Honestly...

Honestly... Is This Love? (THE END)

She'd blocked every one of her family members who'd hurt her all her life.

Everyone but Hilda, of course.

Hilda was the only one who stood by her through it all, while she was going through relapse… all the mood swings. While she had no job…

It took a while for her to acknowledge it to herself. That she was loved by someone. That someone cared for her.

Glow sighed, leaning back on the chair as she sat in front of Dr. Zion.

This wasn't her last session, but it was a session of truthfulness. A session to the conclusion of it all.

In the beginning, she didn't want to go to therapy. She didn't believe it worked. But with encouragement from Glow, and her uncontrollable emotions that poured out whenever Dr. Zion poked at her sore spots, she gradually opened up.

She still wasn't healed. Not fully.

She wasn't sure if she'd ever be healed, to be honest.

“You have some pep to your expressions nowadays," Dr. Zion noted. She had a twinkle in her eyes as she'd said this, like she was glad for the improvement.

Glow nodded. “Yes. It seems your efforts hasn't been in vain."

The doctor smiled. “I'd say it's more your effort than mine. How does the saying go? Oh, ‘you can take a donkey to the water, but you can't make it drink.’"

Glow nodded, then paused. “Wait. Donkey or horse?"

The other woman smiled. “Whichever one you prefer, but it still stands.” Then she continued. "So what do you think?”

"About what?”

"Everything. Therapy, these past few months– if I remember, this is month three for you–your family, friends… Just give me your general thoughts.”

Glow let out a breath. “I don't hate myself as much. I don't feel like I dunno, lazy…” She picked at her nails. "Hilda and Nduka take so much care of me that I don't feel like a burden like I used to." Her voice cracked a bit. “I don't hate Nduka for saving me like I used to. Honestly, I'm not sure I ever did…”

She hated herself for failing at something once again. Her anger at him never even lasted long because there was nobody in this world she could ever be so angry at but herself. Always herself.

"I still hate my family… if you can call them that now,” she continued. "But I don't want anything to do with them. Hilda… she's my family now. Her sisters are going to visit soon and they said they're excited to see me… so maybe they could be my family too?” She sounded hopeful.

She'd always been hesitant to put herself out there. But she did want to be loved by family. That's all she ever really wanted. Maybe she was naíve, getting swept away by the comfort Hilda had given her that she'd started hoping everyone in her cousin's orbit would treat her the same way.

“My mother…” she sighed. "I don't know if my mother could've protected me. She wasn't very bold or strong. She loved me though, that I know. But I think I've always been alone.”

It was true, she'd realized through the weeks. Nobody would've protected her.

"My siblings,” she continued, remembering the catalyst to her almost-death. "I didn't have a relationship with them back then, but I always wanted one. Everyone knew that. I guess that's why it was easy to blame me.”

She really had a pathetic life.

Then she smiled. "And Nduka… of you remember him, he's a doctor… the doctor I kept mentioning… the one who makes me happy. Comfortable.” And makes her heart flutter a bit. "He's really nice to me. Even when I wasn't very nice to him, he didn't mind. He's always comforted me, taking me on walks… or taking me to my sessions. I wonder where he gets the time.” She laughed. "He put in a word for me to be allowed on a sick leave. He takes me out of the house occasionally, cooks for me… I really don't know why he does all these things, but I'm grateful.”

Dr. Zion who'd been silent all through, smiled. "That's good." She leaned forward, her fingers still clapsed. “I want you to know that you're a survivor, Glow. And that I don't think you really wanted to die. If you really were done with everything, you wouldn't have taken the step forward." Her tone was gentle. “You just wanted to be loved. To be noticed."

She was right.

“I cannot guarantee that you'll not want to end it all again. But before those emotions come back again, I want you to be happy. And after those emotions come back, I want you to remember your happy times. And the people who love you.”

By the end of the session, Glow felt a bit lighter. She'd called Nduka to let him know she was done.

She'd gotten used to letting him pick her up whenever he had the chance. It was nice how he cared for her. It was to the point that she was certain she'd get the wrong idea.

She rubbed her temple as she walked down the flight of stairs and nodded at the receptionist on her way out.

Dr. Zion was right. She was a survivor. The fact that she was still here was evidence of that. If she'd really wanted to leave the earth, she would've attempted again. If she hated everything like she claimed, she wouldn't have let Hilda or Nduka convince her to do anything.

Now out the building, Glow had a wide smile on her face. One that became even more intense as the sun shone upon her.

She wasn't the happiest person in the world right now. Years of trauma couldn't be healed in a few months, but she did feel better now.

She felt like she could do anything.

As she took a few steps forward, a motorbike stopped in front of her, pausing her in her step.

The handsome doctor took of his helmet and grinned at her.

“Hi," Nduka said. “You look happy. That's good."

For the first time in forever, she blushed at the words of a man.

“Yeah," she said.

While on the bike, arms around his familiar warmth, she wondered what the future held for her.

And what part Nduka could possibly play in that. Because she'd been thinking about him more than she should lately.

Did he think about her too?

She instantly shook the thoughts out of her head, trying to calm her now erratic heartbeat.

She didn't need to think about that now.

All that mattered for now was that she was happy. The future would take care of itself.