Your's, eventually

dating ethics

I massaged my brain trying to think properly ,as I made my way through the hall way , my brain was still stuck on the conversation me and Ethan had just had earlier , dating ethics , my mind was racing as I walked down the hallway , I came up with an idea maybe I could go to the movie, and meet Ethan afterwards , that sounded perfect, almost,nothing in my life ever seemed to stay reasonable for more than five minutes , I let out a sigh ,”great “ I muttered under my breath, as Marielle and Xander made their way to me, my heart made its usual ridiculous flip , with Marielle placing her hand right above his shoulder , I slowed down , suddenly reconsidering whether walking in their direction was such a brilliant idea, but too late, they caught up with me “ella!“ he waved at me , I forced a smile on my face and headed towards them . Marielle smiled at me although it wasn't genuine “hey ,we were actually coming to find you” oh great what else did I miss ,”oh really “ I said without a hint of smile on my face, “yeah,” xander said “We wanted to tell you something about tonight.” My stomach fluttered.

Tonight. The movie.

Finally. I had almost forgotten about it while worrying about Ethan.

“What about it?”

Xander glanced at Marielle.

She smiled menancily and looked at Xander, the moment ,then she said the words that instantly ruined the little fantasy I'd been building in my head.

“I'm coming with you guys.” My smile froze. “Oh.” That was all I managed.

One tiny word.One incredibly fake smile.

Inside, however, my brain was screaming. Of course.

I looked at Xander. He gave me an enthusiastic smile.

“It's okay, right?” I stared at him for a second.

Then at Marielle. Then back at him. “Of course.”

My voice sounded painfully cheerful. “Why wouldn't it be?”

Marielle smiled although it displayed a hint of smirk.

“Great! It'll be fun.”Sure. Fun. Absolutely.

Nothing screamed fun more than watching Xander spend an entire movie sitting beside his girlfriend while I pretended I wasn't bothered. I forced another smile. And then I remembered Ethan.

For once, I almost felt relieved.Because suddenly, my decision wasn't nearly as difficult as it had been five minutes ago.The movie wasn't going to be the evening I'd imagined anymore. But Ethan was still waiting for me.

I'd made a deal with him. And for once, I was going to keep my word, even if was gonna cost me xanders time .I looked at Xander. “Actually…”He raised an eyebrow.

“I don't think I can come tonight.”His expression changed immediately.“What?”, “I have a homework to do ”,“I wish you could he there ” .I hesitated. Then smiled.“You couldn't wish anymore than I could.” ,I felt broken but I had to make a choice, so much for movie night

And for the first time, I realized something.

Maybe the hardest choices weren't always between right and wrong.

Only if Xander knew I was doing all these for him, things would have been less complicated , with that I succried off to meet Ethan, where could that boy have gone to, my eyes lingered around the hall and through the outside doors where he sat, I headed towards him and sat beside him, he didn't seem to be aware, “Ethan? “ I said out loud enough for him to hear even with his earbud on, “geez gabby you scared me “, he clutched his chest, “I'm sorry “ I didn't smile and he knew something was up with me , “I know that's look, what's up “, he said raising a brow, right then I let my take control over me because the real Gabriella wouldn't just tell, “it's nothing “ I said wryly, tears about dropping off my eyes, Ethan wasn't buying it, he was ridiculous but he wasn't a fool “ gab I feel like you're upset, comon girl, tell me “ I didn't know why but when he said those words, I felt reasurred and he was really they only one who know my situation even though it's complicated, “it's Xander “ I whispered finally , “what happened with Xander “ he acted so serious no smirk , no playfulness in his eyes and actually saw the real Ethan, judging by the looks it, I knew he and Xander had an issue, I drew in a breath and started “I don't think Xander realizes how much he's hurting me.”

I paused for a moment before continuing “Every time I think we're getting closer, he does something that pulls me back.I keep pretending I'm okay, but I'm not.

