Lola

Mounting Pressure

The following day was a blur of meetings with the various oncologists in the hospital, lab tests, and the mounting medical bills. The reality of the situation slammed into me – my carefully constructed life was on the verge of implosion.

“I’m sorry for putting this stress and load and weight on you once again, Lola. I am very ashamed of myself.” My mom said, her voice breaking a little.

“Oh mom don’t say that. You mean so much to me. You are my mom for god’s sake. Why will you think this way mom?” I asked, almost crying.

“Because it should be the other way round. I should be giving you money and supporting you to start a life. Yet, here I am draining you of the little you already made.” She said, now fully crying.

“Mom you support me well enough. I don’t know where all this is coming from but you’re my pillar mom.” I said as I lad my head on her chest. She weaved her slender fingers through my hair.

Someone cleared their throat and I looked up.

“Miss Sanchez, Mrs Sanchez. I have news.” A doctor said

“I’d prefer Veronica.” My mom said very lightly and chuckled, making the doctor blush.

“I’m sorry, Veronica.” He said, “the oncologist who just left had same diagnosis as we did. Yes, it’s stage for but it can still be curtailed. The medication you were given, you’ll have to finish them and return in two weeks for the beginning round of chemotherapy.” He finished.

“Okay, doc. Thanks” I said. He nodded and left and in a few minutes we were being prepped to leave.

***

“Grand Ma!, Mom!” Bryan exclaimed as we got home.

“Hello my little man.” I said as I hugged him.

“Mom, I miss you. You rarely come to see grandma and I” he said and I immediately felt guilty. Since I started dating Adler my relationship with Bryan had suffered. I was such a bad mom. I wanted and was actively pursuing love but what about the love a Son needs from his mother?

“Okay, stay put for a bit, let me get grandma settled.” I said as I wheeled my mom into her room.

Bryan followed behind, chattering nonstop of the various things that happened while we were away.

“Do you know that Mrs Lily’s Son, Dan is same age as me?” He asked. I shook my head, No and helped my mom settle in.

“Bryan boy. You’re such a strong boy.” My mother said right before she drifted off into sleep.

“Shhh…let’s go to the living room. We don’t want to disturb grandma now, do we?” I asked as I took his tiny hand in mine.

“Grandma fell, you know?” He asked as we sat down on the sofa. He climbed into my lap and I snuggled him.

“Yeah, you’re so smart and brave. You called 911.” I said

“Yes, grandma had taught me how to do that.” He said and I kept silent for a while. My mom had to teach my mom things I should teach myself because I was too busy living a double life.

“I love you, Baby.” I said as I kissed the top of head and breathed in his pure baby scent.

“I love you too, Mom” He smiled.

A knock on the door broke our moment, “Hi Lola. Very sorry about what happened to your mom. How’s she now?” Mrs Lily said as she entered the house.

I stood up and gave her a heartfelt hug “She’s better and in her room. Thanks for taking care of Bryan. I really appreciate it. I can’t tell you how much.” I said.

“Oh it’s nothing. I love Bryan, he’s such a well behaved boy. Besides that, Dan loved having him around. He needed a companion. Play mate and partner in crime.” She said and we laughed together.

“Thanks once more,” I said.

“You’re welcome. I do have something to tell you though..” she said, her smile fading a little bit.

“Oh? What’s wrong?” I asked

“Umm, we’ll be moving soon. The date isn’t confirmed yet but we’ll be relocating. Dan’s dad got a job out of state.” She said. I felt deflated almost immediately.

“I have no issues watching Bryan at the moment but I’m only informing you so that you can begin to make other arrangements.” She said.

“It’s no problem. Thanks for telling me, Mrs Lily. You’re so kind and sweet.” I said to her as she left.

This was an issue. If Mrs Lily could no longer take care of Bryan, what would happen. I definitely could not afford a nanny and had no other relatives that lived close by. It was now inevitable what my near future will look like and I dreaded it.

***

Back at the Penthouse, Adler, oblivious to my internal turmoil, busied himself with work calls and meetings. The silence in the penthouse apartment felt suffocating.

“Baby, are you sure you aren’t supposed to be with your mom?” Adler had asked me

“She’s fine. Really fine. You don’t have to worry.” I always replied. Knowing Adler, he could show up in our house with flowers and stuff all the time if I go to stay with my mom.

“Anyways it’s a good thing she’s fine,” he’d muttered and went back to being busy.

In the evenings, I always found myself retreating to the balcony, the vast cityscape stretching before me a stark reminder of the life I'd left behind.

One evening, as I stood gazing at the twinkling lights, the shrill ring of my burner phone startled me. It was Elena, my best friend, and the only person who knew about Bryan and my past as an escort.

"Lola," her voice crackled through the receiver, "Is everything okay? I haven't heard from you in days."

"Elena," I whispered, tears welling in my eyes. "Mom's sick. The cancer's back."

For the next hour, I poured out my heart to her, the words tumbling out in a torrent. When I finally hung up, I felt lighter, but the burden of my situation remained.

Looking down at the phone, a dangerous thought took root. Could I revisit my past, just this once, to help my mother? Could I stomach the shame, the judgment, for the sake of her wellness?