I Am Worthy

Chapter 11: Talk...

“Are you sure this is safe?” River asked me, looking into my eyes with worry evident in his own. Holding his hand, I nodded. We were in a large jeep along with Isaac and Sydney. Sydney was driving and Isaac sat in the front passenger seat. I was lying across the back seats, my head on River’s lap and one of his hands entangled with my own, resting on my stomach, his other hand was playing with my hair, which kept me relaxed. “He can’t hurt us. I won’t let him. Besides, papa Isaac here has been aiding in my abilities and my control over them, so do not worry your pretty little head, Riv.” I teased him and squeezed his hand. “But, what if…” “I can link with Dom or anyone else we may need. I have had some practice linking over long distances and I am perfectly capable.” I said, cutting off River’s negative thoughts. “Alright, I trust you.” He sighed then looked out the window. I don’t know how long we drove for, as I ended up falling asleep but was woken up by River when we arrived at our destination. I sat up and leaned between the front seats to see the territory we were approaching, then took a deep breath and sat back.

The car was halted and a young man with a very toned body walked to Sydney’s window, motioning for him to roll it down, which he did. “State your name, pack and purpose of your visit.” He said as he tried to glance in the rear windows, but they were blacked out so people couldn’t see in. “Sydney Cooper, we are from Blue Moon Pack and we have a meeting with your Alpha.” Sydney stated, not even glancing at the young male. “Roll down the rear window sir.” At this I noticed Sydney stiffening, I quickly threw my hood up and grabbed his jacket that he had left sitting in the back seats to hide my tail. I then nodded to him in the rear-view mirror and he rolled down River’s window. I clutched River’s hand, afraid that the young wolf would turn us away. I looked at him as he came up to the window, making sure that I kept my ears down. “Ma’am, please lower the hood.” He said, he sounded bored. “Your beta, Giovanni Moretti, is expecting us. You can link him if you want or I can get him here myself.” I said, hiding my anxiety and trying to put him off the fact my hood was up.

I watched as his eyes glazed, hinting to me he was in fact mind-linking with someone. When his eyes returned to normal he repeated himself. “Please lower your hood, ma’am.” I glanced at River, his jaw was clenched and his eyes were burning into the young wolf. I then glanced to the front of the car as I heard Isaac mutter something under his breath. He turned, looking at me with a smirk and then winked. I then removed my hood and looked back at the young warrior. His facial expression never changed. He sighed then walked back to Sydney’s window, stating we were able to enter the territory. I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding, “Thank you.” I said to Isaac as we began driving once more. I was so panicked because we didn’t actually have a meeting with the Alpha, but Giovanni was aware of our visit. I forced him to keep quiet about our arrival as I wanted to see what pack life here was like. I wanted to see if Xander was a good leader. “Anything for you child. And don’t worry, the spell will work on all pack members. To them you will look like any regular werewolf. Giovanni and Xander will be the only ones who can see your true face here.”

We left the vehicle at the pack house and were greeted by an unhappy-looking Giovanni. “You know, I am still not happy at the fact you have put some kind of command over me. If Alpha Xander finds out about this, it will be my head on the chopping block.” He said, anger evident in his tone. “Just as well you placed us in a home by the border then, where he won’t see us or smell us.” I said, smiling sweetly at him. He huffed and rolled his eyes, then proceeded to show us around the pack. He pointed out popular areas for pack members as well as quieter spots. It was like a small town, and it was beautiful. After Giovanni left us at the house we would be staying in, we all went inside and had a look around. Sydney checked for any bugs that might have been planted to spy on us, whilst Isaac went straight to the farthest room of the place, claiming it as his own for the duration of our stay. I dragged River around the property, taking in every detail. This place was breathtaking. “Well, I have to say, whoever designed this place has good taste.” I heard River state beside me. The outside was a gorgeous deep green, helping the building blend in with the surrounding forests. Inside, there was modern decor, all in warm tones and colours. The walls were a soft off-white colour, the furniture beige and soft brown. It was so inviting and I loved it.

