Honestly...

Honestly... It All Hurts

Therapy.

Glow only knew about therapy from watching movies. She'd never seen a therapist before, and she didn't think Nigerians had any. Of course she'd heard about them because she worked in the medical field, but that was different from meeting one.

The only reason she'd agreed to therapy was because of Hilda's pleas and tears that she couldn't avoid. For some reason, she didn't want to break the heart of her cousin-who-she-wasn't-really-close-to. It was just like when her dad used to guilt-trip her to give him money. Hilda didn't seem like that though.

Hopefully she wasn't wrong about her.

Why was she even hoping for anything? Hope always led to pain.

She'd begun to hate anything concerning hospitals a few months ago, and that was why she'd initially planned to write a letter of resignation before killing herself. She wrote it, but decided not to bother sending it because she was going to die anyway.

She wasn't dead though, and she wondered whether to submit the letter or not.

"Miss Gerard," a voice called out to Glow as the door opened.

Glow raised a brow as she walked into the office, following Hilda, to see a young woman sitting behind a big table. She sounded soft-spoken. She was also very pretty with big glasses on her face and a friendly smile, but that didn't ease her alertness.

"Good afternoon," Glow said out of courtesy, sitting down without asking.

She looked at the table again and saw her name: Dr. Anita Zion. She couldn't help but think how crazy it was that Zion was her last name.

"Good afternoon," the woman finally responded. "You can sit down too, Miss Obioma."

Obioma– Hilda's surname. It was Glow’s late mother's last name, and hearing it aloud from the woman's mouth made her feel a certain way. She missed her mom.

She'd kept her paternal family's name because it'd be a hassle to change. She'd been using it for over two decades… it really would cause her problems.

"You know each other?" Glow asked after Hilda was seated beside her.

Dr. Anita smiled. "Not necessarily. They recommended me to her, and because of that I was able to know her name. It would be a bit weird if I didn't know her name yet." She paused. "Well, weird for me."

Glow pondered. "Okay then. So what if I don't like you?"

The woman chuckled, leaning forward. She had such a soft expression on her face as she answered her. "Then you don't. I don't think I can force you when there are other people doing what I'm doing."

Thinking about it, Glow realized that it wasn't really a smart question that she asked anyway. Why exactly did she even ask that?

"So, would you like to talk?"

About death or herself in general? Obviously not.

Nigerians weren't usually the most understanding when it came to feelings. She should know, seeing as everyone around her started treating her like some sort of plague after she opened up. The 'professionals' were usually the worse, too. She'd heard do many stories.

"How can I trust a complete stranger?" She asked.

"Glow!" Hilda gasped beside her.

Glow ignored her, focused on the woman behind the table. "People aren't very trustworthy, you know. I may not want you as a therapist eventually, but you already know who I and my cousin are. That's kind of dangerous. I bet now there are stories going on around the school about 'the nurse who tried to kill herself' and you could say something."

People liked juicy news. No one was exempted.

Dr. Anita sighed. "I can't really be offended by your total distrust in the system, especially since a lot of people in my particular field have failed to protect their clients' information."

"But you're different, right?" Glow interjected. "That's what you want to say, right?"

Dr. Anita was silent.

"I don't even know why I'm bothering," Glow muttered. "You'll still do whatever you want."

"Miss- "

"I hate my life," she began. "People have always been terrible to me, especially my family. I'm tired of doing my best only to get nothing in return. My life has always been trash and death could've ended it all, if not for that meddling man."

"Nduka's nice," Hilda said in a small voice.

Glow glared at her. "He can showcase his niceness by disappearing from my life. I don't even know how you became friends."

Hilda said nothing in response as she looked away from her, face down.

"You seem to really dislike this Nduka of a guy," Dr. Anita said, reminding her of her presence.

She didn't like her much, but she responded. "He saved me from dying and ever since then he wouldn't leave us alone. Unfortunately, he's Hilda's friend from God-knows-where. Turns out he's a colleague of mine in a way, a doctor. That doesn't change anything though."

Dr. Anita hummed. She wasn't reacting in any way. "You'd rather he'd left you to your death. That's the summary of all these, right?"

"Yes."

It wasn't a lie. Nduka hadn't done anything terrible to her, he'd been really nice too. But she wanted him to stop. He didn't owe her anything much, except for interrupting her plans, and she didn't want to feel indebted to him, ever. She didn't want to add to the debt she knew she would be owing Hilda for taking care of her.

God, life sucks.

Glow and Hilda were back home.

On their way back, Hilda'd tried her best to start a conversation with her but remained unsuccessful. So she gave up.

When they got into the apartment, Hilda spoke.

"Nduka offered to pay for your sessions when you decide on a therapist."

Why was she telling her friend things about her? There was no need for him to be involved.

After being silent for a long time, Glow frowned, saying, "At this point, I wouldn't be shocked if he's renting this house so I wouldn't be homeless."

"A- are you angry?"

Glow rolled her eyes. "No, I'm not. I'm so happy!"

Maybe she should meet Nduka and tell him how she felt about his meddling in her life.

He needed to back the f**k off.

"Are you hungry?"

She looked at her cousin silently. Usually, her cheeks would be glowing- literally, and she was supposed to be plumpier than she was at the moment. She obviously wasn't eating well. She didn't like that.

"Yes," she said, knowing she wouldn't eat much. She just wanted Hilda to eat.

It wouldn't kill her to show care for the one person who cared about her.