THE CHOICES WE MAKE
1032 Words
Episode 8
"The hardest lies to believe are the ones we tell ourselves. They sound like protection until they begin to feel like loneliness."
---
The first snowstorm of December arrived without warning.
By noon, Blackwood University's campus looked as though someone had wrapped it in white silk.
Students abandoned lectures to build snowmen.
Someone started a snowball fight outside the engineering building.
Even professors smiled a little more than usual.
Jael tucked her scarf closer around her neck as she hurried toward the library, balancing a stack of books against the cold wind.
Her phone buzzed.
Chloe:
"Coffee. Library. Twenty minutes. Don't get kidnapped."
Jael smiled.
"I'll try."
She slipped the phone back into her pocket.
Then...
She heard laughter.
Not loud.
Soft.
Familiar.
She looked toward the old oak courtyard.
Noah stood there.
Emily was in front of him.
The snow had settled lightly in her blonde hair.
She looked upset.
Noah gently reached out...
And brushed a snowflake from her cheek.
Jael stopped walking.
Her heart did something strange.
Emily laughed through watery eyes before throwing her arms around him.
Noah hesitated.
Then...
Very slowly...
He hugged her back.
Jael looked away immediately.
She wasn't supposed to feel disappointed.
Why did she?
She tightened her grip on her books.
He's allowed to hug whoever he wants.
You barely know him.
You have absolutely no right to feel anything.
She walked away before either of them noticed.
Or so she thought.
Noah looked up just in time to see the edge of her blue scarf disappear around the corner.
His stomach dropped.
---
Emily stepped back, wiping her eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize."
"I just..."
She laughed awkwardly.
"I needed closure."
Noah nodded.
"I know."
"I kept thinking maybe..."
She swallowed.
"...maybe if I waited long enough..."
He finished softly,
"...I'd become someone I wasn't."
She smiled sadly.
"You really have changed."
"No."
He looked toward the empty walkway where Jael had disappeared.
"I think I'm finally becoming who I was supposed to be."
Emily followed his gaze.
She understood immediately.
"Oh."
"So that's her."
Noah didn't answer.
He didn't need to.
Emily smiled through the ache.
"Go after her."
He frowned.
"Why?"
"Because..."
She laughed softly.
"...she walked away pretending she didn't care."
His expression shifted.
"How do you know?"
"Because that's exactly what I did."
---
Jael buried herself behind a mountain of books in the library.
She had read the same paragraph six times.
She couldn't remember a single word.
Her chest felt heavy.
Ridiculous.
Embarrassing.
Why are you acting like this?
He's not yours.
He never said he liked you.
You imagined everything.
She rubbed her forehead.
"You're terrible at pretending."
She looked up.
Noah stood beside her table.
Still wearing his hockey jacket.
Hair dusted with melting snow.
"I've been looking everywhere."
"I was studying."
"You were hiding."
"I wasn't."
He sat down anyway.
Silence stretched between them.
Finally...
He sighed.
"What you saw..."
Jael closed her notebook.
"You don't owe me an explanation."
"I know."
Another pause.
"But I want to explain."
She looked at him for the first time.
His eyes were searching hers.
"It's really okay."
"No."
"It isn't."
"It looked different from what it was."
She smiled politely.
"Noah..."
"It isn't my business."
The words came out quietly.
Almost rehearsed.
"You don't have to explain who Emily is."
"Or why she hugged you."
"We're..."
She hesitated just long enough for it to hurt.
"...not anything."
The sentence landed between them like broken glass.
Noah stared.
Not anything.
She said it so easily.
As though everything they'd shared...
Every conversation.
Every laugh.
Every quiet moment...
Meant nothing.
He forced a smile.
"Right."
She nodded.
"So..."
"You don't owe me anything."
He stood.
For a second it looked like he wanted to say something.
Instead...
He simply whispered,
"I guess I misunderstood too."
Then he walked away.
---
The library suddenly felt enormous.
Jael watched him disappear through the doors.
Only after he was gone did she realize she was gripping her pen so tightly it had snapped in half.
A single tear landed on her notebook.
She quickly wiped it away.
Why does this hurt so much?
Because she hadn't been trying to convince Noah.
She'd been trying to convince herself.
---
Noah walked across campus without knowing where he was going.
The cold stung his face.
Good.
Maybe it would distract him.
"We're not anything."
He heard the words again.
Again.
Again.
He laughed bitterly.
"What did you expect?"
he muttered to himself.
"You made a stupid bet."
"You don't do relationships."
"You've spent years making sure nobody gets close enough to hurt you."
He kicked at the snow.
"So why does it feel like I just lost something I never even had?"
---
Across campus...
Chloe sat beside Jael without speaking.
She noticed the broken pen.
The untouched coffee.
The watery eyes.
She reached into her bag.
Pulled out another pen.
Placed it quietly beside her.
"I brought a spare."
Jael smiled weakly.
"Thanks."
Chloe looked at her best friend for a long moment.
"You like him."
Jael laughed through tears.
"I know."
---
That evening...
The Wolves practiced under the arena lights.
Noah missed three passes.
Hit the post twice.
Barely spoke.
Derek skated beside him after the whistle.
"You okay?"
Noah looked surprised.
Derek shrugged.
"I still think you're annoying."
A tiny smile escaped Noah.
"But you're playing like someone stole your stick."
Noah looked down at the ice.
"I think I pushed away the one person who made everything feel... quieter."
Derek stared.
Then quietly replied,
"Then stop skating away from her."
---
Meanwhile...
Jael stood outside her dorm room, looking at the snow falling beneath the campus lights.
She remembered the way Noah had looked at her when he'd said,
"I guess I misunderstood too."
Something inside her broke.
Not because she'd lost him.
Because she'd been too afraid to admit she wanted him in the first place.
Far across campus...
Noah stood outside the arena, looking at the same snowfall.
Neither of them knew it.
But they were both thinking the exact same thing.
If only I'd said one more sentence.
---
- Writer