“I thought tonight was finally going to be our time.Then Marielle had to be there too.“ with that I bent down my head and sobbed even more “ Ethan looked at me almost pitifully “Oh comon gab, If you keep crying I'm gonna cry,I’m trying to maintain my reputation as the least emotionally useful person in this school.” i smiled unbelievably but true, Ethan smiled with me and we both laughed. He always knew what to say we stared at each other for a while and everything seemed to disappear for the moment, silence mixed with tension, neither of us said a word ,”so what's the dating ethics about “ I finally said to break the tension building , he seemed to have just been snapped out of a trance “so I came up with top ten list of things you could totally do to make a guy especially Xander fall for you “ . I nodded slightly ,”okay? “ I had to see this big idea he had honestly, “I searched it up on the internet and I know it might sound crazy and weird but people confirmed it worked “ , weird? It's stupid, you can't just search up something on the internet and expect it to work overnight , but I had no idea how to get xander, Ethan was literally the smartest here, and that's a lot coming from me, he picked up his marker and scribbled on the board, “number 1 look attractive always, here's where you lack the most gabby, you dress like a nun “ I almost smiled, but I quickly realized that was an insult I opened my mouth too speak but no words came flying out, unusual, Ethan continued , “gab boys don't like girls who dress like them , dress like a girl, I mean look at Marielle “ why did Marielle have to be in all my conversation today, it's was getting real annoying, “she dresses sexy and that's why xander's chasing her like a puppy “ oh no he didn't, xanders chasing her, hell no! ,she forcing her self and I know it, Ethan continued “and you need to be like that, so first , I'd recommend you changing your school skirt “ , “no way I love this skirt it reaches all the way down today my ankle” Ethan slammed his hand into his face “that's there point gab, nobody likes that it should he at your thigh level “ I winced like I had just seen a ghost, I couldn't “do I really? “ I pouted my lips to make a baby face but Ethan wasn't gonna change his mind because of some cutey face, “yes you do and here “ he handed me some books ,”I had these especially printed out, don't forget to read them and I want to see an improvement on those uniforms , I sighed,unfortunately there was no better option, I rushed home as soon as the bell chimed, had a quick shower and got down on my bed, I quickly got my usual on and started to design my skirt, new uniform, new Gabriella, new love. I did it finish and decided to examine my self in the mirror, but I had no idea how this was going to bring xanders attention to me, of course, it did with Marielle so it could work for me, it's just a skirt after all, I didn't put it on, which was one of the mistake I've ever made, I quickly picked up my books and Put my other stuffs away, as I heard a knock on my door , “Ella? You're in there? “ it sounded like Xander, I opened the door slightly and peeped put, “hey Xander “, my heart did a rollercoaster loop through stunts all over my inside before landing in the usual place , “yeah just wanted to tell you Olivia was gonna throw a party in courtesy of Marielle “ he paused for a while, “yeah? “ , “and I want to be there, you missed movie night and I wasn't know if you can make it or not “ oh no, why does Xander keep pushing me to the wall, first movie, now party, I'm an introvert it's not what we do ,thus was my last chance to get close to Xander, it's bitter now or never, I couldn't miss this opportunity, it's really scarce when Marielle is always there, I nodded and smiled he looked at me and walked away, I slammed the door shut and my f*****g brain almost killed itself, ugh!, I lied I'm my bed thinking of the words possibilities, it couldn't be that bad, I got ready ,putting on my most girly cloth I have, although it was short, like the outfit Ethan had given to me, my I kept repeating to my self 'don't be a nun', as I packed a few of my stuffs and a little makeup , although I forgot to pack my little sense of dignity left . I got out of the house in just a nick of time, Xander was already reviving the vehicle back to life, Marielle beside him, she twisted her hair around her finger as she watched him, now I really felt angry ,I climbed into the back seat repeatedly dragging my gown down to my knee as soon as it got to thigh, I felt uncomfortable luckily Xander didn't see me, since he was under the car, and luckily for me, Xander didn't waste so much time turning on the car

we arrived just in time before olivia could give a toast ,”and here's to my girl Marielle got making every cheerleading Performance feel special “, the whole cheer leading team gave a loud shout out , Olivia continued “thanks y'all, enjoy the party and please don't get too drunk , done wanna start picking up, you know “.she crowd erupted with laughter “enjoy!“ she said before finally before disappearing into the crowd, I got out of the crowd into the gate, every body stopped to look at me, gaze held my ways ,girls turning their boyfriends head towards their direction, I felt shy and somewhat attractive , I walked down the aisle, people still looking at me while I kept my head down the whole while, is this what it feels like, having your hips shown, cleavage open, heels and makeup shown, no way xander was going to reject me with this, I walked up to Xander already seated, “can I talk to you “,”sure “,I looked at his friends around him eager to hear what I had to say, nick and emir kept looking at me, “alone “,he friends laughed as he whispered at them ,he left and now it was just me and him, me brain trying It's best to put this in the most sensible way, I didn't wanna sound cringe plus obsessed I was quiet for a while before I finally spoke “I... um.....“ I kept quiet, I looked at Xander in the eyes and he looked at me, at that moment I got nervous,what was I thinking when I called xander, “Ella what did you want to say “ I shook my head, “never mind “ I walked away, and headed towards the door when I felt a grip on my arm, I didn't recognize him “who are you? “ I asked surprisingly he smiled at me when I remembered his face ,”OMG Elliot ?!“ I couldn't believe my eyes buy he nodded, the last time, I saw him was at my last school, he was my senior back then,he always stood up for me, ever since I saved him from getting his a*s wipped over a dispute, that happened before the death of my parents and I had to move away “Ella, how have you been ,it's been a while since, you look totally different from the last time I saw you“ I smiled stretching my gown down to my knee once again, He had grown so tall, towering me, I hugged him “it's nice to meet you again, we've got some catching up to do but it can't be today, I've got something to do “ I said and walked away and waved from a distance, I felt his gaze heavy on me, he kept looking at me the whole time, before I finally exited the gate, it didn't take enough time for me to come off my clothes and tossed them to the bed, loving xander was wrong,i couldn't stop my heart, it knew what it wants, I got in my night clothes ,and stared at the book Ethan had given me, Ethan face flashed in my head, I picked up the book, which had the face of a woman, staring at a some shoes, what a interactive design, I said with sarcasm at its peak, Ethan couldn't get something worse, I opened the book is unfortunately I started reading, so much for me being a nerd, I got to sleep only in a matter of time