A Highland Wedding

Wedding Blues

JER

I should be planning my wedding. Instead, I’m babysitting a drunken Scotsman. He isn’t even pining for me. I’m used to the men pining for me. Glaring at Mack passed out on his bed I had the childish urge to draw a giant p***s on his face.

“Don’t do it, honey.” Narrowing my eyes at Daniel, he was kicked back on the couch reading some sort of livestock magazine.

“Don’t do what?” Maybe I should use a permanent marker. It would be fun to tattoo it on his face. Then write I LOVE c***s on his forehead.

“Drawing a d**k on his face.” I put my hands on my hips and kicked Mack’s foot. He grunted and rolled over.

“How did you know I was thinking that? Maybe I was going to draw a giant v****a on his face.” Daniel snorted and muttered under his breath.

“Look here, my bestie is in the clutches of some psycho and I should be planning our awesome wedding. I mean do I need to wear a Hanbok? Are we both wearing tuxedos? Can I wear a dress? Because if I have to wear a dress I need to get to the gym.” I have gotten so fat since I moved here.

Daniel sighed and put his magazine down. He came over to me and I kicked Mack in the foot again. This was all his damn fault. Daniel put his arms around me and kissed my neck below my ear. I melted in his arms and then my bubble was burst by Mack’s snoring.

“Shut up Gregor Mackenzie!” I kicked him in the foot again and Daniel dragged me away from Mack.

“You are so grumpy. It is also kind of cute when you are grumpy.” I swatted at him. It seems like he doesn’t want to take this seriously.

“You never answered my questions.” I was pouting, and I was extremely cranky. I wanted to kick Gregor Mackenzie again.

“Stop kicking Mackenzie. Come on baby let’s talk about the wedding. I know that is also why you are cranky.” He led me over to the couch and Gregor’s snores filled the air. I glared at the bedroom, the desire to draw a d**k on his face was still coursing through me.

Daniel’s phone rang and he let go of me. I scowled and sulked on the couch while he tried to get a signal on his phone.

“Hello? Alexei? Hello?” I perked up hunka hunka Russian was calling. Does that mean he found my bestie?

“What is it? Did he find Anna?” I was practically breathing down Daniel’s neck and he waved me off.

“I need to go downstairs. DO NOT smother Mackenzie while I am gone.” Sighing I dug through his drawers and found a red Sharpie marker. Grinning, I decided I was just going to draw a giant d**k on his face.

Kneeling down I started drawing the veiniest massive d**k I could on the side of his face. My hand shook as he twitched and I stopped. Praying to the prank gods that he would not wake up from his drunken stupor.

Smiling, I cackled in glee. I took a picture and saved it so I can show Anna when she comes home. I scowled at him again and kicked him in the foot again. His shirt was hitched up and I saw his abs. He did have a nice body.

“For crying out loud Jer, I can’t leave you alone for five minutes, can I?” Daniel whispered yelled at me.

“He deserved it.” Daniel walked over to my side and let out a strangled laugh. He dragged me out of Gregor’s room and took the marker out of my hand.

“Did you take a picture?” Daniel was trying not to laugh and I guess he was going to be the adult in our relationship. I took out my phone and showed him and he slapped his hand over his mouth to stop the laughter.

“Well, Anna is going to love that. Alexei found her. They will be coming home as soon as she gets an all-clear from Sawyer’s doctor.” All I heard was blah blah Anna is safe blah blah. I squealed and jumped up flinging my arms around Daniel.

“What’s going on here?” We both turned to see Gregor Mackenzie standing in the doorway to his bedroom with his hair sticking up and a giant p***s on his face. Daniel started coughing and I elbowed him in the ribs.

“Are you going to be ok? Or do I need to call one of Alexei’s cousins to come to babysit you?” He scrubbed his hands over his face and the veiny p***s ink smeared. Daniel and glanced at each other briefly and I snickered.

“I don’t need a babysitter how many times do I need to tell ye.” Daniel scoffed and motioned for me to head on out to the car. Shrugging I glanced at the d**k on his face and chuckled. Mack shot a look at me and I gave him a finger wave.

Anna was going to love this picture I have. I missed her and I am glad that she was going to be home finally. Maybe she could help me plan my damn wedding.