Chasing After You

Chapter 4 - Homecoming and Confessions

Claire closed the door to her apartment behind her and leaned against it, letting out a long, shaky breath. The day had been emotionally exhausting, and all she wanted now was to hold her son, to remind herself of the life she had built without Julian. The life that Julian knew nothing about.

“Mommy’s home!” she called out, her voice trembling slightly as she pushed herself off the door and headed towards the living room.

Her heart lifted at the sound of tiny feet padding across the floor, and within seconds, her two-year-old son, Jasper, came barreling towards her with a squeal of delight.

“Mommy!” Jasper's little arms wrapped around her legs, and Claire scooped him up into her arms, pressing kisses to his soft cheeks.

“Hey, baby,” she murmured, her voice thick with emotion as she held him close, inhaling the comforting scent of his hair. This was her anchor, her reason for pushing through the day despite the turmoil that meeting Julian had stirred within her. “Did you have a good day?”

Jasper nodded enthusiastically, his little hands clutching at her blouse as if he never wanted to let go. “Miss Maya played with me! We did colors!”

Claire smiled, though her heart ached with the secret she had been keeping for so long. “That sounds like fun, sweetheart. How about you show me what you made after dinner?”

He nodded again, already squirming to get down. Claire set him on the floor, watching as he toddled off to his toys, content to be back in his familiar world. For a moment, she just stood there, watching him, the weight of her secret pressing down on her more than ever.

She had made the decision to keep Jasper from Julian two years ago, after everything had fallen apart between them. It had been a painful choice, but at the time, she had convinced herself it was for the best. But now… now that she was back in Julian’s world, even if only professionally, the guilt gnawed at her.

“Claire?”

The sound of Maya’s voice broke through her thoughts, and she turned to see her friend standing in the doorway, a curious expression on her face.

“Hey,” Claire managed to say, forcing a smile. “Thanks for watching Maya today.”

“Of course,” Maya said, her tone light but laced with concern. “You know I love spending time with him. But… how are you doing? You seemed pretty wound up when you left this morning.”

Claire sighed, running a hand through her hair as she moved to the couch, collapsing onto the cushions with a weary sigh.

“It was… intense. You won't believe who I saw?”

Cassie joined her, sitting down and turning to face her.

“Who was it? Was it Ronan?”

Claire sighed deeply.

“I wish. It was Julian”

Maya's mouth hung slightly open.

“Damn. Your ex husband? So, how did it go? Was it as bad as you imagined?”

Claire let out a humorless laugh.

“Worse, actually. It’s like… all those old feelings just came rushing back, and I had to keep it all bottled up because I’m his boss now. I had to act like I wasn’t dying inside just being in the same room with him.”

Maya’s expression softened as she reached out to squeeze Claire's hand. “I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been for you. But you did it. You’re strong, Cee”

“Am I?” Claire asked, her voice barely above a whisper. “Because all I could think about the entire time was how he doesn’t know about Jasper. And now that I’m back in his life… how much longer can I keep this secret?”

Maya’s gaze flicked to Jasper, who was now busy with his blocks, completely oblivious to the storm brewing in his mother’s heart. “I know you did what you thought was right at the time, Cee But maybe… maybe it’s time to think about telling him. Julian deserves to know.”

Claire closed her eyes, the weight of Maya's words settling heavily on her. She knew her friend was right, but the thought of Julian finding out about Jasper terrified her. What if he tried to take Jasper away? What if he hated her for keeping his son from him?

“I just… I’m not ready,” Claire admitted, her voice trembling.

“I’m not ready to face what might happen if he finds out. And I’m not ready to deal with his anger, or his hurt. I barely survived the last time we were together, Maya. I don’t know if I can do it again.”

Most of all Claire had no idea if Julian would even want Jasper. He had cheated on her and gotten April pregnant. Wasn't he living his best life, probably married to April and being a father?

Why would she bring Jasper into his life now? Would Julian even accept him or curse her? Either way Claire wasn't curious to find out and maybe it was better if some secrets remained hidden for the best of everyone.

Maya squeezed her hand tighter, her expression full of sympathy.

“You don’t have to decide anything right now. Just take it one day at a time. And remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here for you, no matter what you choose.”

Claire nodded, grateful for Maya's unwavering support. “Thanks, Maya. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Maya smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “You’re stronger than you think, Cee. And no matter what happens, you’ll get through this. You have to—for Jasper.”

Claire glanced over at her son, her heart swelling with love and fear in equal measure. She knew Maya was right. Whatever happened, she had to be strong. For Jasper’s sake, and for her own.

But as she sat there, holding onto Maya's hand like a lifeline, Maya couldn’t shake the feeling that her carefully constructed world was on the verge of unraveling. And this time, she wasn’t sure she could put it back together.