Forest Through the Trees

Chapter 7 (Alex)

I have never been so desperate to leave class in my life. And that is saying something.

I march down the hall and kids scramble to move out of my way as they see me coming. I know the effect I have on most people and I love the power that I feel from it. I’m moving fast, trying to put as much distance between myself and Jamie as possible. I just know he is going to come after me and try and talk to me about Scar again and I honestly don’t know what to say.

I still can’t wrap my mind around what happened last night.

*** *** ***

I wake up around 11:00 pm still cuddling her on my chest.

Her body is so warm and relaxing against mine, but two things have roused me.

One, my arm is dead. It's asleep and throbbing from being laid on for the past few hours.

And two, I have to pee. Really bad.

As much as I don't want to move, I have to. So, I try and scooch out from under her as gently as possible, doing my best not to wake her up.

Of course, it doesn’t work and her eyes flutter open while I am leaning over her, still trying to slide my arm out.

“What are you doing?” she asks sleepily, rubbing her eyes.

“Taking my arm back,” I tell her honestly.

She slides over quickly “Oh, sorry”.

“It’s fine,” I say as I stand rubbing and stretching it out.

I head to her bathroom and do my business. I need to get out of here, I think to myself while I wash up. I don’t have a curfew, but my dad will need the car for work tomorrow. Not to mention the fact that I want nothing more than to crawl back into bed with that extremely beautiful and extremely taken creature out there, just reinforces how much I need to leave.

I want her. About as much as I have ever wanted anything in my life. And that is dangerous for a person who never gets anything that they want. Especially when I get the impression that she would like me to stay.

So, my mind is made up. I’m leaving.

I open the door, ready to tell her I am heading out and will see her tomorrow when the words die on my tongue.

She has changed into a nightgown.

If you can call it that.

It’s more like a black bra and thong with some black see-through material hanging between them. It covers nearly nothing and leaves little to the imagination. Especially as she is bent over the bed pulling down the sheets and fixing the pillows.

I know my jaw is on the floor and I am momentarily frozen, just watching her.

Somehow, I manage to turn around. Bracing myself on the doorframe.

“What the hell are you wearing, Scar?” I say over my shoulder.

"Hmm? Oh, this? It’s just my nightgown” she says so nonchalantly. “Why, what’s wrong with it?”

Her fake innocence infuriates me.

She knows exactly what she is doing. Knows the position she is putting us both in. I grip the doorframe harder as I growl out from between clenched teeth. “Put a f*****g robe on or something.”

But she scoffs at me“It’s nothing you haven’t seen before, Alex. Remember last summer when we all went skinny dipping down at the cliff?” I can hear her coming up behind me as she says this.“You weren’t disgusted by me then. In fact, I specifically remember you stealing glances at me all night.” She all but purrs the last part in my ear, so close I can almost feel her body heat.

I swallow past the lump in my throat and nearly shiver as I remember the first time I saw her naked.

That is until I also remember she spent the entire night with her arms, legs, and probably eventually lips wrapped around her boyfriend.

My best friend.

As I just swam nearby awkwardly.

Forever the third wheel.

She carefully touches my shoulder and I know she wants me to turn around and look at her.

But why? Does she get off on torturing me?

Anger fills me and I round on her. “What the f**k do you think you're doing?”

She stumbles back a bit, clearly shocked at my anger.

“What kind of game are you trying to play with me, Scar?”

“I’m... I’m...” She takes steps backward towards her bed as I stalk towards her. I can see the fear in her eyes and it almost gives me pause, until I rake my eyes over her again.

“GOD DAMN IT, SCAR!” I need to turn around again and get my eyes off of her so I can think. I run my fingers through my hair and try to catch my breath before rounding on her again. My head is swirling as rage and desire, pain and need, all mix together.“How dare you do this to me. You know how much I want you, how much I have always wanted you. But it has always been him. No matter what I do. And now you’re in your underwear all but begging me to throw you on this bed... and for what?”

I want to break something. I feel like I am burning up on the inside. She opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off.

"Tell me you want me".

She blinks and frowns like she doesn't understand what I am asking of her.

I close the distance between us until she is pressed up against the bed and we are nearly nose to nose. I suck in a breath, breathing her in. She is looking up at me and the fear is gone, replaced by confusion and what I think could be desire.

She puts her hand on my chest and I close my eyes, leaning down to rest my forehead on hers. I am trying desperately to keep myself steady.

I can't think.

I can't breathe.

I want to scoop her up and bury myself in her. Release all of the emotions that I have been forced to carry silently for so long. To feel what it's like to finally have something that I have wanted so badly.

She starts to move her hand up to my chest but I grab it with my own.

