Full Moon

New Awakening

    The next morning I hear mumbling and people talking in the distance. I open my eyes and sit up. Why don’t I taste the alcohol on my breathe from last night? I don’t have to use the restroom either which I usually do first thing in the morning. That’s weird, and I’m not even thirsty. I get up to head downstairs and look toward my mirror. I freeze in that spot and just stare. I stare at the nothing looking back at me. Last night wasn’t a dream. I run downstairs and see my mom in the kitchen getting a cup of coffee. “Mom!” I yell out loud. She hesitates and looks around almost as if she felt a breeze for a second and then returned back to stirring her coffee. I follow her around the kitchen and she doesn’t even look at me. My hand can go through things, my whole body can go through things, I can’t taste anything, I don’t need to use the restroom or eat, and I’m invisible. What actually did happen to me last night? “Honey, can you get the milk out of the fridge?” my mom said sweetly. “Mom, that was a good one I-“but just as I thought she was talking to me I see my dad come in from the living room opening the fridge and handing her the milk."Thank you Thomas," my mom said. "Welcome Bets." My dads nickname for Betty. I rub my eyes and my head. What is happening? If I could feel anything I would feel weak and sick to my stomach. I rest my back on the wall. Why didn’t I fall through the wall? I really don’t get how this ghost thing works. Ghost thing. I had acknowledged it in my head subconsciously without actively putting the pieces together. But if I am a ghost, that means I had to have…died. Axel, where the hell is Axel? It’s still early enough he might not be at work yet. I can’t drive, it’s too far to walk, but maybe I can take the train. 

    I burst through the door and run to the train station. I get on the first train to the city. I get off at the nearest stop to his house. I run up to his apartment and as I begin to knock and I remember that I can just let myself in. I hear him on the phone. I walk closer to listen, remembering our argument from the night before and the men that surrounded me before I couldn’t remember anything else. “Yea did you get rid of it?” Axel said worried, he’s flustered and sweating. “Good. Yes, you all will get your cut. Yea 20,000 each as we discussed. Look I have to get ready for work. I have a big meeting today. Haha yea, I should be running things from now on with Theo gone. Alright, good job.” He hangs up and I have already put the pieces together. I’m enraged and I want to confront him, I want to hit him, no, rip his head off. I try to smash everything in sight. Ugh if I could pick something up and smash it. If I could throw him through the window. And he’s a coward, hiring someone to do his dirty work. 20,000 and 3 of them. That’s the price of my head, and for what? Because he thinks he can take over my family’s company? How can I let anyone know? Can’t ghosts ever make themselves known to communicate to people?

    It’s 7:47 and Axel is grabbing his keys to head to work. I should be able to come along for the ride. I follow him out the door, into the elevator. It’s just us inside and I can see him uncomfortable, scratching his neck and adjusting his collar. He looks to the side, almost sensing my presence. Yea, that’s right you piece of s**t. I know you feel my presence and I will take you down for everything you’ve done. I won’t go away.

The door opens and I follow him into the parking garage. He is still looking over his shoulder, but almost has an arrogant confidence to him. I’d like to slap that grin off his face. I hope this works. I go through the door and sit in the back seat. It’s a short commute to work. We are in the elevator again but this time it’s much more crowded. People are right up against me and sometimes I go through them. They don’t even feel me, and I don’t feel them. We get off on our floor and my assistant Jackson is already waiting for us. “Axel, where’s Theo? He would usually be early on a day like this to go over things before the meeting.” Jackson noticed this is out of character for me, but he would hardly call the police over me missing this meeting as uncharacteristic of me as this may be. “I don’t know he didn’t call me and tell me anything.” Axel said briefly, trying to work on his acting skills. It’s clear he didn’t think this part out thoroughly. He was always the just figure it out and we will worry about what happens later type. How did I not let him go a long time ago? He probably would have killed me sooner had I done that-or hired someone to do it, coward. “Just brief me and get me the notes and I will run the meeting.” Axel told Jackson. Oh, I bet you would love to think you can run this.

    The meeting is over and he is headed back to his office. Jackson interrupts with a knock, “Sir, Mr. Harrison would like to see you.” My father is here. He should ask for me and know something is up. “Mr. Harrison, you wanted to see me?” Axel says on pins and needles. Yes do come in, sit down. Do you know where my son might be and why he missed this very important 8 o clock meeting? “I don’t know Sir, I haven’t heard from him since yesterday before we left work. He was still here when I left last night.” Axel says emotionless. Hmm, that’s strange. It’s not like him to not show up, and then to not even call. I will try and get a hold of him. If you hear anything let me know. “Yes sir, I will.” Axel starts to head out. Oh and Axel... “Yes sir?” You will be coming Friday to his birthday party, won’t you? “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Axel says with a grin that I’d like to punch off his face.

