Your's, eventually

meet up

I'd spent the entire morning debating whether going to Ethan's house was a good idea.

On one hand, I needed answers.

On the other hand, Ethan was involved, which automatically made the entire situation questionable.

Ever since yesterday, I'd been unable to stop thinking about the kiss. Not because I'd enjoyed it. At least, that was what I kept telling myself.

It had been unexpected, awkward, and completely unnecessary.

And yet, every time I remembered it, I experienced the strangest sensation in my stomach.

I blamed the stress.

Obviously.

My phone buzzed.

ETHAN: Are you coming or did you decide mathematics is more attractive than me?

ME: Mathematics is definitely less annoying.

ETHAN: Didn't answer my question.

ME: I'm coming.

ETHAN: Excellent. Bring your brain. You forgot it last time.

I rolled my eyes.

ME: I hate you.

ETHAN: Put it in writing. I'll frame it.

I dropped my phone onto my bed.

Honestly, why couldn't Xander text me like a normal person? Better yet, why couldn't I stop thinking about Xander long enough to appreciate the fact that Ethan was, occasionally, a decent human being?

Not that I was going to tell him that.

He'd become unbearable.

Twenty minutes later, I arrived at his house.

Ethan opened the door, looked me up and down, and stepped aside.

"You're late."

I checked my watch.

"I'm two minutes early."

"Exactly. I expected you five minutes ago."

"That's not how time works."

"Tell that to my suffering."

I walked past him.

"You're exhausting."

"And yet, you keep coming back."

I stopped.

He grinned.

I pointed a finger at him. "Don't start."

"Start what?"

"Whatever it is you're about to do."

"Gabriella, I'm standing in my own house. Must I seek your permission to breathe as well?"

I pushed past him before he could say anything else.

His laughter followed me into the living room.

I sat on the sofa and placed my bag beside me. Ethan disappeared into the kitchen and returned with two glasses of juice.

He handed me one.

"Here."

I accepted it, slightly surprised.

"Thanks."

"Don't sound so shocked. I'm not a complete monster."

"Debatable."

He sat beside me.

For a few minutes, we discussed school, our upcoming assignments, and the ridiculous amount of homework our teachers seemed determined to give us.

It was almost normal.

Almost.

Then Ethan turned towards me.

"So, about yesterday."

I immediately stiffened.

"What about yesterday?"

He gave me a look.

"Really?"

"What?"

"You're going to make me spell it out?"

I stared at him.

"Would you like to?"

He laughed.

"The kiss, Gabriella."

I nearly choked on my juice.

"Must you say it like that?"

"Like what? Kiss? K-I-S-S. Would you prefer a diagram?"

"Ethan!"

"What? I'm checking your vocabulary."

I put my glass down.

"Can we please talk about this without you being completely insufferable?"

He considered that.

"No promises."

I threw a cushion at him.

He caught it, laughing.

Then, after a moment, he put the cushion aside.

"Look, I'm being serious."

That got my attention.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Yesterday was unexpected. I know that."

"Very unexpected."

"Yeah, well, you looked like you'd seen a ghost afterwards."

"I was shocked!"

"I noticed."

I glared at him.

He smiled briefly before continuing.

"But that's actually why I wanted to talk about it."

I frowned.

"Why?"

He shrugged.

"Because you're always talking about Xander."

There it was.

My favourite subject.

Unfortunately, the way Ethan said his name made me feel strangely uncomfortable.

"What does Xander have to do with anything?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The boy is irrelevant to this conversation."

"Ethan."

"Fine. Everything."

I folded my arms.

He glanced at me.

"You're always imagining how things are going to happen when you're finally with him. What you'll say, what you'll do, how he'll look at you. You've probably planned your wedding, the names of your children, and what colour napkins you'll have at Christmas."

I gasped.

"I HAVE NOT!"

He raised an eyebrow.

"Right. My mistake. You've only planned the wedding."

I hit his shoulder.

He laughed.

"You're horrible."

"And yet, I'm helping you."

"Helping me with WHAT?"

He turned towards me, looking almost offended that I hadn't figured it out.

"Your kissing education."

I stared at him.

My mouth actually fell open.

"My WHAT?"

"Kissing education."

I looked at him for several seconds, waiting for him to burst out laughing.

He didn't.

Instead, he nodded as though he'd just announced an important academic programme.

"You know. In case you ever kiss Xander and don't know what you're doing."

I stared at him.

Then I started laughing.

I couldn't help it.

This boy had officially lost his mind.

"You're joking."

"I'm not."

