Light of the Unexpected Adventure

Chapter 19 Feeling Anxious

Gabriella's POV

The longer I sit here anxiously waiting, the stronger I am feeling that something is going to go wrong if I don't leave soon. Even though I did get the much-needed sleep for my body that it was aching for, it still won't seem to help calm me down. Every part of me is on edge the entire day thus far. My mind won't stop running just as much as my heart won't slow down within my chest. So I hope once I leave here I will feel better. That's if I can get out of here without anyone knowing it.

I do have to admit that I am surprised that the guard never came here the rest of last night or even when the sun came up. He knew I was in the area and knew this was my home, for the time being. But maybe he thought he spooked me away from here.. Or maybe he thinks that I grabbed my stuff and left, not imagining I would be willing to stay here for the night because that might seem brainless on my part. But I would honestly assume that he does know I am in here, I think he is smarter than that. Maybe he is trying to trap me or watching the hut and waiting for me outside of here, just like when he caught me as I was trying to get in.

I think this as I shiver in fear, not knowing what any of the answers to my internal inquiries are. Which is terrifying, the unknown has always been just that. But as a whole, the situation is absolutely terrifying no matter what way you look at it. The emotions within me are petrifying at the moment. The endless possibilities are internally frightening and keeping my mind running nonstop. I am fearsome, thinking of anything and everything that can happen to me once I leave this place.

There is no doubt about it, I am scared. I feel the tears starting to come down uncontrollably. I put my face into my knees after pulling them up comfortably, I cry into them, using them to muffle my sobs and tears. I am staying as silent as I can, but I can't stop the tears, whether I wanted to or not. I am so scared of being on my own in the unknown. This is something I have dreamt about doing for a very long time, but now that it is here, I am scared out of my mind. Not knowing if there is any way I can get through this. But I guess there is only one way to find out.

I hear the door open as I quickly look up to see Grace once again sneaking in. She does a double take, looking at me, I think realizing I am crying. She looks worried as she comes towards me with her arms spread out wanting a hug, being the great friend that she is, just to console me in this hard time. I quickly stand up and meet her half way. Once her arms tightly wrapped around me, I do the same to hold her tight, just appreciating having my friends because without them, I would have nothing, especially with this incredibly hard burden put on me without even wanting or asking for it.

The overwhelming emotions take over making me feel as if I would have a meltdown, but luckily she is holding me up in this very hard time for myself. I slowly let out a deep breath as I gently lean my temple on her shoulder. "Are you doing alright? Or changing your mind?" She whispers to me as I quickly respond softly. "No, not changing my mind. I'm just scared.. terrified of the unknown.. I am so worried to be on my own out there since I never have been." she shakes her head at my comment. "Well, that probably is because you can't do a trek such as that on your own. Maybe someone can go with you or escort you out. Or change the plan all together." She says as I shake my head automatically. "No that is not even an option." I spat as she huffs out in frustration.

"Well, come on Gabby.. It would be suicide to do any of it on your own, even with your little bag of items. You might as well give yourself up if that's the plan." she says to me as I shake my head, giving her a look that says, 'what is she thinking?' Right then we hear a short yell, sounding almost like Mother Ann is mad at someone and giving her a lashing. We pause and listen for a second but don't hear anything else. I look back at Grace before continuing on. "There is no way I would ever do that.. They would torture me or kill me if I turned myself in." I state as if that outcome should be obvious to us by all the beheadings that have been happening over the years.

Another yelp is heard as we pause once more. But nothing happened again. I don't know who is on Mother Ann's bad side today, but I feel for them, since I have been on the receiving end of her wrath for entirely too long. "Oh come on, I bet it wouldn't be so bad.. They normally just house them to learn more about them. They have only killed them when they started attacking them or fighting back from their investigations. So just don't fight back." she says as I shake my head, standing straight up, before looking over at her in disbelief. Who is she trying to convince, myself or herself?

"What are you talking about? We have seen them for ourselves, purging the entirety of the town, then murdering any magical beings found without a second thought.. Why would you ever imagine they would spare me? I am one of many, not important at all, and I have something they want. I mean, let's be serious, they have destroyed on a whim, not knowing anything about the magical beings or what they have to offer that could possibly help our village, if anything.. Let alone give them a chance to show their true colors by getting to know if they are even a good person or not.. I would imagine that many of those magical beings had families and had good lives of their own, but the ones killing them never took that into consideration for them, so why would they ever do that for me? I bet that they will do the exact same to me if I ever attempted to turn myself in." I state as she looks worried, staring into my eyes. I don't know why she has now changed her mind and somehow thinks the King and his men are nice and understanding people when they have never been that.

