Fighting Fate

CHAPTER 4

It was nearly dinner time before she heard Nat come through the door. The kids were washed, and they had spent the rest of the afternoon chilling around the house playing various card games.

“Hey family!” Nat called, announcing his return.

“Hi Daddy!” “We’re in here!” two of them said at the same time, too engrossed now in building a card tower to leave the living room.

“You’re home later than I thought you’d be.” she said as she chopped an onion, using her sleeve to wipe her eyes when they watered.

“I got called in by Mac when I was already half way home,” Nat replied, rolling his eyes. He slid his arms around her middle, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“He wanted to discuss applications for this summer.”

“You’d think he could wait until tomorrow. Mac should know better than to pull you into work today.” This damn onion… she sniffed again, but continued chopping.

“Ah, it’s just as well. It got my mind back on track.”

Saying nothing to this, she moved on to the carrots.

“You ok?” Nat questioned, his hands roaming lower in an attempt to distract her from dinner prep.

She smiled, but knew it looked halfhearted.

“Oh, you know, just a heavy day. For both of us. Been thinking a lot about Samantha.”

Nat brought his arms up, wrapping them around her shoulders and chest, hugging her to him. The warmth of him seeped into her back and her hands instinctively grasped his crossed arms. She leaned back into him, drawing strength from his solid form.

They stood like that a few breaths, each drawing comfort from the other.

“Yeah.” was his only reply.

She didn’t press for more. There wasn’t anything to be said that hadn’t been said years ago in the earlier days of their marriage.

Loosening his grip slightly, Nat turned her around to face him and pulled her to his chest again, one hand coming up to the back of her head.

Sometimes Fiona still wanted to talk through the memories together, but each year the day became a more private reverie for each of them. And she knew, deep down, he was grateful for all the words that could remain unspoken between them.

So she remained silent and just enjoyed the embrace; sometimes words were overrated.

“Dinner will be another 30-45 minutes, you’ve got plenty of time for a shower.”

She broke the silence, releasing her grip and turning back to the cutting board.

“You trying to tell me something?” He slipped back into a playful tone.

Picking up his lighter mood, she turned again and played along.

“Yes” she said, running her hand down the front of his shorts, nuzzling his collar bone, and inhaling sensuously.

“You smell like you’ve wrestled an alligator.” the smile in her voice began to broaden.

She felt the low rumble in his chest at her touch.

“Three actually.” he pressed himself into her hand.

“Ha!” she laughed out loud at that.

“Well the alligators had their baths…time for yours. I don’t want mud in my bed tonight.”

With that, she swiftly rose to her toes, grabbed his earlobe in her teeth, and gave him a sharp nip.

Just as quickly, she turned away and returned to chopping carrots.

Teasing him was so easy, she giggled to herself as she heard him walk out of the kitchen.

A few minutes later she heard the shower start overhead. Returning to the task at hand, she took a deep breath and grounded her thoughts.

There was no way to get around the sorrow of today, and only so much she could do to ease it.

But if spending one day a year with Samantha’s ghost was the price for this life they’d built, she would gladly continue paying it.

***

“So what are the applications looking like so far?” Fiona asked from the bathroom as she applied her face cream.

Nathaniel had already been lounging in bed for half an hour while she finished her end-of-day routine.

“Ah, the usual; a lot of the young college crowd coming for summer break, wanting to blow off steam with the packs. A dozen or so families with kids for their first integration. A few retirees wanting a last hurrah before they give up the shift.” He ran through them nonchalantly.

“Any longtimers?” She asked, coming to join him in bed.

Most visiting werewolves stayed for a week or two, enjoying a brief vacation in the wilderness.

The summer session brought longer stays; folks who wanted a more immersive experience and stayed for a few months at a time before returning to real life.

Longtimers were rare; they sought to stay for a year or more, and leadership was very thorough in vetting them. The application process alone took months.

Potential Longtimers had to visit every Alpha of the Yellowstone Pack for interviews with his/her leadership team. Then the packs convened to compare notes and come to a decision on whether to grant permission.

Only if they found the applicant appropriate and beneficial to their mission, would they grant a temporary pass to shift within the park.

Then the matter was brought to the wolves. Guided by the High Alpha, applicants were presented to each of the resident wolf packs. They had to follow strict protocols and rituals to gain acceptance.

At the end of it all, the wolves had final say. A majority of the packs had to be in favor of a Longtimer.

At first, they’d required acceptance from every pack, but that became unreasonable. They never all agreed and so, a majority decision became acceptable.

Longtimers were denied access to any territories where their presence was rejected. Disregard for this policy was at their own risk, and the risk was high. Severe injury at best, death at worst. Not pleasant.

