She's a Walking Daydream

First pain

She’s a Walking Daydream

--

“Aren’t you done yet, Nasharra? He’s been waiting here for almost an hour.” I heard my mom shouting from downstairs.

“I’m coming!”

“You said that more than thrice already! Can you just hurry up and don’t keep your boyfriend waiting!” my mom sounds pissed already. Better be ready sooner.

Well, Jared and I have been together for five years now. He knew I can’t prepare in an hour so I did not expect him to come to pick me up early. Anyway, he said he reserved a restaurant for our dinner tonight. He’s busy with his business that we don’t often dine outside, so maybe he’s excited as much as I do.

I gazed at myself in the mirror once more. “Hmmm, I’m good to go.” I’m wearing a simple floral off-shoulder mini dress paired with heeled braided sandals. I know! I said I can’t prepare for one hour and yet I ended up wearing this simple mini dress.

As I walked down the stairs, I saw my mom smiling at me.

“How do I look, mom?” I asked her.

“Gorgeous as always, my baby.” I’m their only daughter and that even when I’m grown up, I’m always a baby for her.

“YOU LOOK STUNNING, BABE!” Jared exclaimed smiling as if he saw me with this look for the first. Hahaha, maybe he loves me that much.

“Let’s go?”

Jared took me here to the Restaurant Tim Raue. They said it’s the most romantic resto in town. Soft jazz is played in the background.

While eating we just talked about ourselves, reminiscing our memories together, wishing life would always be that way, but, of course, there’s no such thing in reality. What matters most is that you always have someone to turn to when everything’s f****d up.

“Excuse me, babe. I need to go to the comfort room.” Jared said and stand up.

“Okay. Take your time.”

While waiting for him to come back, I just look around the resto. Indeed, a romantic place. I saw happy faces of many couples, seems wishing that this night never ends.

“What’s taking him so long?” It’s been 30 minutes when he left our table. Hah. I thought only women can spend more than 10 minutes in a comfort room.

The music stopped and later minute, I heard my favorite song being played. I’m soo happy. I don’t why this song really makes me happy.

“Good evening everyone.” Oh! Why is that voice sounds familiar?

“This song is dedicated to Nasharra Alcantara, the love of my life.” What is he doing there? I felt my heartbeat raising and I don’t know why.

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad

All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks

Oh, it could be so nice, growing old with you

He walked towards me. A tear falls down my cheeks. I’m feeling mixed emotions because it’s the first time in our 5-year relationship, and it feels so sweet. I was crying and laughing at the same time because he doesn’t sing that well but my heart enjoys it very much.

I'll miss you

Kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you

Feed you

Even let you hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink

Oh, I could be the man who grows old with you

I wanna grow old with you

He kneeled in front of me. I gasped. I can feel my heartbeat raising even more and I felt like there’s something in my stomach and at the same time, I felt uneasy because I’m always afraid when the crowd’s attention is on me. Afar I saw a group of people towards our direction – it’s our family! When did they get here?

“Babe, you’re the best that happened in my life. You are the comfort I need when things have gone uneasy. Good and bad times, I want to be always in your side to cheer you up, care for you, and love you.”

He took the ring from his pocket.

“Nasharra Guevara Alcantara, will you grow old and spend the rest of your life with me?”

--

Chapter One:

Nash

“That’s all for today. See you on Monday.” 

“Aahhyy!” I was startled when I heard the screeching of chairs and I saw my classmates competing to go out first. And me? I did not even notice that one hour and a half had passed. History class really bores me, hays. The whole class I’m just lost in thoughts, but what can I do? It’s my other way of planning. *laughs*

It’s my second year here at Escudero Escolar University and yet I didn’t make any friends. Not that I’m weird but I tend to distance myself from people. During middle school, I have a lot of friends and I’ve been hurt a lot. Later I realized, it’s not good to push ourselves just to fit in. At the end of the day, all I learned is how to be strong alone.

I grabbed my bag, put my headset on, and walk outside the classroom. I’m going to my favorite place in this university. I’ll be having my lunch there. Yes, alone. But I love to be alone, anyway. I don’t have to be attached to anyone AND less heartbreak. Safe!