"Say it". I let the words hang between us for a moment before continuing "Say you want me".

I finally open my eyes and look down at her. She is biting her bottom lip as her eyes are locked on my lips.

"I want you to kiss me, Alex" she whispers,

I release a breath I didn't know I was holding. I have envisioned her saying that to me for so long, I need a moment to commit it to memory.

She starts to lean in and it takes everything I have in me not to give in and cover her mouth with mine.

"That's not good enough." I shake my head, pulling back. "I want you to tell me that you are done with Jamie, and you want to be with me."

I watch her closely as she finally realizes what I am asking of her.

She opens her mouth to say something but closes it again.

My heart drops.

I don't know why I am surprised.

This is my life.

It's the way it always goes.

I guess I am just shocked that I can hurt so badly and still be standing upright.

So I do what I always do. Let the pain turn into anger.

“I see," I say, stepping away from her. "You are just planning to use me to get back at him. To hurt him for abandoning you. You’re using me, so you don’t have to be alone for one more night. And then what?”

I turn away from her again but she grabs onto my arm. “Alex, I...” another pause.

She won't say it. She can't say it. Because it's not true.

I quickly pull away, not turning to look at her.

“No Scar. Me. What about ME? I get used and then tomorrow, I get thrown away like yesterday's garbage, so you can go right back to him. And then what do I have?” I want to yell and cry and break things all at once.

But mostly I want it not to be true. I want her. I want her to want ME. I want everything to work out and to have it all. Like he does. But it will never be like that. Tomorrow she will be right back on his arm and I will be where I always am. Following in their shadow.

I can’t catch my breath. Anger and sadness are suffocating me.

I need to get out of here.

I head for the door. My hand is on the knob when her arms are around mine again, her hand in my hand.

“Alex please.” She sobs.

She’s crying?

I look back at her and she has tears running down her face. I am confused for a moment before I realize why she is crying.

I have to swallow back the bile that rises in my throat in order to get past these words.

“Don’t worry, I won't tell him.”

I take one last moment to feel her hand in mine, trying to memorize how good it feels before I pull away and walk out.

*** *** ***

I haven’t been able to think straight since last night, and the last place I want to be is here, around them. But since Pinecone is already up my ass, I really don’t have much of a choice. I can’t afford to get kicked out.

“Alex!” I hear someone call from behind me “Wait up.”

I don’t know who it is and I don’t care. I pick up my pace. Turning the corner quickly and weaving through people trying to disappear. It is not easy when people are literally parting like the red sea to get out of my way.

I decide it is best if I just slip down the art wing and double back.

I round the corner, quickly taking a glance back to see if I still have anyone following me, and run right into Scar.

Her eyes go wide as she looks up at me in shock, and I reach out to steady her, having almost knocked her backward. I am just as unprepared to see her.

I want to turn on my heels and walk the other way but can’t bring myself to do it.

“What are you doing over here?” She asks.

As if she has a monopoly on this hallway.

“Avoiding you actually,” I say coldly, crossing my arms and leaning against the wall. All hopes of avoiding her for even one day have been dashed, so I accept my fate.

“We should talk.” She says, looking up at me through her lashes. “About last night.”

“Why? I really don’t see what there is to talk about. Nothing happened.”

She studies me for a moment and then nods “But I wanted to tell you that I'm...” she stops talking when something behind me catches her eye.

I turn to see what has made her look so angry.

Jamie is walking and talking with that girl I ran into in the office this morning. They seem to be hitting it off. The girl is laughing and I know my friend well enough to know he becomes a comedian when flirting with a girl. Not to mention the way he is looking at her. Like he wants to take a bite of her.

Unlike Scarlet's model-perfect body, this girl has curves, a plump ass, and generous breasts. She is also much shorter, which to Jamie I am sure is a major bonus. He isn’t very tall and when Scar wears heels, which is most of the time, she is noticeably taller than he is and I know that is a bit of a sore spot for him. Whether he admits it or not.

I’ll admit she is attractive. Until she opens her mouth, that is.

Jamie spots us and halts whatever he is saying.

And here we go.

He says something to the girl, points at one of the classrooms and then heads over to us. I look back at Scar and she has her arms crossed. I can tell by the look on her face that she also noticed how friendly the two of them were.

“Just the two people I was looking for,” Jamie says, joining us.

“Yeah, I can see you were looking really hard,” Scarlet snaps back.

I snort, suddenly feeling a whole lot better. The look of guilt on Jamie’s face does wonders to ease my own. So glad to see nothing ever changes.

I leave before they inevitably start fighting. This is between them anyway, and neither of them tries to stop me as I turn and walk away.