Unexpected (MxM)

Chapter Nineteen- Villain

Chapter Nineteen-

Frankie

Julian rarely ever speaks at dinner, so if he talks it’s probably because even he can pick up on the awkward tension. I know how he feels about everything. He hides his feelings like his life depends on it, but he and I are closer than some of our other siblings. He opens up to me.

I know he misses Moth, but he understands Sawyer’s side too. He doesn’t think I should’ve been talking to our mom, and he was just as scared as everyone else when they thought I was missing. He thought the holding cell situation was stupid, and I agree. I didn’t do anything wrong and somehow I still ended up being punished for it. Moth was too. That’s why his whole family got ripped to shreds.

Dinners in the Grayson household have been quiet recently. Noel and Candace both moved out. Lottie’s time is always split between school and the bakery, so she’s usually pretty worn out at this time. Cameron, Carter, and Carson carry most of the dinner conversations now which means we’re mostly talking about Fortnite and ice skating.

Will has been studying non-stop for two weeks. He got recruited for the soccer program at Stanford, but in order to get early admission, Will has to finish a whole year’s worth of school in one semester and pass the SAT and finals for his classes. To say he’s been stressed would be the understatement of the year.

I help him sometimes, but he hardly leaves his room. Even when he does, his break consists of practicing his footwork and scoring outside in the backyard. Theo comes over too, but it’s mostly just to make sure he’s eating.

Julian is mature, but he’s always been quiet which means the only adult conversations would be between Teagan, Sawyer, and I. Frankly, I have nothing to say to them anymore and they’re lucky I show my face long enough to eat with them.

“What’s going to happen with your dance, Frankie?” Julian asks, feeding his duck the pieces of his food that he doesn’t like. He glances over at me but doesn’t hold eye contact long before looking back down at his plate.

At this point, I’m desperate to end this awkward silence too. “I fought to get it approved, so I feel like it’s my job to go. Bash offered to take me, so I said yes. We’re going as friends.”

“Sebastian from the student council? That’s great, Franks. You two used to be such good friends in middle school. I always wondered what happened.” Sawyer comments, his eyes practically begging me to entertain his small talk. He’s told me how bad he feels about what he did, but for some reason, he still can’t just admit that he was wrong.

He understands how terrible he’s made me feel, but somewhere in his twisted brain, he still thinks he was doing the right thing. It’s bull. He needs to understand that it goes beyond just hurting me. He ruined Moth’s relationship with his family.

Thanks to Sawyer, Moth and Fizzle don’t talk as much anymore, Moth’s mom got sent to a rehabilitation center, and now he’s stuck with his dad. Only god knows what’s happening with him right now because I know he’s holding something back when we talk. He tells me everything is great but I know he’s lying. I am too.

“Bash got popular, and I’m still a loser. It’s not neuroscience.” I grumble, being sure not to say “rocket science” to avoid a long rant from Julian about how rocket science is easy and the phrase should be neuroscience instead.

Sawyer ignores my sour tone and offers something else. “Well, what are you going to wear? I could help you style your hair.”

The thought appeals to me. I used to love when Sawyer would do my hair. He’d always brush it for me and style it how he liked, and that was the time we’d get to talk with just the two of us. He’d sit on the couch and I’d be on the floor tilting my head back to look at him no matter how many times he nagged me for it. I’ve thought of prom and homecoming before. I’ve thought about how Sawyer would take me to pick out my outfit and help me figure out what to do with my hair. He’s had long hair forever so he’d know better than me.

After everything he’s done, I’d rather shave my head than let him brush it again.

“I was actually thinking of cutting it.”

Teagan and Sawyer both stare at me with wide eyes. Looking around, I notice the same expression from Julian and the kids as well.

“You spent so long growing it out. Why would you just cut it off?” Sawyers’ worried face just irks me more than I already am. I can’t help the words that bubble out of me every time I have to sit here with him and act like my blood isn’t boiling with anger. I don’t have that much self-control.

“Honestly?” I snap at him, meeting his gaze. “Because when I look in a mirror and see you, it makes me want to throw up.”

Sawyer slumps in his chair, but when I see Teagan’s hand sneak over to grasp his, Sawyer forces himself to perk back up. He’s trying to make me want to be close to him again. It won’t work.

Teagan grins at me. “I’m sure whatever you decide to do will look great.”

“Sure.” I sigh and put my fork down on the plate. Hearing their voices is enough to make me lose my appetite. I look around at the empty spots at the table and lean back in my chair.

Candace was always asking everyone about their day and starting conversations. Noel was fun and always had an old story to tell or funny comments to make. Will has always been a little intense, but hearing him talk about the things he’s passionate about always made me want to find something I love that much too. The dinner table feels like a ghost town now.

Everyone’s gone and after Will moves off to California, I’ll be the oldest. No more big brother or sister to go to when I need help with something. No one to stick up for me when Sawyer and Teagan are too harsh. I’ll be alone.

