Bloody Hands

I'll Tell You the Truth, But Never Goodbye pt.2

The next day, I tried to go about my day without causing any other problems and just being normal. 30 minutes before the next class, I chatted with Gwen. Suddenly Addison came up to me and asked me to go with her to the parking lot. While there, suddenly Addison leaves and Kevin appears.

"Sharon, please" Kevin said.

"Stop it, Kevin. It's over" I said.

"No, it's not the end"

"It is. I'm sick of all this, you better go. Trust me after this you won't want to see me, so before that you better go"

"I never go away"

"You have, and you will"

"No. Look, Sharon, I would do everything for you, everything. So, please don't go"

"It's useless. You don't undrestand, everything tear us apart. We can't be together, stop chasing me"

"Do you hate me for him? That's why you wanted to go, it wasn't my choice to be his son, you know that"

"I know, I know. But I'm sorry, I have to say goodbye and you can't stop me to go"

"Sharon"

"No! Go away!"

"It's not the end, it's not until I say it's the end, then it's not the end"

"Get the hell away"

I turned and walked away. There's something wrong with him, he's out of his mind, he needs a doctor. I met Gwen and then left for the next class. Gwen often asks me, do I regret what I did? I said no, I never regret what I did. After class was over I went home. I hope all my problems with Kevin end soon and he can get out of my life soon. I'm tired of having to argue with him every time we see each other. I'm sick of him, he's terrible how can he act like that, it's not healthy.

That night I decided to go for a walk alone. I walked in the park, the atmosphere here is calm. Only a few people are here and this is good, because all I need right now is to be alone.

After walking for a few minutes I sat down on one of the benches. I looked around, a couple was listening to a song together, a woman who might be 35 years old was running alone maybe she was releasing the stress on her face, and a middle-aged man was walking alone it seemed he was having a lot of problems. Everyone has a lot of problems, I guess. They have their own way of releasing stress.

The next day, I walked to class and met Ben, he smiled at me. Sometimes I feel embarrassed to meet him, after what happened with Kevin, but he doesn't seem to care about any of that.

"Morning Sharon" Ben said.

"Morning" I said.

"How are you today?"

"I'm good"

"Are you busy tonight? If not, maybe we can go together"

"Where?"

"Cinema"

"Okay"

"Really?"

"Yes"

"Alright, I'll pick you up"

"Okay"

He left, I guess that was awkward. So, I'm going out with him tonight. Hopefully this one ends well. I went to my class and went about the day as usual.

At 7pm, Ben came to pick me up and we left together. We watched a horror film. I don't really like horror movies, but Ben seems to be enjoying the whole thing, or maybe it's just how I feel.

"You like that?" Ben asked.

"Yeah" I said.

Should I lie, I mean I want to tell the truth, but I guess I don't have to. We exited the cinema and headed to a cafe not far from the cinema.

"What kind of movies do you like?" Ben asked.

"Action, comedy, or fantasy" I said.

When he heard the word fantasy, his face looked like he was about to laugh. There's nothing out of the ordinary about fantasy films, it's a pretty good one of the genre.

"Fantasy?" Ben said.

"Yeah. Why?" I asked.

"No. It's just that I didn't expect you to like magic stuff"

"I don't understand"

"When I first saw you, I thought you might like more challenging things"

"I see what you mean, but at least it's better than a love story hoping to meet the right person"

"You hate romance movies"

"No. I just, that's not my type"

"What's your type?"

"Adventure"

Looks like he's not as rigid as I thought he is. He's good enough and he's fit to be a poet, but it looks like he's planning on becoming a lawyer. Shouldn't lawyers also be good at stringing words? Is it just me or is it the truth.

As I chatted with him, across the street I kind of saw Kevin, but I wasn't sure. It was possible that he followed me all the way here, someone had to tell him that what he was doing was terrible.

Ben drove me home. When I got to Charlie told me that David had just come and asked me to look at some documents.

The next day, I went to see David to discuss a few things. After I finished I immediately went home. On the way home, I drive alone and listen to music. My cell phone rings.

"Where are you?" Gwen asked.

"I met David and now on my way home" I said.

"Okay, I'm waiting"

This morning Gwen told me she was coming, I guess I forgot. I passed the cafe I had been to with Kevin, the one where Kevin's father Harry sent someone to kill me or maybe just threaten me.

Guess who I saw in front of that cafe, yeah, Kevin and that singer. I doesn't care, she can be with whoever she wants. I got home, and Gwen was waiting for me.

