She Will Be Mine (New Horizon Book 2)

Chapter 25: Ronnie

I recognize Jason’s car parked right in front of the very building we seem to be heading to, and it gives me pause. I know I told Aly that I would give this a real shot before deciding if I want to stay, but this wasn’t in the agreement. He’ll smell me as soon as I step in the door.

Everyone has assumed since I got here that I don’t want to see him because I’m still scared, which is not entirely untrue, but it isn’t for the reasons they think. I’m ashamed of how I was with him before, the way I treated him when all he ever did was bend over backward for me. I’m embarrassed about some of the things I said to him, and worst of all, I regret sending him away.

Every day that has passed since then, I’ve wanted to take it back. And a lot of those days, I almost did. I don’t know for sure what ultimately kept me from reaching out to him, but I suspect it’s that I no longer feel worthy of him. Honestly, I don’t think I ever did.

I talked a lot about it with the therapist I was seeing back then, and it’s come up again with my new one. It keeps coming back to something deep inside me keeping me from getting close to him because I’m afraid that when he gets to know me, he’ll realize that his Moon Goddess made a mistake. There’s someone better out there for him, someone more deserving of all that love and devotion.

And every passing day is another reason why he should hate me. We could have been together all these days, but I selfishly ripped that out from under him. The worst part is that it’s been for nothing. All the reasons I gave him about why we shouldn’t be together, they never panned out. I couldn’t do what I set out to do, and he was never the problem.

I don’t know how to fix any of that or make it up to him, and I’m scared to have to face him. I know I at least owe him an apology, but I don’t know if I’m ready to do that yet. I actually unblocked him the day that Aly told me she was putting me on a plane and bringing me here, hoping he would figure it out like he always does and send the first message. But surprisingly, he hasn’t. Either he hasn’t noticed, or he doesn’t care, and I’m not sure I can handle it if it’s the second one.

Aly doesn’t seem to notice that it’s his car parked there when we walk up, and I don’t point it out. I promised her I’d be brave, and I’m going to be brave, even if it means facing my mate. My eyes take on a mind of their own as soon as we’re inside, scanning the place to see if I can spot him. She leads us to a table near the bathroom, which I’m sure is an intentional decision made on behalf of her overactive pregnancy bladder.

I finally find him sitting on the other side of the half-wall that divides the room in two, one side arranged around the bar with booths lining the perimeter and space in the center to dance, and the other side filled with tables and a buffet-style soup and salad bar. We’re sitting on the food side, of course, and Jason and his friends are near the bar. He doesn’t seem to notice me yet, and I can’t help worrying a bit about what that might mean. I know he can smell me from multiple floors away.

What if he can’t smell me anymore because at some point, he realized the same thing I keep thinking, that he’s a good guy who deserves so much better than the hand he’s been dealt, and he rejected me? And I’m just too human to realize it? Or what if he’s just ignoring me because he’s focused on someone else? Or maybe both?

“You can go over there to order drinks if you want, but our server can just take care of it for you,” Aly cuts into my racing thoughts about my mate, apparently thinking it’s the bar I’ve been looking at longingly.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll wait,” I tell her, not even sure if I’m going to bother with anything alcoholic.

It’s not that I don’t like alcohol, but more like I’m afraid of it. I turned 21 in April, and my roommates took me out for my first legal drinks. They ordered me a ridiculously strong drink that smelled a bit like something that belongs in a gas tank, but about a third of the way through it I realized that my brain was getting quieter. My skin wasn’t buzzing and crawling so much.

By the time I finished it, the lights and sounds and people all around me weren’t bothering me as much. After another one, I was feeling good. Happy and at peace for once. I got up and danced with my friends and didn’t think of much other than not falling over, and I’m not sure how well I did at that, but I also didn’t care. I don’t even know how many drinks I had after that because I barely remember the rest of the night.

And it dawned on me the next morning when I was nursing a nasty hangover that if I’m not careful, I might quickly come to like alcohol a bit too much. I had a glimpse into the world of self-medicating, and it was both thrilling and terrifying. I haven’t had any other drinks since then because I’m not sure I trust myself to know when to stop. And then there’s the fact that both of my medications are not supposed to be paired with alcohol. I suppose that in itself is good enough reason to pass on the drinks.

“Honestly, I think the strongest thing I’m prepared to drink tonight is some iced tea,” I add after I’ve considered it. “But I wouldn’t mind some chicken dippers, even if they are a bit childish.”

“Don’t tell Tyler,” Aly laughs. “He loves those. He claims the sauce is absolute witchcraft because there’s no possible way for it to taste so good otherwise.”

“It’s not witchcraft. It’s Cajun seasoning and honey mustard. It says it right here,” I point out, showing her where it’s listed in small print on my menu.

“Don’t tell Tyler that either. It will ruin him.”

After we order, she gets up for the first of what I assume will be many runs to the bathroom, and I let my eyes wander over to the other side of the room again. Jason is with a group of other guys, but he’s not really engaging with them. He’s just kind of staring at the table, seeming to be lost in his thoughts, and nodding his head every now and then at what his friend is saying.

