Finding Destiny

Two

Two

Luana closed her new book. She placed the blue beaded marker she’d made last year deep into the book’s spine. When she was reading a g********l, time seemed to dash past her consciousness like a wisp of fresh air seeping through a c***k in a wooden window pane. A friend had suggested she read the book, telling her it was about a young woman filled with the eternal questions of love, life, and death. After reading only the first chapter, Luana knew the book was meant for her to consume like her favorite fruit in springtime. She gathered her cup of tea to deposit in the sink to wash at a later time, knowing she must quickly return to her new treasure.

Luana’s time was her own since retirement had encroached upon her years, which left only memories of guiding others on their journey toward fulfillment of a life they had once dreamt. She had been a good mentor, a competent counselor to those who sought a woman with empathy and the patience to listen for hours to their tales of tattered lives. Now, it was time for Luana to enjoy her time to play the piano, write poetry and read enticing novels of life, love, and l**t. She chose to sit outside, thinking the mild autumn sun would feel warm on her cold feet and be perfect to enlighten each word. Sitting in the lounge chair, Luana propped-up her feet to absorb the warm rays. Fingering her beaded bookmark, she hesitated a moment to reflect on the words in the first chapter she had just read. Questions roamed her mind as she recalled the two young women waiting for their labor to commence; she intuited their lives would change forever.

.]

“Are you Destiny? What is your last name, dear?” asked the unknown woman facing Destiny on the opposite side of the oak desk.

“No need to know my last name…doctor?” Destiny retorted.

“Oh, I am sorry. I dare say, I thought you were told who I was…my name is Dr. Ellsworth. I am the head obstetrician here at The Charter Manor for Women. There are two medical doctors on staff and four nurses to assist you during your time here,” the doctor stated matter-of-factly. “Now, I do need your full name.”

Destiny took a long breath inward, then released her first inspirational thought, “Lovelost…Destiny Lovelost.”

“Oh, I see. Well, Miss Lovelost, we are happy to assist you in your current situation. I was informed that you do not wish to keep your baby, is this correct?”

“Correct,” replied Destiny, with a solid tone that assured the meaning of her response.

“I will have the nurse give you the proper papers to fill out, and then tomorrow we will go over them after I give you an examination,” the doctor instructed, rose from her perch and vanished.

Destiny blindly noticed the nurse standing on her right trying to shove a stack of papers into her hand. She told Destiny they were to be completed by the time she returned the following day. The nurse left the undecorated room as swiftly as the doctor, leaving her to find her way back to the residents’ wing unassisted. As she passed the dining area, she was able to retrace the route back to her private room. Needing to pee terribly, Destiny made her way to the lavatory just in time to relinquish a deep sigh as the urine flowed from her body. “What did you expect?” she asked herself aloud, without considering if anyone else was in the loo. Settling back in her room with its little window and shy chair, she lay on the bed to process her thoughts.

Destiny realized she had dozed off when her nap was abruptly interrupted by a piercing scream. She sat upright and strained to hear the whispers down the hallway. The words were not audible, but the scream sounded a second time and brought her to her feet. She placed her ear to the old door that smelled of lemon oil, but nothing more was heard. Her mind was racing again with thoughts and questions that stung her temples. She grabbed her satchel to find her loyal journal, sat on the edge of the bed, and began to write:

Again, why me? I know…why not me. My life has little to offer, so why not trade one life filled with dreams and desires for one of trauma and grief? One life isn’t more valuable than another, I shan’t think. But where is the Divine Being that is supposed to harbor those in pain and suffering? Where is the God that is supposed to wrap children in love and assure their path is a productive and creative venture?

I think I am creative; I know I am creative. I enjoy seeing and offering new ways of imagining the world, though most have been met with deaf ears and blind eyes. Do I not deserve to relish in a proper vision like anyone else?

I come from a rightful family line that should ensure its lineage be directed to realizing their dreams. What has happened to my path? Enough! Enough sulking and projecting the pain of the other women staying here. I shall receive my rightful heritage of a life filled with productive abilities, and hopefully even love.

Destiny closed her journal, determined not to dream this night of floating babies or her parents.

When Destiny was about ten years old, she asked her mum why she had been named Destiny. At the time, her mum shrugged her bony shoulders only revealing, “In hopes that you would find your right path.” She took the answer without inquisition, knowing her mum well enough to understand she did not want to talk about the subject. Her parents had been a bit overly protective of her, until she closed them out of her life during her experimental teen years. She would purposefully leave home late at night, well-knowing her parents could hear her exiting the stately manor. Once in 1971, when Destiny was returning from a bash given by an older friend whose parents were traveling abroad for the summer, her parents confronted her tactics by standing firmly in the hall blocking passage to her bedroom.

“Why must you put us through this kind of charade, Destiny? Do you not care about how we will look to our friends if they found out you had been gallivanting around all hours of the night?” her mum asked, displaying what looked like real tears pooling in the corners of her eyes.