We explored into the garden outside. There were lilies and roses planted alongside the walkway, orchids and berries were along the fence. “Wow…” was the only word I could say. I was speechless. River was silent beside me, also taking in the scenery. “Okay, so this entire territory seems to look beautiful. But let’s try and mingle with the pack, see what they think of the place.” I said, after sitting in the garden for a few minutes. “I am going to stay here, I don’t fancy being around a bunch of unknown wolves right now.” Isaac shouted from his temporary room. And with that, Sydney, River and I left. We walked around the streets that made the small town and spoke with some of the pack, so far everyone seemed content with how everything was being run. We had introduced ourselves as the beta’s cousins from another pack to avoid suspicion and, if asked, we said that we just needed to get away as my mate was there and I caught him with someone else. That stopped all questions immediately.

As we walked around, I noticed River raising his nose and sniffing the air. “What’s up?” I asked him as we walked with Sydney just behind us. “I think she’s here…” Was his only response. I took a minute to think. Then it hit me, “Your mate?!” I said, feeling happy for him. He then looked like he saw something and quickly went after it. I then felt someone walk up beside me to where River had walked and looked up to see Sydey had quickly taken his place. “Sydney…” I said quietly, “Yes Kiara.” He replied, keeping his gaze forward. “Have you… Found your mate?” I asked, feeling guilty for prying but also curious to know more about him. His steps slowed briefly but he quickly recovered, I glanced up at him to see if he would answer, “You don’t have to say if you would rather keep your private life separate from your work life.” I quickly said after I saw his jaw clench and his eyes harden. “I have, and she was wonderful.” He replied after a couple of minutes of silence.

Was? I want to know what happened between the two, but I also know it’s not very respectful of me to pry, so I shut my mouth and try not to bring it up again. Eventually, we stopped at a small restaurant to grab some dinner. We had been around the entire territory and hadn't seen River in a couple of hours. We ordered our food and drinks, then sat quietly waiting. I began to pull at the hem of my shirt and my ears kept twitching like crazy.

“You can ask.” Sydney said, staring straight into my eyes, seeing my clearly obvious curiosity chewing away at me. “You really don’t have to tell me, however, I couldn’t help but notice that you said ‘was’ earlier.” I said looking back at him. I could see sadness and pain in his eyes, I could feel it. I felt terrible for asking just from the emotions he was showing. But I could also still feel the love he has for her. “She was a warrior within our pack. We met young. She was beautiful, had these gorgeous brown eyes, like melted pools of chocolate.” He told me, letting me see her with my own imagination from his descriptions, he then went on to tell me how they both fought rogues and attacking packs with one another, “We were being attacked back when our current Alpha was still a pup, but we got split up due to the fight. I felt her pain like my own. Someone had managed to hurt her and I wasn’t there to protect her.” I could see where the story was going so I reached my hand out to his and squeezed, he gave me a small grateful smile then continued, “She called to me so I went to find her, fighting off anyone who wasn’t in the pack whilst I did so. I found her eventually, but it was too late. She lay there, reaching for me and when I held her to me I felt our bond break. Her heart stopped pumping and her eyes became lifeless.” His voice began to wobble as he told me what happened and I could see all his unshed tears. I stood and made my way around the table to him, then engulfed him in a hug. I took away his sadness and guilt, as he didn’t deserve it.

We ate and had a small conversation. He was curious as to why I had refused my mate and so I took his hand and let him watch the play through of my life, letting him feel all the emotions I had felt and all the things I had done after. “I was wondering who caused the dock massacre.” He said with a small chuckle, making me cringe, he saw this and continued, “It’s not a bad thing kid, they were bad people and certainly deserved it. You are one brave soul going after them all like that, whether it was for revenge or not, you didn’t let anything change your opinion as you knew the truth.” He said, sounding confident, and in return, easing some of my guilt. “Thanks Syd. I’m glad you have a different perspective. I felt like I was drowning.” I said, smiling at him. “I know, I just didn’t think it was my place to say anything or ask what it was about.” He said bluntly as he finished off his plate of food. “Well, feel free to give your opinions, I kind of need the advice and you are the perfect person to help. You have been through a lot, good and bad. I would love no one's help and opinions more than your own.” I said as we got ready to pay our bill. Before I could even stand up, Sydney had paid for our food. I thanked him and we made our way back to the house that would be home for a short time.