“It’s so refreshing here,” I said as I take a deep breath, and placed my picnic blanket under my favorite tree. At the back of this campus is a garden- there are trees and flowers that make this area fresh. It’s not the usual place where students would go, especially students about my age.

I grew up learning that family matters most, that’s what mom and dad showed me. They always have time to play with me even they’re busy with our business. They say they can only see me as a kid once and they want to be always part of it. 

“You are the best gift we ever have, sweetheart.” My mom would remind me almost every night when they tucked me in bed.

“Everything we do and everything we have is for you. Seeing you happy is enough for me.” dad added. Oh, there’s nothing more I could ask for but for us to be like this forever. But as I grow older, I realized that life isn’t always sunshine and butterflies.

I was 8 back then when everything changes. We seldom eat together, they don’t have time to talk or to play with me, they don’t kiss me good night anymore, and then one night-

“You always come home late and drunk! How long will you behave like this?!” I woke up with a loud noise downstairs. I think I heard my mom’s voice. I went downstairs to see what’s going on.

“Shut up, Nancy! Your nagging does not solve our problem!” dad shouted to mom. My mom is crying. I cannot understand why they are fighting.

“Mom, Dad, why are you fighting?” 8-year old me ask my parents. They did not even notice that I’m near them.

“No, darling. Come on, let’s go back to sleep.” Mommy walked me back to my room and tucked me in my bed again and caress my hair.

“Mommy, why are you fighting with daddy?” I asked her again. I’m not used to seeing them fighting. I know she’s crying but she doesn’t want me to see her that way.

“Go to sleep sweetheart. Everything will be alright, okay? I love you so much.” Mom kissed me goodnight and she left my room.

Little did I know, our business got bankrupt and my dad can’t accept it. He was raised in a wealthy family so it’s hard for him and his pride to accept. Even after 3 years our 3N’s Craft House never recovered.

One night, I went to the kitchen to get some milk because I can’t sleep. I went past my parents when I heard my mom crying.

“Mom, what’s wrong? Where’s dad?” I looked around but I did not see dad.

“He’s…not… coming home…again…Nash.” Mom said in between her sobs. My chest throbs excessively. ‘Does he not love us anymore? Why would he leave us?’ I felt a liquid drop falling in my cheeks. I did not notice I’m crying also.

That night changes our life forever. Mom has to look for a job to provide for our needs but unfortunately, she can’t find a job at companies because of her educational attainment. She’s in her third year in college when she got pregnant with me and has to marry dad.

After I graduated from grade school, I was 11, I planned to be a working student so I can help her but she said she can still provide for our needs and she can still send me to school. She just wanted me to focus on my academics. True enough, throughout the years I have maintained my top 3 ranks.

  *RIIING*

‘Gasp’

My alarm interrupted my flashback from 8 years ago. Yes, it’s been ten years since dad left us but it still hurts like it just happened yesterday. Anyway, my alarm says it’s time for the next subject so I fixed my things and went to my classroom.

Chapter Two:

Matt

“I’m sorry, Mr. Valdez. We did everything we can.” I heard the doctor said. ‘No!’ I felt my body shaking and my legs lose strength. I unconsciously sat on the floor. My mind cannot process what the doctors just said. I can’t even cry but my heart felt so heavy.

I just stayed like that for I think more or less 30 minutes. I just can’t gather my strength to see my mother lifeless in that bed. When I have the courage to see my mom I enter the room where my mother is. It really breaks my heart. There I saw my father sitting on the chair beside my mom’s bed. I looked at him furiously.

“I’ll take care of your mother’s papers. Excuse me.” dad said and he stands up.

“Yeah! That’s the least thing you can for her.” He stopped when he heard what I said.

“Pardon, young man?  That’s the least thing I can do?! You don’t even know what I did for our family.” He slightly raised his voice.

“Yeah, right. That’s why you’re never present when we need you. You aren’t even here when mom was sick.” I said coldly. I can’t help it. When I was young I used to believe I was very lucky to have him as my dad because that was mom always remind me, not until I saw him with my mother’s best friend and later found out they have a son who is as old as me. Back then, our relationship always had gaps.