“Oh, Mum, you worry too much,” Destiny replied, edging her way past the pair who stood stiff in their cotton night clothes.

Turning to witness Destiny’s bum stride down the hallway, her father shouted, “We shan’t have any more of this, young lady, or it’s off to boarding school!”

Destiny did not curb her pubescent behavior that year, and was sent the following to attend the all girls Charlton School in Telford. However, she was not upset about the transfer to a boarding school; actually, her life became less complicated. She continued her pranks and was put on report several times, but managed to graduate with little effort. Destiny was a brilliant student and she knew it. The school afforded her the time and space to study alone, a place to sleep, and optimal opportunity to sneak out to the many parties hosted by nearby college students. She was an only child, fated to learn about boys through individual exploitation—usually theirs, not hers. She fancied herself as an independent thinker with good genes, not a stunner.

Prior to this current setback, Destiny had experienced the drama of falling in l**t with a boy her own age, only to tire of his inept capabilities of pursuit. The courtship ended in its third month of floundering hands and lips missing their mark. There was passion in her body, that was not the issue. Soon, the boy became a whim to display like the chessmen she used in games to challenge her professors—she always won. After this vague attempt to be with a boy her own age, Destiny preferred older college boys.

Since Charlton was less than ten miles from her parents’ home in Wellington, they visited often. Destiny was expected to appear before them when they arrived to check on her progress. The headmistress would politely walk them through the halls pointing out the classrooms their daughter was attending, ready to attest to her above average marks. Most times, they needed to wait several minutes in the large receiving area until Destiny would finally arrive, only to kiss them on the cheek and tell them she was fine but had to leave for class. She figured, why take the time to pretend she cared enough to chat like old people over a cup of tea who only wish to hear the latest gossip of the village. Destiny felt she had received little affection as a child, so thought, why submit to niceties at this age just to appease her parents?

Many times, for the three and a half year span at Charlton, Destiny would not even bother to return home to spend bank holidays. She would relish the fact that she had the entire school to herself without the usual dormitory hallways resounding muffled giggles and high-pitched screams. She cherished her time alone and often faked illness during school breaks, just to secure her hiatus of seclusion.

Dressed and ready for the appointment with Dr. Ellsworth, Destiny again felt the bubble of life within her belly. To distract this awareness, she sought out Tina to ask if there had been a delivery last evening when the screams echoed through the halls. Spying Tina in the lounge area, Destiny slowly approached not wishing to interrupt, or join, Tina’s conversation with another woman sitting on the couch next to her. She judged the woman to be older, probably even in her late twenties. Obviously in her third trimester, the woman sat upright with a stiff frame, as if to signify she would need to rotate her entire body to view the space around her. Destiny stood a distance away, trying to look like she had business in the room other than to spy on the pair sitting on the couch.

After a few minutes, the woman rose from her sitting position, seemingly without bending, to stand nearly six feet tall. She left the room, leaving the pillow vacant for Destiny to roost beside Tina.

“Good morning, Tina,” Destiny offered, “Are you well?”

“Oh, yes, Destiny. I feel very well this morning, better than many days,” Tina replied, adjusting her big belly to face Destiny.

“Who was that woman, do you know her well?” asked Destiny.

“Her name is Iris. Isn’t she a stunner? She is so tall and regal!” Tina reported with her light blue eyes shining in the rays of the morning sun.

“Yes, she certainly is, though a bit older than I would expect to see here. It’s a bit off-putting.”

“Well, one never knows…her dilemma is one many women experience who have found themselves pregnant at a time in their lives that isn’t suitable for various reasons. How are you feeling?” Tina inquired, changing the topic of discussion.

“Oh, I am fine. I am always fine. Do not worry about me, Tina. Did you hear that terrible scream last evening? I jumped out of my skin!” Destiny said, widening her brown eyes.

“Oh, yes! I certainly did! It was not the first scream I have heard here. Mind you, I have been here for many months and have seen many girls come and go,” Tina explained, as if to remind Destiny what she had said the day before.

“Well, is that the common thing? To scream like an animal?” asked Destiny with surprise etched across her pale complexion.

“Yes, I am afraid it can be. I guess if labour starts without warning, one would be taken off-guard to its pain,” Tina offered. “I have been reading the books in the library here and they claim the pain is bearable if taught how to breathe correctly. The attendant named Mary is working with me now to ensure I know how to command my breath during my labour.”

“Well, another good-to-know fact. I have my first exam this morning with Dr. Ellsworth, so better push off. Do you have any insight to share with me about pelvic exams?” asked Destiny.

“Have you not had one?” Tina countered, sounding surprised.

“No, but it cannot be all that bad, right?” Destiny asked, expecting to hear Tina say, “No.”