"You're seriously telling me that you're going to teach me how to kiss so I don't embarrass myself in front of Xander?"

"Essentially."

I covered my face.

"Oh, my goodness."

"You're welcome."

I turned towards him.

"First of all, I don't need lessons. Secondly, why would YOU be the one teaching me? And thirdly, who appointed you the headmaster of kissing?"

He looked thoughtful.

"Years of experience."

I narrowed my eyes.

"You're nineteen, Ethan."

"And yet, here you are, seeking my expertise."

"I'm not seeking anything!"

"You're welcome to leave."

I picked up my bag.

He immediately reached for the cushion beside him and placed it over his face.

"Goodbye, Gabriella. May your future kissing endeavours be successful."

I stood.

He peeked at me.

"Tell Xander I said hello."

I threw the cushion at his head.

He burst out laughing.

I sat back down.

Unfortunately, I was beginning to suspect that leaving would only encourage him.

"You're so stupid," I muttered.

"Frequently."

I shook my head.

"Fine. Explain your ridiculous theory."

He lowered the cushion.

"My pleasure."

He shifted to face me.

"Look, kissing isn't some complicated mathematical equation. You don't need to plan every second of it. You just have to pay attention to the other person instead of worrying about whether you're doing everything right."

I blinked.

That was surprisingly sensible.

Then he ruined it.

"Although, considering your mathematical abilities, I understand why you'd be concerned about the calculations."

I hit him again.

He laughed.

"Ow!"

"Good!"

"Violent woman."

"Annoying man."

We stared at each other for a moment before laughing.

Then his expression changed slightly.

"So," he said, "what exactly do you think happens when you kiss someone?"

I frowned.

"I don't know. You kiss them."

He stared at me.

"Brilliant. Nobel Prize. Someone get this girl a laboratory."

"Ethan!"

"I'm just saying, your explanation leaves a lot to be desired."

I rolled my eyes.

"What do YOU think happens?"

He looked at me.

For once, he didn't answer immediately.

"I think you stop worrying about what you're supposed to do," he said. "You just pay attention to the person you're kissing."

Something about the way he said it made me look away.

He noticed.

Of course he noticed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You're doing that thing again."

"What thing?"

"Looking everywhere except at me."

"Maybe your face is distracting."

He laughed.

"That's a new one."

I picked at the edge of the cushion.

"Can we change the subject?"

"Why?"

"Because this is embarrassing."

"Why? You think I'm going to tell the entire school you don't know how to kiss?"

I looked at him in horror.

"You wouldn't!"

He grinned.

"Depends. How much are you willing to pay for my silence?"

I shoved his shoulder.

He laughed, but when I looked back at him, he was watching me with an expression I couldn't quite understand.

"What?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"Nothing."

"Ethan."

"Gabby."

I hated when he called me that.

Or rather, I hated that I didn't hate it as much as I thought I should.

He looked away briefly, then back at me.

"Can I show you something?"

My stomach tightened.

"Show me what?"

He hesitated.

Then he gave me a small, almost uncertain smile.

"Remember yesterday?"

I swallowed.

"Yes."

"Well, consider this practical."

I stared at him.

"You're unbelievable."

"I've been told."

He was smiling, but there was something different about him now. He wasn't laughing at me anymore.

He was waiting.

I should have told him to stop.

I should have picked up my bag, gone home, and spent the rest of the evening concentrating on my schoolwork.

Instead, I stayed exactly where I was.

And that was when Ethan leaned closer.

For a moment, I forgot what I was supposed to say.

He paused, giving me the chance to move away.

I didn't.

Then he kissed me. I grabbed his shirt clutching it tighter

The surprise lasted only a moment before I found myself responding to him.

I had expected to feel awkward, to wonder what I was supposed to do, to spend the entire time thinking about how ridiculous this situation was.

But my thoughts seemed to scatter.

I stopped worrying about whether I looked foolish. I stopped thinking about what I would tell myself afterwards.

I was simply there, caught up in a moment I hadn't planned and couldn't seem to make myself end.

Ethan's hand rested lightly against my cheek, and I leaned closer without really thinking about it.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, a small, sensible voice reminded me that this was Ethan.

Ethan, who annoyed me constantly.

Ethan, who knew far too much about my embarrassing crush on Xander.

Ethan, who was supposed to be teaching me something I would eventually use with somebody else.

The irony should have been enough to make me stop.

It wasn't.

When we finally drew apart, neither of us spoke immediately.

I blinked, trying to gather my thoughts.

Ethan looked just as surprised as I felt.

