Forest Through the Trees

Chapter 14 (Jamie)

Scar and I fall back into the same old routine as if she never left and what may or may not have happened fades into the back of my mind, but it doesn’t completely disappear.

I take her out for Sushi, her favorite, not mine.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not terrible. But compared to a double whopper with cheese and bacon, it just can't compare. I start to salivate at the thought, and my stomach grumbles.

I don’t find Sushi very filling is all. But I guess that’s my fault for always eating like it’s my last night on earth. I just can’t help it. I am always starving. Between soccer and rugby, I lose a lot of calories and, since I am on the smaller side, I need to make up for that with bulk. Something I am struggling to do. But, no matter how much I eat and exercise, I just seem to shred the weight off. I am toned but those boys can throw me around out there and if I don’t put the weight on quickly, I am going to get my ass handed to me next week at tryouts.

Scar is the exact opposite. She counts every calorie she takes in and if she is over by just a tiny bit she freaks out and refuses to eat the next day. I don’t approve. I try to coax her to eat those days but she always gets mad at me when I do.

“Do you want a fat slob of a girlfriend?” She'd say. Or “Just because you eat like a pig doesn’t mean I need to”. That one stings a bit more because it’s true. I know that I am a hoover when it comes to food. I will eat anything that is put in front of me. But to my credit, I do tone it down in the off-season. Besides, it's not like I am fat.

I wonder if Scar is so mean sometimes because she doesn’t eat. I know I can get pretty “Hangery”. Maybe she is just irritable all the time because she is starving to death. Not that I would dare to say that to her.

When she gets really worked up over her weight or appearance, I just remind her that she is beautiful, and it wouldn’t matter if she did gain weight, I would still love her the same.

She just scoffs at that.

I don’t know if she doesn’t believe me or thinks I am that shallow, but it’s true.

In fact, in my opinion, she could stand to gain some weight.

Don’t get me wrong. Scarlett is absolutely gorgeous the way she is. But I also wouldn’t mind a little more junk in the trunk. Some more cushion for the pushing. Sometimes, when she is on my lap, it kind of hurts because I can feel her butt bones digging into me. But it’s short-lived because I usually have other things on my mind at that moment.

But, what I would really appreciate, is a little more upstairs.

Scar doesn’t have an ounce of fat on her. Anywhere. So, she is very much a member of the “Itty Bitty Titty Committee”.

Yikes, I feel like an asshole for even thinking that.

Scar is gorgeous and has a body that most girls would kill for. And maybe that’s the thing, she looks like a girl. Not a woman with curves and mounds. I am very attracted to her but let's just say, she is the opposite of my late-night Google searches.

We are in my truck in the parking lot behind the Sushi place right now. Another normal for us. We spend a fair amount of time in my truck. Especially when we do... stuff. We could go to my place but my mom would make a point of checking up on us every ten minutes for just this reason. And it’s hard to keep... well, hard, when the threat of your mother busting in at any moment is preventing you from doing just that. We have much more privacy when we go to Scar’s place, but she tries not to be home as much as possible.

So, my truck is our go-to.

I don’t mind. I love my baby and it has more than enough room to get the job done. In fact, I am really appreciating its advantages right now.

Scar is in the bucket seat in the back, her long legs are up on the driver and passenger seats above my head as I kneel in front of her.

I love this part.

I love tasting her and feeling her tighten around my fingers as I work her core and coax throaty moans from her lips.

Probably ninety percent of the time we fool around by taking turns finishing each other off without actually having s*x. Sometimes it’s because we don’t have protection and other times it's because she tends to get bored halfway through.

That hurts.

I like to think I do a good job. I know that I am inexperienced, Scar and I only started doing it last year and she is the only one I have ever been with. But at least when I use my mouth and hands, I know she loves it.

I mean, I must be doing something right when I can wring moans from her like I am right now.

She fists her hands in my hair and that’s when I know she is getting close.

I can’t wait.

I want her to c*m so badly. I want her to tighten and shudder as she screams my name. I want her to have an amazing o****m that loosens every muscle in her body. The kind that makes her appreciate and love me, the kind that makes her happy even for just a short while. As bad as my c**k is throbbing for its turn between those lips, I would gladly forgo, just to have a little extra time with the mushy, lovey-dovey Scarlet that comes from being thoroughly satisfied.

Her moans start to drag out longer and she moves her legs from the seats to wrap them around my shoulders. Locking me in place as she begins to rock into me.

She’s about to c*m.