“Well, I have been getting them regularly during my stay here. But if it’s your first one…well, just try to relax.” Tina placed her hands on Destiny’s shoulders, pressing down to adjust their stressful stance.

“Thanks, Tina. I will try…chat later.” Destiny rose from the couch, which took a bit more effort than usual. She waved her hand to Tina as she rounded the corner to walk down the long white hall for a second time.

Destiny entered the doctor’s office, sat in the chair facing the oak desk, and began her compulsive spiral eye-patterning to pass the time. The nurse appeared right on cue and Destiny held up the papers she’d filled out. They were placed directly on the desktop to politely wait their turn to be reviewed, and then the nurse vanished. When Destiny was finished with her second round of eye-tracing, Dr. Ellsworth bounced into the room.

“Hello, Destiny. How are you feeling today?” the doctor inquired, displaying a bit more compassion than the day before.

“Oh, I am fine. The papers are filled out. The nurse put them on your desk, there.” Destiny pointed to the small stack that lay inertly to await its discovery.

“Yes, I see. Thank you for getting these back to me so quickly. Many young ladies don’t complete their paperwork for days, even weeks.” Her long fingers grasped the papers that were ready to be thumbed through to reveal Destiny’s current circumstances.

“Now, I see here that you have not received any medical care whatsoever, is this correct?” asked the doctor while placing the papers on the opposite end of the desk.

“Yes. I have not been seen by anyone but the clinic technician who gave me the e.p.t. pregnancy test,” Destiny replied, and then twisted her position to relieve the twinge in her lower left groin area.

“Well, then, it is a good thing you have arrived a bit early so we can take a look at your status, and get your blood workup completed,” the doctor told Destiny with a look of concern. “I’ll go through your paperwork later. Right now, if you will please follow me to the examination room?” The doctor stood and motioned for Destiny to follow.

Once settled inside the exam room, Destiny felt a cold draft of air creep up the thin paper gown reaching the bare tissue exposed to the doctor. She was not modest; she never had a reason to be, but this foreign pose was certainly a challenge. She tried to hold her knees together for a slip of privacy, only to have the nurse instruct her to part them and scoot her bum to the edge of the table. Destiny obeyed, and then immediately felt like a slab of meat being butchered while still attached to its owner. “Ouch!” she yelped, without realizing the sound was her own.

“I am sorry, dear, but now I have to press on your tummy at the same time that I feel your uterus to determine how far along you are,” the doctor said, as she held most of one hand inside Destiny, and pushed her other firmly on the incumbent belly that had been neglected until this moment.

Destiny bit down on her lower lip to stifle another exclamation of discomfort. No wonder Tina didn’t want to tell me the truth about these exams! she thought, as she pushed back up to the middle of the exam table as instructed.

“You can get dressed now and meet me back in my office,” the doctor told Destiny.

“Okay,” Destiny managed to say as she jumped off the hard table. She waited for the doctor to exit before removing the gown now drenched with a gooey paste that reeked of fish-odor and blood.

Destiny appeared in front of the old oak desk to find the doctor’s attention consumed with the stack of papers that had patiently waited their turn. No words were spoken for a full two minutes, until the doctor tucked the papers inside a hard manila folder with a tab marked, “Lovelost, Destiny.” “Destiny, I am going to be frank with you; but first, I need to ask a few more questions. You wrote that you do not know the name of the father of your baby, correct?” asked Dr. Ellsworth.

“Yes, that is correct.” Destiny replied curtly, not wishing to divulge any information that didn’t need to be revealed.

“So, if you leave your baby with us to be put up for adoption, the father will not be opposed to the decision?” the doctor asked, trying to open Destiny’s vault.

“Yes, that is correct,” Destiny replied.

“And your parents, Destiny? Where do they live? You didn’t give any information listing them, or anyone to contact in case of an emergency,” the doctor asked tilting her head, displaying a hint of worry that deepened the lines in her forehead.

“My parents are no longer living. I live alone and have no relatives to contact. My new friend, Tina, who is staying here is the closest friend I have,” Destiny lied as if her tongue knew the familiar journey of deceit.

“I see,” the doctor said, “are you completely positive you’ll be giving your baby up for adoption, Destiny?”

“Yes,”Destiny said with a firmness the doctor could not challenge.

“All right, Destiny. When your baby is born, it will be taken directly to another facility where it will be taken care of until a suitable couple is matched for its adoption. There will be more paperwork for you to fill out. You should be delivering your baby within the next few weeks. In the meantime, you have developed a vaginal infection and you will need to use the medication I am going to prescribe. The directions are on the label, but if you have any questions just ask one of your attendants. Have you met any of the attendants?”

“No, I have not,” she replied.

“Well, all right, Destiny. I will check on you in five days to see how you are progressing. You seem to have your course of action established; but if you have any questions, please know I’ll be glad to answer them.” The doctor stood and offered a hug in a gesture of comfort, but Destiny quickly left the room to find the nearest lavatory.