"Sharon" Gwen said.

"Gwen" I said.

"My head looks like it's about to explode" Gwen said.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I had a lot of homework to do, my parents asked me to follow them and then I had to be in Hawaii for my cousin's wedding"

"Not like a disaster in my opinion"

"You don't understand. I hate my cousin"

"So don't come"

"I can't. If I don't come the whole family will start talking about me and Jane have a chance to look better in front of them"

"Why do you care, if they start talking about you just let it be. Don't make yourself difficult, if you don't like it don't come"

"I wish I could think like that, but looking good in front of other people is important"

"No, it's not. Why look good in front of others but suffer. Do what you want to do"

"There's no point in me discussing this with you"

"I will give a little advice, don't care what other people say you live for your happiness, for yourself not for them"

"You know, eventually I have to leave and a hellish week will begin"

"Sounds terrible"

"Terrible, you said terrible. I have to spend time with someone I hated since I was born"

"How old is she now?"

"24"

"So you guys are about 6 years apart. You haven't seen Jane in quite a while maybe she's changed"

"Bullshit, Jane is still the way she used to be"

"Don't be too quick to judge. If you want to go, go. But if you don't want to, you don't have to"

"I don't want to but I have to"

"Whatever"

"Why did you meet David?"

"He asked me to see some things"

"Didn't you ask him to arrange everything?"

"I did, but he still has to ask for approval"

"And in the end you also have to finish everything"

"No really, I just need to read the file, make sure everything is correct and sign it"

"How about Oswald?"

"No change, I guess he will do something but just waiting for the right time"

"What should I say, you made trouble with the wrong person"

"Are you sure? So far he hasn't done anything and everything he did doesn't work, I guess he's not as dangerous as others think"

"Are you sure? You know how long he waited to take revenge on your mother"

"I know, but how bad can he be"

"If you mean killing you isn't the worst then can't say anything more"

"I'm ready for the worst. I've thought about every impact and what I should do to save myself"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course"

"You are not a fortune teller, how do you know what will happen"

"I don't know, but I'll find out. Besides, I still have Maya Oswald's phone number, she can help me"

"You trust her?"

"No, but I can also destroy her if she tries to knock me down"

"She is Maya Oswald"

"I know. I haven't pulled out the worst weapon yet, I'm still saving it for the final blow"

"What is that?"

"Secret, I won't tell anyone. You will see when the time is right"

Actually I haven't prepared anything yet, for now leave things like this, I'll wait until the time is right. Gwen and I had dinner together and then Gwen came home. After Gwen left, I called Charlie.

"Send some people to keep an eye on Kevin, don't do anything until I order" I said.

"Okay" Charlie said.

I will destroy it in a slightly cruel way. Isn't that how he does all this? I'll start playing the way he shows, cruel or not I don't care. Most importantly now I have to protect myself, no matter what I'm about to destroy I have to protect myself.

I sat in the backyard and stared at the stars, I remember I used to lie in the backyard and watch the stars with my mom and dad, then when my dad died I saw the stars with my mom. We used to lie down until midnight and when I fell asleep my father would carry me to my room. Very beautiful memories. Slowly I started to close my eyes and fell asleep.

I woke up, I was in the middle of the forest alone. Among the trees I saw a woman, it was my mother. I ran to her, she was sitting by the fire in a white dress and her hair down, she looked at me and smiled at me, I hugged her.

"I miss you, mom" I said.

"My dear, do you think everything you do is right?" mom asked.

I was shocked and confused when I heard that. Mom stroked my head gently and looked at me.

"I don't know" I said.

"You know. You can't fight fire with fire. Sometimes you have to let go, sometimes you can't look back and just walk forward, just straight ahead. Stop living in the past" mom said.

"I don't understand"

"You understand"

"What?"

Mom got up and walked away, I called her and chased her but she disappeared among the trees.

I woke up, I was in the backyard. I sat down and took a breath. What was that? It's very real. I talked to my mother before she disappeared, what did she mean? I stood up and went back to my room and then went back to sleep.

The next day, Gwen told me that tomorrow she was going to see her parents and then to her cousin's wedding. I walk down the hall, everyone looks busy with their own business. I saw Ben, he was with Lily I kept walking.

I thought about my dream last night. Maybe I'm on the wrong track, maybe I shouldn't be doing all this. What happened? Why is my mind like this, I can't switch now, I won't. I know the consequences and I will face them. I have to face the repercussions.

