Almost Not Over You

CHAPTER 9: COMPLICATIONS CAN SPICE UP THE GAME?

In life, we value honesty a lot especially when it comes to love. We appreciate people who are honest enough with their feelings. We admire them for being brave enough to express what they feel. We praise them for the courage to show their emotions. But sometimes, too much honesty with our feelings may lead to mishaps. Sometimes, the response is not always positive. It’s not always beneficial. Because sometimes, the love we give to them isn’t always appreciated. We can’t expect them to love us back the way we loved them. But despite those complications, we still continue to love them. We continue to give that kind of love because that’s the real essence of love—that’s how true love is. We give love without expecting something in return.

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After that unexpected confession, I don’t know how to face him. It’s not because I felt awkward. But because I’m scared that he might actually distance himself from me again—that he might leave for good. Well, I know the fact that he would eventually leave for good. He has a life he needs to return to. And I know it even before I let him stay at our house. But I guess, I wasn’t just prepared for that day. I didn’t expect that it could happen so soon. But on the other hand, I felt relieved. I felt satisfied that I was able to confess my feelings to him. I’ve been keeping that since the day I saw him crying. And imagine how hard I tried to hide those emotions every time he draws near to me.

“Crazy, George! Crazy!” I told myself as I rolled into bed. I just couldn’t believe that everything wasn’t really a dream at all. Now, I really don’t know how to face him. I don’t want to wake up because that would mean seeing him. But I guess, fate isn’t on my side this time.

“George! George! Wake up!” Jessie yelled as she rushed to my room. “Hurry! Get up.” She excitedly added while forcing me to stand up and fix myself.

“Why?” I just simply responded.

“You know my close friend in the hospital?” She asked with all a smile on her face.

With the look of “I really don’t know” and “I’m not sure who that friend you’re talking about”, I responded blankly. I just shrug my shoulders. “Why?”

“Hey!” She pinched me on the side. “Don’t act so naïve. You bitch.” “But seriously, this friend of mine wants to meet you for a dinner.” She exuberantly added.

“What?” I shouted. “Why? I mean, why would he?” I confusingly asked.

“Hey! You don’t remember?” She asked.

I really don’t remember at first, but suddenly a flashback memory hits me.  It was on Jessie’s birthday last year and we were having a small dinner party in a bar—me, Jessie of course, her colleagues from work. Well, it was a very usual party. We had drinks and a lot of food. Then suddenly, one of her colleagues stood up and decided to start s crazy game of spin the bottle with a sort of truth and dare. And because I’m the kind of person who’s not comfortable with sharing my story with a lot of people, I take all the dare. Well, at first, it was a simple dare—to drink a 2 full glass of hard beer, to sing like crazy on the stage. But the last dare was caught me off guard since I was challenged to kiss someone who will first enter the door on the bar. And to my surprise, it was Jessie’s close friend who came late to attend her party due to his hectic schedule, the great gentlemen of St. Andrew’s Hospital, Dr. Philip Patterson. I had no choice at that moment but to kiss him. So I did. But just on the cheeks though. If I had kissed him on the lips that would make me so embarrassed to enjoy that party the whole night. And that reckless stupidity had made me choose not to cross path with him no matter what. Well, thanks to his uninvited help, he was just casual about what happened. He didn’t make me feel awkward at all though I was feeling a bit uneasy that night. Even after that day, he doesn’t make any call or any issues especially when I accidentally met him in the hospital whenever I visited Jessie at work. He just smiled and greeted politely with no more questions asked. But to tell you honestly, he’s a good catch. I happen to made some research about him on the internet since my very good friend Jessie has always teasing me to set up with him after he called off his relationship with his long-time girlfriend. In short, Jessie has been like a cupid. From what I read on the internet and magazine cover, I can see he’s a good man. Not because of the fancy words were written about him, but because there’s more than words whenever I see him from afar in the hospital. I can see how genuine he was when he’s with his patient. I can see how much he cared for them more than just being a doctor. He was like a friend to them. But I guess, what made me feel so awkward seeing him, is that I saw my dad on him. They shine best wearing those white coats surrounded by their patients from all walks of life.

“Hey!” I screamed while grabbing Jessie’s arms and laid back to bed while covering myself with a blanket.

“So you need to dress up and look good, okay?” Jessie commanded. “Here.” She handed down some GC’s on the bedside table. “I got this one from the hospital from one of my patients. I don’t want to accept this since it’s against our policy, but she insisted. And, it’s also not good to reject people’s kindness, isn’t it? So, use this wisely okay? Look good. No. Be at your best, okay?”

