Chapter 006
1051 Words
Chapter 006
Niklas' POV
Not because I'm panicking, but because I have held my breath too long. The weight of it all is becoming unbearable: everything I've avoided and pretended doesn't exist, Emilia. She keeps popping into my thoughts nonstop, refusing to leave.
I knew it would be wrong to continue suppressing my emotions, so I tried my best not to express them. Now, I feel it again—tension building after that night, her touch, eyes, and that almost-kiss that nearly got away. In the end, it would have been selfish of me to act upon these feelings; risking everything would only endanger our chances at happiness in what could possibly turn out not even to be real love.
But damn it, this feels real—more real than anything I have experienced before.
Now, as she stands in the hallway preparing to leave, I see sadness in her eyes that is impossible for me to ignore—perhaps due to me?
"Where are you headed?" I inquire, my voice faltering. I hate how uncertain and fearful of answering this question I sound.
"I'm meeting some friends tonight for an informal gathering; nothing major." She doesn't look at me as she speaks; her tone remains flat.
I want to ask her to stay, to open up about our relationship, but the words escape me. My fear of saying something that may damage our friendship remains strong.
After she finished putting on her shoes, I stood frozen, watching her put them on. The silence between us had become too loud, and I wasn't sure how I could fix it.
"Are you sure about everything?" I ask abruptly.
"What does that mean?" she asks me with her back towards me and her hand on the door handle.
"Emilia, do you understand what I mean?" "You cannot pretend like nothing is going on here—or that I don't feel something between us—that wouldn't be fair." "Don't pretend. No more presuming!" I swallowed back my tears to try to clear away any lumps in my throat.
Her shoulders stiffen, and I see her tighten her grip on the doorknob. "Niklas, I am no longer playing games here," she declares in a low voice. "I can no longer wait for you to figure it all out; that process has ended now.
My heart clenches. This wasn't how I intended for our conversation to unfold; she already feels distant from me due to all my pushing her away too far. "Emilia, please give me the chance to explain."
She turns towards me then, and I see anger, but also something else—pain. A great deal of it.
"What can be explained?" Niklas asked in reply. You have told me repeatedly for months that everything is okay despite knowing full well it is not. Living like this cannot continue, and neither can waiting for your decision about me."
Her words struck like a blow, leaving me reeling. Though I never intended to harm her or make her feel less than special, this has unfortunately come out wrong, and now there's nothing I can do to change it.
"Emilia, can I--"
She abruptly interrupted me by refusing to be cajoled into anything further by my words: "Don't give that. I have been patient; however, I cannot continue trying to understand. I deserve more from someone who won't even admit what's clearly right in front of them.
I take another step toward her, but she does not budge. Her eyes remain locked on mine as her breath quickens, appearing ready to burst forth at any second and maybe it should. Perhaps I have gone too far in pushing her away; perhaps my actions have left her feeling as though they are nothing more than questions in my life.
"I apologize," I whisper, not knowing what else to say. For everything, all the times when I have ignored her feelings or missed an opportunity when acting could've made a difference and every instance when action could've been taken but wasn't.
She looks at me, really looks at me, and something breaks inside of me. "You should be," she whispers sadly, but quickly adds: "but I can't keep waiting, Niklas."
"Don't reach for her. Please." "Don't reach for her; just don't," she warned.
I can feel it happening between us; every word spoken, every moment that passes without action taken on my part increases the distance between us. My heart beats faster, my chest tightens tighter, and I don't know what to do next—maybe sooner I should've taken more risks or taken action sooner, but now she may be gone forever.
"Please, Emilia," I sobbed with emotion in my voice, "I don't know what you expect me to say, but please understand I'm scared. Please understand I need you."
"Scared?" Niklas asked incredulously before giving an unreadable look. Her lips curled into an emotional smile as she asked.
"I'm afraid of losing you," I confess, words spilling forth before I can stop them. "I've tried keeping everything the same and safe, but that hasn't worked—pretending not to want or need you just won't do.
"But it's too late," she whispers quietly, "you had your chance."
As she walks away, my heart breaks open as she reminds me it was too late; she had made up her mind already. Now, here I stand without anything to show for it but regret.
"I can't breathe. It feels as if there is too much air around me, suffocating me until it finally hits home as she slips away from me inexorably.
I desperately want to pull her closer, assure her I can fix this and make things right, but I don't know if I still can—or whether my actions have already caused irreparable damage.
"Emilia...please!" My voice cracked as I took another step towards her in search of something, anything to help my situation.
But she shrugs her shoulders, turns away, and heads out the door with one final glance back towards him.
As she walks away, the door closes behind her, and I'm left alone in this large empty room, its silence acting like an augury for something imminently amiss.
Have I lost her? Or is it too late to make things right?
- Writer
