a fact I won't be f*****g tonight.

And what bothers me the most is that watching her angelic face all relaxed against my shoulder - in fact she is so relaxed she's even drooling a bit - I don't even wanna f**k. I just like her, just want to be around her for a bit longer.

That's only because she is friends with Gemma.

I keep telling myself that, but deep down I know that's not true. Don't know why I feel so f*****g compelled by this woman, but I do. It's like there is a hook inside of my stomach that pulls me closer to her without my consent, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Maybe I just feel like that because of that night at Sinner, maybe if I had gone all the way with her she would now be just another faceless hoe as every other girls seems to become for me after making me come.

Yep, chauvinist pig, that should be my middle name.

I just don't feel like committing, nor even trying to create a bond with people I sleep with. It's nothing personal I'm just too f****d up to be involved with someone else. Specially nowadays.

Sighing, I think about Gemma's disappointment face when she saw me drinking tonight. I know I was a jerk to her and my sister does not deserve to be treated like that. If it wasn't for her I don't even know if I would still be alive right now, she is the one who sheltered me when I was completely lost, none of my so called friends even bothering to ask me what happened.

I know I'll have to apologise to her as soon as I get home, and she will probably forgive me even though I don't deserve it - that's just how good of a person Gem is. Sometimes I wish I was more like her, I would never be in so much trouble if I was a better person, like she is.

"We arrived your destination" The cab driver announces, pulling me out of my mind and for that I'm grateful. Unlike Billie here, living inside of my mind is actually a living hell and I try to avoid it at all costs.

Thanking the guy, I shake Billie's shoulder gently to try and wake her up. I watch as she scrunches her nose, touching her face with those tiny little fingers of hers and my heart makes a little athletic jump when I lay my eyes on that f*****g pickle band-aid on her head. How is that possible that even this ludicrous thing is appealing to me somehow?

"Billie, wake up" I whisper to her ear, inhaling the sweet smell of her skin, just about the same I got stuck in my head for the last six months "We are at your place, let's go."

She finally open her eyes, her golden hazel colored irises taking a little too long to focus on my face and she giggles. "Ops, sorry, I think I'd nap a little."

"It's okay" I smile at her, sneaking my arm around her waist in order to help her get up, her tiny frame making she look even more vulnerable right now. "Which one is your apartment?"

"Third floor, apartment 32" She informs me, taking unstable and insecure steps towards the building, leaning all of her body weight on me in order to be able to walk.

As soon as we reach the third floor, I take the keys out of her hands to unlock her door and when she steps inside of the apartment I hesitate a little, not knowing what to do with myself. Should I enter her home like that? Should I just go now that I know she is safe?

"Hey, come on already I'm cold" She whines, already standing up in the middle of her living room "Come inside and close the door, Jesus."

I laugh under my breath with her sudden bitterness and enter her home, closing and locking the door behind me. She kicks her boots off her feet in a clumsy way and I'm actually baffled she didn't fell to her butt while doing that. Watching her walk around the house it's like watching a baby giraffe learning how to stand and it's actually endearing.

Billie is moving way too slowly, hitting her hips in almost every corner and mumbling to herself every time she does that. Still a little lost on what to do with myself, I decide to serve my purpose here and help her get ready for bed so I can leave and stop feeling awkward, I hate to feel that way.

Kicking off my sneakers, I reach her in her room. She is sitting at the hem of the bed, eyes closed and taking long, slow breaths while her ginger hair falls over her face.

"Hey, do you need some help?" I ask her, keeping my voice down even though is only the two of us here "How can I help you?"

"Hmmmm" She hums, pointing towards a dresser at the corner of her room "Second drawer, homeless people clothes. Please" Seems to me like she is talking on code but I decide to give it a try anyway, walking towards the dresser and opening the second drawer.

Whoa. The drawer is filled with worn out clothes, all of them having holes and shredded fabric, but as much as they seem old they smell like fresh washed clothes and are soft to the touch. I sort out a big ass t-shirt that would be big even for me, big black letters saying "Leave me alone" over the faded pink fabric.

"Is this okay?" I ask Billie who is still sitting in the same position.