Upon arriving back at the house, I noticed that River still hadn’t come back. I was beginning to worry, but I also didn’t want to intrude on him if he was with his mate. I decided that I should just mind link him, just to make sure that Xander hadn’t caught him. “Hey Riv, you disappeared earlier, everything okay?” I wasn’t expecting a response right away but kept the link open just in case. Half the night passed before I heard the front door open. I quickly made my way to Sydney’s door ready to wake him until I caught Rivers scent. I walked down the stairs and turned to where his scent was coming from. He was standing facing the door, but there was something off with him. “Everything okay River?” I asked cautiously. He turned slowly and when I saw his eyes they were pitch black, showing his wolf was currently in control. “What happened Rain? I can sense yours and River’s pain.” I said quietly as he stared at me lifelessly. “She tried to reject me. I won’t accept it. She belongs to me.” He growled out. I didn’t know what to say. “Do you want a hug? I can help ease some of the pain until she comes to her senses if you want?” He looked at me and then nodded slowly.

Upon easing River’s and Rain’s pain, I began to wonder if this was how Xander felt. I never outright rejected him, but I did run from him and refused to go with him when he wanted me to. I don’t think I could bear causing this pain to him. If he is my second chance at happiness, then I don’t want to reject him, I just want him to understand that I wasn’t raised in this world, so this is all still relatively new to me. I took River to his room and stayed up all night with him. We sat in the dark, listening to the little creatures that were making themselves known in the garden, little crickets were chirping, owls were hooting and I could hear the mice scampering around in the shrubbery. Before I knew it, the sun was rising. River hadn’t moved the entire night. I helped him up and put him in the shower, then turned it on and left. I waited until I could smell the soap mix with his scent, then left to get myself ready for the day.

Sydney gave me a ‘what’s up with him look’ as we sat for breakfast. Isaac tried to keep his gaze away. I had spoken with him before I showered for the day about what had happened and he was just as clueless as me about what to do. I linked Syd, just giving him a brief explanation of what went on last night and he nodded his head subtly to let me know he heard me. We spent the day up until around afternoon time in the house, then suddenly River just upped and left. I was hot on his heels, hoping he wouldn’t do anything he might come to regret and also to make sure he stayed away from the pack house, as I was told that is where Xander spends most of his time working. We walked to a fountain with new looking benches placed around it. I kept slightly behind River so as not to distract him from his thoughts and Sydney stood by my side. “Did he say why she rejected him?” Sydney asked in a hushed whisper so no-one around could hear. I shook my head in response, letting him know that I hadn’t been told anything more.

After a while of sitting near the fountain, I watched as River’s head snapped up in one direction. I saw a tall red head walking into the area. She had dull hazel-coloured eyes, her hair was a nest of tight curls. She had a heart-shaped face and pale skin. I noticed RIver watching her every movement and when she glanced at him I could see the irritation burn across her features. “Are you seeing what I am seeing?” I mind linked Sydney. “Yeah, I don’t think she is ever going to accept him…” He replied, I couldn’t help but frown at this but I had a sinking feeling in my stomach when I looked at her. River slowly got up to approach her but she quickly made her way into a small crowd away from him. “Is this what it looked like when I left Xander?” I asked Sydney through our link, feeling guilty. “Yes and no. It was easy to see the mate pull scared you, but I was confused as to how you managed to pull away from it. With her, she is knowingly weakening her mate, for her own reasons.” He replied honestly.