There’s a war raging inside of me. Part of me wants to go over there and tell him I’m here. He might already know, assuming he can smell me, but he hasn’t reacted to it yet, and I need to know why. But the other part of me is scared of finding out. That part of me wants to stay right here, watching and waiting. The really cowardly part of me still wants to run away and forget that I ever saw him, but the rest of me seems to be doing a pretty decent job of keeping that part quiet.

“What is it that you find so fascinating over there?” Aly asks as she makes it back to our table, her eyes following the same path as mine to figure out what’s caught my interest.

“Oh,” she says when she figures it out. “He so rarely goes out anymore that I didn’t expect to run into him. Do you need to leave?”

“No. He doesn’t even seem to know I’m here,” I point out. “And I can’t really figure out why not. He should be able to smell my scent from right over there.”

“Well,” Aly begins to respond, drawing out the word as she thinks, “There are a lot of people here, which means a lot of scents. Plus food, alcohol, some of which he may have had himself, which would dull his senses -”

“No, he’s not twenty-one yet. Not until October,” I argue.

“Werewolf territories are sovereign when it comes to human laws like that,” she explains. “We set our own rules and restrictions, and around here, if you’re old enough to mate and reproduce, you’re old enough to drink. But out in human settlements, we still have to abide by human laws.”

“Oh, I see. I suppose that all makes sense.”

And makes me feel loads better. I can tell just from here that he’s tired, and if he’s been drinking plus everything else Aly listed off, then maybe he really hasn’t noticed me.

That relief is short-lived, though, stolen from me not even a full minute later as I watch some cute, curvy blonde saunter right up to him, sliding into the booth with him and kissing him right on the mouth. They’re obviously quite fond and familiar with each other. I even heard her call him “baby,” and he didn’t make a move to push her away or anything.

I can’t watch after that, turning to look at Aly and trying to get control of my breathing. It feels like I can’t suck in any air. Black spots are flashing across my vision, and I realize I might black out. Then I taste something salty and wet on my lips, realizing there are tears silently pouring out of my eyes and down my cheeks.

“Ronnie, what’s going on?” Aly asks me frantically, coming around to sit beside me on my side of the table. “Is it a panic attack? Should we go?”

“J-Jason,” I finally get out, still breathing heavily as I struggle to get enough air.

She looks up at what’s going on over on the other side of the room, and sighs.

“No, Ronnie. It’s not what you think. He despises that girl, but she won’t quit bothering him. I even had to kick her out of the pack dining hall just this week. Whatever you saw, it wasn’t what it looked like.”

“I - I … go. I have to go,” I say next.

I hope she’s right, but I still can’t stay here. I need air. I leap out of my seat and head for the front door and out to the parking lot, pausing when I see his car again and remembering what it was like to ride around in it with him.

She comes out soon after, walking up and stopping beside me.

“If you can wait out here with me for about five minutes, the server said he’ll pack our food in to-go boxes and bring them out,” she says.

Only seconds later, Jason comes bursting out the front door, turning and charging straight for his car until he notices us and stops in his tracks.

“Ronnie,” he says lowly, a strange growl in his voice that I recognize from the day I met him.

Oh no. He’s upset enough about whatever just happened in there that his wolf has taken over. Maybe Aly is right. He certainly doesn’t look like a guy who was just making out with his lover.

“Mine,” he says next, his wolf still in control. It’s like déjà vu.

“Need mine,” he adds, followed by what sounds like a choking sob as he starts to make his way over to us.

It crosses my mind that I should probably run away before we reenact what happened in the library the day we met, but I can’t seem to move. My feet are firmly planted in place.

“Do you want me to stop him?” Aly asks me quietly, instinctively holding out a hand as if to create a protective barrier between me and Jason.

Oh, that’s right. She’s the Alpha now, so she can give commands to any wolf in her pack.

“Not yet,” I whisper back.

So far, Finn is approaching carefully. He’s not charging at me like he did the first time I met him, and something is telling me not only that he won’t hurt me, but that he needs to do whatever it is he’s about to do if Jason has any hope of getting his body back. Though my heart is pounding practically out of my chest, and I’m no longer even capable of anything more than short, choppy breaths, I decide to just let it play out and see where this is going.

He is directly in front of me mere seconds later, still moving as though someone pushed a button and now he’s stuck in slow motion. He reaches his hand out and gently brushes the back of his fingers across my cheek, smiling at me through the tears I can see pooling in his eyes.

“Soft,” he says, turning his hand so that it’s his thumb touching my cheek now.

“You’re okay?” Aly checks in with me again.

“Yeah,” I tell her breathlessly.

I am okay, though I’m also kind of freaking out inside. Well, maybe more than kind of. I still feel dizzy and on the brink of passing out, but I think I can push through it. After everything Jason has endured for me, I can do this one thing for him.