“No. I won’t go.” I added immediately while standing up and went to the kitchen to drink some water and trying to end the conversation with her. “I’m busy, okay? I had a lot of things to do. You know how hectic my schedule is.”

“Hey! I already said yes to him. I already said that you will go.” Jessie explained with pleading eyes. “So, you better meet him, okay? I’m counting on you, George. Please, don’t make me humiliate myself too much.”

“Hey!” I protested.

“Why?” She asked. “What’s the problem, George? Why won’t you meet him? It’s just dinner. It’s not like he’s going to kill you or something.” Jessie explained further.

I was able to explain myself thoroughly, but Jac suddenly showed up in the dining area preparing for breakfast. I still vividly remember the confession I made last night, that’s why I kept my mouth shut up and looking at Jessie to be quiet.

“Good morning, Jac.” Jessie greeted.

“Good morning.” He just answered plainly.

“Let’s eat.” Jessie invited him. “I already prepared our breakfast. Come on, join us.”

“It’s okay. This is enough for me. I’m in a hurry right now.” He added while walking his way out.

“Okay. Bye! Take care.” Jessie shouted. “Hey! What’s his deal? He’s like an old woman on her menopausal stage.”

“Maybe he had a bad sleep.” I tried to make up for excuses because I know how terrible Jessie’s curiosity is. 

Seeing him from behind without any single word heard from him—without any hi, hello, good morning, or even a simple look on the face, makes me think how stupid I was on being nosy about his life and confessing my feelings out of the blue.

Meanwhile, while preparing myself for work, I got a message from Angela—Jac’s ex-fiancée. Well, after that incident, we became good friends. I guess it’s because we both love flowers and taking good care of different plants. It’s something that connects our two different worlds. At first, I don’t want to get closer to her. I don’t want to get caught in between. I don’t want that feeling like you wanted to be sincere but you can’t because you need to keep certain truths. And the most awful thing that I hate is if worst comes to worst, I need to act like a bridge between them. That would make me look so pathetic, right?

But I guess, there’s something in life that you can’t control. No matter how much you tried to stop it, the more life will throw you on that tight spot—trying to juice you up until the end.

“Hi!” I greeted Angel with a bright smile.

“Hello!” She exchanged sweet greetings as well. From the way she smiles, you wouldn’t think she’s having a hard time in her married life. I guess, she just needed a breath of fresh air.

“Have you been waiting for too long? I’m sorry. I just needed to drop some files on the office.” I uttered while asking for the menu from the waiter.

“Not really. I just arrived a couple of minutes before you came.” She explained sweetly. “I should be the one to say sorry. I’m sorry for bothering you. I know how busy you are and yet I always call you. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” I consoled her. “You don’t need to say sorry. Actually, I love hanging out with you. I also needed a break from work. Just like you said, I have a busy schedule and sometimes, it drowns my energy too much. So, I needed to relax. I needed to give it to myself once in a while. And thanks to you, I got that chance. So, thank you, Angela. Thank you so much for giving company to this crazy woman out here.” I laughingly added. I tried to lighten the mood because every time we had friendly dates like this, it always ends up with a very dramatic scene.

But I do understand where she came from. I do understand her pain. I do understand how hard it could be to keep all those secrets all these years. And from those hanging out together, I came to know her even more. From her stories, I came to know that she has a reason to leave Jac in the past. It wasn’t a matter of whether she’s right or not because listening to her, makes me realize why Jac loved her so much that until now, he’s not yet over with her. 

“Thank you, George. Thank you for your time. Thank you for listening. I really had a great time today.” She gratefully added.

“Me too.” I simply added. “Bye.”

From what Jac told me about Angela leaving him during their wedding day, the first thought came to mind was how come someone does such a thing—how come someone who promised forever yet within just a blink of an eye, suddenly disappear. And to be honest, I judged her for that. Even before I know her side of the story, I judged her for being so bad to leave her groom on their supposedly the happiest day of their lives. But after taking a closer look at her story, now I understand how much she loved Jac. She’s willing to hurt him just once than to see him being in pain for the rest of their married life due to her sickness. She’s willing to give up that promised lifetime than to be together in misery. That’s how amazing she was as a woman. And I don’t think I can compare myself to that. Her braveness and strength have saved Jac from those torments and grief.

That’s how crazy life is. We hurt the people we loved not because we don’t love them. But because we loved them so much—so much to the point that we choose to protect them from those indescribable pain. We choose to let them go, so they could be happier with someone else because that’s what they deserved—they deserved to loved and be loved as well.

