Honestly...

Honestly... Everyone Always Leaves

"You look really pretty."

Glow paused in her steps.

It was Nduka, and he seemed happy to see her.

"Thank you," she said.

"Where are you off to?"

None of your business, she wanted to say. But for some reason, she didn't. She knew her facial expression communicated what she wanted to say though.

"Therapy."

She'd chosen Dr. Anita as her therapist. Mostly because she was a woman like herself and also, because she just didn't have the strength to look for anyone else. Better to just deal with it. She'd probably thank him for paying for her sessions soon. Not yet though.

"By yourself?" He asked, placing his hands in his pockets.

He was wearing a casual attire so, she figured he wasn't going to work.

It's been like a week since she'd seen him and that had made her really happy. She didn't want to be mad at him for no reason.

"Yes, Hilda's busy."

Sleeping. She'd somehow convinced her that she could go out by herself and she didn't need help. And that she wasn't going to commit suicide or anything.

"I could drive you," he offered.

"On your bike?"

She'd seen the bike before, and she had to say that she was quite shocked that a medical doctor rode a motorbike. Not like it was a crime or anything, but it was quite surprising.

"Yes," he laughed nervously. "If that doesn't make you feel uncomfortable. My brother's always had complaints about it."

Glow raised a brow. "Brother?"

He nodded as they walked down the stairs. "He's a student in the university. Studying business."

"And you're a doctor. Very different interests I see."

He laughed. "Yeah. As long as he's happy though."

They'd stopped in front of his bike and Glow started thinking. It didn't look dangerous up close. And Hilda would be very happy if she told her that Nduka drove her. She'd be ecstatic.

So, she offered no complaints and simply got on after he did. She felt a bit uncomfortable putting her arms around him, but she knew she couldn't let go. He drove her to her appointment and even offered to wait for her, but she refused. He didn't need to wait. It was shocking that all through she felt no hostility towards him and even smiled once at him. It freaked her out a bit.

"Bye," she said finally, tired of trying to see reason with him. He'd do whatever he wanted to anyway.

It took a lot for her to walk in though. She really didn't want to go in, but she knew that if she didn't, Hilda would find out somehow. Then there'd be a lot of tears and she couldn't handle that.

"You're here," Dr. Anita said when she walked in, looking like she was expecting her. "And without your cousin."

Glow shrugged. "Obviously."

"You're a few minutes late," the woman said, glancing at the phone beside her hand. "I almost expected you not to come."

"I contemplated it."

She'd watched Nduka drive away and proceeded to go to buy some snacks. She spent her time eating junk food, just trying to calm herself down a bit because she was feeling anxious. It was the first time she'd be meeting Dr. Anita by herself. The snacks didn't do her any good though. She was still anxious, moreso, and she still had to face the woman anyway. And she did.

There was silence for a bit, with Dr. Anita looking at her calmly.

"So how are you?" She asked, breaking the silence after Glow sat down. "How has your days been going?"

It was weird. People barely asked her that throughout her life, except for her now dead mother, and Hilda. She was usually the one doing it, as that was her job as a nurse. Was. Imagine being asked about your well-being for the first time in a long time by a therapist. She'll take it though. Better than nothing.

"Well, I don't have to work at the moment. So, I spend my time at home because bmy cousin wants to be able to watch over me. I just sleep, eat and watch movies a lot."

"So you don't go out?"

"To do what? It's not like I have any friends," she said bitterly. "But today was the first time I went out alone. I was able to convince Hilda that I wouldn't kill myself."

"Hmm."

In the movies she'd watched, the therapist usually writes things down, she wondered why she wasn't writing anything down.

"You don't seem all that sad today."

"Yeah."

"I'm going to go straight to what I want to ask, if that's alright with you."

"Do whatever you want, doctor."

"Does your relationship with your family, or lack of it, have to do with why you wanted to kill yourself? Is that the main reason?" Dr. Zion asked.

Glow closed her eyes for a bit, taking a deep breath. She didn't really like talking about her family, because her family wasn't really her family. They were just terrible people she lived with because she had no choice.

"Yes. And I don't regret my attempts. I'm still annoyed that I was interrupted."

If she were dead, she wouldn't be thinking about all of these things.

"By that man. Nduka."

"Yes, him."

Everything comes back to him in a way.

"What did your parents do that's so bad?"

It felt like an interview somehow.

"My mom died when I was younger, so my dad eventually got married to another woman. Then my life turned hellish. It's like the Cinderella story, only that I had no prince charming and my dad didn't die," she explained. "I wish he did though."

Dr. Zion hummed. "What else happened?"

Glow's eyes flashed. "That woman hit me. A lot." She paused, intertwining her fingers and placing them on the table. "Soon after, my father joined her. I didn't even know what I did to be treated in such a way, but I just was. They both said I should've died alongside my mom."

A lot of people didn't see hitting children as a bad thing. They called it discipline, but abuse when it was an adult on the receiving side. She hated people like that and always would.

"But you eventually left them as an adult."

Glow sighed. "Yes. Getting a scholarship helped me greatly. It's not like they cared, they had two children to take care of, so I was insignificant. That was until I started making money."

Glow laughed bitterly, looking at her fingers. "I'm so stupid to keep falling for their tears despite how bad they treated me from when I was little. Honestly, I'm just an i***t. I just wanted to be loved. They didn't love me though, but as long as I gave them money, they'd be happy with me. If I didn't though, they'd show their true feelings."

She felt tears trailing down her face. "God, I'm so stupid," she repeated, failing to stop her voice from breaking.

"There's nothing wrong with you wanting to be loved, Glow," Dr. Anita said.

She shook her head. "You're wrong, there's everything wrong with it. Because eventually, everyone hurts me or they leave. And I don't know which is worse between the two."

Dr. Anita opens her drawer and then silently hands her a roll of tissue paper.

She gratefully took the tissue. "My friends, every guy I've loved over the years usually hurt me before leaving. No one has ever loved me. It's sad, but it's best to face the facts."

"But what about your cousin?" Dr. Anita asked.

Glow's lips trembled. "I don't know." She sniffled. "I don't know why she's here, in my life or why she hasn't told me to leave after coming for me. I don't know what she wants from me and I also don't want to hurt her."

"Are you scared she'll leave or hurt you?"

"A bit of both."

Dr. Anita hummed. "We should probably take a break now."