Worried About Your Size? (2)
1008 Words
The monster reacts to my transformation.
“And I, Truncheomara, will ensure that your puny armor will get penetrated! DEEP AND HARD!”
“You wish.”
Truncheomara immediately begins his assault with his extendable truncheon arm once I'm finished with my quip.
I deftly parry the truncheon swings and strikes; since I learn seconds later that it can plow through most hard materials such as concrete and steel.
It's indeed as dangerous as it looks.
As I continue dodging the truncheon arm, I'm getting up close and personal with the monster for some nice and quick hundred-fist strikes.
But lo and behold, the punches don't faze him one bit.
“Guess what, Gjallarhorn! I live up to the name 'Mr. Hard'! No one can make me soft, even after the climax!”
“Stop it with the lazy spam email-based bad puns of yours!”
“Don't you know where I come from, wimp?”
Alright. Punches don't work on this cur.
I'm pretty sure it has an Achilles heel somewhere...
The arms? Definitely not them.
The legs? Even slowing down his leg movements won't hamper his dangerous truncheon arm.
The back? Nonsensical... unless he's already of old age.
The part between the legs which must not be named to prevent any more of those whatchamacallits to happen? I'm totally not hitting that!
Hmm... why don't I try the head?
As I continue dodging the truncheon arm with my acrobatics, the cur has another trick up his sleeve.
“Pill Rain!”
From his off-hand, he summons a rain of known male enhancement pills, including the one starting with the letter V and the one starting with the letter C.
I get caught up in the attack, and thus I fall to the floor, grimacing.
“Augh! I won't give in to your follies!”
“Not until you have a dose of MY medicine!”
He continues with his servings of truncheon attacks and Pill Rain, which I still both deftly dodge, since the attack that hit me wasn't all that painful.
Alright then, I need to distract him in order to get a nice, clean hit to the head.
In this open lot, I can spot a bunch of dumpsters which are curiously opened.
If I recall correctly, today's trash collection day; and there's a good enough reason for those dumpsters to remain open – for easy pickup by the garbage trucks.
I divert his Pill Rain so that the pills he generates fill up the dumpsters (and since I know that the pills are all fake and should count as trash).
Once I have the opening I need...
I charge my punch...
...and have my right fist connect to the back of Truncheomara's head.
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOO! You have penetrated my defense!”
All of a sudden, my right foot glows.
Ah yes, I recall it now.
Some superheroes performed diving kicks as finishing moves, and their impact is enough to finish off monsters.
Well, here goes the kick.
“Guess you're going soft.”
“Why you little!”
As Truncheomara recovers from being hit on his weak spot, he tries to attack me once more with his truncheon arm.
I do a literal leap of faith to avoid such attack, focus my foot right on the weak spot while still in mid-air, descend with great speed, and...
“Aesir Kick!”
As I descend further and further, my glowing foot touches his weak spot with a few tons' worth of force.
This is what is called cracking his marbles. Or hard stroking. Or breaking his arrow. Or blowing his lump.
Whatever it is, he never fully recovers from my second finishing move, as sparks fly from his now-disintegrating body.
His parting shot at me?
“I'm not coming! I'm not coming to hell!”
He then falls into the ground, consumed by a massive explosion.
Whew. Virus eliminated!
And so are the bad puns and euphemisms associated with those fake male enhancement spam emails.
Now I'm in the mood for some nice hot and spicy enchiladas... right after I de-morph by regurgitating the ladybugs.
Guess I have to get used to this swallowing and regurgitating thing.
Some time after lunch...
I've just completed another transcription job.
It was for a patient who was suffering from otitis media and underwent antibiotic treatment for two months and is now showing signs of improvement.
And right now, I've got no more upcoming tasks for the rest of the day, as I've just checked my email.
Now to check the spam folder...
Good thing there are no more fake male enhancement ads.
In their place are obvious phishing emails that are purportedly from fin-tech sites, asking for my account.
And I never fall for these, as improper capitalization and sketchy grammar, as well as truly unofficial email addresses, give them away.
As for legit emails, here's one that catches my attention.
From: Emmanuel Sanchez
To: Bernard Whitman
Subject: From your old buddy, a new game
How's it been, Bernard? We haven't seen in other for a while now. I've heard you're doing great in your job, so I'm complementing you via your company email. Anyway. I've got an extra copy of Gather! Furry Forest. Since I know you have your own console, I'll just sell the copy to you at half price, because we're still friends. Meet me up at the fountain at Gateley Center by sundown.
Sounds fun to me! I'll meet him right after work.
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Monster of the Week Information
Name: Truncheomara
Height: 182.88 cm (6')
Weight: 155.58 kg (343 lb)
Monster Type: Electronic data-based truncheon monster
A monster born from bytes of deleted data from fake p***s enlargement spam emails. The data then merged into one whole computer virus, which also combined with some parts from a metallic robot statue that has seen better days. Truncheomara, due to its possession of a metallic body, had built-in durability. It could withstand lightning-fast strikes from Gjallarhorn better than Ahastron did. In terms of combat, the monster could elongate its truncheon arm, which was its right arm, and used it as its most potent weapon. The truncheon arm itself was dangerous, for it could penetrate even the hardest of surfaces. One unfortunate swing from it could spell the end for Gjallarhorn if not for his quick reflexes. Another mode of attack Truncheomara employed was his Pill Rain, in which he summoned a rain of fake p***s enlargement pills onto Gjallarhom. The monster met its end with Gjallarhorn exploiting its truncheon arm and then attacking it with his Aesir Kick.
- Writer
