Almost Not Over You

CHAPTER 4: HOLDING ONTO MEMORIES

They say, “Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, and the things you never want to lose." Or sometimes, “Memories are those made up by people who want to hold on from the past since memories are the only thing that doesn’t change even if people do.” But whatever it would mean for each one of us, surely there were certain parts of our lives we want to hold on even to those memories left.

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After crying for a while, he was finally sober up from his emotions. Though no single word was heard from him, I understood his pain. Even though I did not ask anything from him, I knew the man I was searching for almost a day just needed to cry and breathe out. Even while walking, no single word was heard from the both of us. He walks ahead, looking so sad while I worriedly followed him from a 1-meter distance. I didn’t know why I was following him around. Was it because of my job to bring him back to the hotel? Or was is it because I wanted to comfort him? The latter reason makes me spank my head while saying, “Crazy! Crazy! Crazy! Well, you don’t have to do such stupid things? Feeling close?”

Because my last words were seemingly loud, he stopped momentarily and turns his back wondering what was happening to the stranger who had comforted him a while ago. This also made me stop for a moment. I feel awkward a bit. And to break that awkwardness, I jokingly uttered, “Ha, ha, ha, I’m fine. I’m really good. Don’t mind me. Just go on.” While instructing him to take a step as I lead my hands forward.

We continue walking on the busy street of Vienna, Austria while some people were seen listening to a street performer who was playing the piano while singing a piece of classical music. Everyone who passes by that area was seem caught by the performer’s splendid talent. Well, almost every day you can see people singing on the street in solo, duo, and trio or a band while others were playing musical instruments. No wonder Austria is truly a home and the best stage for Music. History tells that Austria was the home of Music greats like Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Franz Schubert, Josef Strauss, and many others. That’s why for someone who wanted to be healed by music, well Austria can give you that healing. 

This melancholic type of music seems to reach his sadness for it made him stopover for a moment and attentively listen to its harmony. It somehow calms him. He is unaware of the reason why he suddenly feels at peace. Was it because of the music he heard? Or was it because of the stranger’s presence? Well, no one knows the real reason except himself.

Meanwhile, he continued walking. He halts at the bus stop. But since he doesn’t know exactly what bus to ride on which is seen on his discomforted face, I volunteered to take the lead. I immediately hop first on the bus and signaled him to follow. Without any questions asked, he followed me. Even at the bus, we had a seemingly 1-meter distance. I took the seat on the back portion while he chooses to seat 5 seats away from me. While onboard, he was looking outside the window while I was staring at him at the back. I find it so amusing looking from his back. A lot of things were going into my mind right now. I wanted to ask him why he’d cry. I wanted to know his pain. I wanted to know his story. But that would make me look pathetic, right? I don’t want to be nosy enough to someone’s life. It looks like the talkative side of me was a perfect match with his quietness. I felt like I lose all the words I’ve been practicing before I found him. Unaware of my actions, I just stare at him closely. No matter how tired I was from roaming around the city in every corner just to find him, my eyes were magically focused on him. Before pressing the button to signal the driver to stop, I got a call from my boss.

“Yes, Madam,” I answered. “I already found him. He’s with me right now. Okay. We’ll be back in the hotel. Yes. We’re on our way. Okay. Thank you. Bye.”

When we reach the hotel, Madam L was there waiting impatiently for us. And I can see from how she walks around in the lobby, feeling restless. Well, she all has the reason to be because she was my boss. She was about to scold him a bit for the inconvenience he has done but I quickly signaled her to just let it slide this time. Quickly, she transforms into a friendly boss and even greeted him and asked the hotel staff to guide him in the room. It seems like nothing serious happen a while ago.

“What happens?” Madam L confusingly asked.

“Can’t we talk about this tomorrow? Please?” I pleaded to her. “I’m just too tired right now to talk. I’ve been walking like for more than 6 hours now. My energy has already been drained. I just want to sleep.” I continued as I said sorry.

Luckily she was moved with my piteous face. “Okay. Rest for now.” “Bye!”

Meanwhile, at home.

“Can’t sleep?” Jessie asked as she went to the kitchen to drink some water. “Why?”