Actually, after the incident at Angela’s place and she took me home, she happens to know that Jac was in Austria. She knew that Jac and I know each other—that he’s living in my house. She saw Jac from afar when she took a step back to my house to return my handkerchief that I lent to her when she cried in the hospital and saying sorry to me non-stop. I guess that would be one of the reasons why she called immediately the next day—she wanted to meet up. Well, she doesn’t ask about it though. But our conversation has led to those questions. At first, I wanted to hide it from her. But I guess, at that moment I feel like I cannot hide anything from her. She’s just genuine and sincere as a person. And I was caught in between.

After telling her everything, I thought that would be the first and the last time we would see each other. I thought she wouldn’t call or text me or be close to me since I know the person from her past. But I guess I was wrong. She called again. And this time, she wanted to go shopping, eating outside and some chitchats. I was taken aback because why would someone wanted to get close to me after knowing that I’m an acquaintance of her past—the past that probably she wanted to get rid of. But my very feet has brought me to Angela that day. And since that day, we became friends. We hang out a lot. Every time, we see each other, I feel at ease. Her company is so comforting. Well, she doesn’t ask literally for a favor to keep it from Jac. But I feel like I had to. I mean the friendship we have with Angela, is ours only and Jac is out of it. Besides, this time around I doesn’t want to be nosy with their issues in life. I already had a bad medicine from Jac the day I confessed my feelings to him. And from that day, I promised myself that I don’t deserve to be treated like that—that I don’t deserve to receive any pity especially from him.

“George! George!” Jessie shouted while rushing to get inside the house and trying to breathe as fast as she could.

“Why? What’s the problem?” I worriedly asked. “Are you okay?”

“George.” Jessie hugged me so tight that I almost can’t breathe as well.

“Why?” I nervously added. “You’re making me nervous at all.”

Jessie never said any word. She just handed down a white envelope. “What is this?”

“Open it. Hurry.” Too much excitement in her words.

“Venetian Hall 119th Auction and Beneficiary Party? What is this?” I curiously asked.

“Dr. Philip just asked me if we could attend to that party for a cause. It’s a party organized by his mother to auction some painting and the proceeds will be given to their chosen foundation.” Jessie narrated.

“Why would he want us to be there?” I asked bluntly.

“Hey! Of course, he wanted us to be there. He’s excited to know you. I have been building you up to him. But he doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable going alone so he tagged me along.” She proudly added.

“Hey!” I yelled. “He’s not making me uncomfortable. You’re the one who’s making me uncomfortable. Why would you build me up to him? You make me look so desperate.” I added while pinching her on the side.

“Hey! It’s not like that George.” She tried to avoid me by running towards her room. “I just wanted you to be happy. You deserve to be loved because you’re a good person. I just want the best for you.” She added while slowly walking towards me and hugged me sweetly on the side.

I know what she meant. I’ve known her for more than half of my life. And if there’s one person who would want all the happiness in the world for me, that would be her. That’s why I’m trying my best not to get hurt again. I can’t afford to see her in pain because of my stupidity in love.

Then the date night came. The day my best friend was very excited too. Since the day she got the invites and until today, she was superb. From reminding me 24/7, magazine hopping for the perfect outfit to online searching for the best shoes and all the little stuff. One would think she’s my stage mom. Even though at times, I feel irritated and just simply covered my ears with my wireless headset, I can’t stop myself from smiling seeing how busy she was. With everything she has done, I can feel her care and support for me. I can feel that she wanted me to be the most beautiful woman at that party. I can feel her sincerity that she wanted me to be happy—to receive love. How I wish I could also get that kind of support from her even after knowing who I really love.

But honestly, I don’t want to go. It’s not like I don’t want to meet Dr. Patterson or because of our encounter in the past. But because I don’t want Jac to get confused about my feelings for him. I don’t want him to take my feelings lightly.

“George!” Jessie shouted with a mesmerizing look on her face. “You look beautiful. No. You look great.”

“Really?” I confusingly asked as I looked myself clearly in the mirror trying to get a picture of myself from every angle. 

Jessie nodded. “Now I know why Dr. Philip was so interested in you.”

“Mmm? What is that? A compliment? Or criticism?” I jokingly asked.

“Enough for this drama,” Jessie uttered. “We need to go. We should not be late. We should impress Dr. Philip’s mom.” She added while picking our bag and fix our look a bit.

As soon as we left the room, Jac entered the house. He directly went to the kitchen and placed the stuff he brought. I tried to avoid him by suggesting Jessie, to be in a hurry. But Jessie unluckily left her keys, so she went back for a bit. Now I can feel awkwardness was running from my toes unto my head quickly. I pretended to fix my make up just to avoid any conversation with him. But before I could smoothly go out of the house, Jessie splurged out something.

