COUNTING DOWN THE YEARS

ARRANGEMENTS

I have a lot to plan for. I want to start my own blog where I'll write articles from and hopefully earn a place in the media society. There are not many of those because people don't have much internet access. Walk in the streets and ask people if they access the internet and they'll have different opinions. 

"I love watching TV ."

"Can't afford it. "

"What's that? "

"From time to time, yeah. "

"I wish. "

"It's my job. "

People haven't quite embraced the internet like from my former life. But it's good for them spending time with people, having fun  and making memories . In a few years they'll be zombies attached to their phones all the time and not looking up to meet people's eyes. So forget your own sibling's eye color. 

Take meaningless photos which are mostly staged to show people how happy you are or how much expensive you bought a something or how much money you have. So it's all good they live their lives now because that changes in a few years. 

I'm hypocritical so lemme say, the only way to popularise the internet is by using it regularly. I start using it and tell it to my friends. They tell their friends who tell their friends. Sounds like a plan. I hope it works. 

So for my first post I write about how to quickly lose weight. Catchy I know. In any life time this is a sensitive subject that catches eyes quickly. So I'm hopefully wishing some eyes stray my way. I type three thousand words. Looks like I'm more enthusiastic than I thought I was. I really had a lot in there. 

All the while there is a fat grin on my face. I have a good feeling about this. Or maybe I'm just optimistic. Either way, this feels so good. I like talking about health. I like making sense and having people enter my mind and see how I think. 

With a long deep breath I press the enter button and post my very first piece. Big moment for me here. This could be the beginning of something big, something useful, something to change lives. I feel like Isaac Newton somehow. 

You are there living your life and then boom, a something little changes everything. Okay maybe not so much like Newton but I feel that way and leave me alone. 

I stare at my screen for a minute not blinking and with a bright smile on my face. I'm waiting for my first reader. It's all this big moment needs to be complete. So I wait. A minute. Two. Three. I need a glass of water so I go for it. 

I know people of this time are not big on the internet so I give them some more minutes to read my post. It's late afternoon there is got to be a someone on the internet to stumble upon my first 'ALL TIME MEDIA ' post. 

Maybe I should get some groceries as I wait. Maybe I'll find more than one reader when I get back. The thought of a fan base or just mere audience excites me. It's like I'm a teacher talking to students and they listen. What ever they do with what I tell them is up to them but they listen. I have an audience! Okay, maybe I'm not making the right references so I'll give it up. 

I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about everything. What if nobody reads my posts for months? Or ever! I don't want to be one of those authors who write but nobody reads them. It sucks. It is demoralizing. Maybe I shouldn't have taken this approach. 

I hope I'm over thinking. Only way to find out whether I have a read or not is to quit stalling and go check it out. Whatever it is, it is and I'll have to accept and move on. Not that it will be pleasant. 

I actually hurry back home balancing shopping bags in both arms. The quicker I do this the quicker I get done then think of a way forward. I have to find a way out. 

And I end up damping everything on the little kitchen island then rushing to my bedroom. My computer is exactly where I left it not that I expected it to go anywhere. I rub my hands in anticipation then power it up. 

Takes a lot longer than I want it to. Or maybe my anxiety is getting to me. But it finally comes on and I can't wait any longer. What ever I'll find there is what is there and I'll take it accordingly. Moment of truth. 

Logging in is the hardest part because my fingers shake with each passing second. And a lone tear escapes my eyes when I see no read at all . I don't understand, hasn't at least one single person seen my work. I know I haven't told anyone yet about it but I was really counting on a stranger coming across my work and reading it. I put a lot in it for it to not be read at all. 

Way to make a girl's night internet users! I wipe away the tear and blink some back. Big girls don't cry. Time to put myself out there. f*******: is where I start from liking people's pictures and commenting sweetly. That gets me some attention. I seize the moment. Give people links to my blog and tell them about how thrilled I'd be if they read my work. 

I hope I speak to someone at least. After like three hours I log out of my account and it shut down my computer. I'll check if I have a read in the morning when I will be writing the next post. Wouldn't want to stress myself some more. I need to eat because my brain just drained me of everything. 

Maybe my next post should be about food. Sharing a couple of recipes with people could get their attention. Or about traveling and journeys. People like knowing a little bit about places they have never been to. I like to also. I have a new hope about my blog. I'll forgive myself for not being keen to advertise my work before having expectations. And try to pester everyone with it until some give it a try. Will try lower my expectations and appreciate every last one of my readers no matter when they read me. 

Baby steps are important and I'm learning to accept that. I'll write and write. Put my heart and soul into it. I believe one day someone will appreciate my work and give it time of day. And that day I'll be so happy, I'll look back at this time when I was desperate for just a read and laugh at how desperate I actually was.