"S'Fine" She mumbles, slowly getting up "Ugh, I hate to be this drunk. M'Sorry."

"No need to apologise, love" Handing her the t-shirt, I lean forward and place a soft kiss on the top of her head "I'll be in the living room while you change."

What the f**k did I just do?

Almost running away from Billie, who seems to be too numb to understand what just happened, I come back to the living room. Did I just kiss her head? With no reason at all? What the f**k is my problem!

I need to get out of here, fast. In fact, what I need is to keep my distance from this woman, as much as I can. At first I thought it would be good to fool around with her a bit, this time without interruptions from a crazy b***h I didn't even remind the name. When I saw her at the studio and discovered she was the Billie Gemma is always talking about, I thought that was my chance to finish what we had started six months ago. But as I usually am, I was f*****g wrong.

I can't be around this woman for too long. Something about her makes my head dizzy and it's more than just horniness. I do desire her, f**k, I want her badly, but I'm afraid of what may happen if we get together like that. That day in the studio I noticed she purposefully kept her distance from me and that drove me insane. I was so thirsty for a little attention from her I actually cornered her in a f*****g deposit, for f***s sake.

And at the party tonight, when I thought she was dating with that Dom guy, I felt my stomach doing gymnastics it never done before, my blood boiling in my veins and I don't even know how to categorize what I was feeling. I was just angry. At Billie, at Dom and even at my sister for taking me to that f*****g party.

But then I had the chance to talk to Billie, really talk, to share stories about ourselves and I loved the way her reactions were so genuine. It's not like she was trying to be seductive, or to flirt with me, she was just being herself and that's what I find the most sexy about a person. Someone that know who they are, and are not scared of what the world will think about them.

At the same time I want to run to the mountains and never see her again, it's like I'm wearing cement shoes and just can't move. I want to be around her, to get to know her better, but I know I can't. I'm too messed up, my life is a f*****g s**t show, I can't drag someone as pure and nice as Billie to the hell I'm currently living.

"Hey" Billie's voice pushes me out of my mind and I turn in my heels, looking to her and it's like I've just been punched in the stomach.

She is wearing the old t-shirt I sorted out of her drawer, and f**k, that's the only thing she is wearing. Her bare legs have the most milky skin I'd ever put my eyes on, seemingly so soft and touchable. I can tell she is not wearing a bra, her full chest laying freely under the thin fabric of her shirt and her hair is all down.

"Hey" I give her a half smile, fighting with all my strength not to give her an once over.

"How you feel about ice cream?" She asks, giving me a coy smile that pops a little dimple in her cheeks.

"Really like it."

"Can you share a bit with me? There's a lot in the freezer and ice cream usually helps me sober up a little, I'm too dizzy to sleep" She shrugs, looking at me with big puppy eyes. 

How could I say no to her?

Going against my better judgement, I nod, standing up and going to her kitchen. Things are a little messed up here and for her the rest of her house I can say Billie is organised but not crazy about it. I can see she doesn't care for a little mess as long as things stay clean.

I open her fridge and it surprises me that it's almost empty. There's a can of water, some old cartons of take out food and a single banana. Her freezer, however, is filled with all flavors of ice cream. What the f**k does she eat regularly?

Sorting out a carton of strawberry ice cream, I take two clean spoons from her sink and step back to the living room, but Billie it's not there. The light of her room is on so I go there and find her sitting on the bed, her legs crossed and her eyes closed.

"Here ya go" I whisper, again feeling the strange need to keep my voice down even though it's just the two of us here.

Billie open her eyes, patting the mattress at her side as an invitation for me to sit with her and I oblige, sitting beside her but caring not to be too close. I need to keep at least a little distance from her, even though it's just physical, because if I touch her I know I won't be able to stop.

We sit in silence, eating ice cream. Although Billie is clearly still drunk, she seems to be better now, the sugar helping her sober up a little. However I drank some whiskey tonight, I'm feeling sober as a nun, not at all fazed by that.

"You know..." Billie breaks the silence, keeping her voice quiet " You were the only one night stand I've ever had."