My phone rings. It’s the basic ringtone, meaning it’s a number that is not programmed in.

Likely a telemarketer.

“Don’t. You. Dare. Answer. Thaaaat” Scar sounds breathless and moans the last word as her whole-body tenses.

I can’t help a grin. I wouldn’t dare.

I still my hand, two fingers deep inside, and focus on the methodical flick of my tongue as she starts to release. Just the way she likes it.

She lets out a cry and digs her long fingernails into the back of my neck so hard I wouldn’t be surprised if it drew blood. But I wouldn’t care. Just a physical reminder that I caused her to c*m that hard.

After the shuttering has subsided to just the odd clench, I slowly draw my fingers out with one final curl that rakes the last moan from her lips before she rests back against the seat.

She gives a sigh and a small laugh “You really are getting good at that”.

Scar releases her hold on me and I move to sit next to her, tucking her against my side. “I forgot how much I like doing it,” I say into her hair as I nestle her under my chin.

We relax into each other and ride the high. Neither of us breaks the peace by talking. That is something that has always been good with us. We are comfortable enough with each other that we don’t need to fill up the quiet with empty words.

I breathe her in, just enjoying the moment.

After a while, she turns her head and kisses under my chin and down my neck.

I know this means that she intends to reciprocate. But as badly as HE wants that, I want to stay in this peaceful moment with her even more. These moments remind me of why we are together because it is a glimpse of how we once were. When we could just enjoy being together and being in love. These times are so few and far between I am reluctant to let them pass.

Even for my own release.

I lift her chin so I can cover her mouth with mine. I kiss her deeply, trying to get the feeling that I used to have. If I focus, I can almost remember.

“You don’t have to. I am happy just getting to hold you” I whisper around kisses.

Scar pushes against my chest, sitting up. “Do you not want me to?”.

I give a small chuckle “Of course I do”.

I don’t know if I do or not.

I know most guys would think I am crazy to say no to head, and don’t get me wrong. I am so incredibly turned on right now. I feel like my c**k will rip from my jeans. But for some reason, I just can’t enjoy it. I always feel guilty. From the moment it starts I can tell she just wants to get it over with. As is evident in her hurried movements and lack of enthusiasm. I know that people say that head is head, but it’s not. Rushing to finish as fast as possible leaves no room for me to enjoy it. And that creates a vicious cycle. I can’t enjoy it because I am trying to bust as fast as possible and then it ends up taking even longer.

And yes, I realize that makes me a choosing beggar.

“I just really want to enjoy this moment with you,” I say, as I wrap my arm around her and try to pull her back against me.

“And that wouldn't be enjoyable? Are you kidding me right now?”

And just like that, our happy post-o****m bubble is broken.

“I didn’t say that Scar” to her face anyway. “Can’t we just have a good time?”

She looks at me incredulously, shaking her head “Wow, I can’t believe you ac...”

She is cut off by her phone ringing. She ruffles around in the back seat looking for it, grabbing her shirt in the process and slipping it back over her head.

She finds the phone and it’s a number that isn’t registered. I can tell that just by the way she looks at the screen. She holds out hope that it will be her parents, but it never is. It makes me sad for her. I know a lot of who she has become can be traced back to how her parents treat her. Or rather don’t treat her. Because they simply aren’t around.

If I am being real with myself, I think that a lot of the reason we still fight so hard to make it work is because I am all she has. I wonder sometimes if she even loves me, or if she is just scared of losing me.

She glances up at me and I know that she is looking to me for support. So, I rest my hand on her knee. She rarely shows her vulnerability and as quickly as it comes, it’s gone again, as she clears her throat and straightens her shoulders.

“Hello?”

I can’t hear what is said, but I can tell it’s not her parents by the way her lips thin out.

“Yeah, he is” she replies. To me, she says “It’s Alex”, then presses the speaker button.

I look at her and mouth “I’m sorry”, but she just hands me the phone and starts straightening her skirt.

“Hello?” I say to the phone.

I still haven’t had the chance to talk with Alex and obviously now is not that time, but the fact that he called Scar’s phone and not mine makes the unease I am still feeling stir a little.

“Hey,” he says before pausing a moment like he doesn’t know how to say what he wants to say. He finally lets out a sigh and continues “Look, I know you guys are... busy doing your thing” Scar snorts at that “But I need a favor”.

Suddenly, I am on high alert.

It dawns on me that he is calling from a different number at the same time it hits me that he is asking for my help. Alex never asks anyone for anything. Like, ever. He would rather suffer, it’s his pride and what will one day be his downfall.