  *KNOCK KNOCK*

“Yes, come in.” It was my secretary. I refuse to run dad’s company because I wanted to have my own. I want to make fortune on my own. Lexi is my secretary and she’s with me since I started this advertising company 3 years ago.

“Sir, here are the papers you need to sign so we can the project tomorrow.” I appreciated Lexi for being efficient in her job.

“Okay Lex, I’ll review that later. Just put it there on my table.” When I heard the door closed, I lay down on the couch. I just need to relax a little.

“I am so proud of you, my son. But please don’t overwork yourself. Remember health is wealth.” Mom said as she’s caressing my hair.

“Mom…. I miss you so much.” I miss this so much. I miss how mom takes care of me. I look tough but deep inside still a little boy who longs for a mother touch.

*beep*

A message woke me up from sleep.  I look at mom’s picture. It feels so real. It’s past 7 already. I did not notice I fall asleep. I fixed my things and head down to my car and drive.

Nash

--

“Mom, let’s go somewhere.”

“Where?” she asked.

“Come on. I’ll tell you later, mom.” I smiled at her.

“Okay, this better be fun. Just give me 10 minutes, I’ll go get changed.” she entered her room and change.

‘Of course, it will be fun, mom.’ I always want her to be happy. I promised myself to work hard so I can give her the life she deserved.

We are now driving to Roseville Village where I bought a house for us. She doesn’t know yet and I want to surprise her.

“Where are we going, Nash? Where driving for almost an hour.” She complained. I just smiled at her.

I stopped in front of a two-story house.

“Oh, this is beautiful.” She amazingly said. “Who’s house is this, Nash? It’s the house I always dreamed of when I was young.”

“It’s yours, mom,” I said to her teary-eyed. I can see in her face how happy she was.

“Really?” she turned to me. She’s a child that is happy she got ice cream.

“Yes. Come on. Let’s go inside.” I handed her the key. She opened the door excitedly. She checked the house and went upstairs. I followed her there.

“Do you like it, mom?”

“Like it? I love it, sweetheart. Thank you.” She hugged me.

“You raised me alone, mom. I know how hard it is but I’m very grateful you’ve been the mom and dad I needed. This is the least thing I can do for all the sacrifices you did for us, mom. “

--

Mom doesn’t know I’m doing a part-time job. Every day after, 6 pm is my shift at Margie’s Kitchen. It’s just a five-minute walk from the apartment where I am staying. Every Saturday is my full-day duty and Sunday’s my off.

“Good evening, Ms. Marge.” Ms. Marge is the kind owner of this café. She allowed me to have a 4 hours shift every night.

“Oh hi, Nash. You can have some snacks before you start your work.” I nodded at her and went to the kitchen and wear my apron.

It’s past seven already and there’s a lot of customers, mostly students from different Universities – I can tell because of their uniforms.

“Good evening, sir. We have a vacant table this way, sir.” I smiled and greeted the man just entered the shop. I noticed he looked at me as if he’s studying my face.

“Ahem. What’s your order, sir?” I break the silence. I felt awkward in the way he looks at me.

“Oh. I’m sorry, miss. I’ll just have a submarine sandwich and an iced tea, please.” He said and look away.

“Submarine sandwich and iced tea. Coming right away, sir. Please excuse me.” I smiled at him and I went to the kitchen to prepare his order.

Chapter Three:

Matt

‘What were you thinking Matt?’ I scolded myself silently. I don’t know but I’m stunned by the pretty face of that woman. Her eyes are so beautiful as well as her smiles, and her lips—lips that would be cruel not to------

“Here’s your order, sir,” I did not notice that she’s back already. I feel embarrassed about what I’m thinking, but what can I do? I can’t help it.

“Oh, thank you ……… Nash.” I saw her name tag and it reads ‘Nash’.

“You’re Welcome, sir. Please enjoy your meal.” She then smiled again.

*lub dub lub dub*

‘What am I feeling this?’