In the past, every time I had a fight with someone, my mother would ask me why I had a fight and if my reason was to get back at that person my mother would say that not all things can be resolved the same way, not all violence has to be met with violence, insults are met with insults, and hate is repaid with hatred. Sometimes someone has to give in to solve the problem, one of them has to be water to put out the fire.

Maybe my conscience wants to torment me with past memories, or maybe my mom is trying to tell me what I'm doing shouldn't be done. It was my fault from the start, but I'm ready to face it.

Sometimes my thoughts confuse me, and I become lost in my own thoughts. I was lonely and scared, no one could help me, but in the end I survived. Even with many wounds, I survived.

Day after day, without doing something that will be my nightmare later or doing something I hate, maybe I do a few. On a sunny Sunday morning, I decided to go for a morning jog in the park. The morning air is fresh even though it has been slightly mixed with vehicle fumes. Maybe next time I'll run in the middle of the forest. After an hour of running, I went to the nearest cafe, I bought a cup of coffee.

I sat in the cafe for a while and checked my phone, Gwen sent me a picture of her in Hawaii, she also sent me a picture of her cousin.

"Everything is fine so far" Gwen said.

"I can see it" I said.

"She turned into an angel, the girl turned into a very good one"

"She's changed, you remember the last time you two had a fight it was so long ago"

"Doesn't change the fact that I hate her"

"Come on"

"She looks so happy, the dress suits her"

"Of course, it's her wedding she has to look pretty"

"I know, I'm just praising her"

"As far as I understand, you guys haven't had a fight yet"

"I don't think this place is suitable for fighting"

"Of course, you guys are there to celebrate a happy day"

"But I heard she had a fight with her husband's sister"

"Really?"

"Yeah. I haven't asked her yet, but I heard them talking about it"

"Don't spoil the happy day with gossip that's not true"

"It wasn't me who did that, I heard their chat. Maybe I should talk to her"

"Don't do it, don't meddle in their business. If that's true let them sort it out themselves"

"Okay"

I left the cafe and walked home. I passed an ice cream shop, I remember I used to go there with Aunt Cate. When I was 6 years old Aunt Cate picked me up and took me to the shop. We sat there for a long time and then Aunt Cate would take me to the park. She would sit and watch running around and playing. After that she would take me home. Then my mother would ask why we were late and I would tell her everything, she just smiled and looked at Aunt Cate.

I remember everything very well, maybe I forgot some things but I remember quite a lot. I remember how I went almost every week with my dad, we could only go on weekends because he was busy. On those days I wished my dad had come home early so we could go to the park or just walk around the house. That was enough to make me happy, but it's over. Now, the only thing I can do is stand by their graves and cry while remembering those wonderful memories. Sometimes I hate myself for not making good use of those times, but what I can do is it's all over. I have to stop living in the past and keep moving forward.

I got home, I took a bath and tried to relax. It helped for a while, but then my cell phone rang and Charlie told me Kevin realized he was being watched. Instantly the calm changed, I didn't care if Kevin found out, but David told me there was another file I had to read and sign.

Sometimes I wonder, is this what Aunt Cate has to deal with every day? Maybe, I guess, this is his job. Towards noon, after meeting David I stopped at a seafood restaurant. Most people sit with friends, lovers, or family. If Gwen was here I would probably sit with her. While I was waiting for the waiter, I saw Ben sitting with someone, I think it was his mother. He smiled at me and came over to me.

"Are you alone?" he asked.

"Yes" I said.

"You can join us"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Come on"

Ben led me to their table. Her mother smiled warmly.

"Hi mrs. Smith" I said.

"Hi, you must be Sharon" she said.

"Yes" I said.

"Ben told me about you" mrs. Smith said.

"Really?" I said.

"Yeah, he said you are beautiful and smart" mrs. Smith said.

"Mom" Ben said.

"Why? She is beautiful" mrs. Smith said.

"Thank you" I said.

"Look, no one is offended by a compliment" mrs. Smith.

I'm not offended, just uncomfortable. Not long, a girl came and sat beside mrs. Smith.

"Sorry I'm late" she said.

The girl looked at me and I just smiled.

"Hi" she said.

"Hi" I said.

"Who is this" she whispered.

"I'm Sharon" I said.

"Sharon?" she said.

"My friend" Ben said.

"A friend? Okay. By the way, I'm Olivia, Ben's sister" she said.

I thought it was a family lunch, why did I end up here? I wanted to run, but I couldn't. I wish the earth could swallow me. Our food order arrived, and everything is fine so far.

"I didn't know you would find someone so soon" Olivia whispered.