My first thought is that he could be calling me from jail. But although I am prepared for that likely eventuality, I don’t think that is this call.

“What’s wrong?” Scar asks before I get a chance to.

Another pause as Scar and I look at each other with worry.

“We’re at Brad and Dani’s. Something happened and we need a ride”, he says this in a rush like he finds it painful to ask, even though he says it like a statement and not a question at all.

“We?” Scar asks what I am thinking.

Another pause and my curiosity is escalating with his hesitation.

“Hello?” I say when I begin to think that the call was dropped.

But then I hear him sigh “I’m here with Willow...”.

I hear Scar suck in a breath, and I am equally surprised. So many questions are running through my head.

What are they doing together?

Don’t they hate each other?

Could they be on a date?

I am even more shocked at the flair of jealousy I feel at the thought of Alex getting to spend alone time with Willow. Shocked because I am not one to get jealous and because I have known her all of one day, so I don't understand why it should bother me. But for some reason, she brings this out in me. I should be relieved. Because if Alex is perusing Willow, then that means there really isn’t something going on between him and Scar.

That should be a huge weight off my chest. So why does it feel so tight?

And what could have happened?

No one says anything for a moment as we process what he said, then Alex is the one who asks “Hello?”.

“Yeah, we’ll be right there,” I tell him, breaking free of my swirling thoughts.

Alex doesn’t say anything else. Not even so much as a thank you before hanging up.

But that’s Alex.

I hand the phone back to Scar, who snatches it and shoves it in her purse before beginning to dig through it looking for something. I can tell she is upset.

“Hey,” I say, but she doesn’t stop to look at me, so I just continue “I’m sorry it wasn’t your parents”.

“I don’t care Jamie” she hisses.

I know that’s a lie, but I ask anyway “Then what’s wrong?”.

She pulls her keys from her purse and finally looks up at me with a death glare in place “Really?”.

I instantly feel guilty. Could she tell I was jealous or is she still mad about the BJ thing?

I don’t know which of the million things I apparently do wrong at any given moment that she could be mad at me for now. So, I just look at her with open hands, signaling my lack of understanding.

“You are such an asshole, Jamie,” she says, getting out of the truck and crossing to her car that is parked directly beside mine.

I feel like I have whiplash from her constant mood swings.

“Come on Scar. Talk to me” I am starting to feel exasperated as this is quickly devolving into another fight “Come with me, we can talk on the way and then I’ll take you home. We can come back for your car tomorrow”. I call after her but she doesn’t stop and lowers herself into the driver's seat.

She gives a humorless laugh “Don’t go out of your way for me. I’m just your girlfriend. Besides, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of your knight in shining armor act” she hisses "You were all blasé until Alex told you he was with Willow, now we need to rush off so you can play hero and win some brownie points, right? Well, I pass, thanks." She doesn't give me a chance to say anything as she slams her door and starts her engine.

Are you f*****g kidding me? She’s mad because I am going to help them?

I open her door again. "Scar, stop".

"What?" she asks, crossing her arms over her chest "Are you going to tell me I'm wrong? Go, on. Tell me I'm just crazy and I didn't just see the look on your face".

Was it that obvious?

The truth is I have no idea. No idea what to say, or do. No idea how I feel or how I am supposed to feel anymore. All I do know is that I am so mixed up all the time. So I give Scar the only truth that I can.

"Things have been messed up for a long time, and that has nothing to do with Willow." I run a hand through my hair "I want to fix things with us Scar, but it feels like you are constantly looking for a reason to be mad at me."

She looks at me incredulously "Or maybe, you are giving me every reason TO be mad at you?" She shakes her head "Have you ever thought about that?... Wait... I forgot, the great Jamie can do no wrong".

Her condescension instantly angers me "Excuse me?" I say, gripping the doorframe of her car. "Are you f*****g serious right now?" I push off her car and turn around, I don't remember the last time I was so pissed off with her, but I'm not done. I turn back "I'M the one who acts like I'm never wrong? All I seem to do anymore is apologize and beg for forgiveness. But guess what? I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG!".

She looks at me, shocked that I yelled at her, and I instantly regret it. I am the level-headed one. The consistent rock in the storm that is our relationship, and I am sick of it. Still, I have never yelled at her before. My first instinct is to apologize and try and make it better.

But f**k that. Not this time.

I am taking the damn space I asked for, and that she refused to give me.

I close her door without another word and climb back into my truck. This time she doesn't come after me but instead just drives off, and I'm relieved.