I Am Worthy

Chapter 7: Keeping Hidden

The party last night was amazing. I spoke with loads of pack members and they were all really interested in my situation, but I had to ask Dominik to make it clear that I wasn’t ready to make my issues public yet, as I was beginning to tire of repeating myself. I spent most of the night with everyone's eyes on me, but I wasn’t surprised. I allowed my body to move to the beat of the music and felt my tail swish in the wind and brush against anyone who was around me. I loved the whole room's energy. It was exciting and everyone was in a good mood. Although I did not drink any alcohol, so that I could focus more on keeping my scent hidden. I can’t risk anything right now, mainly because of the fact that only four other people know of my abilities. And a little because I can’t have anyone such as a mate in my life right now.  It’s Wednesday now, 4 days since I joined the pack, and Alpha Blackstone and his Beta, Giovanni Moretti, are supposed to be leaving today. But I have this itching feeling that they probably won’t.

River and I have been visiting Isaac more often and when Dom isn’t busy with his guests and other pack work, he joins us. I am glad I have them in my life. The day after the party, I pulled the two aside and told them everything that had happened to my family. They were, of course, speechless, but continued to support me. “Focus Kiara! Feel your emotions with every fibre of your being! Let it flow out from your fingertips!” Isaac partially yelled at me. River was giggling to himself, trying to be subtle about it, but I could see his shoulders bouncing. “I can’t, Isaac! He is being a distraction!” I whined, pointing in Rivers' direction. Isaac then turned and glared at a now wide-eyed river. I smirked, knowing what was about to happen. Isaac waved his hand and then a little spark ignited under River causing him to leap from the couch with a yelp. “I'm definitely getting you back for this!” He yelled as he was chased by more sparks of electricity out of the bungalow. “Now, focus.” Isaac said as he returned his attention to me. I closed my eyes and allowed every emotion I felt from the day I lost my parents right up until this moment to fill my mind. I felt a power surge through my veins, and opened my eyes. I looked at Isaacs' fireplace and imagined a fire igniting. As I did this, a large flame spat from the fireplace and licked at Isaacs' cloak. “Fantastic! Good job Kiara! You’re a fast learner!” he exclaimed with pride evident on his face. I grinned brightly at him before allowing myself to collapse on his couch. “Why is magic so exhausting?” I asked him, genuinely wanting to know. “Well, certain magic uses more energy to control it, such as producing fire like you just did. Other incantations can make you feel invigorated but you seem to be handling it well. I am proud to call you my student.” He told me with a soft smile. I then stood and pulled him into a tight hug before hearing a knock at the door. 

“Ah, Alpha. What can I do for you?” He asked as he opened the door. I walked up beside him as the scent that had my mind go haywire wafted into the small space. “Oh, I did not realise you had company.” The walking, talking body of pure s*x said in his deep rough voice. His beta just stood silently at his side, eyeing me suspiciously. “Uh, It’s okay I am leaving now, thank you Isaac, see you later.” I said, giving Isaac a quick smile and leaving the bungalow. I accidentally brushed past Alpha Blackstone’s shoulder and felt a slight tingle from where our skin touched. Just at that moment, River appeared from the trees and I almost ran to him. I grabbed hold of his arm and tried to pull him away but I was stopped by another hand grabbing my wrist, “Who are you? I have been following a scent for days and every time I get close it just disappears. Yet, I always find you.”. I tried to pull my wrist from him, ignoring the sensations travelling from where he held my wrist to right around my body. “Let me go.” I said with panic rising in my voice, but his grip tightened. “Alpha, you need to let her go. Now.” River said, anger evident in his voice, but Alpha Blackstone ignored him, his eyes trained on me. I felt my anger bubbling at his ignorance and as I gave one hard pull of my arm I said once more in a raised voice, “Let. Me. Go.” This time though, there was a slight rumble from the ground beneath our feet. He quickly let go and stepped back looking around him. I used this as an opportunity to run back towards Dominik's house, dragging River behind me.