Nash                                                    

It’s past 10 already and I’m here in my room laying on my bed. It’s really a tiring day. Doing a part-time job and academics together is never easy, you have to manage your time wisely. Sometimes I am thinking of quitting job and just focus on my study, but when I think of mom, I just can’t. I am more capable and healthier than she is because she’s 40 years already.

*ring*

“Oh hello mommy. Why are you still awake?” I asked her. She’s supposed to be sleeping already at this hour.

“I just miss you, sweetheart. How are you? Are you doing fine?

“Yes, mom. Don’t worry about me.”

“What about you quit your job, Nash? You should just enjoy your youth. You know, it’s my responsibility to-------“

“No, mom. I can handle it I promise. I will graduate on time. Just take good care of yourself, okay? Don’t overwork yourself.” She’s the only person I can’t live without.

“Good night, Nash. I love you.”

“Good night, mom. I love you too.” And she ended up the call.

I just cleaned myself and then sleep.

“Good morning, Mang Oscar!” I greeted the university guard.

“Good morning too, Nash.” he greeted back.

Though I’m usually distant with people, I have this kind of affection towards utility workers. This is what my mom thought of me ever since I was a kid.

“When you grow old, when you achieved everything you wanted, don’t forget to be kind to others, especially those who are not appreciated that much. Don’t treat them differently just because you earned more than them.” And I want to live that lesson forever.

I’m going to my locker to change my uniform. It’s my P.E class – volleyball. We are in the gym now and there’s a lot of students because it’s just not our class, there are P.E classes that have the same schedule as mine.

“OUCH!” I was walking towards our class when someone hit me with a ball.

“Oh no. I’m so sorry, Nasharra. It was an accident.” A girl of I thinks as old as me, run towards me.

“It’s okay --- wait, do I know you?” I look at her instantly. I don’t think I know her.

“We are on the same block since our first year.” She said in disbelief.

I can’t remember her –

“You really did not notice me.” she said, “By the way, I’m Danielle.” She extended her hand.

 “Nice to meet you, Danielle.”

“Okay class, form three lines here.” Our instructor called out our attention.

“I am really sorry, Nasharra.” Danielle’s still apologizing for what happened.

“It’s okay. Let’s go.”

That day was the beginning of our friendship. Since then, I started to open my world to others. The next two years of my university life have been different. Unexpectedly, Danielle and I became close.

Chapter Four:

Matt

Almost about every week I came to Margie’s Kitchen where that girl is working after school. I cannot explain what I’m feeling but every time I see her, I felt happy and energized. I discovered that she’s in her last year of college. How do I know? Hahaha, I have my connections.

“Matthew Alvarez Valdez!” Josh snapped his fingers in my face.

“What?!” I asked smiling. I saw Josh look at Allan and then look at me again teasingly.         

“You know Matt. We notice something about you.” Allan said.

“You often smile out of nowhere. What are you thinking?!” Josh added.

“It’s nothi—

“Excuse me, sir. Here’s your order.” Nash interrupted us and serve our orders.

“Thank you, Nash.” I smiled at her widely unconsciously. Josh and Allan noticed and did not let it pass.

“I bet you like that girl! Exclaimed Allan. “Dude she’s way younger than you are!”

“No, no, no. It’s not what you think it is, alright? But I feel happy when I got to see her.” I confessed to them.

“Oh, looks like Mr. Choosy is in love.” They both teased and do high-fives.

I too cannot explain what I’m feeling. I mean, I’m sure I had a crush on her but it’s less than love. ‘Crush!’ I laugh at my own thought. ‘You’re too old for crushes, Matt! You’re 28 for God’s sake!’

But whatever it is, I don’t want to find out. It’s way better than this, I’m not ready for a commitment yet.

Nash

Three years later…

--

After graduating I can get a stable job with a high salary directly. After two years of working, probably I’m 23, I can save enough to have my own house. At 24, I’ll be traveling around the world and met someone and at 25, I would have a family of my own, have children and raise them. And live happily ever after.

--

That’s how I imagined my life to be after completing a degree. But guess, life just don’t work that way. I’m 24 now and I can’t even get high-paid work to that would be enough for me and mom so she doesn’t need to work anymore.