“3 actually, a fairly young bachelor group, all international”

Fiona raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“Really? That’s unusual. Finally some traction from the ambassadors?”

“Yes, about time too. We wanted the interest. I didn’t expect Longtimers from it though. I thought we’d just get more short stay foreigners coming to get a sense of the place so they can report back home. People wanting to jump straight into Longtimer status is a surprise.”

“Not to mention, if they stay here, they aren’t taking the idea to their home territory and putting it into practice. It still keeps the operation localized.”

Nat rubbed a hand over his face.

“Yeah.”

Fiona could tell he was ready to let it go for the night. Everything in his body language told her he was trying to shut off his brain.

And she couldn’t blame him. She wouldn’t mind powering down herself.

“Well, we’re not going to sort it all out tonight. Let’s leave it for the meeting. I’m sure Mac has his own thoughts and they’ll have more weight than ours anyway.

Nat sighed and nodded, sinking down further under the covers. His face was careworn and she knew hers likely was too.

She reached over and switched off her bedside lamp, then turned to snuggle down on her side to face him.

His hand reached for her under the covers, the warmth bringing a deep contentment. He cupped her ass before sliding lazily up her side and resting comfortably on one breast.

“Mmmm you’re warm.” she sighed, placing her own palm on the side of his face.

“You’re not” he smiled in response

“Do you have the energy to remedy that?” She slid her hand down his chest, reaching under his arm to pull herself closer to him.

As her breasts pressed against him, he snaked his arm around her waist.

“Mmmmm, not sure.” Despite the noncommittal answer, he shifted his weight and brought his head down to her breast, taking a n****e in his mouth.

Fiona rolled to her back, stretching her arms above her head languidly.

Nat readily capitalized on the access to both breasts and began alternating between the two, sucking and teasing. His tongue circled one before he nipped her gently.

“It’s been a long day, but I do seem to remember we had some unfinished business” he murmured, reaching down between her legs. She lifted her hips in response.

“Don’t overexert yourself on my account.” She closed her eyes and settled into the pillows, wondering if she even had the energy herself. It wasn’t as easy as it had been in their 20s.

Slowly circling her center with his fingertips, he delicately parted her folds while still holding an areola in his mouth.

When she began to moan lowly in encouragement, he found her entrance and slid softly up and down. She began to moisten at his touch, feeling herself become slick and silky.

“You’re teasing” she linked

“Damn right I am. I like making you squirm.”

She laughed inwardly and let her mind wander to the fire he was stoking. Her fingers ran through his hair and she gently applied pressure, wordlessly asking him for more.

Nat got the hint and began sliding down her stomach, leaving hot kisses in his wake. He settled himself comfortably between her legs. Her knees fell to the sides, opening herself for him.

The first flicking touch of his tongue sent sparks into her core and she gasped in excitement. Slowly beginning to lick her from bottom to top, pausing at each upward peak to circle her c**t, Nat skillfully fanned the flames.

She wanted more.

“Your hand. Please.”

Obeying her request, he moved one hand down. As he began sucking her c**t, he slid a finger in, making her raise her pelvis further.

He worked into a rhythm, bringing her closer to the edge in a way he knew she liked. His fingers massaged her inner walls, finding her sweet spot just as he began to suck harder.

His other hand worked its way down to find her ass, and she knew what was coming.

“Yes”

“Patience, love” he flirted

As he quickened his pace, her hips undulated, bringing her closer to c****x.

While awaiting the crescendo, her mind drifted unbidden to another memory.

***

“Fio, I’m the Beta. I worked my ass off to get Beta. I’m expected to have a wife and produce offspring. I need you.”

“Well, excuse me if I don’t go weak at the knees from the utter romance of your proposal.” she retorted indignantly.

His mention of marriage had come from left field, and he hadn’t even tried for a tender moment.

Only a week ago, they’d built a cairn for Samantha, and now here he was, asking her to be his wife.

Nat exhaled audibly, clearly flustered.

“I’m sorry Fio, I know it’s not what you expected.”

She huffed in retort.

“What I expected? Nat, I’ve known you my whole life, and nothing about our relationship would ever have led me to expect this. What are you thinking?”

It wasn’t a lack of fondness between them that made her resistant. Of course she loved him, but romance had never been part of that love. He was an integral part of her life, as dear a friend as she could hope for, front and center in most of her milestone moments. But marriage? That just wasn’t even on the radar.

“I’m thinking I need someone by my side who I can trust. Someone who wants to strengthen the Yellowstone wolves as much as I do. Someone who can handle the administrative duties of a Beta. Someone I can genuinely see myself spending every day with. You fit the bill Fio. I’m sorry I can’t sweep you off your feet.” He shrugged helplessly, looking both irritated and sad.