I saw Dominik in his office as I stormed past, so I turned around and went straight into where he was sitting. “Why is Alpha Blackstone at Isaacs?” I asked with a hint of annoyance in my tone. “I told him Isaac could help him with an issue he was having. What’s the problem?” he replied, confused by my outburst. “The problem is he is looking for a mate who is hiding from him!” I exclaimed, “And you know this how?” He asked, standing from his desk, I gave him a bewildered look and it took him a moment to catch on. “s**t. Does he know it’s you?” “I guess he was suspicious of me, but after he grabbed my wrist I’d say he is certain now.” I said nonchalantly, but inside I was freaking out. “What if he knows that I was the one who caused the tremors? “I'm sure from the tingles I felt that he felt the same! What the f**k do I do?!” “First things first, why are you hiding from your mate?” “Because I am not ready for that sort of commitment yet, I only lost everyone I cared about a few months ago and I don’t want to have to keep reliving that heartbreak over and over again!” I almost yelled with tears in my eyes. Dominik walked around his desk and pulled me into a hug. I allowed myself to cry for a while and managed to stop, but when River walked in and saw my red puffy eyes, he pulled me into his chest and squeezed, causing a few stray tears to fall onto his shirt. “What do I do?” I asked the two, my voice low and quivering. 

Dominik and River were quiet for some time, but just as Dominik went to speak I could smell Alpha Blackstone. As I turned to face the door, a loud knock was heard. “It’s him.” I told the boys over a link. They looked at each other and Dominik sighed as he began to walk towards the door. River walked over to me, grabbed my hands in his and kissed the back of them to try and ease my already sky-high anxiety. He then sat on a couch in the corner of the room and I sat on the edge of his leg, ready to run if I deemed it necessary. Dom glanced at us and then opened the door. “Alpha Blackstone, was Isaac able to help with your problem?” He asked politely. But a low growl was heard in response, Alpha Blackstone was staring at me in Rivers lap and he was not happy. I stood and walked quickly to the window behind Dominik's desk without taking my eyes off of the tall, muscular, golden-skinned man who watched my every move with a predatory gaze. This time I was too freaked out to remember to mask my scent. He walked into the room and both River and Dominik moved to stand in front of him, “What are you doing? You’re scaring Kiara.” River stated with annoyance in his voice. “Get away from my mate.” Was a response which was dangerously low. 

I quietly opened the window whilst Dominik and River distracted my mate. Pull or no pull, I am not ready for this. Just as I am about to climb through, I felt someone grab me and throw me over their shoulder, the strange tingling sensation giving away who it is. “Nope, put me down right now!” I began saying rather loudly, and when I was ignored, I began to thrash around. “She clearly doesn’t want to go with you so put her down.” I hear River say angrily. This caused the man holding me to growl threateningly at him. “That’s enough!” I growled back at him, he silenced immediately and placed me down gently in front of him. I looked into his eyes which were now flickering between black and green. I glared at him for a minute with my arms folded, trying to control my temper. I went to walk back over to Dom and River but he grabbed my wrist and held me in place. I once again ignored the tingling sensation flying across my skin, my anger beginning to get the better of me. I could feel my face heating up. I can’t control my temper at the best of times, but when provoked I can become deadly. 

“If you know what is best for you, you will let go of my arm.” I replied quietly, with every word dripping venom. I watched as the corner of his mouth lifted ever so slightly into a smirk, “Or what little wolf, what will you do?” He responded loud enough for only me to hear, but I could hear the threat in his tone. Well, he asked for it. I then smiled sweetly at him and watched as his face contorted into an expression of pain, he removed his hand from my arm, gripping it tightly with a loud growl. “Don’t touch me again.” I spat at him as I walked back to the boys who watched the scene unfold with pride expressed in their eyes as they looked at me. “What the f**k! You are MY mate! Not either of theirs, mine!” He shouted loudly as I turned to face him with no expression on my face. “One. You don’t get to walk in here and claim me as yours, especially when I don’t even know who you are. Two. You don’t manhandle me and expect me to go willingly. Three. These two understand my current situation as it is and I am not about to go tell someone all of my problems because of a supposed bond.” I said, making sure he could both see and hear how angry I was. 