“Need mine,” Finn tells me again, a little more insistently this time. “Please.”

I look up into his face, searching for any hint of what it is he wants me to do. I’ve figured out that “mine” is just what he calls me. I don’t know why. I heard him say my name when he first saw me. But I suppose it’s not important.

“Please,” he says again, and I think he might be on the brink of crying.

“I don’t know what you want,” I tell him finally, still not understanding.

“Need mine,” he repeats, placing a hand on my shoulder.

He’s giving me a desperate look, and I think he’s trying to communicate something with that look, but I still can’t figure him out.

“Finn, just show me. Show me what you need.”

He cries out in relief, pausing a moment to turn his face upward slightly and breathe in a calming breath through his nose, and the next thing I know, he has me crushed against him, my face smushed into his chest and his arms around me tightly. He’s rocking us back and forth, his face buried in my hair, and I think he might be crying.

I’m at a loss of what to do, so I bring my arms up and try to wrap them around him, but he’s big, and it feels awkward. Though this embrace started quite suddenly and unexpectedly, after a few seconds I start to settle into it. I can feel how Jason’s body is slowly relaxing, and I think I might be calming down a little bit too.

“Thanks,” I hear Aly say from somewhere next to me, and though my head is squished in a way that makes it hard to hear out of one ear, I think I hear the voice of our server from inside answering her. That must mean our food has arrived.

“Finn, why don’t you come back with us to the packhouse?” Aly suggests. “I’ll drive you, and you can stay at my place as long as you need.”

“No, need mine,” Finn protests, the longest sentence I’ve ever heard from him. I feel weirdly proud about that.

“You can’t stand out here squeezing her to bits all night,” Aly argues. “But if Ronnie’s okay with it, I’ll still drive you, and you guys can get in the back.”

I sigh, imagining how close he's going to want to be in the backseat. He might even make me sit in his lap. I don't know how I feel about that, but I think I can survive it.

“I’m okay with it,” I tell her, though it comes out a little muffled by his arm.

“No, it’s okay,” I hear in Jason’s normal, un-Finn voice.

He immediately releases me and steps back, his gaze falling to the ground like he can’t even bring himself to look at me. He must have just fought his way back into control, and I think he’s embarrassed about Finn taking over and coming for me, but he shouldn’t be. Finn was surprisingly gentle and well-behaved, considering. It was weird and uncomfortable, but not at all what I expected and was bracing myself for from Finn.

“I’m so sorry about that,” he apologizes, sighing. “He’s been on edge all day, and something literally just happened that had him quite upset.”

“I know. I saw it,” I admit softly, and it’s my turn to struggle to look at him.

“That was not what it looked like,” he starts to explain frantically, but I stop him.

“I know. Aly told me, and Finn kind of confirmed it.”

“Good,” he exhales in relief.

It still bothers me, and I wish I could unsee it, but if Aly is right about that girl, Jason probably isn’t any happier about it than I am. And Finn definitely was not happy, not until I let him hug me. A kiss from her disturbed him, and a hug from me calmed him down, so I guess there’s my answer about whether my mate still feels the same as he used to. I just hope I’m not dismissing it and letting him off the hook too quickly.

“Oh man. What a night. I’m so sorry that this is the way we had to cross paths again,” he laughs uncomfortably. “I didn’t even know you were in town.”

“So, I think I’m going to leave you guys to it and start walking back now, Ronnie, if you think you’re okay?” Aly cuts in, probably thinking of her steak getting cold in the to-go bag she’s carrying.

“It’s okay. I don’t want to intrude on your dinner and your visit, so I’ll just tell you guys good night and head home. But Ronnie, if -”

“You’re unblocked,” I blurt out.

“Okay,” he chuckles. “Okay, yeah, thank you. So much. I’ll text you when I get home then, and we can finish this conversation later.”

This really has been the most awkward, intense way we could have gone about reconnecting, and I’m glad that he’s giving me an out so we can regroup and talk more comfortably later. I still need a minute to wrap my head around the fact that I was pressed up against his body like that, just for starters.

“Okay,” I agree gratefully, glancing up at him one last time.

“Good night, ladies,” he calls out, giving us a small smile as he turns and unlocks his car.

I join Aly over on the sidewalk, and we start heading back in the direction of the packhouse together, waving at Jason a few seconds later as he passes us in his car.

“So, that was an experience,” she says after we’ve walked for a little bit in silence.

“Yeah, but I suppose it’s tradition for Finn to come out and claim me on my second day in New Horizon,” I quip, smirking at her and enjoying the surprised face she gives me in return.

“You really have come a long way, haven’t you,” she comments, and I detect a hint of pride in her voice. “Though now that you mention it, I think you’re right about that. I think it was the second day last time too. I’m just shocked that you’ve already moved on to telling jokes about it this time.”

“Don’t be too impressed yet. It’s when it gets quiet and I’m all alone in my bed that we’ll find out how I’m really feeling about it all, and I’m guessing it won’t be jokes and smiles by then.”