I dart my eyes for her, but she refuses to look back at me, keeping her gaze on the ice cream carton. Her cheeks are a little flushed, the red tone just adding to her already killer looks.

"Really?" I raise my eyebrows "How come?"

"I'm don't usually go out, specially not to clubs like Sinner" She shrugs "I actually never went there again... The night we met was my one and only night there, and the first time I went out after breaking up with my ex."

"So I was your rebound guy?" I smirk, shoving her shoulder with mine.

"Kind of... I'd never done that before, you know? Making out with a complete stranger on a public space." She bites down her bottom lip and I need to concentrate not to just lean over and kiss her right now.

"It wasn't that public, we had a room of our own" I sigh, memories from that night flashing in my mind.

To me that night started like many others, there was nothing new about dancing with a cute random girl and taking her upstairs with every intention to just get a blowjob and leave. However, something about that red haired girl made me want more, the way my skin tingled under her touch, how perfectly her body fitted to mine, the taste of her mouth and skin... Everything made my head dizzy and my stomach flutter and once I was alone with her I decided to make and exception and f**k her right there.

Yep, I'm a gentleman.

I knew I would be in trouble if anyone caught us but I was too intoxicated by her, and I needed to feel her, all of her, I needed to feel her from the inside, however, that f*****g hoe had to ruin everything.

"I still don't get why you came to me that night" She shrugs "I mean, I was not even trying to get some male attention and yet you went straight to me on that dance floor."

"I don't understand that either" I say honestly "I remember thinking you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and even though you clearly wasn't that to meet people, I just couldn't resist."

Billie frowns, snorting a quiet giggle and shoving my shoulder with hers, just like I did a few minutes ago. "Oh, don't be so cheesy now, Harry, I'm definitely not that pretty, specially for someone like you."

"What do you mean?"

"Have you seen yourself in the mirror? You're freaking handsome, dude, and I'm sure there's a lot of women just as pretty surrounding you." She rolls her eyes.

Leaning forward, I take her chin with my thumb and index finger, forcing her head up to look straight to her eyes. Her hazel eyes sparkles with the proximity and I hold my stare on them, biting down my bottom lip to try and even my breath before whispering.

"Don't say things like that, Billie. You're gorgeous" I praise her, fighting against myself with all my will not to just kiss her right now. I want to feel her lips, her sweet smell filling my nostrils and making my head dizzy with desire.

She darts her eyes to my lips and I see, almost in slow motion, when her pink tongue sneaks out of her mouth, wetting her lips and she sighs, looking to my eyes again. I lean forward, nuzzling my nose on hers, feeling her warm breath tingling my skin and my mind go all blank.

I know that I shouldn't but right now all I want to do is kiss her.

Billie's eyes never leave mine and she sighs again, taking a deep breath as if in expectation to my next move, but I'm completely frozen, just savoring this moment, this proximity, if I could I would do this last forever.

Suddenly a loud noise plays in the room, making Billie and I jump in our sits. I look around, my heart thumping against my ribcage and dart my eyes to her phone who is buzzing louder and louder on her nightstand.

Looking away from me, she grabs the phone, answering it with a trembling voice.

"Gemma, hey!" She bites her bottom lip and I feel completely hypnotized by the way her lips moves while she mumbles reassuring words. "Ok, I'm ok. Yeah, Harry is here - he helped me get home. No he is not drunk... Ok, I'll tell him. Bye."

She turns the phone down, looking at me. "Gemma is really concerned about you. She asked if you could please go home."

"O-of course" I stutter, standing from her bed and already feeling like the worst human being in the face of the Earth.

Gemma is worried about me, of course she is. Even after me being a d**k to her, all she wants is to see me going well, is to know I'm fine. She is the best person in the world and I am the most terrible brother she could ever get.

"I should probably be going" I mumble, already taking large steps to the living room and quickly putting my shoes on.

Billie walks right behind me and I feel her grabbing the hem of my shirt, pulling it down a little to get my attention. I turn on my heels, looking down on her just to be met by those big taunting hazel eyes "Thank you for taking care of me tonight" She mumbles, smiling softly.

"No problem, sweetheart" I lean forward, kissing her forehead right above the pickle band-aid "I'll see you around".