Dominik and River have been helpful in keeping my mate away from me during the days that followed once he found out I really was his mate. Isaac has continued teaching me but I am able to do more than one could imagine, whilst remaining in control. It has been almost a week since he figured out that it was me hiding from him. I carried on my training with River and the pack warriors as well so that I couldn’t be taken by surprise. I felt awful for avoiding Alpha Blackstone, but I stand by what I told him. I will not be forced or pushed to do anything I don’t want to. River and Dominik have been keeping an eye on me at nights, saying that I can’t let my guard down due to the possessiveness that my mate will show toward anyone, and that he will use any time I am not protected and vulnerable to mark me. Although I still don’t know what that means and I am too nervous to ask. Alyssa, Rivers' sister, has been spending more time with me. I love her, she reminds me of my sisters. Her curly hair falls to her waist and her eyes are the same colour as River's. She is a bubbly girl with a wicked sense of style. When River and Dominik are busy and she isn’t at school, she comes to my room and we spend our time talking and hanging out. I've learned that Alyssa is one of the best warriors in the pack, which honestly doesn’t surprise, that girl doesn’t really need fists to win a fight, her attitude is enough to knock a man on his ass, but when I see her train I can see the concentration on her face.

Dom, River and Alyssa have agreed to leave me alone at night now, but it took me 3 days to convince them that I would be fine. I spent the first night fully awake, afraid of my mate sneaking into my room, but nothing happened. On my second night alone, I kept myself aware of everything whilst I dosed lightly. Again, nothing happened. It is now my third night by myself. I still feel anxious but I feel so tired due to my lack of sleep, so after Alyssa left, I had a shower, threw on some short shorts and a large jumper, then climbed into bed. I began having recurring night terrors of the night Deana and Eli died. I hate the fact that I couldn’t do anything but suddenly I felt a calm wash over me and I managed to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep. When I awoke, the first of my senses to kick in was my smell, and my nostrils were flooded with the smell of acacia wood and vanilla. I then felt a pair of muscular arms wrapped around my waist, followed by the tingling sensation where different parts of our skin made contact. I opened my eyes immediately and felt the panic surge through my body and tried to move away, but his grip around me tightened, pulling me flat against his rock hard chest. “Where are you going, little wolf?” I heard him whisper into my ear, his voice husky and sleepy, and turning me on. I struggled some more in his grip and heard him huff before he threw himself on top of me, pinning my hands above my head. He then leaned down to my neck and took a deep breath. I froze, holding my breath, wishing he would leave me be.

I felt my anger building in the depths of my stomach, I had grown to hate the feeling of helplessness, it was what I felt when my parents died. It was what I felt when Martha died. It was what I felt when I watched Deana and Eli die. And it is what I feel now. It angers me so much that I don’t know how to control it. My whole body feels like it has been set alight and is burning from the inside to the out. “Get off.” I told him, my face surely showing how angry I was. He released my hands and I instantly sat up and backed away from him. “Why do you hate me? I am your mate and yet you keep avoiding me and refuse to let me near you,” he said. I wasn't sure if he was expecting a response but he wasn’t getting one. He huffed in annoyance and stood from my bed, “I would rather you did not blatantly ignore me, otherwise there will be consequences, little wolf.” I heard him, but barely. His voice was dangerously low and his eyes trained on me, watching me shift uncomfortably under his gaze, “and I would rather you didn’t invite yourself into my room when I am sleeping…” I muttered under my breath but he heard me. “Are you serious? What do you want me to do?! Just leave?! Knowing that the one given to me by the Goddess herself, is left vulnerable to more than one unmated male who thinks he can take whatever he wants?” He blurted out exasperatedly. “I can take care of myself, Alpha Blackstone. I do not need you to think that I am perfectly incapable of such a task. I have been through enough in my life to know that only I can do that and I can’t rely on anyone else. No matter who they claim to be.” I almost yelled at him. “You do not call me Alpha, you are my mate and luna. My equal. Therefore you will call me Xander.” I could feel his frustration, but I will not allow myself to begin falling for the man before me. I can’t suffer through that heartbreak again, as I might not survive a second time.

