I-WILL-DIE

Why No is the best Option?

"Ma'am we are here", our family driver said.

Because of my overthinking, I didn't notice that we were home. As I stepped out of the car, I saw the handsome smile of Ivan.

"Babe, you came late now. Where did you go?". He asked me with a worried tone and I just felt that my heart beats at an unusual pace. I can't tell him that I came from the hospital. The horrible truth is that I came to the 7th doctor and they all have the same result.

"Oh, babe? Why are you here? Let's go inside”. That's the only thing that came out of my mouth. I want to cry, I want to shout all the pain but I decided to have this murderous silence.

As we walk, every step is counted. I hide the painful truth and chaotic mind in my pale face. I need to show them that I am strong, though I know to myself that I'm not. Honestly, this time I really want to show Ivan how weak I am --- but I can't. I love him and showing him how happy and grateful I am is my one way to ease the pain --- for now.

Until we reached the door, I was like a mute and I couldn't articulate my inner words. I want to shout this clashing truth over fantasy. I really want to but--- I can't, I can't do that.

Looking at Ivan's serenity, I'm confused by the gladness that his face painted. Is he really overjoyed to see me? I will felt guilty if I confess all today and I could never forgive myself if I do that. After what he has said, there are blue roses coming from the people who serve as the foundation of our relationship. Until the 7th rose came to my hand.

"It was July 07, 2007 and we are just in our college years. Do you remember that boy who always stalks you babe? It's been 10 years since you said yes to him. From that day on, you made him feel that he was the happiest man in the world. And now, here I am the man whom you showed what life really means"

"Babe, I'm gonna---" I was supposed to tell him something but his hand touched my lips.

He kneel down in front of me

You are my dream, my star and my light. I can't live even a single day knowing that you're not in my arms. I love you, now Ms. Patricia Artemis Dominguez will you marry me?`` Ivan while offering a turquoise ring.

This is the day I've waited for and a day I've prayed for. The feeling is unexplainable; I thought this is just happening to those movies I've watched before. It may sound a cliché but I really can't believe that this is happening to me. All are moving in slow motion.

I should say YES but I was interrupted by the doctor's revelation that there is a 2 cm tumor attached in my axillary lymph nodes and the cancer cells are now spreading simultaneously. I will die, I will die soon.

Nooooo--- an answer that shocked everyone.