Sydney and I followed as River frantically searched through the crowd for his mate, only to come up empty handed. We had to basically drag him back to the house. Isaac had prepared a calming tea for our arrival but River was refusing anything, he was trying to force Sydney out of the way so he could go back to his mate, so I grabbed his arm and said one word, “Sleep!” and with that his eyes closed and he dropped, Sydney catching him midfall. I looked at River then tried to help Sydney get him onto the couch. When I looked at Isaac, he gave me a sad smile and pulled me in for a hug. I could not stop the tears from falling, River was in pain and there wasn’t much I could do to help him, my own mate might not want me anymore because I have been selfish. I feel horrible. Once my tears had finally stopped falling, I spoke up, “I want to go see him. I need to explain to him what was going on and why I ran away from him. I also need to hear from him what a s**t mate I have been.” Sydney gave me a brief nod and Isaac squeezed my shoulders, both giving me some reassurance.

We sat for the rest of the evening, with junk food and movies playing, and I eventually passed out next to River. When I woke the next morning, Sydney was asleep on a seat in the corner and Isaac was making breakfast. He made waffles, making my mouth water. We sat and then I heard one of the others stirring. I looked to see Sydney stretch and stand from his place, “How come you both slept down here?” I asked, “We didn’t want to leave you on your own, or River. You both have a lot going on.” Isaac replied to me and Sydney nodded along in agreement. “Thank you, I appreciate you both.” I replied, the sincerity of my words being obvious.

I woke River from his slumber and got him to eat a little of the breakfast we had set out for him. He had been so quiet the last couple of days, and understandably so. I told him of my plans for the day and asked him to come with me, to which he agreed, albeit reluctantly. Come noon, we were getting ready to leave. “Can you tell him he has a meeting in 20 minutes please?” I mind linked Giovanni, “Fine.” He sighed in reply. We made our way to the pack house and met Giovanni at the door. He led us to a boardroom and we waited for his arrival. After a couple of tense minutes, the door opened and his scent filled my lungs. River sat to my right and Sydney to my left. He spoke as he closed the door, not turning to see us yet, “Sorry to keep you waiting, I had some business to finish up.” He began as he turned. His face dropped on seeing us sitting there, and all I felt was guilt and, on top of my own emotions, I could feel his anger, his pain and his frustration.

“What are you doing here?” He said blandly. I felt hurt that he showed no emotion towards me, but I admit, I deserved it. He also deserved my coldness, however, as he had also wronged me. “I want us to talk. About everything.” I said, not letting my emotions show. He sat opposite me and waited for me to speak. “I know I haven't been the best… mate… to you so far. Like, at all. But before you start casting blame and saying how s**t I have been, I want you to hear why,” I began. I then went on to tell him about Eli, my sisters and my parents. I told him how Eli held my heart when we were together, and in some ways, still does. I told him how the whole mate bond was terrifying to me, as I really don’t know as much as everyone else about it due to how I came to this new world. I explained that I wasn’t ready to give someone my heart because I was worried about losing more people I loved and cared about. I then went on to tell him what I thought of how he had handled things in the beginning. Throughout all this he had not said a word. He simply let me talk.

When I was finished, I took a deep breath and looked at him, waiting for him to say something. He was quiet for a few minutes, then eventually sighed. “I apologise for my behaviour, but you have to understand that me being an Alpha, I am much more possessive of what is meant for me, and you, little wolf, are meant for me. I have given you space, as every time I try anything, I always seem to f**k it up. I may never understand your situation but, from now on, I will do my best to try.” He said this and I could hear the sincerity of his tone whilst also seeing it in his eyes. I felt relieved and let out a long breath. “Thank you.” I said quietly, looking at him through my eyelashes. “How long are you staying on my territory?” He asked, eyeing both River and Sydney subtly but I noticed. “We were planning on leaving in a few days, I just wanted to get a feel of what life was like here.” I said honestly. “Well, how about we have dinner, I can introduce you, formally, to my beta and gamma, and some others. We can do it in two days if you want?” He asked, to which I nodded my head and smiled, “That would be nice.” I won’t lie, I am kind of excited about the dinner now. Knowing I am on actual speaking terms with Xander puts me at ease more than I thought it would.