She caught me thinking blankly outside the window sill while sitting around on the sofa drinking some milk. I was staring outside despite how dark it was due to the rain that poured out heavily. It was already past 11 pm and yet I couldn’t get a night of better sleep since I arrived from work. During travel, I was really tired that I even slept on the bus. Luckily it was only a first-degree sleep and I was able to wake up as soon as the bus reaches my bus top. But after taking a bath, eat dinner, and prepares to sleep, I was rolling into my bed. My body wants to sleep but not my mind. I did everything I could just to put myself into sleep. I drink milk. I do some 7-minute cardio just to burn out myself. I read some books. I listened to classical music. But no one works for me. My mind was still awake. I mean awake literally. It seems like I’ve been drinking 2 cups of strong coffee since that was only within my capacity.  And what’s even worse... the one I’ve thought for more than 3 hours is the man I’m supposed to be pissed off with. The stranger man. But wait, he’s not a stranger though ‘cause I know he’s got a name. I got to know his name not because he is my client but because he stood out among the rest. Well, physically he was. He was around 5’6 tall with a fair complexion. I can say he’s not really into “abs” thing but he’s body was nice—I mean he’s not chubby nor thin, just enough. In terms of looks, I can say he got one. Plus the added factor, he got this what they say “the charisma looks”. But wait, I’m not caught with how handsome and appealing he was. I got to remember his name because of what he did—he caused panic and disorder to our company, well just a bit though—he’s the reason why my work was on the brink of life and death.

“Just because,” I simply replied though something was still bothering me since I arrived home.

But knowing how persistent my best friend is, she walked towards me and sits beside me as if she knows me 100%. Well, exactly, she knows me a lot. Even if we’re apart for quite some time before when she went abroad to work, she just knew me at all. She knew if I’m happy or sad. She knew if something was wrong in me. And her curiosity was no match with my how I pretended to be okay.  “Are you okay?” Something bothering you?”

I just smiled. But when she was about to leave, I suddenly blurt out a question. “What will you do when you feel someone needs your help?”

That made her paused and stared at me confusingly.

“I mean… I got this friend and she asked my opinion on something. But my opinion was different from her and she was bothered by that. So I wanted to ask for someone’s opinion to help her weigh things.” I tried to convince her.

“Opinion on what?” she asked as she sits beside me and listens attentively.

“Well, my friend happens to know a stranger guy. I mean, she accidentally knows him from somewhere. He saw him in a coffee shop crying. Not a simple cry but a hard one. You know, when you lose someone. That kind of pain. And she felt that pain. Well at first she was pissed off with how loud the man cries. But parts of her pity this guy. She didn’t know why she wasn’t angry at all. And what’s worse, she wanted to comfort him. I mean, why? She doesn’t have to. She doesn’t need to. He was just a stranger. I mean why would she bother? So, I advise her not to mind him but he already enters into her system. She can’t sleep and she’s been thinking about him a lot. She doesn’t know why. If it was because she was just too nosy about other’s life or was she felt something special for him. She didn’t know the real answer.” I thoroughly explain.

But Jessie wasn’t convinced with my storytelling that she assumed that the friend I was talking about was me. “Are you sure we are not talking about yourself in this story?” She smiled a bit.

I defensively responded. “Of course not. It was my friend.” I tried to explain it further. But even to myself, I tried to convince that this is not my story. But deep inside, I was quite fooling myself.

“Well, whoever is this friend of yours; just tell her not to get bothered by other people’s pain. Don’t act as if she needs to comfort them. It’s okay to help but only for those who asked for it.” She added. “And please tell her, if she wanted to help, only to the extent that she won’t end up in the jail, okay?”

Her last statement caught me while throwing some pillows on her. “Hey! I told you, I’m talking about my friend.”

“Okay. Go to sleep now. You still have work for tomorrow. Bye. Good night. And sweet dreams my friend.” She exclaimed while waving her hands.

“Good morning everyone!” I greeted them with a wide smile.

I gathered them—the 20 tourists under me in the hotel lobby before starting our second day of the trip. I wanted to make sure no one’s missing this time and no one’s going to ruin this tour under my nose. I called them one by one. And I was happy to see him sitting on the chair and listening to me attentively.

“Well today, brace yourselves, everyone, because I will formally and officially welcome you to the beautiful country, well not just according to myself but hailed as one of the beautiful places to live in the world, Austria.”

They gladly made a round of applause. “Thank you. Thank you.” I said while seeing everyone’s excitement except him. I don’t know what he was thinking right now. But by the looks of it, he was physically present but mentally absent.

“You know my mom; she always told me that the very best thing in life happens unexpectedly. Whether in career, in love, or life, you need to prepare yourself for those certain moments because they only happen once and unexpectedly. So?” I smiled enticingly. “Be prepared everyone because today, I will show you that the very best thing that happens unexpectedly, take place only here in Austria.”

Since the first day of the tour were the visit to the Vienna State Opera House and a side trip to the concert hall called, Wiener Musikverein—the home of Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra, the second day will be intended for palace visits. And the first destination was the Hofburg Palace at Michaelerkuppel, 1010 Vienna. As we went in, everyone was very busy taking pictures of its architectural design since this palace is perhaps the most historically significant of Vienna’s palaces.