Then he let out a quiet laugh.

"Well."

I stared at him.

"Don't."

He pressed his lips together.

"I'm not saying anything."

"Good."

A second passed.

Then he opened his mouth.

I grabbed the cushion.

"ETHAN!"

He burst out laughing.

"All right! All right!"

I was laughing too, although my cheeks felt impossibly warm.

Then the sound of a door opening came from behind us.

Neither of us noticed immediately.

Not until a voice cut through the room.

"What the hell is going on here?"

I froze.

I knew that voice.

I knew it so well that my stomach dropped before I even turned around.

Xander.

He stood in the doorway, staring at us.

For a moment, nobody moved.

Then his eyes shifted from me to Ethan.

His expression changed.

"What the hell?" he repeated.

I scrambled away from Ethan, suddenly aware of how close we'd been sitting.

"Xander—"

He didn't look at me.

He walked straight towards Ethan.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Ethan stood up.

"Xander, wait—"

Xander shoved him.

Ethan stumbled backwards, knocking into the edge of the table.

"YOU PIECE OF—"

He swung at Ethan before either of us could react.

The sound of the blow made me gasp.

"Ethan!"

Ethan staggered, bringing a hand to his face.

"Are you insane?" he snapped.

Xander moved towards him again.

I jumped up.

"STOP IT!"

Neither of them listened.

Xander grabbed Ethan by the front of his shirt.

"You knew she liked me!"

Ethan shoved his hands away.

"Get off me!"

"You knew!"

"Xander, stop!" I cried.

Xander finally released him, but his expression remained furious.

Then he turned towards me.

"Get your things. We're leaving."

I stared at him.

"What?"

"NOW, Gabriella!"

I flinched at his tone.

I grabbed my bag, my hands shaking with embarrassment and confusion.

Xander caught my wrist and pulled me towards the door.

"Xander, you're hurting me!"

He immediately loosened his grip, but he didn't let go.

Behind us, Ethan straightened his shirt.

"Don't talk to her like that!"

Xander spun around.

"You don't get to tell me how to treat her!"

"Then stop treating her like she's something you own!"

For a second, I thought Xander was going to hit him again.

Instead, he looked at me.

"You're coming with me."

And then he led me outside.

I looked back once.

Ethan was standing in the living room, watching us leave.

He looked angry.

But underneath the anger, there was something else.

Something I couldn't quite identify.

I turned away before I could figure it out.

Because Xander was pulling me towards his car, and I had a horrible feeling that the real argument was only just beginning.

The moment we were away from Ethan's house, Xander let go of my wrist.

I stepped back.

"What is wrong with you?"

He stared at me as though I'd just slapped him.

"What's wrong with ME?"

"Yes! You hit him!"

"Because he was kissing you!"

I opened my mouth.

Nothing came out.

Xander dragged a hand through his hair and began pacing.

"I can't believe you, Gabriella."

My chest tightened.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Make me feel like I've done something terrible without even letting me explain!"

He stopped pacing.

"Explain what? I walked in, and there you were, kissing him!"

I looked down.

I couldn't deny it.

I'd been kissing Ethan.

And the worst part was that I hadn't wanted to stop.

But I didn't know how to explain that without making everything worse.

Xander looked at me, shaking his head.

"Do you even know what kind of person Ethan is?"

I frowned.

"What does that mean?"

"It means he's not the innocent little friend you think he is!"

"Ethan isn't—"

"Oh, please!" Xander interrupted. "You think you're special to him? You think you're the first girl he's ever flirted with?"

I stared at him.

"That's not fair."

"You don't know him like I do!"

"Then tell me!"

He laughed bitterly.

"He's going to use you, Gabriella. And when he's bored, he'll throw you away like you meant absolutely nothing to him."

The words hurt more than I expected.

Not because I knew they were true.

But because I was suddenly terrified that they might be.

Xander stepped closer.

"You're too good for him. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

I looked away.

He reached for my hand again, this time more gently.

"Gabriella, listen to me. I don't want to see you get hurt."

I wanted to believe him.

I wanted to believe that he was angry because he cared about me, that he'd hit Ethan because he was protecting me, that everything he was saying came from a place of concern.

But another thought crept into my mind.

If Xander cared so much about me, why did it take seeing me kiss another boy for him to act as though losing me mattered?

I looked back towards Ethan's house.

I couldn't see him anymore.

And suddenly, I had no idea what to think.

Because Xander was standing beside me, telling me Ethan was dangerous.

But Ethan was the one I'd just kissed.

And I was the one who had kissed him back.