I know she's whispering, but this sounds so clear, this girl can't tell the difference between whispering and speaking in small voices.

"Shut up" Ben said.

"I'm just asking" she said.

"Olivia" Ben said.

I looked at Ben and he just smiled. I'm really uncomfortable. After half an hour lunch was over and they were gone. I sat in the car and wondered why I was there and met them. I left the restaurant and headed to my parents grave.

Now I'm in a place where I see the good old days turn into nightmares. I hated my life at first, but I tried to come to terms with the situation and here I am.

"Hi mom, dad. I don't know what to say, but without you I'm lost. I barely know how to get home. I didn't have to tell them anything because they said you guys saw me out of nowhere. I miss you guys, really miss you. I made a big mistake and I just realized it. I'm trying to fix it, but I'm not sure. I'm haunted by nightmares, I'm scared. I need you with me now. I'm afraid of making another mistake and destroying what's left. I'm really alone, even grandma can't be with me, I call her every day but it's not enough. I can't tell Dadi what happened, I m afraid that she is worried, I m afraid that something will happen to her. At least I need someone to help me, to tell me which footing is right. Every time I step I fall. Several people tried to help me, but I couldn't let them in. I had to push them away so no one was hurt. I don't know what I feel anger, sadness, fear, hate, love, all in one. I wanted to run, but I remember dad saying running won't solve the problem. I wanted to hide, but mom said don't hide from trouble. And in the end I had to face it all. I remember what you guys told me, but I can't keep up with everything. I'm not the little girl you know, things changed and they changed me. I want to say I'm sorry for changing, but for what? Not that I'm going back to being the Sharon you know. I will always be Sharon the troublemaker" I said.

"You're not troublemaker" he said.

"Kevin?"

"Stop calling yourself a troublemaker, you may be causing trouble but at least you're trying to fix it. I will ask you something and you will answer honestly. Do you hate me?"

It wasn't the question I was expecting, not even his presence was expected. I just kept quiet and looked at him, he looked at me.

"You can't answer. I know it. You don't hate me, you just don't want to drag me into this mess, but you don't know we're both victims of this mess. You and me"

"You know very well, we are in different conditions"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"I'll ask you one more time, do you hate me?"

"Yes, I hate you"

"You don't dare say that while looking into my eyes"

I looked at Kevin and repeated the sentence. He smiled, turned his face away and then looked at me.

"You're not a liar. Tell me.the truth" Kevin said.

I know what he means and I hate it.

"If you really hate me, call your people and have them shoot me now" Kevin said.

I can do that, of course I can, but I don't want to. Not because I love him, but because I have a conscience.

"You know I wouldn't do that, not because I have feelings for you but because I'm not as cruel as you" I said.

"Really?" Kevin asked.

"Yes"

"You tried to play my dad's way, you tried to be cruel and now show me how cruel you are"

"Stop it, Kevin"

"You can kill me now"

"Enough"

"Why are you holding yourself back"

"Enough! Stop it. I won't kill anyone without reason"

"You have. You said you hate me"

"Enough Kevin. I'm tired of all this, I just want my old life back. Stop making me feel like this"

"I am not doing anything. I can help you, if you let me help you. You're looking for excuses to stay away from me, but it doesn't work. My father is not the reason you want to stay away from me"

"He is the reason. You're right, I don't hate you. That's what you want to hear isn't it. Your existence will only annoy me and keep me from finishing what I started. From now on you have to stay away from me, it's the best for us"

I walked away I knew he was looking at me and wished I would turn around I won't turn I'll just keep walking. I went back to the car, for a moment I felt really guilty, but maybe after this he would walk away and things would get better.

I left the funeral and went home. I sat on the couch and thought about Kevin. Maybe what I said was harsh, maybe it hurt him, but I don't need to care I'd rather say it now than later.

After dinner, it rained. I sat watching a movie and drinking hot chocolate. The weather was getting cold and I was getting sleepy. I turned off the tv and headed to my room. I lay down and fell asleep.

I returned to my childhood home. I walked into the kitchen and saw my mother lying in blood.

"Mom! Help! Help" I screaming.

I ran outside and saw the car my father was in in the accident. I ran away from the house, there was no one, all the houses were empty.

I woke up, I was in my room. I sat down and took a breath. I had that dream when my mother just died, a few years ago. For almost a year I had this dream and it scared me to sleep. I was afraid of the dream, but I was very sleepy.

I tried to calm down and lay back down. I was still very sleepy, slowly closed my eyes and fell asleep.