“You kidding me right now?" Her voice rose.

"‘I fit the bill’?? You’re damn right you can’t sweep me off my feet. And what the hell makes you think I would give that up?! Who says my fated won’t come along? You got your chance, why the f**k wouldn’t I wait for mine?”

She turned away from him, exasperated and getting angrier by the moment. She knew she had cut him, but she wasn’t quite over her shock yet, there weren’t rational thoughts to be had right now.

“Christ Fio, you think I don’t know I’m asking a lot?” He stopped himself from yelling further, and she heard him move toward her.

He stood near her shoulder without touching her. His voice had calmed, but the frustration was tightly reined and his words came out tersely.

“I know exactly what I had and what I lost. And I know it’s unfair to ask this.”

Softening a bit further, he took her hand, turning her slightly toward him.

“But you’re the person who actually HAS been there with me for better or worse. We’ve got a base I think we could build from. It’s selfish; but I’ve already lost Sam. If I lose Beta, I might as well just take to wolf and never come back. This pack, this position, is keeping me here, it’s keeping me upright. I’m trying to put myself back together Fio. I can’t offer you what a fated could offer, and you deserve that, really you do. But I can offer you the comforts of Beta, and I can offer you the rest of my life.” With the last statement, he squeezed her hand hopefully.

Her breathing had calmed. Her body still vibrated with the insult she felt, but it wouldn’t do any good to throw down with him. Nat was still hurting, and she could give some grace for that. Some, but not all.

When she felt she could keep herself in check, she turned the rest of the way to face him and met his gaze.

“I’m sorry, it’s just not enough. Of course I’ve been by your side. Christ, that’s what friends do, I hope you’d do the same for me. But your heartache does not give you the excuse to be a d**k and just spring this on me. I am not gonna become a wife and breeder so you can keep your status. Can’t you see how offensive it is to try to guilt me into this because Sam died? I’ve been telling you this whole year to get into therapy. I’m not the cure for your depression Nat. I won’t be.”

Nat flinched, and it brought tears to her eyes.

“f**k, Nat. You know how I feel about you. And I know, after a lifetime, how you feel about me. But this is batshit. If you have to tell Mac you’re dating me to get him off your back, fine. But if you get your head out of your ass and still think MARRIAGE is a good idea, then I need you to get your s**t together and try a lot f*****g harder.”

He drew his brows together.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about giving a damn about how this makes me feel Nat! I’m not going to marry you just because you ask. I’m not going to step into Sam’s place when you’re not ready for anyone to be there. That doesn’t work for me. I deserve the devotion of a mate. And I deserve that as ME, Fiona, not as a stand in for someone else. So the answer right now is ‘No.’”

When he dropped his eyes and stood silently for several breaths, she couldn’t bear the tension any longer. There wasn’t anything else to say.

Awkwardly, she turned on her heel and walked back to the car. Her stomach dropped and she needed to get home.

She needed the safety and solitude of her little cabin, where she could sink into a tub and let the water pull this afternoon from her muscles.

What in the actual f**k? Had he lost his mind?

His heart still belonged to Samantha. And she was just supposed to magnanimously accept the pieces and be grateful for Beta status?

Madness. It was madness.

***

Shaking her head to clear the flashback, she gripped his head in her hands and growled.

Enough! She was done with this day, done with this f*****g ghost making her doubt her place.

This was HER husband, they had chosen each other. There was nothing to prove anymore. Here he was, in her bed, his hot breath and familiar hands driving her to c****x.

The sudden surge of possessiveness drove her over. Arching her back and crying out, she clutched him through the waves of pleasure.

When she’d stopped panting, he drew himself back up over her.

Palms on either side of his face, she brought his lips down to hers. Their tongues twisted and she moved her hands down to his firm d**k.

Her wetness and screams had aroused him and it was quick work bringing him his release.

Lying on their backs side by side, fingers linked and legs askew, Fiona shook off the remnants of the unwelcome memory and grounded herself back to the present.

“Good tumble babe” she said as she rolled off the bed to freshen up.

“Mmmmm” he said, half asleep.

By the time she returned to bed, he was curled on his side.

“Love you.” she whispered, not knowing whether he was awake to respond.

“I love you Fio.” He leaned to give her a final kiss, quick and soft.

It gutted her to admit how good it felt that he’d said her name. She wondered if he knew somehow, if he purposely did it to set her mind at ease.

Because once a year, she couldn’t fully suppress the nagging fear he secretly wished she was someone else.