“This is the official seat of the Austrian President and this extensive complex consists of numerous buildings reflecting various periods from Gothic, Renaissance, Baroque, and Rococo movements. This vast complex covers 59 acres with 18 groups of buildings, including 19 courtyards and 2,600 rooms. Its main attractions are the Imperial Apartments, the Sisi Museum, and the Silver Collection. Other notable sites within this complex include the Imperial Chapel (Burgkapelle) and the Hofburg Treasury with its large collection of Imperial regalia and relics of the Holy Roman Empire.”

“Wow! This is nice.” “No wonder Austria is the home of palaces.” They commented with gladness.

I was happy seeing my tourists feeling satisfied. Seeing their smiles makes all the hard work worth it. But when I gazed my eyes around, I couldn’t see him. I look from every corner but he’s gone. I asked his fellow tourist whom he was talking a while ago but he said he don’t know where he was. I was a bit worried. Then, a moment later, I saw him coming and felt relieved.

“It’s okay… It’s okay, George. No need to stress yourself out with some stranger.” I told myself

“This is by far the best option for first-time visitors who want to see the major sites and get acquainted with the culture and history of Austria. Well, Vienna to be exact.” I continued.

After taking a short break, we went to the next stop—The Schönbrunn Palace and Gardens, located at Schönbrunner Schloßstraße 47, 1130 Vienna. A palace with a baroque style building and one of the most visited destinations here at Vienna, Austria. It was also designated as a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Wherein fact, if you happen to travel with your kids, you can visit the Children’s Museum and have them dressed as prince and princesses. That would be so lovely to watch. Just the thought of it makes me happy. How cute.

Despite how large this group was, I haven’t encountered any problems so far. Well, except what happened yesterday.  They were all disciplined enough to follow my instructions as well as the rules and regulations of the palace we visited. After resting for a while from my speech and looking if everyone was present, I gaze at him secretly. From a distance, I stared at him closely without anyone’s suspicions. When he suddenly turns his back around, I immediately pretended to take some pictures of the place. Luckily, I brought my canon cam.  I don’t know what’s happening to me—why the thought of secretly staring at him makes me happy a bit.  Sometimes, I just laugh at myself for being crazy—for doing so. I even question myself for the reason why I’m doing such things—why I can’t seem to get out from the thought of him, why he went into my system, into my mind, and my heart? No way. It can’t be.

Then the last day of the tour came. Everyone was very busy buying some stuff for their family and friends left in the Philippines. I was walking around when I saw him sitting outside on a coffee shop all alone while drinking some hot latte coffee. I walked slowly towards him while looking around. Seeing no one was seated beside him, I invited myself to take a seat holding my camera on my right and a cup of my favorite cappuccino on my left. But before I could sit down totally, he stared at me puzzlingly with the thought asking me, why? I smiled while asking. “Can I take this seat?”

He just nods at me. No words at all.

A couple of minutes pass by and we were like two strangers just sitting together. Well, we are strangers. Even though he was my client and I’m his tourist guide and happen to know his name, but that’s it—that’s the only connection we have. I don’t know his story nor doesn’t he know mine.

But knowing myself, I cannot stand long hours or even a minute of silence. Well, maybe because I was trained to do so since I’m a tourist guide and I need to as bubbly and as conversant as I can be—to give the best entertainment to my tourist clients. I need to be a fast thinker and someone who always has something to say in every situation. That’s also the reason why I always bought a lot of books and read them during my free time or even during travel back and forth. It’s to feed up my mind and thanks to that I was able to share a lot of information with my clients for the past 3 years. Thus, I always got the highest recommendation for not the best but a good tourist guide. And that’s the best reward I can give to myself.

“Hi!” I started the conversation taking all my courage.

But he just stared at me. No words again. Not even a single, “Hello!” or "Hi!" Nevertheless, I felt something's different about him.

“Wait. I thought you don’t know how to smile.” I commented.

“What?” He curiously asked.

“Well, every time I saw you, you were like putting all those grumpy and a frown face. I don’t know what you’re up to but it seems like you carry the entire world’s burden. But, no offense at all.” I explained while trying not to cross the line and taking a sip of my coffee.

“Wait. So, you’re staring at me the whole time?” He tries to joke around.

“No. Of course not.” I defensively explained myself.

That made him laughed even more. We don’t know how time passes by, we just talk about life. I feel at ease talking to him. And I could feel he was also the same as me.

 It was just a simple conversation but it somehow shattered the wall that separates our two different worlds. Though we don’t reach the point of sharing each other’s pain but still I got to know, he is a good person. And now, we have another something in common, we both work at SJMC—he is a resident doctor while I was a former managing director. I feel glad a bit knowing that we have another connection other than being just a tourist guide and a client.

“Okay, everyone. Listen up. So, are you all set for your flight today?” I gladly asked.

“Yes!” they were all in the chorus.