“Please leave.” I said to him, my eyes down and my voice trying not to break. Just as he opened his mouth to speak again, my bedroom door swung open and an annoyed looking River stood in the doorway. Xander let out a low growl and quickly threw my bedspread over me. “Get out.” He said, but River sent him a quick glare before looking at me, “If Kiara wants me to leave then I will, but I won’t do so even a second before she asks.” He responded, his voice stayed steady but his eyes softened on me. If I ask River to stay, then I am only provoking my already angry mate, and if I ask River to leave, then I am left alone with him. Whilst I watch the two large men in front of me kill each other with their glares, I manage to creep into my bathroom and lock the door. I start running a bath and pour in the bath soak so I can have plenty of bubbles. I listened intently for any sign of them both leaving. “I take it that you need a break?” I heard River speak on a link, “Yes, there is way too much testosterone in my bedroom and I do not have the energy for it.” I responded

“Okay, well in that case, I am going to continue training our warriors, you know where to find me.” Then I hear him leave my room. “I need a distraction.” I linked Alyssa when climbing into the bath, “Yay! Girl day!”. After about 20 minutes, I heard my door open, “Oh, Sorry Alpha Blackstone, I didn’t realise that Kiara had company.” “Is he still in there?” I linked her feeling agitated. “Still? What’s going on?” “Get him to leave and I can explain.”

“Um, actually, I think Alpha Grayson was looking for you. I heard him speaking with my brother on my way up here.” Alyssa lied, “Kiara, when I am done with my meeting I will be back. I expect you to tell me what exactly is going through your head by then.” I heard him say through the door before leaving. I rolled my eyes at his already overbearing demeanour. I left my bathroom to find Alyssa on my bed playing a game on her phone. I went into my closet, which has a wide selection of clothes now. I put on a pair of denim shorts and the same hoodie I was given on my first day of being here. It is a light grey and has nothing on it, plain and simple, the way I like it.  It belonged to River but I refuse to let him have it back as it is comfortable and I think it looks better on me, no matter what he says. I turned to leave my closet and nearly leaped out of my skin, “f*****g s**t! Lyss, you scared the crap out of me!” She stood there watching me intently, waiting for me to talk. 

After telling Alyssa about the whole situation with Xander, she was silent. “Alyssa? Are you there?” I asked, waving a hand in front of her face. “I don’t understand…” She said quietly. “Why are you running from your mate? From what I understand, our mates are literally the other half of our hearts, yet you keep pushing him away.” I never told Alyssa about what happened to the people who held my heart, so I didn’t expect her to understand. “You have to go with him back to his pack, if you reject him it could kill both of you, or even one of you, leaving the other guilt ridden and depressed.” she continued. “How  do you know? If I reject him, then it may work out better for us both.” I said, trying to sound confident. “I have seen what it does to someone after losing a mate, it kills them inside. They don’t function properly without them and eventually they end up taking their own life.” she said. I could hear the sadness in her voice. “It was my older sister, Lily. She met her mate 5 years ago but rejected him because he was a rogue who had hurt our pack. Then River took his life. They were in the middle of a war and River didn’t find out until after. Lily ended up spending all of her time locked away in her room. She didn’t eat, she hardly ever slept. We could all hear her crying at night, when she thought everyone was asleep. After 4 months had passed, I noticed she stopped crying, so I went to check on her.” I already knew where this story was going and Alyssa’s tears just fell silently into her lap. I put my hand on her cheek, wishing she did not feel this way as it breaks my heart, I allowed her pain to become my own. “What did you just do?” She asked me as her tears had stopped falling and she looked more at peace. I smiled at her and pulled her into a tight hug. “Thank you.” She whispered as she hugged me back.

Alyssa and I decided to spend the rest of the day outside for some well-needed air. We walked, talked, laughed and enjoyed the time to ourselves. It is getting late now, so we decided to call it a night. I walked with her back to her parents' house and gave her a final hug, “Thank you for sharing your pain with me.” I whispered, holding her tighter. “Thank you for easing it.” She whispered back. “Text me tomorrow?” “Of course, night Lyss.” I made my way back to my room and when I entered I was greeted with a worried Xander. “Where the hell have you been all day?” He asked with annoyance. “Out.” was the only reply I gave him. “We leave in 3 days. We are going back home. I have sent my Beta Gio ahead of us to take care of some business.” He said, standing from my bed. “Oh? Well then, safe travels and thanks for the visit. Bye now!” I said with a chipper tone, but inside I didn’t feel so happy. “What? If you think I am leaving without you, then you are strongly mistaken.” He said as he approached me with a predatory step. s**t…