“Jac!” Jessie uttered. “We’ll be going out for a bit. We’ll be attending a charity party and I don’t know what time we’ll be home. So, I’m giving you the full responsibility for the house. You take charge, okay? You know what I mean, right?” She added.

Jac just nodded. The usual response from him. He’s always like that. You don’t know what to say because of his insensitive reaction. You don’t where to place yourself because he was so deep. I tried to reach out to him, but I always failed because of his endless silence. But despite every reason, my feelings for him don’t change at all. Not even a single bit. Ironically, my feelings for him gets even deeper. Every day that I got to know him, the more I’m interested in him—the more I want to get closer to him, the more I wanted to stay on his side.

“Hi!” “Hello!” we exchange greetings as soon as we arrived at the party venue. I felt uneasy the moment we arrived. I’m not used to going to a party like this. Though this is not my first time because when I was still young—when my mom was still alive we usually attended parties like this every time my dad got an award or during birthdays and anniversaries or even simple occasions. That memory is still fresh to me. It seems like it just happened yesterday.

“George? Will you be okay here? I’ll just say my greetings on that table over there. They are my friends from other departments. I’ll be back, okay?” Jessie pleaded.

I nodded. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Go.”

Being left all alone and without any acquaintances, I decided to eat some fruits and salad.  But as soon as I reached the food, the waiter suddenly spilled some wine on me. Jessie suddenly ran towards me, asking if I’m okay. She was about to get angry with the waiter, but I immediately stop her.

“I’m fine,” I uttered. “It was just an accident.” I immediately stood up and fix myself.

“What happened here?” A manly voice asked. Dressed with the finest suit that perfectly fits him—making him more dashing. Everyone was in awe including myself. But before I could react, he immediately took off his jacket and cover me on it. He brought me into the VIP room to get myself clean up. He instructed his people to assist me. With all the help I got, I feel like I was a princess for a day. From cleaning myself to choosing a dress, his people were very polite and helpful. Though I don’t want to get much attention, I can help it because if I wouldn’t let them do their job, they’ll be the ones who will be punished.

“Are you okay?” A voice softly asked from behind. It was him. The man whom I’m supposed to meet. The reason why I was dragged on here.

“Yes. I’m fine.” I answered simply.

I never thought that a simple accident could erase all the awkwardness I felt since the day I accidentally kissed him. It seems like everything vanished into thin air. We talk a lot. I didn’t expect that I could enjoy the event.

When we’re about to go home, Jessie unexpectedly left a note saying she’s been hanging out with her colleagues and not to wait for her since she’ll be having a lot of fun for the rest of the night. So, here I am again being left all alone.  I waited for a cab to pass by. But it may be because it was already late in the evening that no single cab was seen around the area. I couldn’t call anyone. SO I decided to just walk when a car stop in front of me.

“Let’s go. I take you home.” it was him again, Dr. Patterson.

“Dr. Patterson?” I asked.

“Hey! We agreed to be casual with each other, right?” He smilingly uttered.

I was about to open the door when someone called me. A voice was so familiar into ears. A voice I’m longing to hear. Then, my heart beats faster.

“George!... Let’s go.” He stuttered on his words while catching his breath.

“Jac?” I confusingly asked.

“I’m sorry I’m late. Have you been waiting for for so long?” He added while smiling from his heart.

“Why?” I asked.

“Who is he?” Dr. Philip asked.

Jac’s presence caught me for a while that I forgot Philip was also there on the scene. Yes, Philip. We decided to be casual with each other after that talk. At first, I was hesitant to do so. But, his persistence was to the highest level.

“Ah. Yes.” I pick myself up. “Philip, I’d like you to meet Jac. Jac, Philip—he’s Jessie’s senior.” I almost mumbled on my words that I couldn’t find the perfect words to say.

“Hello. Nice to meet you.” Philip offered his hands. Luckily, Jac accepted his hands.

“Nice to meet you,” Jac replied. “But let me formally introduced myself. “I’m Juan Antonio Crisostomo III, a General Surgeon.” He handed down his business card. “You can call me Jac for short. And I came to pick my girlfriend.” He added while grabbing my shoulders closer to him.

His last words shook me a lot. I don’t know how to react as if the coldness from my feet runs swiftly into my head that makes my whole system numb. What was this guy saying? Girlfriend? Am I hearing it right? He’s calling me his girlfriend? What?