I noticed that Grace instantly started shaking her head at my statement, which confuses me even more. "What? Why do you deny their actions as if they never happened? Especially when we saw with our very own eyes, that it did happen and many times." I ask of her as she shakes her head vigorously before looking around the room, as if she is trying not to make eye contact with me. I hear another yelp, but nothing else comes out from whomever that was. I keep looking at the door listening for anything else as Grace reaches over and puts her hand on my shoulder, getting my attention.

"I just think that if you gave the King and his men a legitimate chance by turning yourself in, that they would probably take mercy on you.. and most likely spare you." She says again as if her head is in the clouds, and she has no idea what I am talking about.. As if our whole lives, we have never seen any of their torment given to the many villagers around us.. and with no reason necessary. It is ridiculous of her to ever think such things, when they are blatant lies. "What is going on with you? I will not turn myself in.. I would rather live on the run than do that. Who are you trying convince that they are good people? Me or yourself?" I say as she scoffs at that comment.

"I am not convincing anyone. I am just trying to help you. What would you rather live as? A person honest with themselves and knowing their limits, giving the King a chance to show the understanding person he can be.. A magical monster who has already killed many.. Or as a poor woman who has nothing to her name? Or just as someone on the run for the rest of her life, always looking over her shoulder, trying to find some witch that is probably made up in that dying woman's mind.. She probably didn't know what she was saying in her state of dying delusion." she spats as I shake my head in disbelief of her words.. She has never talked to me like that in my entire life. Even last night, she discussed what she could do just to help me get out of this unscathed and now it's as if we never had that conversation at all.

"What is this about Grace? WE have nothing to our name and WE never have.. but that meant nothing to us before. Why would it matter now? You know that I only killed those beings because the ogres tried to kill me first.. and I am not a monster, you know this.. Why would you ever say that? Besides, I think where I go, whether it's to the witch or not, matters not as long as I am living and breathing and.. Free. But, of course, I won't know if it's actually true until I get there, but I don't think she made it up or lied to me. But I cannot figure that out for myself if I am dead or locked away by the King himself, which is exactly what he would do to me if given the chance." I state feeling my heart jumping within my chest at this conversation.

"We have been poor and never cared before.. But.. Maybe you're not the only one tired of this life and being stuck here, living in the dirt, working every second for people who don't appreciate it.. You and I will never truly be free Gabriella, no matter where we reside.. So you have to embrace what things are like here, just to make things better for yourself for the time being or even the long run of things." she says as I stare over at her, still confused about what she is saying, but I think I understand some of it.

"I understand a little bit of what you are saying.. But this has nothing to do with you. This is my burden to bare. You don't have to worry about my doings, and I'm sorry but you're not coming with me if that is also what you are implying.. This trip could be a death sentence and I would never forgive myself if I put your life at risk, because you mean so much to me.. You understand that right? That's what family does for one another." I state, feeling frustrated because this conversation which I thought was supposed to help me feel better is now making me feel worse.

"I don't want to go out there.. That's not what I was meaning.. I mean.. ugh." She says looking from me to the door as if she has something to tell me but is holding it back or doesn't know how to say it. The way she is acting is making me nervous. "Well, I will be out of the way any minute now.. I'm just waiting for Merida and Victoria to get back to me with the rest of the items and you won't have to think about this ever again.. Let alone stress yourself out about it." I say as she looks back at the door, then shaking her head. "No.. I.. uh." She replies as I wait for her to continue, but she doesn't.

She is looking suspicious for whatever reason, as I start getting even more nervous about why she is acting like that, making me want to leave right now. The strong feeling telling me to run, is ringing loudly within me at the moment. "I'm just going to gather my things and leave.. I'm sorry for giving you more stress than you needed today and as always, I am sorry that life has been hard for you because I always wish for the best for not only you, but Merida and Victoria as well.. You're my sisters.. And I understand more than most, since you know as well as I, that this life has been bad for me too.. You're not the only one.. and I have always supported you, have I not? So I understand that you are worried for me, but just support me and my decision to go on this adventure.. alone." I declare to her before putting the satchel over my head so the strap wraps around my torso comfortably.