    I ride the train out of the city and back to my parent’s house. I don’t want to miss any talk of my search and whereabouts. Throughout the night I hear my parents talking, worrying. They call my brother and he of course doesn’t have any idea where I am. I don’t talk to him but maybe every other week when we get together here at our parents for dinner occasionally. My mother calls my sister, Isla. Again, she has no idea about where I might be. My dad calls the police over. I hear them discuss how I would need to be gone for 24-72 hours before they can file a missing person report. The police leave and my mother breaks down crying, falling into my father’s arms. I can’t bear it. If they only knew I was right here. If they only knew how I died and who killed me.

    I go upstairs to wrap my head around all this. I wish I could sleep. Is this what the afterlife is, some sort of torture of watching everyone you love’s life fall apart after you leave? Why am I still here? Shouldn’t I be going to heaven, or hell? Maybe this is hell. Having to roam the Earth for eternity.

    All day Thursday I lie in my bed. My parents have officially filed a report and I’m a missing person. The day before my 30th birthday. My party was supposed to be tomorrow and I hear my parents calling the guests one by one to inform them of the news. My mother cancelling the cake and décor. From now on every year on my birthday they will be mourning my death. I hate this more for them. I haven’t even really thought about the fact that I am dead. I think only of my family’s hurt and pain. I roam the house in dismay. I have nothing to do, no one to talk to.

    My mother is on the family room couch. She’s finally fallen asleep. Tears are dried on her cheeks and her    eyes are swollen and red. I go to touch her head to soothe her and my hand…>sigh<. I go back to my room and l lie down. I look out at the moon. It is bright and full. I don’t know when the last time I just looked up like this and just relaxed. The moon is very comforting. I can see why people talk to it.

    Today is my birthday. I can sense the sadness throughout the house. My brother and sister have come over. My sweet sister has brought a cake. To be honest a simple birthday with my family is the kind of birthday I would have rather had. They head to the dining room and my sister takes out a number 3 and 0 candle and places them on the cake. My brother gets out his lighter and lights the candles. They join in on singing Happy Birthday and if I could cry I would. My mother cuts the cake, my favorite- red velvet. I watched as they cry, and eat, and cry some more.

    My dad heads upstairs and my mother and siblings head to the family room. My dad comes back with a cd. He puts it in the dvd player and my 5th birthday comes on the screen. He must have taken the old VHS tapes and put them on cd’s. “August let’s go down this slide!” We were at the park this day. Isla was a baby and I was 5 and my brother was 7. “No let’s get on the swing instead!” August said excitedly. August lead the way and I followed as the younger brother. Isla sat there crying with my mother. My dad never cried, but his eyes were tearing up. I could tell he was trying to be strong for my mother.

I’m heading back upstairs. This day has been overwhelming. Tomorrow will be my funeral. They haven’t found the body. That’s weird to say as I feel that I am physically here. I feel just as much here as ever. Tomorrow will be hard to endure.

Dec 31, 2017

    For the last year I’ve found some fun in being invisible and roaming with no purpose, but after a few months that got old. It got really, really, old. I’ve come to terms with the fact that this is how it will be, forever. Sitting on a bench in town, I watch people shop and mingle. It’s just past Christmas and everyone’s spending their Christmas money and getting ready for the New Year’s festivities for the night. This is what I do now. I come to town to people watch. Sometimes I swing by work to see how things are going. Then I come home and watch tv with my father, watch my mom cook, or lay in my room until the sun comes up again to do it all over again. Since the night I died, I never went back to my apartment in the city. Tonight my parents will be throwing their annual New Year’s Eve party. They’ve thrown one every year since I can remember, aside from last year.

    As I sit here I get a glimpse of long dark brown curls across the street. This is someone new. I know basically everyone in town by now from people watching and I have never seen this person before. She is giving coffee to a homeless person. That’s kind. He sits in the same place every day and most people just walk by him never helping. I wonder if I would have helped him if I was alive. Most times I was on my phone doing business I never noticed anything going on around me. But who is this girl? She is petite but curvy with long brown curls and Chai skin. She has on an apron and walked into the New Crest coffee shop. That explains why she gave that man coffee. Does she work there? Why do I care? But I didn’t really see her face. Let me just go in and see if I know her.

    I probably went to school with her and don’t recognize her. I go through the door and it’s busy inside. If I could smell my guess is it would smell like gingerbread and coffee and all the smells of Christmastime. I would love to be able to smell that again. She’s busy taking orders and making coffee but I walk closer. Walking right through everyone in the shop. I never take my eyes off her. I can’t. It’s like a pull telling me to get a closer look. I’m now standing right in front of her on the other side of the counter and she turns around and looks directly at me. She has soft features, chestnut brown eyes, full pink lips, and blushed cheeks. “Can I help you?” …and the voice of an angel. Wait, what? She is looking right at me but clearly looking at the person behind me. She stares at me a few seconds longer then the guy behind me begins talking and I rush out of there as fast as I can. If my heart could race it would be right now. There’s no way she could have seen me. It was just a weird coincidence, right?