I used to love this. I used to run down the stairs when Sawyer screamed that dinner was done. I used to spill my guts at the table every night and everyone else did too. We were close like that. We used to be so open and accepting of each other and now it feels like I’m trapped.

This is the worst part of every day. I eat as quickly as I can and then run back to my room to hide because I can’t stand acting like this is the same family I thought I had a year ago.

“Do we need to keep doing this every night? Half of the family can’t be bothered to show up, and I don’t want to be here.” I complain, looking at Sawyer and Teagan.

“Family dinners are important. We eat together because it keeps us unified and helps us understand the importance of being together.” Sawyer insists.

“In case you didn’t notice, our family is pretty fractured. Holding me hostage and forcing me to sit here and eat with you guys like looking at you doesn’t make me want to punch something is the farthest thing from keeping us unified.”

Sawyer sighs easily and drops his fork on his plate, glaring at me. “What do you want from me? I’m sorry that I apparently do everything wrong, and somehow in the past year, I went from being your idol to your enemy. There’s nothing else I can do to make this better Frankie. Can you please just throw me a bone for once? I’m trying my best.”

I glare back at him, crossing my arms over my chest. “Then your best isn’t good enough.”

He keeps the anger on his face for a minute before letting his mask c***k. Sawyer is a professional when it comes to sucking his feelings up. He rarely cries in front of us and I know he’d much rather cover that emotion with anger or annoyance, but I can see the sadness coming to the surface. He bites his lip as tears well up in his eyes, and takes a few deep breaths, clearly trying to calm himself down before he gets the chance to shed any tears. When he realizes he can’t choke down his emotions, he stands up and starts to walk away.

“Sawyer,” Teagan calls to him, slumping when Sawyer ignores him and walks up the steps to their room.

I know I should feel bad. I can hear his soft crying from here, but I’m tired of being treated like my feelings don’t matter, and his do. “So can I go?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Teagan snaps at me. He’s usually the sweet one out of the two of them, but he looks pissed now. Great. When Sawyer makes me cry and I’m being dramatic, but when I make him cry I’m the villain.

“Nothing.”

“Do you have any idea how lucky you are?”

“Yeah, I’m so lucky my family is crumbling like a three-month-old cookie and my boyfriend had to move across the country because of a big misunderstanding.”

Teagan scoffs and stands up to take the plates and put them in the sink. The younger kids practically flee once they’re dismissed, which I’m grateful for. They don’t need to worry about the adults. Julian stays, but he hears everything anyway. It’s too late to shelter him now.

Teagan turns to me, frowning. “I’m sure there are kids that go to your school who get hit by their parents. Some kids don’t have any family, live on the street, and can barely afford to eat a meal. There are kids like your boyfriend who could’ve been dead on the side of the road somewhere while his mom didn’t even know that he’d been gone for hours. There are a million people out there with nobody. You have people here who love you, Frankie, and you’re treating us like crap. You are acting like an ungrateful little brat.”

“I don’t know why I waste my breath on the two of you.” I scoff, rolling my eyes at him as I stand up. “Why can’t you ever just listen to me? You always get so defensive and start talking about how hard you guys try and how you’re doing better than a lot of other parents, but that’s not the point. I’m allowed to have feelings even if you can’t change or fix them. I know he’s trying his best, but he still hurt me. I don’t have to forgive him just because I know he had good intentions.”

“You don’t have to forgive him, but you’re not going to talk to him like that again. The constant digs at him and attitude towards us have to stop, Frankie. I’m sorry Moth isn’t here, but it’s done. We need to get past this.”

I’m still frustrated. I feel like they don’t care to understand, but I’m tired of dealing with this. I can pretend it’s all okay if that’s what’s going to keep them off my case. “Fine.”

Before I can walk away, Teagan walks over and grabs my arm, pulling me close to him to hug me tightly. I like how he smells because it’s always been so comforting. When Sawyer first introduced us, I didn’t think I’d like Teagan because he was always taking up Sawyer’s time. We all grew to love him. Teagan stabilized our family a lot when he started helping out and getting closer to Sawyer. He was like the additional foundation we needed to not fall apart. He’s our family now, and no matter how pissed I am at him or Sawyer, I love his hugs.

“We love you, Franks. You can be mad or sad. You can feel however you do, but you’re not allowed to forget how much we love you, okay?”

I sniffle, blinking back the water that’s beginning to pool in my eyes. “I love you guys too. I’m just dealing with a lot right now.”

When we pull back, he kisses my forehead and pats my shoulder. “I know.”

I give him a little smile before heading to my room. I shut my door and flop back on my bed, turning to look at the picture of Moth on my bedside table.

I’d wait years to be with him again. I didn’t expect that being apart physically would be so hard for us, but he’ll be back eventually. We’ll be together.