“Well, I’m glad to.” With some sadness in my voice.  “But to be honest, I’m a bit sad knowing, we wouldn’t be able to see each for now. The past 1 week might be too short but it was all worth it. I got to know a bit about your story. And I can say that you’re all a good person in your way. I would be missing those small chit chats along the way with you guys and thank you. Thank you because I’ve learned something from you. I’m really happy that I decided to handle this large group since if you don’t know I only handle around 10 tourists per package tour. And handling the 20 of you somehow gives me a lot of worries. But somehow, it was a blessing in disguise. Thank you for your cooperation. And I hope that you enjoy your tour here at Vienna. I wish you were able to love Vienna, Austria just like I do. Thank you so much. And please come again.” I finished my speech as I hug everyone and shook their hands saying, “thank you”.

I can say this was the best group I handle so far. I even saw some of them crying. I even received some flowers and greeting cards from them. That was just too special and thoughtful. And the last one I bid goodbye was him, the “not-so” stranger man.

“Thank you.” He said.

I was shocked by how he started to talk first. That made me cried a bit and hugged him tight. I don’t know but I was carried by my emotions at that very moment. As if I don’t mind other people’s presence. It was just a brief moment but that meant a lot to me. I don’t know but at that very moment, I feel my heart skip a beat. I couldn’t breathe. And just that thought of him leaving makes me sad a bit. Is this love? No way. It can’t be. How pathetic I am. Falling for a stranger? Then I immediately push him aside. Just slightly though because I don’t want to be so obvious about it. I wanted to be calm as much as possible.

While riding on the coaster bus on our way to the airport, everything runs smoothly. Some were sleeping a bit, taking some nap while others were busy taking pictures outside the window. Others were sharing stories with their seatmates while a few were seen eating. And him? He was staring outside blankly again. The same position I first saw him from the first day of the tour. The same seat and the same aura.

When we were 20 minutes away from the airport, the bus suddenly stopped as if someone presses the emergency stop. We were all shocked. Some who were sleeping were even complaining of the sudden inconvenience. But before I could react, I saw him running quickly, going outside the bus. The stranger man I was talking to. Leaving his entire luggage, he ran somewhere only with his bag pack. I don’t know where he went to since he was really fast. I immediately tried to follow him while commanding the bus driver to go directly to the airport so that all the other tourists can prepare for the boarding time and sending an emergency message to my fellow tourist guide, Mandy to assist my client in the meantime.

Again, I’m searching for him the same way he went missing during the first day of the tour. I searched for him in every corner while dialing his phone number. But I couldn’t get hold of him. I don’t know if he was really out of coverage area or he planned not to answer any of my calls. I was worried about him largely. I even went to the same place I found him and saw crying, but he wasn’t there.

Time flies so fast that Mandy has been calling me to go to the airport immediately since just 10 minutes from now, the plane will now take off. I don’t know what to do. I was caught off guard. I wanted to search for him some more but that would mean sacrificing the others since I forgot to leave their passport and visa as well as their tickets due to how fast the circumstances took place.

I run as fast as I could to the airport. But looking at my watch, I wouldn’t be able to reach on time just merely by running. I couldn’t take any bus due to the heavy traffic because of a major traffic accident on the road. Upon seeing a bicycle outside a store, I immediately borrowed it and leave some money and leaving apologies while I pedaled as fast as I could. Luckily, I arrived on time with all the sweat on my face. I was able to send them on the plane just right on time. I was happy I haven’t got any penalty for some delay on the flight.

Mandy seems worried. “Are you okay?” as she handed down some bottled water and tissue. I couldn’t talk for a while since I was so tired of coming right on time to the airport. While riding the bus back home, I suddenly remember that I needed to return the bicycle I borrowed a while ago.

So, I went to the store to look for the owner but the flower shop owner told me that the owner of the bicycle already left home and she don’t know his name nor his address but fortunately, she remembered that the owner happens to order some 12 sets of flower bouquet that needs to be delivered on the place he writes on the note. He said it’s for his wife. So I took the address and traveled for more than two hours.

Slowly walking, I searched for the house with the address I got from the flower shop. But not far from the place, I saw someone I was searching for a while ago. I saw him standing secretly behind the tree with tears on his eyes longing for someone. The stranger man who worries me a lot was just standing there actually. How fate moves in such an unexpected way. It seems like something or someone was pulling me to go to this place.

I don’t know how I can explain my emotions at that moment but all I know is that I’m happy to see him again. Out of my happiness, I suddenly ran towards him and hug him so tight. At that very moment, I don’t mind what others would say. I don’t care about other people passing by. All I care is that I’m happy, I’m truly happy seeing him with my own two eyes, safe and sound. It seems like all my worries suddenly fade away just merely with his presence.

Wait. Is this what you called, love? Is this love? I mean, how can I fall for someone whom I don’t know personally? Is this how loved works? How can I fall for a stranger whose name was barely I know? How can I love someone who seems like bringing his pain within his shoulders? How can I love a man who still looks like holding on from the memories of his past?