‘sigh’

I looked at the sky from my window. The sky’s so bright. ‘I wish my life would be that bright’

“SOOON!” I answered my thoughts loudly.

I had applied for 5 companies already. Unfortunately, ‘We’ll just call you, Ms. Alcantara’ is what I’ve heard. And until now, not even one of them had called yet. ‘So lucky!’ I said sarcastically.

“How is your interview going? Mom asked. I did not answer her and just lay down on the sofa.

“You can ask for help to your da –”

“Don’t even finish what you’re about to say, mom.” I cut on what mom is about to say. I know where this conversation is going. “I can handle it, mom. I can find a job. I don’t need his help.”

“But, sweetheart –”

“No buts, please mom. Excuse me, I’ll go to my room now.” I went to my room and throw myself on my bed.

**

“Daddy, can I have this one?” I overheard the little girl ask her dad. They’re in the aisle next to where I am. I’m also looking for a pair of shoes I can use in my interview.

“Of course, honey. Is this what you want?” I feel my heartbeat raising after I heard that dad’s voice.

“Yes, dad. I want this one, too.”

“Okay, we’ll get it.”

I slowly walk to the next aisle to confirm my thoughts and I was right. I saw my father whom I did not heard about for almost 12 years. He’s with a girl, I think about 11, same age as me when he left us. I can’t move. I feel like I was nailed to where I am standing.

“Excuse me, miss. Are you alright?” my father’s daughter asked me. I’m not aware when she gets near me.

“Yes. Don’t mind me.” I wipe the tears that falls on my cheeks.

“Nasharra? Is that you, Nash?” I was about to turn away when my dad saw me and called me. I did not bother to look at him and continued walking. All the pain that I felt 12 years ago refreshed.

“Nash, wait.” I did not look back. I just walked faster outside the mall and I hurriedly get a cab. I just let myself cried. I have not done this for a long time. I did not expect to see him there. My heart wasn’t ready for that moment.

**

It’s been a year and I haven’t seen him again.

“Come in, mom. It’s open.” I heard my mom knocking outside my door.

“I’m sorry I was insensitive earlier.” Mom set in my bed. “From now on, I will just support what you’re going to do. I know you can make it.

“Thanks, mom.” I hug her.

“Let’s go eat.”

“Alright.”

Chapter Five:

Nash

*ring ring*

A phone call woke me up. I did not even bother to see who’s calling.

“Hello?” I answered in a sleepy voice.

“YOU JUST WOKE UP?! What time is it Nash?” It’s Dani on the line and YES, she’s mad. “I beg my brother to let you apply in his company. Don’t embarrass me Nash.”

“I know. I know. Don’t worry, I’ll get there in time,” to be honest I did not remember today is today. I have an interview with the largest advertising company in town.

My head hurts. I still have hungover. My friends decided to party last night. Yes, I made friends before I finished college. I met Ella and Rich. So I have 3 of them including Dani.

Dani said she have a half-brother who owned an advertising company. Dani’s in the States for two years and she just came home this year, so she doesn’t know every things happening to me, actually, all of them because I’d rather not tell. I just wanted to share to them my happiness and success not my hardships and agony. They keep encouraging me to open up to them, but I just can’t. I don’t know what’s holding me back. So anyway, since I have failed many applications, I’ll give Dani’s advice a shot.

I just wear a semi-formal dress for my interview today.

“Mom,” I called mom. I went to her room. “How do I look? Do I look like I can get the job today?” I asked her smiling. Of course I know what she’ll say.

“Of course darling! You look gorgeous.” She held my shoulders and look at me at me in the eye. “I know you’ll do great, and even if you can’t get the job, I’m still proud of you,” Mom added.

“Aaaaawww. I love you, mom. What can I do without you.” And I hugged her.

 "Come, on. Let's have breakfast before you leave. It's not good to leave with an empty stomach." mom breaks the drama.

It is not my first time in an interview, yet I feel so nervous. Maybe because I have been rejected many times or? 'Nah, you're just really nervous, Nash'